Support Groups: What are they all about?

[Emily Anderson]

I've often read about real-life support groups, either through forums or by directly reading their charters and message boards. However, I have never belonged to one.

What do they advocate? Are they true to their charter? Do people form subgroups with their 'special interests'? How are they governed? Is it beneficial? What do people get out of it?

Main question: What's your experience? The good, the bad and the ugly.

[michelle64]

ive never joined due to some of the political activism that is embraced...thats just my choice..others i am sure have tons more to say and have enjoyed being members...

[Sally24]

Groups can be about anything. Some support groups are like counseling sessions. Most that I've heard about or been involved with are more like social/support groups. They are about getting together with like minded people and sharing your commonalities and your differences. Many aim to help the new gurl (or guy) get used to leaving their house and experiencing the world en femme.

I've been involved with GNO Boston (since gone inactive) ,Sisters of Boston and Sisters of Manchester, NH. They all strive to give gurls a public place to meet and be seen. We interact with the general public and answer their questions when they feel like asking. There is strength in numbers and we try to help newbies develope their confidence.

My experience has been VERY positive and in attending all these outings my presentation has advanced noticably. My confidence has increased and I am getting much more comfortable with myself. All very important things!

If you have a group available, give them a chance. You might find friends you never dreamed existed. I did!

[Kate Simmons]

Groups are okay. The one I was in got me started when I came out. It depends a lot on the group dynamics and your own expectations though. I moved on after a few years as it was somewhat slow moving and I seemed to be languishing. I needed to develop myself more, get the feelings out, experience them and balance them. I had my own particular goal and reasons for doing that. The group I was in was basically two sub groups, one was TS folks who were considering transitioning or in the process and the other CD's who were for the most part closetted for various reasons and the monthly meeting was the only time they pretty much went out.

The format of the meeting was pretty much a round robin "Introduce yourself, what did you do this month, etc.", but you didn't have to say anything if you did not want to. Then refreshments, chit chat and going out to a local club after for some if they were able to. They had guest speakers and vendors selling makeup, wigs, jewelery, etc., however I was more interested in the interpersonal stuff which got toned down after awhle.

Most of the organized stuff centered on the local gay pride events, Southern Comfort conference, some of the group speaking about TG issues at local colleges and things like that. It was a bit hard getting folks together, especially on a small group basis due to the closetting factor.

As I said, it depends on your expectations but groups are good from the aspect that they at least get folks out there and talking about stuff. As Sally mentioned, it's well worth the effort and you may like it.:)

[CharleneCD]

Some are just a good chance to be around others like yourself. Sort of like this forum but in person. Yes you can get involved in the politics, but many just go to socialize and get another chance to go out dressed. The Tri-Ess group in Mesa Az would have meeting in a second hand store giving some more closeted members a chance to try things on while in a store. Mostly you get out of it what you try to get out of it.

[Staci K]

Hello Emily,

My best advice for you is get it set in your mind prior to attending a meeting to accept that what you see & hear is not a reflection of your life - only take what you find to be beneficial and leave the rest.

Don't make the same mistake I made - taking everything you see/hear to heart. It was ironic how attending a 'support group' actually made me ashamed of my femme side and buried it for over a month.

Thankfully, I have a very supportive wife to help me work through my insecurities. I guess everybody is their own worst critic.

~hugs~

Nicole

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Emily,

I am on the board of a Sacramento crossdressing and transgender support group called the River City Gems. (http://www.rivercitygems.org/)

You ask: "What do they advocate? Are they true to their charter? Do people form subgroups with their 'special interests'? How are they governed? Is it beneficial? What do people get out of it?"

We are a non profit organization and we function purely give our members with opportunities to express, explore, and develop their cross-gendered selves in a safe, supportive environment. It also means offering support to wives and families, and maintaining an environment where they feel welcome and respected.

Here's a link to our vision statement if you'd like to know more details. Hope this helps.

http://www.rivercitygems.org/vision.html

[Kristen Kelly]

Like Racheal we have many groups in the NJ tri state area I started 1 to cross post all the activities in the area as well as post events I run. It's great to get out with the girls and have made alot of friends in NJ, NY,PA,CT, MD and travel often to events.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ladies_Out_and_About/

[kymmieLorain]

The closest group to me is Denver. But they seem to push complete dressing. as to join you have to attend a meeting in femme.

Kymmie

[joann07]

I've made so many wonderful friends ever since I joined my local Tri-Ess groups (Tri-Beta [Tampa/St. Pete], Phi Epsilon Mu [Orlando]).
Because of the support of all the wonderful ladies of these groups, I am out and about all the time.
I never would be doing the things I do today if it were for these groups.

Hugs!

[susan2010]

I started going to Renaissance meetings in my area last year. What a difference it meant to meet others like me (more or less)! The group is very supportive of all degrees of cding and transgender behaviors, and I've met some people I consider friends (even though they don't know my real name).

[Nicole Erin]

CD support groups

My experiences -

I have been around about 4 different ones in my life. There is normally not like this strict agenda per se, but people introduce themselves and sometimes the hostess will give some advice on transgender resources or talk about GLBT friendly businesses. Most CD groups are welcoming of anyone wanting to attend, but most people who come are en femme. Not all groups are like that but most are.

One I went to years ago was run by a GG who, from what I undersand, is not real friendly these days. Opinionated. One CD has told me not to even bother visiting them again. She was a member of their group but doesn't care for them. Her and I go to the same group now.

Another one had different members come and go, probably due to the bickering among members and the hostess was often rude or favored certain members. Everyone was welcome, but members never lasted.

Another was quite cliquish. One had to request to become a member and the host was one of our admirers. I have heard that they were more of a sex group, but as I went once and never again, I am not sure.

The one I go to now wecomes all. We have a pitch in dinner, the hostesses talk about GLBT friendly businesses and other TG resources, we hang out and chat with other members, and everyone enjoys the evening. The hostesses, one is CD and the other is TS. They are friendly. Pretty busy keeping things going at the same time.

I would dare say that almost all CD groups are safe to attend, though. We really respect each others privacy. After you attend a group, you should leave feeling like you made some new friends and that you had a good time.
If you feel like the evening was a waste or if you feel just plain out of place while at the group, you will know it just wasn't your thing.

Are there sub-groups? I am sure some big groups have them but like I said, those tend to be the clique-style ones and are to be avoided.

[ShannonDragon]

The one I go to now wecomes all. We have a pitch in dinner, the hostesses talk about GLBT friendly businesses and other TG resources, we hang out and chat with other members, and everyone enjoys the evening. The hostesses, one is CD and the other is TS. They are friendly. Pretty busy keeping things going at the same time.


Not to toot our own horn, :D but the group she is talking about is IXE in Indianapolis. I should say that I am a founding member for this 21 year old group so I am a bit prejudice.

I would like to thank Erin for her kind words. :love: We always have an opinion of what we think we are, but its always nice to hear others and see that we may be doing something right!

Folks are right, there are groups out there that have cliqs and I have seen many torn apart because of politics, both internal and external. But there are also many groups that do a lot of good.

Groups are not for everyone, but for many it is a way to get out and meet others in a safe environment. Not everyone feels comfortable going out in public. As we are an open group, welcoming to all TS, TG, TV, CD or pick a title, many of our members and guests have fallen in this area. Others of us go shopping, to conventions or even live full time.

As a group we have had our ups and downs. We have had to find new locations many times due to closings or ownership changes. One of our best places closed due to their own internal problems. We have also had disagreements on policy and politics. Any time you get two or more, they pop up.

We do have rules. We are not a sex club. No drugs or alcohol. And a very important rule, "What is said here, stays here."

We will give people advice on clothes, make-up and places to go. We can tell you our experiences and what worked or didn't work for us. But we won't tell you that these are the only ways. Just because it was the way for us, it might not be for you.

We always tell people what you get out of a support group is also dependent to what you put in. Not everything you hear in a group will be right for you.

Also IMHO groups offer you a way to meet others with the same feelings and problems live and in person. Boards like this are great but there is nothing like meeting face to face.:2c:

[LynnInDenver]

The closest group to me is Denver. But they seem to push complete dressing. as to join you have to attend a meeting in femme.

Kymmie

I'm with this group, Tau Sigma Kappa (http://www.rmtsk.org/), and the requirement is only to show up to two events inside a certain time period dressed so that we know you're serious about it. Right now, I've been with the group since October, and I think I've only seen one of our Second Lady's dressed twice, and the First Lady four or five times out of several events where dressing was actually optional. And at least two meeting events are 'DREAM', where you come in boy mode only.

Actually, dressing for events is entirely optional, but many of us dress for as many of those events as we possibly can, just because. :daydreaming: I certainly don't knock the ones who come not en femme regularly, because I know how hard it is to get all gussied up for every outing. :doh:

[harmony]

support groups are essential if you want to develop as a crossdresser.to out yourself for the first time in a group of likeminded friendly sisters makes this so very difficult step so much easier!
i have most fond memories of the beaumont society while living in england some 40 years ago.after getting comfortable in the group one of the sisters took me under her wing and i had my first real public outing.it was an experience i will never ever forget!!the birth of harmony!(my name at the time was actualy bridget)
many years later here in the us i joined a group in albany mainly to be there in support of other sisters to give back and share what i gained there.
accepting yourself-beeing accepted in a controlled environment-going out into the world free as a bird!

[Emily Anderson]

A big thanks to all of you who responded. It seems that overall the experience is positive, which is encouraging.
Hmm, a topic for my next thread...

[JoAnnDallas]

I belong to the local chapter of Tri_Ess here in Dallas, TX. We are a social/support group. We try to vary our meeting each month. The upcoming June meeting is out Annual Banquet/Prom meeting. It will give our members a chance to really get all fancy dressed. We have theam meeting thru out the year. We also have a special outing where we all go to eat in drab. This is our "Girls Day out", which is for the wives/SO's. We also have special outings to after hour shopping at Dress Barn and ROSS's. At the regular meeting we usually have a gust speaker. It may be a theripest, a guy that makes jewelry, a police officer that talked about how they interact with us, and others. We try to help those that are just now starting to go out and have started helping out at the Gay Pride Walks and had a booth at the Dallas Gay Pride Fest.