May have to go stealth for a while

[sandra-leigh]

My wife has invited my Mother In Law for a visit towards the end of May. Only 2 weeks scheduled so far, but as she is having some difficulties living on her own, it could turn in to longer. Her eyesight is not the best, and since even my wife has a hard time telling sometimes whether my clothes are male or female, I won't have to go cold turkey... but at the very least the blouses hanging up in random places around the house will have to be Put Away (and Places Found for the shoes). And if it turns into something longer, then dressing for my monthly meeting (let alone other occasions) is going to become more difficult again.

I already know I won't get asked many questions, as my M-I-L's English is not very good. On the other hand, that's going to make things difficult, as I speak only about 3 words of her language.

[Nicole Erin]

OK, not being able to dress when onw would like, OK, things happen, it is part of life, things don't always work out and do have to be put on hold.

BUT -

Having the M.I.L. stay for more than about 3 days, oh my gyod, it is on this point that I feel for you. :doh:

[trannie T]

As long as her eyesight is poor you should be able to wear up to a DD cup without her noticing.

[sandra-leigh]

Update: my mother-in-law did in fact visit, for about 3 weeks. My more obvious clothes did get put away, but I continued to wear some of my less-obvious ones, and she complemented me on some of them.

If I understood the tones correctly (I don't speak her language but I pick up the moods a bit) she hinted that she would like to be given one of my blue tops, or at least wanted one like it in her size. Unfortunately it is a previous year's model, no longer sold -- I know, because my wife has distinctly hinted more than once that she wants the top in her size, so I've gone looking (it's a store brand, which narrows the looking.) Like husband, like wife, like mother-in-law? :heehee:

Some of the tops I wore while my mother-in-law was here were distinctly not traditional male clothes... but due to the cut, they also weren't obviously female clothes. There was no problem at all with that.

There were some stressful events that had nothing at all to do with my cross-dressing... aging parent who doesn't speak much at all of the local language... mother/daughter dynamics... mother over-appreciating me and under-appreciating my wife... and other things.

There were also a couple of events related to my cross-dressing that I found a bit stressful (though possibly no-one else did.) The same week in early June was our club's regular monthly meeting and several of the major local Pride events. So twice in one week, my wife took my mother-in-law out of the house for several hours in the early evening, to give me a chance to get Dressed... that felt... awkward, and like I was being a bother. My interpretations there, as my wife didn't say anything at all along those lines.

Before the end of the visit, my wife was openly saying that she might tell her mother about my dressing; that wasn't my favorite idea: I barely know her mother.

There was also a day when we went to the local farmers' market, with my having arranged in advance for my wife to keep my mother-in-law busy while I went to look at some hand-made skirts (I'd met the vendor at a local festival last year, and had been glad to find her at the farmers' market.) I picked out a couple of possibilities and had the vendor hold them so I could have my wife come over and give her opinion... which she did, but not as discretely as I might have hoped, accompanied as she was by my mother-in-law.

My wife and MIL looked through the selection and tried on a couple of skirts for my MIL, and picked out one; I paid for it (as a gift) together with my skirt selection -- my wife had agreed with me as to which would be the best for me; though I think it was not a coincidence that she flatly didn't like the more colourful and flashy skirt, preferring the relatively plain denim skirt (mind you, one with pink roses sewn in -- a woman's skirt, not a man's skirt, if you know what I mean.)

My wife has gone out with me in public when I was in guy mode but wearing a long plain denim skirt, but there have been other things I've worn (to meetings or evenings out) that she has subtly put down. It's a bit of an uneasy tension. The best explanation I have been able to come up with so far is that my wife doesn't much mind that I wear clothes that are traditionally womens' clothes (like skirts), but that it bothers her somewhat when I look feminine in doing so.

Back to the skirt vendor... as I mentioned, I paid for the skirts for two. Unfortunately, my wife was openly mentioning (in English) about "your skirt", in front of my MIL. Earlier in the day, she had also mentioned aspects of me buying the skirt in front of my MIL. I don't know if my wife as counting on my MIL not understanding the English, or if my wife didn't care whether my MIL understood. It was a bit disconcerting.

Fortunately, if I somehow was a bit in my wife's bad-books for buying a skirt in her presence (rather than going off and doing it myself with her not having to think about the fact that her husband is actually buying a skirt for himself), I was redeemed by the fact that she found the vendor to be an interesting person.


I don't know how much my mother-in-law ended up understanding by the end of her visit. I don't know how observant she is, nor how much English she understands (even if she doesn't speak it very well.) I did find that I wasn't ready to be "out" to her. On the other hand, that was more on the level of "I'd rather not, I don't see any real advantage in it", with me not making a Big Thing out of keeping my dressing hidden. If my wife had told her mother anyhow, then I would probably have been a bit disappointed at a lack of discretion, but not angry about it. After all, I go out in public as transgendered, and not especially discretely so either (e.g., I take busses or walk down busy commercial streets or shop in malls while gender-bending): my dressing is not exactly a secret, but I don't go around telling everyone either.


And there it is, another slice of my non-standard life.

[Angie G]

WOW I just have grang kid overnight now and then good luck hun. :hugs:
Angie

[sandra-leigh]

Well, my mother-in-law is not doing too well on her own, so in another hour or so she'll be landing to stay with us for another indefinite visit, possibly leading to her moving to our city. So my dressing will have to be put on the damper again.

I wouldn't be surprised if this time my wife tells her mother about my dressing to make things easier. But will I, for example, still feel comfortable in wearing a skirt "around" (on errands, grocery shopping and the like) in guy mode with my M-I-L around? And will I feel comfortable in getting Dressed at home to go out for events?

Anyone have any experience with live-in elderly relatives (direct or in-laws) and cross-dressing?

[Alan]

None at all; I'm just curious what language your MIL speaks.

Actually, come to think of it, I DO have SOME experience. I recently lived with my grandparents for a year. They don't speak English either (Hungarian), but I do speak Hungarian, just not at the level where explaining that I'm trans would really be a conversation (not to mention, I wasn't out to my parents). And I did have to dress more feminine at times than I EVER would on my own to make her happy. /shrug.

[DonnaT]

If having her around is going to have a negative impact on your dressing, and become stressful, then I suggest you tell her.