OMG where the hell have a been!

[halfman_halfamazing]

lol well, if you might remember me, you'll know i have problems. doesn't everyone here? i was having relationship troubles with the common double life thing. i told my girlfriend i'm female.. :yrtw: lol omg how hillarious is this thing! anyway after i told her that, i said basically that with her i would rather be male.. but still, she thinks that everyone knows me as male with a sex change, which isn't true. so i mean things got A LOT better but there's still a few obstacles.
i recently wrote in my own journal 'bisexuality is a curse: i'm in transgender limbo'
i feel like i can't just be one. i would love to get a sex change and marry this girl, but then i have a large loving family and i'm not sure as to how they would react. i also have an equal amount of infatuation with boys. i had my first boy crush in preschool so i have the fairy tale wedding dreams BUT i want to be the knight in shining armor.
this is bullshit.
another thing, back in november i bought a mango packy and have kept in my bookbag since unless i was using it. no one knew. it was all ruined sunday night. friday i got my nails done for prom, my sister let me take her nail polish. i never gave it back. sunday night i'm showering she looks through my bookbag. it was either her or my mom. i do checks every now and then to make sure its there. it wasn't there monday morning. i freaked. so i went to look in my mom's drawers and there it was. i pocketed it and now keep it in my locker. most embarassing thing of my life.


really just lookin for advice or any comments. just wanna hear from somebody that knows my struggles. :hugs:

[CaptLex]

Wow, your mom found your packy and you just cooly took it back?! :heehee: I think I would have been mortified :o . . . but I wouldn't have let her keep it either. :^5:

Haven't seen you in a long time. Hope you can stay longer this time. As for your situation with the family and the girlfriend, don't rush anything, take your time to get to know who you are and what you want. This is the age of exploration, so get to know yourself better before you decide what you want and whether you're doing things to please others. :)

[ZenFrost]

The Captain basically said it all... but just remember that you don't have to be sure about anything nor do you have to make up your mind in a hurry. Take your time and think things through, you don't need to figure yourself out right away.

Experiment with all the different permutations of sex, sexuality, and gender that you want to explore and don't stress if you don't know where you fit in because you don't have to fit in anywhere to be yourself.

[KrazyKat]

I hear you, I can understand and relate.

I didn't know about gender identity when younger, just grew up running around a big farm and working. It took me a long time to come out of my shell and be ok with being assertive and using my "male brain". Being a teenager in the 70's in the Midwestern US, it was hard to be taken serious, so I just had to find "another way around the barn", so to speak.

You will too, just live life and have fun and embrace who you are, you'll figure it out!!

:2c:Uh, the packy, in your school locker? Don't they search those sometimes? Like in our schools they do, random drug searches. I'd be mortified if it was found in my school locker.Just my 2 cents.

[halfman_halfamazing]

no they don't instead we have drug dogs come around every once in a while, and it's a catholic school. it may be shocking to know they aren't that strict on us =)

[Taylor105]

I know this thread is old but I'm just now reading it and had to comment. About your mom finding your packy!! I laughed out loud about how you nonchalantly took it back. haha And I bet nothing was said about it either right? That is too funny. Well, I used to wonder what would happen if I got in a car wreck while packing and the E.R. people stripped me and found my packy on me. And I believe it was Adam who said "Yeah I have nightmares of seeing my packy in a bag at the end of my bed with all my clothes" We all joked about it. The night Craig found me in my bed unresponsive I wasn't packing. THANKFULLY!! I usually don't when I'm just staying at home. But Craig knew all my family was coming in from other states and so he went through my room and put my packy (which was on my dresser...we don't hide much from each other...can you tell?) into my dresser drawer and basically cleaned things up that he didn't think my family needed to see. My mom was doing my laundry because she needed "something to do with her hands to keep her mind occupied". She went to put my boxers away and sure enough she told me she saw it. She was like "It looked so real I had to touch it". I was like :eek: But that was all that was ever said. She told me shortly after I came out of the coma so I pretended I didn't understand and just shook my head. She just picked it up and told me how realistic it was. I was just glad that it was still at home and I wasn't packing that day.

[halfman_halfamazing]

ha i just noticed this! that is incredibly awkward! shouldve told your mom it wasnt washed or something! haha. and true. nothing has ever been said about it. i now keep it in the hamper that is never emptied. once i get my car it'll have a safer place =)

[Taylor105]

Well, I still have my mom here helping out and I keep all my various um...equipment in a duffle bag under my bed now. Yep, I got more d*cks than any bio man could ever hope to have. LOL So I have basically told her not to go into that duffel bag under the bed unless she wants to see things she really doesn't want to see. She leaves it alone. haha