Why?

[LoriTG]

I have read some things from Tg's not just here but other places as well, that there are married cd's that have wives that do not accept them and do not want to see the "dressed." I was just wondering why do you stay? Why not look for someone that is more into it? Just curious.

~Lori

[KandisTX]

In many instances it could very well be that the fact they understand the need and allow for it is enough to "keep" the relationship. While many of us may desire the support and help there are still many of us whom this is a private thing for who do not want to be seen dressed up. While I personally cannot speak from experience on this, these are my thoughts. ;)

Kandis:love::rose2:

[victoriamwilliams1]

Thats one of the reasons she knows not of me.

[Carla4Guage]

Have you ever heard of child support, alimony or distribution of common assets?

[MJ]

Have you ever heard of child support, alimony or distribution of common assets?

very sad but true ...

and you also have to understand some woman just cant bear to see the one they love dressed .. it's a huge turn off ..
and well we also truly love our wives love is a powerful tool ..

[Robertacd]

I have read some things from Tg's not just here but other places as well, that there are married cd's that have wives that do not accept them and do not want to see the "dressed." I was just wondering why do you stay? Why not look for someone that is more into it? Just curious.

~Lori

It's called love, hon.

[TGMarla]

I have to agree with the others. I love my wife very much. Do I wish she was more supportive? Sure, I guess so. But she has a right to her opinions on what is obviously a very controversial subject. There's no standard that states that she must be tolerant of crossdressing men. If it weren't a bit of an oddity, it wouldn't be called "crossdressing".

Furthermore, because I've been doing this for 35 years as a private activity, I'm not real sure just how comfortable I'd be were I to dress in front of her. I have no idea how that scene would unfold, and I'm content to keep it under wraps. I have a good life with my wife, and I have no desire to start all over again. It is what it is, which is pretty good, but not perfect. And what in life is perfect?

I don't mean to sound like a Geritol commercial, but I think I'll keep her.

(What ever happened to that stuff, anyway?)

[insearchofme]

I love my wife more than my desire to dress as often and as openly as I want.

[Tree GG]

...I was just wondering why do you stay? Why not look for someone that is more into it? Just curious.

~Lori

In most cases, not all of course, but the majority, this scenario arises when the CD does not share that part of himself with his wife until after the relationship is well established....many times years and years into the marriage. The "why not look for someone else" comment is a fear for most wives. They feel pressured into participating & accepting because if they don't, the husband will look for someone else. The wife did nothing wrong....she loved the person she was presented with. She is usually heterosexual, may find some femme fun and exciting, but over-all she married the man because she found him fun & exciting.

So which is more important? Dressing or the marriage? Why is the wife now "unacceptable" because she isn't transgendered? In the scenario you present, she hasn't stopped loving you and isn't trying to control you....just isn't comfortable participating in that particular activity. And Lord knows, feelings are subject to change without notice.

[JoAnnDallas]

I told my wife last year I was a CDer and until 2 weeks ago we had a "No Tell, No Ask" attitude. Then two weeks ago she accidently saw me fully dressed. We talked and talked, even more so than we did last year. Now she is a lot more supportive and accepting.
I think many women have a preconception of what a CDer is, how they dress, and what they are. This is a result of upbringing in their life. Some like my wife discover that they were wrong and decided to try and correct that image. I feel many women are taught at a young age that a CDer is

1. Gay
2. Is a transsexual and wants to physically become a woman
3. Is interested in men and want to have sex with them
4. Dress like a sl*****t or wh*****es, with 15" mini-skirts, fishnet stockings, and 5" spike high heels.

Some figure out this is not true on their own, some have to be shown, and some will alway believe this is true.

[jaina]

I have read some things from Tg's not just here but other places as well, that there are married cd's that have wives that do not accept them and do not want to see the "dressed." I was just wondering why do you stay? Why not look for someone that is more into it? Just curious.

~Lori


I don't know. I wouldn't (and didn't). lifes too short to stay with someone thats wrong for you. Every minute you waste in a bad relationship is one less minute you have that you could use to look for someone thats good for you.

