Finding a partner who understands.

[Simple Girl]

OK, I enjoy dressing and entertaining the feminine side of myself. I read many responses from members who are happily married with understanding partners, that love them. I am envious. Envy being a deadly sin as I understand it. I haven't found crossdressing on that list.

How do I go about dating a female and be up front about my lifestyle. I want to be romantically involved with a woman and keep this part of myself intact and be loved for it anyhow.

I need advice and suggestions on where to turn. I suspect that being here on this forum is a good start.

Please help, I long for companionship that loves without bias, and judgment. The desire of all humanity I'd suspect.

Thanks. I love you all.

[jaina]

Please help, I long for companionship that loves without bias, and judgment. The desire of all humanity I'd suspect.

Thanks. I love you all.


You need to be upfront people and accept no less than love without bias, and judgment. Don't expect people to change and if they aren't what you want in your life, don't waste time on them. Spend the effort looking for someone else.

[melissacd]

Be honest and up front about cross dressing right at the beginning if possible. If you can be an authentic person right at the start then they will in fact see you warts and all and if they fall in love with you it will include all of who you are. Be clear about the role that cross dressing plays in your life and communicate that at the beginning. If it is the odd week-end out and you know that it will stay that way then say that. If it is more than that such as always dressing at home and getting out frequently en femme in public then say that, if it is 7/24 then say that. Just be honest and clear about what it means to you, what you need and what you will accept. Do not kid yourself into accepting less than you require to be happy because at some future date it will come back to haunt you.

It will be a big challenge to find a woman who will accept this let alone embrace it so be prepared for a long search, but I am sure that the one who is right for you is out there somewhere.

It is important to note that finding someone who accepts and embraces your dressing is not enough, she also has to have similar values and similar interests. It has to work as a complete relationship.

In terms of where, there are many dating places online that you can go to and the best thing is to post pictures of yourself en femme and be up front about the dressing, that way there is no doubt about your lifestyle. It means taking a risk by putting yourself out there and there was a time when I never would have considered doing that, but I have found that while the number of interested women goes way down that the ones who do respond at least are already past the whole, he wears womens clothes issue.

There are other places to go where you may also have luck dateacrossdresser.com, plentyoffish.com, alt.com and so on...

The point is state who you are and be comfortable talking about it, you will find your princess one day :)

Huggs
Melissa

[Emily Anderson]

I agree with Melissa, to a point. That is, being up front is essential.

Whether or not you want to advertise the fact that you're a CD is a different matter. It all depends on what you're looking for. Melissa is right if you absolutely want a partner who is all-embracing of CD's from the get-go. My personal opinion is that it's best to find someone you like from the larger pool (i.e. all women), and then let them know early on that you also like to CD.

[tricia_uktv]

Hon,
Only way to do it is to go out dressed and see what happens. Have fun!

[Rachel Morley]

A couple of years ago my wife started a thread on this in the GG section and it then got moved to the main board area. It was called: "Accepting GGs - What makes us different?". You can get to it by clicking HERE (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21159)

Many of the GGs who are accepting and are in relationships with CDers told their story. Interesting stuff!

P.S. Back then my screen name was Angel Darling.

[TracyH]

In the past, I've brought it up within the first few conversations. Usually, by that time, I can get a feel for whether a woman will be accepting or not. If she's not, I just move on. I don't even bother with "Accepting but doesn't want to see me dressed."

Unfortunately, this isn't foolproof. Some women will come across as accepting and seemingly change their mind later. It happens. Maybe they thought they could change you or they're just not as open minded as they thought they were in the beginning. Whatever the reason, it's important to move on and not try to fool yourself into "making it work"

Here's where I'm going to catch a lot of flack: I think it's dishonest to never tell a woman you're in a long term relationship with that you're a crossdresser. On the other hand, I think it's safe to not tell her if you've only gone out on a couple dates and don't think she's accepting. I also think it's dishonest to think you can change yourself in order to fit her needs. If you're not what she wants or she's not what you want, it's just not right to waste the other's time. But most importantly, it's important to look at the situation and think to yourself: Is this the situation I want to spend forever in?

Of course, this only applies to people who are single and looking for a relationship. Seeing as how I've never been married (for obvious reasons) I'm not going to give advice on what to do if you've been married for ten years and suddenly want to dress. Because this advice isn't for you.

Now, when you do tell that special someone that you dress, here's some adivce: Don't start with "I have this problem" and Don't blindside her by showing up to her house dressed. Start the conversation by asking some probing questions and gauging her reaction. You're leading her into it, but it will also give her some plausible deniability if she's not so receptive. When you warm her up to it and she doesn't seem like she's going to run away, tell her you're a crossdresser. But that's it, stop right there. Wait for her to respond. Don't start vomiting, "but I'm not gay and I dont want a sex change and and and..." You'll blow it, right there, no matter how accepting she is. Let her digest it and ask any questions she needs to ask. Hopefully everything will go well, but if they don't, don't take it personally, don't insult her and call her a closed-minded jerk, just end the date, thank her, and go on with your life.

There's a whole other boat load of information, but it's kind of one of those things you learn by doing. Hope some of this advice helps, though.

[LoriTG]

I'm looking for a GG just for a sex partner and can't find that!

[Joanna-Louise]

Hiya,

When i came out of my 2 year relationship (we broke up not due to my cding but for many other reasons, maybe it was the cding a little, ill prob never know)...

I went out on loads of dates as "him", id spend time getting to know the GG and listen to her views etc etc. Its hard to gauge how open minded a person is without being straight to the point. ALthough id never on a first date admit to being a cder (fear of rejection, nothing else), id drop hints, or bring up tv shows, like there is something about Mrium.

ONly time can tell if the open minded part of a girl is there, or is just in there mind as something they can accept.

I told my current SO after 8 months of being with her, but only because she moved in with me and seemed easier to tell her a couple of weeks after she moved when the "urge" came back. This way it wasnt a lie after years of dressing behind her back etc.

WE did say that if she couldnt accept it we'd find ways around it, but i would say as long as your honest from the moment the relationship builds into a serious one you should be ok, not to say it will be accepted but then its between the 3 of you to decide if it can/can not work.

Kim85 will never ask me to choose between her and Joanna, she knows Joanna is me and a very big part of me, therefore if it comes to a time where Kim85 can't cope then i have to face facts that the relationship will probably end.

Sorry if i don't make sense.

Joanna
xx
:2c::hugs::love: