Are we invisible?

[Emily Anderson]

I really admire some of the girls here for their persistence in perfecting their feminine look, and making a huge effort to get out into the world and liberate themselves from the confines of their homes. Hats off to the one's who have broken through all the barriers, and have the ability to freely walk the earth as a female!

Having said that sincere statement, a strange thought occurred to me.

If you "pass" as a female, then you no longer represent the CD community to the world at large, because you have effectively become invisible as a CD. From a personal perspective, this is a great achievement. However, from an advocacy perspective you have disappeared off the radar, unless of course you openly declare that you are in fact male.

In other words, in order for CD's to be seen as CD's for advocacy purposes, we would need to be seen (or at least heard) as CD's, which kind of runs contrary to what a lot of us are trying to individually achieve: invisibility.

Weird huh?

[Kate Simmons]

Well, yes Emily and this has always been one of my points. It depends on what you are trying to accomplish I guess. If you go all out and are successful with passing and blending, I see very little accomplished from a TG community standpoint except for maybe some kind of personal satisfaction. There are those who will say when we blend, we do not necessarily pass and even though people may know who we are, very little or nothing is said (within earshot anyway), so who really knows?

While I do not wear a banner saying I'm a CD, I do not deny it either, nor do I attempt to fake it and pretend I'm a woman. I rather let people come to their own conclusion. If they are interested enough, I will explain my reasons for doing it, etc. which is mostly freedom of expression anyway, plus I consider it an art form. I'm not seeking validation from anyone in any case.

The reasons we CD are various and many and indeed one size does not fit all. As I said, a lot of it depends on what we are trying to accomplish to begin with, which in my case is just being myself.:)

[JoAnnDallas]

That must make "Butterfly Bill" our standardbear then. He dress, go out, and you can tell he is male. He has a beard.

[Emily Anderson]

JoAnn,

Much as I hate to admit it... and only because I've seen so much indignation and whining from "men in skirts" about how they feel that they should be accepted without question... In a way, that is correct.

[tamarav]

I have worked my ass off (literally) to get where I am today, but I never deny my CDness to anyone. In fact, I wrote an article for the local newspaper about me, a crossdresser hired in a beauty salon, the only one known in the state. The article is in the waiting area and gets read numerous times daily but I rarely get any flack from it.

I do love the men who have been staring at me (with apparent lust in their eyes) and then read the article and tell their buddy, "Oh yeah, I can always tell..."

I do fully agree though, being able to meander through life dressed does pull me out of the CD arena to a certain extent, but I am always open to a discussion with anyone who thinks they need to talk with me. Generally I am the outing party when I see some hesitation in someone's demeanor. If I am dancing in a normal club and some women are apparently "put off" with my presence, I generally swing by and tell them something like, "Guys need a hobby too" and flit off for the next dance. 9 times out of 10 they invite me back to their table to discuss my "hobby" (although I don't really like the definition)

Some of the nicest people I have met are those that come around after learning a bit more about what and why we do what we do.

Maybe I should carry a little explanation card, similar to the ones some deaf people carry......

Your sis,

Tami

[Seville]

...If you "pass" as a female, then you no longer represent the CD community to the world at large, because you have effectively become invisible as a CD. From a personal perspective, this is a great achievement. However, from an advocacy perspective you have disappeared off the radar, unless of course you openly declare that you are in fact male.

In other words, in order for CD's to be seen as CD's for advocacy purposes, we would need to be seen (or at least heard) as CD's, which kind of runs contrary to what a lot of us are trying to individually achieve: invisibility.

Weird huh?

Not so weird. This has been covered in Lacey Leigh's books,
been mulling this subject over for several years now.

[MJ]

Some of the nicest people I have met are those that come around after learning a bit more about what and why we do what we do.


from my point of view something always gives me away . But tam is right i have met some of the nicest people and have a great time . Evan as trans-woman we still get read .. but it's about being yourself .

i think most people are too busy with there own lives to worry about us .. OR they just don't care at all

[Bilinda]

Well, I have to say I have no desire to "pass" as a female. I mean, I try to look as female, or more to my own personal taste, like a sexy girl as I can.

But I have no need to be able to think "wow I'm out and no one knows I'm a man!". Everyone is different, and some girls who post here I think are really transsexuals, not "just" crossdressers. I also have no need to push the whole CD thing.

I do what I want because I like it, just like I jog because it makes me feel good, and I'm not hurting anyone. To me personally it's that simple. BUT, I understand what your question is, just stating my own feelings.

[StacyCD]

Let me start by saying that people should be able to wear whatever they want. And yes, except to the blind, I will always be a guy in a dress. In general, from my limited experiences if you act and dress appropriately for the situation most times people will treat you as you are presenting--even if they thought at first you were indeed a GG. However, if someone thinks I am a GG and that impression is not exploded by the obvious fact that I'm not, I am certainly not 'invisible'. It's simply not my mission to go up to everyone and inform them that I am indeed genetically a male wearing female clothes. For some, that may indeed be their mission.

[JessieB]

If you "pass" as a female, then you no longer represent the CD community to the world at large, because you have effectively become invisible as a CD. From a personal perspective, this is a great achievement. However, from an advocacy perspective you have disappeared off the radar, Fortunately -- or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it -- for 98% (give or take) of us, it's a moot point, because we don't pass ... and that includes more than a few gurls who think they pass but don't.

But I'm with Tamara and Bilinda and many others who are okay with not passing. Most of the time, that's part of the fun.