[paulaluvssz8]

This is a good question. But for most of us we have a wife that we love and children that this would destroy them. When we grow up and get married and have children, the discovery is that we put the ones we love first above ourselves. Enough said....:straightface:

[Ruth]

I have a feeling that it is very rare to find a 100 per cent compatible couple. You may realise before committing to a person, and you'll certainly find after committing, that there are things about the other that you'd change if you could.
But for most of us the answer isn't to just dump that person and go looking for a better one.
This applies whether the point at issue is wearing frocks or playing too much golf.

[ConnieLove]

How do you say goodbye to someone you have been married to for 30yrs,just because they don't like your dressing.I respect my wife's decision,and not dress in front of her.I got to much time invested to leave her,besides i love her

[TerriM]

I told my wife after 10yrs of marriage. If I had told her before we got married she probally wouldnt have married me and that would have been a terrible thing. I look at my children and grandchildren and think they wouldnt have come into this world. I love dressing and understand why she wants no part of terri. That is not a easy thing but it's reality. Life is a balance and how we weigh the importance of things we love is sometimes hard.

[Emily Anderson]

For me it's because I love my girlfriend. She knows that I crossdress, but she doesn't like to see it. That's her right, and I respect her for it.

I once had a girlfriend who let me dress up around her all the time and even bought me stuff. I left her because I wasn't really in love.

[melissacd]

It is a good question and in my case I stayed because of my kids, because I loved her and because I hoped that over time she would come around to accepting it, because there are separation issues in a long term relationship.

She did not come around, the kids are pretty much grown, I still love her but not in a romantic way anymore and we have gone our own separate ways. Now I can look for an accepting partner and will not settle for anyone who does not totally accept it - whenever the day comes that I am ready to start a relationship again.

[brookalicious]

The way I see it is this:

My wife did not sign on for this. I was a latent CDer and didn't actually start dressing until after we were married. If we had been dating and I outed myself to her, and she said "I do" anyways, then she would need to be as accepting as I needed her to be... but she didn't, and it's wholly unfair for me to make this something she has to bear. She has every right to say "enough is enough" but she hasn't as of yet. She's simply avoided it, which is a good balance for now.

When the time comes that we'll both be more open about it, things may change, but as it is now, I love her far too much to take a chance at losing her.

brooke

[DawnRodgers]

She said that she didn't want to be with a woman. If she wanted a woman she would have married a woman. So that kind of meant do it on my own without her being around, aware or leave. I did dressw, at first, around her and we just used to sit around and play games but it was obvious that she really didn't want to. I didn't feel that leaving was an option I wanted. To many loving years together and, of course, family - the kids, and we still do love each other. So I take what I get when I can (I used to travel a lot and it was easier then) and we just don't talk about it anymore.

[DeeInGeorgia]

For me, it took 18 years looking for a girlfriend/ then looking for a wife before I found my wife. The prospect of finding a replacement is unacceptable. I missed out on Proms, Winter dances, Ring Dances, asking loads (over 60) of girls out, getting rejected by most, being used by women because of my square dancing ability, instead of going out with me because they were interested in me. Discovering that most women want a man that is more of a father figure, commanding, that they, the women/wives can bask in the limelight of their husband.

I wasn't masculine enough for women.

Nope, not worth it, no way.

Dee

[jill s]

Gee I would leave her over the not drinking beer thing first. I mean not liking Guinness is plain weird if you ask me.

[Celeste]

There are many who do not use alcohol.I see it like this ,you put all your cards on the table and it means you want to share this important aspect of yourself.If everything is fully out in the open and you still don't have that sharing then you may have nothing but selfishness.Then there are those who just want to do this behind there S.O.back then your really sharing nothing.I can sense selfishness very quickly,I'll not give my all in a relationship and have someone turnaround and dictate which doors are open and closed.

[CD Susan]

When I came out to my wife of 15 years she could not accept it and was convinced that I must be gay (not true). From that day on she wanted nothing to do with me. Our marriage was doomed because I made the mistake of telling her. I thought she would understand but I was wrong. The next eight years were pure hell, we stayed together only for the sake of our nine year old son. I now realize that was a mistake too. I eventually filed for divorce resulting in losing custody of my son and a very great financial loss. I have been single 13 years now and live my life being happy without the burden of living with someone who could not accept me for who I am. We learn from our mistakes and I for one learned a lot about someone I thought I knew.