new quandry on old fears

[karinels]

ive been reading more and more threads here, going back as far as i can go, reading some month old posts. fear is a big concern for the cd community. makes us do or not do what we want. that being said, how powerful is the fear of being 'outed'? for me, its the number one thing im not sure i could live through at this time. i am a volunteer firefighter in my community, and realizing the possible dangers involved with that does not bother me in the least, being burned to death, smoke inhalation (suffocation), falling through weak floors and structures, pulling burned victims out of places, recovering childrens bodys after a bad auto accident, none of that keeps me from doing the job. but ask me to dress in public? wow, i will shy away from that in a heartbeat. rating this fear from 1 to 10, 10 being most feared, what are your biggest fears? dressing in public is my #10 .

[ManInBra]

I would close to agree with you, I have dressed and went out in public, believe me tho, I am no where close to passing, So when I was out it was halloween, I was ok being out in public, Now being CAUGHT out in public on a day other than halloween, that would really have me scared too,

[CD Susan]

I am just starting to come out so my fear level is still high. A month ago it was a 10. I have been out a couple of times in the past month so now I'm down to an 8.

[Joanne f]

For me it is not the fear of the actual fact that people know that i Cd (it`s a bit to late for that ) it is more to do with the consequences that arise from it , that is the one thing that holds me back.
I am just wondering if some of your fears are due to you being a fireman therefore being thought of as brave and courageous and if you were seen in a dress everyone would think that you are a bit girlie, and knowing fireman you would get comments like when you are up a ladder one of your mates saying "good job you have not got you dress on , but you do soon learn to laugh it off :heehee:.


joanne :)

[kaitlin]

ive been reading more and more threads here, going back as far as i can go, reading some month old posts. fear is a big concern for the cd community. makes us do or not do what we want. that being said, how powerful is the fear of being 'outed'? for me, its the number one thing im not sure i could live through at this time. i am a volunteer firefighter in my community, and realizing the possible dangers involved with that does not bother me in the least, being burned to death, smoke inhalation (suffocation), falling through weak floors and structures, pulling burned victims out of places, recovering childrens bodys after a bad auto accident, none of that keeps me from doing the job. but ask me to dress in public? wow, i will shy away from that in a heartbeat. rating this fear from 1 to 10, 10 being most feared, what are your biggest fears? dressing in public is my #10 .

Hey Girl, I understand and I'm right there with you! I have served in Fire/ Rescue and EMS for close to 30 years now and never backed off from anything. One day my wife and I went to wal-mart, I was wearing my clogs (the rubber ones with the holes down the sides), walked by the floor level mirror in the shoe dept. and found out you could see my red toenails very clearly threw the holes. The panic hit and I headed to my truck. Funny, a three alarm fire in a apartment complex doesn't shake me but the chance of my toes getting seen by a total stranger does ! ?????? Kaitlin

[RockerTerri]

Hehe, i am terribly afraid of heights. I worked as an electrician for 8 years, and have been on ladders, scaffold, antenna towers, manlifts, water towers, roofs of extremely tall buildings, you name it. And there were 2 instances where i actually froze and had to be talked down by friends or co workers.

The more i did it, the more i was able to control my fear. It got to the point where being 30 or so feet up no longer bothered me, and i never had the panic attacks after doing it for 2 or 3 years. I am still very frightened of heights, but not the sheer terror that i had early on. For some reason, after getting used to that, CDing, even in public, just dosent bother me much. Sure, no one likes to be embarassed, but it definately dosent rate as "fear" for me anymore!

[Emily Anderson]

For me it is not the fear of the actual fact that people know that i Cd (it`s a bit to late for that ) it is more to do with the consequences that arise from it , that is the one thing that holds me back.


Same as Joanne, I would be more fearful of consequences than being outed. But, seeing as I am far from passing anyway, I've never been really tempted to venture out.

[slamddoger]

for me it would be the fallout after the fact

[Tomara]

Hi I am just starting to gain some confidence , One thing that has helped me is to dress bra,panties and conservative forms under my male clothing . I have gone to grocery store, mall, restaraunts, and to work and by doing this it has greatly increased my confidence. I am still very carefull but you have to walk before you run. I hope this might help you.

[RitaCD]

Good thread. I guess I would rate myself a 4 or 5. I get referred to as lady or maam often and get a few compliments when out shopping en femme. My biggest fear is having to talk too much. I have not developed my female voice nearly good enough. But I am getting more confidence all the time. The thrill of walking through the mall or a store en femme is just so enticing.

[Sara Jessica]

The fear in our community is understandable. I was at an outdoor mall yesterday in cloudy SoCal and asked a friend of mine who works at a makeup counter how often she sees TG girls and she replied pretty much never. So that means either very few of us are venturing out or those who do are perfect in their stealth. I'd guess the former is the case. But I think part of the reason there are not all that many of us who go out has to do with the internet. Anyone can live vicariously through websites, chat and forums such as this which I suppose can be satisfying to some. Me? I'd personally find it to be kind of hollow because I have felt the sunshine on my face and rain in my hair as a girl. I have had moments of absoute clarity about my feminine being at the most unexpected times being out and about in girl mode (for example, making the left turn from westbound Sunset onto La Cienega in Los Angeles about a month ago, such a beautiful sight to behold as I saw the city from the crest of the hill with all it had to offer to a girl like me).

I digress, but with purpose. The point I'm making is that being out and about is beyond compare, though one has to be careful and prudent in their decisions. Safety concerns can be largely solved by going to mainstream places. Fear being discovered? Go to another city. I don't go to stores or restaurants in my city, not even in my county. I usually drive to the Los Angeles area. In a city of millions, what is the chance you'd actually run into someone you know? OK, don't answer "it's a small world" because it truly is and yes, I have come face to face with a woman who I have known since I was a child. She didn't have a clue as to who I was!!!

[Angie G]

I have a concern over it but I don't think it a real fear. :hugs:
Angie

[trannie T]

I started a thread a year or two ago asking girls if they had been outed and what the consequences were. The answers from those who had been outed said thet they had been embarrassed, but suffered no other injuries. Their personal and professional lives were not affected.
Allthough I am out to a few people I do not wish to make my dressing public knowledge. I do not relish the thought of being outed but the fear has become less and less. The pleasure I get from going out far outweighs the fear of being outed.

[Jamie001]

We blow this issue out of proportion in our own minds. Look at Rudy Guiliani. It has not affected him and another example is Marv Albert (sports caster). 90 percent of the issue is in our own mind. When you are not on the job, don't let the fear of running into other people run your life! Life is too short and they are not worth it!! :2c:



I started a thread a year or two ago asking girls if they had been outed and what the consequences were. The answers from those who had been outed said thet they had been embarrassed, but suffered no other injuries. Their personal and professional lives were not affected.
Allthough I am out to a few people I do not wish to make my dressing public knowledge. I do not relish the thought of being outed but the fear has become less and less. The pleasure I get from going out far outweighs the fear of being outed.

[karinels]

We blow this issue out of proportion in our own minds. Look at Rudy Guiliani. It has not affected him and another example is Marv Albert (sports caster). 90 percent of the issue is in our own mind. When you are not on the job, don't let the fear of running into other people run your life! Life is too short and they are not worth it!! :2c:

rudy guiliani is a cd? where was i when that came out?

[JoAnnDallas]

I started going out dressed in public back in 2005. It was scary going out fully dressed in the daylight. Once I saw no one was bothering me, the fear went away. Then a few weeks ago, my wife who I told last year, accidentally saw me fully dressed for the first time. I got real scared and she got real mad, but sense then she has become more accepting.
Fear can be healthy and it also can be a problem. Healthy fear keeps you alert and focused. Problem fear can lead to paranoia, depression, and a host of other problems. If you can tackle your fear and convert it to healthy fear, a lot pf problems get solved and is good for you health.

[Seville]

...and another example is Marv Albert (sports caster). 90 percent of the issue is in our own mind.

Er, wasn't Marv publically ostracised and LOST his job as basketball
announcer? Without him, basketball quickly became a bore for me.

He lost alot in the year(s) he was out of work...

[tamarav]

Fear is an intense de-motivator when it occurs. I have spent untold numbers of hours afraid to get out of the car to simply walk through a mall. To think that I was arrested December 24, 1976 in Denver for "appearing in public in the dress of the opposite sex" and spent a night in jail, and I am still at it.

One of my really macho neighbors was in my driveway when I got home the other day. (He is new to the 'hood and wasn't aware of my dressed appearance) I considered backing up and coming back later but I just said to hell with it. I drove in, got out, said "Hi Tom" and picked up all my things out of the car and walked in the house. I didn't stay outside to talk with him.

4 days later while the drab me was mowing the lawn in between rainstorms, Tom was sitting on the big rocks at my driveway entrance so I mowed over toward him and shut the mower off. We talked about neighbor stuff for about 10 minutesm then he said "you looked pretty good the other day, didn't realize you went to work dressed like that". To which I replied, Yup, I do. That ended that segment of the conversation and we went on to other things. I have been avoiding that neighbor since he moved in 6 months ago, now I realize what a waste of time it has been.

I fully realize how deadly fear can be and clearly remember four times holding my fear in check, or I would not be here today writing this dribble....

Currently I deal with "novice" crossdressers that have such a fear of going out that they remain house-ridden. We go out and talk in the car, make quick walks in safe areas, and as time goes on, shopping in a mall. It is amazing to me how fast the appreciation of the ability to walk fully dressed through a mall can cause fear to scurry off and hide. After a few sessions, I can't keep up with their routines.

I think of it this way. When I am lying on my death bed, am I going to think about and regret how sad it was that I never got out and so desperately wanted to?

Your sis,

Tami

[Samantha43]

Several years ago I went to some meetings of our local CD/TS support group. After the meetings we went to a "friendly" bar. I met some fantastic people at those meetings, but never could get comfortable being in dressed in public. Even at friendly places. I don't come close to passing and it wasn't the thrill I thought it would be. I made the decision to go back in the closet and have no plans of leaving it any time soon.

[Jeannie Bingham]

If I'm with family and or friends I'm fine. But even after all these years I'm still very wary around strangers. I'm ok driving when dressed with the security of a car and I have been stopped twice (not for any violation) by the law and the (schoolboy) policemen were polite in both cases even though it's very obvious I'm male as soon as I open my mouth. But I'd have to put fear of being "caught" at the bottom of any list as there are far more worrying things.

[JenniferR771]

I was petrified with fear the first few times out. I still avoid any family or anybody I know. However, now I am almost comfortable shopping at shoe stores, shops or thrift stores where i am known. In drab, I often tell the clerks at stores that I am a cd up front. They are usually OK with it and helpful. At my favorite store they greet me with, "Hi Jennifer!" whether I am dressed or drab.

[Emily Anderson]

Samantha, I'm shocked! You look absolutely lovely, and I'm sure you could pass easily. Of course, if you don't want to go out, then that's fine too...

[Sinthia]

If you can tackle your fear and convert it to healthy fear, a lot pf problems get solved and is good for you health.

Couldn't have put it any better, JoAnn! I am so much happier now that I can dress whenever I want. No more hidding it. No more worrying that someone will see me. WHO CARES! Just be yourself, and enjoy life.

[Annette_boy]

Hi Everyone.
I guess am biggest fear used to be getting locked up while dressed .It was about a 10 on the scale.
However about two years ago that all changed after a unfortunate incident involving booze cars and the cops ,that fear is way down the list now. I spent a total of 36 hours in jail dressed while the wheels of justice slowly turned and I was released on bail, and my friends had to come get me as the van had been impounded . I was a rough looking girl after that and so much for the closet .I have since gone full time .
So much for fear now Karma tosed me in the lake to teach me to swim. Thankfuly the police and corrections officers were all very professional and the inmates bought the I lost a bet story . So on a scale of 1 to 10 that fear is avout a 3 I still dont want to ever get locked up again but for other reasons
Hugs Annette

[docrobbysherry]

Back in the 60's, there were a lot of drugs available. And it was what everyone was doing. I never got into it, but did "experiment".

I still remember the feeling of going out in public loaded. Everything was intensely surreal. Sounds, colors, people's bizarre facial expressions. And the paranoia was overwhelming!

I imagine going out in public completely dressed, would feel EXACTLY like that!

[trannie T]

FDR may have been talking to us when he said, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."

What are we so terribly afraid of? Many crossdressers are out or have been outed and damn near all of them have suffered no ill effects aside from a little embarrassment. Let us all quit being such a bunch of timid little bunnies.

[JaytoJillian]

Well, I have (en femme) walked past people on the street who know me professionally as a male, and either they were so cool that they have ice water for blood, or they simply didn't recognize me. I prefer to believe the latter. So, while I am not to concerned with being recognized while en femme, I am concerned about routine traffic stops or getting into an accident while driving dressed. I guess that's about it. I tend to focus on having fun when I'm out

[Carly D.]

number one, or tied with number one is being caught by someone and... I can't explain it.. I have dressed this way for a long time and still I feel like all it would take is for my mom to say "just what in the hell do you think you are doing in those clothes" to make me feel like I'm seven years old and... that's a fear that sticks with me.. would I give it up?? probably, I mean that's why I have some of my clothes in a small box and a few pairs of shoes at the ready to be found if I was made to feel this way, and throw that away knowing that the best of Carly is still in a safe box... hopefully that won't happen because like I have said before I am old enough to know better, and I chose this life and so there...