[Pamela Julie]

That's the Catch 22 of the CD world. Personally, I want to pass and be accepted as a woman in public, not a crossdresser. If that is not possible, then I would accept being accepted as a crossdresser.

Pamela:)

[Shannen]

How can one ever say that a male in a skirt, hose, and heels etc in NOT crossdressing? No one else may know it, but he is certainly crossdressing.

We all do it for various reasons. The reasons are not the same, nor are the goals that each individual has. But you can't say that the activity we engage in isn't the same... we are all pulling up panties over something panties weren't designed to go over...

I can't help but wonder if you would question if a guy was actually gay if you couldn't tell by looking at him? Or if a guy doesn't have a wife by his side how would you know for sure he was hetero? Are we all to wear signs? Maybe a bumper sticker letting people know that there is a CD at the wheel.

10 years from now I might have given up crossdressing... or I might be so comfortable with it that I say, "what's the thrill" anymore. But TODAY I'm having fun buying earings while dressed enfemme at the mall, and I'm so glad that crossdressers.com has others that are at that same stage and willing to share their experiences with us all.

Very thought provoking question. Thanks for posting it. Can I ask where you are on the spectrum of passing?

Shannen

[sissystephanie]

I guess I now qualify as a true Crossdresser. I say that because I do go out in public wearing only feminine things from the skin out. But being over the age of 65, bald on top, and not at all feminine looking, it is easy to see that I am a man wearing the skirt and very feminine top. I went to the postoffice today wearing a light blue flowered skirt and a pink tank top. Oh yes, I had a pushup bra on, and with natural 40 B's I don't need any forms!:love: Sure I got a few "looks," but do I care? Not at all! Don't try to be a female, just dress like one. That is what a crossdresser does.

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, but man underneath!

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Emily,

Yes... you are quite right. It's a dilemma if a person passes. Obviously for a lot of us, we don't pass. But if you are one of the fortunate ones that, for all intents and purposes, you do pass (in the sense that seemingly people think you are a woman - especially from a distance) ... and also maybe you want to be somewhat of an activist then this might make a person think :thinking:

For my part, I sometimes pass and sometimes I don't (providing I don't speak). I was contemplating the other week about my mortality, and I have this favorite quote: "it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done" and I was wondering if at the end, if I were to look back on my life, would I wonder if I will have done anything to "further the course of crossdressing" .... I mean, I'd love to be able to think that I made some small difference, no matter how insignificant.

This is what my wife thinks too. She says that technically, I should try to look my best, but really I shouldn't be hiding away and letting her do all the talking when we go out as "two girls". I should "just be" and when I get read more because of not "hiding" I should see my being read as helping getting CDs noticed as being out there in the world. As long as my presentation is good enough not make people stare too much at me (i.e. I'm dressed appropriately for the occasion) then I'm all good. :)

I have to say I do agree with her and I am getting towards that point when I'm with her, but I fail miserably when I am out en femme on my own as I tend to only run errands where I don't have to speak to anyone (posting a letter or going through the self checkout etc). There are girls here that I am totally in awe of. They get out there and "just do it" ... I take off my hat you you all. You are my role models :hugs:

[KimberlyS]

Emily I agree very much with what you are saying.


...If you "pass" as a female, then you no longer represent the CD community to the world at large, because you have effectively become invisible as a CD. From a personal perspective, this is a great achievement. However, from an advocacy perspective you have disappeared off the radar, unless of course you openly declare that you are in fact male.

I have never passed since the first time I went out when I looked very much like a guy in feminine clothes. But over time my ability to blend has gotten much better. My idea of blending is to appear similar to others where you are out and about to the point that those that do not look at you in detail or up close you are just another person in the crowd and you do not stick out. To me if I was sticking out more people may know I am a CDer, but IMHO that can be a double edge sword. For me, I feel both seeing and interaction can produce a more positive encounter for others to relate to. Even if you are just passing and saying hi to them.

Basically my reason to blend is to be able to walk through a store, a mall, or walk in to a restaurant and not be the center of attention. Up close I know I do not pass because my wife says so and keeps giving me tips on how to pass better. But also because of the questioning looks, double and triple takes,
you pervert looks, smiles, and knowing grins I get when I am out. And if they happen to have any doubt, when I pay I usually use my male check book or credit cards with my male ID.

My purpose in getting out is just to enjoy and be myself in a way that I often do not get to be. My goal for my looks when out in full femme is to present a decent feminine image acceptable by most of society and to conceal my male identity to protect my wife and kids from any flack from others. Passing is not a goal for me at all. An education goal of mine being out is to have others knowing I am a guy wearing feminine clothes and to leave them with a good image of who a CDer is. Hopefully one better than they already have or at least have them questioning their poor images. Yes I do answer questions that some people ask and we may have some discussion. But most of the time I am just acting as another person or customer they deal with on a daily basis. I just may happen to be a different sex then they expected and be wearing clothes that they would not expect me to be wearing. Which explains the pauses I get from people when they first really see me or interact with me. Their mind is having to do more analysis in order for them to interact with me in a way they can deal with.

Just my 3 cent input and ramblings.

[jennifer41356]

When i go out dressed and looking like a woman, I act like a woman and thus get treated that way, so whether I pass or not, is up to the person with whom I interact...so maybe I pass and maybe I dont ......dont really care...I never really thought about if I was representing "the movement"..I am a girl who wants to have fun:rave: