I don't know what I am

[Damiana]

I am not even sure this is the right forum and I apologize in advance if it isn't.

My situation is ambiguous and I'm sure not unique. Basically I have a very strong desire to go fulltime as a woman, have breast augmentation of some sort, possibly HRT but no desire for SRS.

I don't strongly feel like I am "a woman in a man's body." I just simply feel at peace and most comfortable in a female form. I feel some dissatisfaction when in my male form but its not loathing or anything extreme that I've read about TS's experiencing.

I am not sure what my "diagnosis" would be if I saw a therapist (which I cannot afford right now) but am sure about what I want to accomplish. I just don't know what I "am" in a definition. Any ideas?

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

Sounds a lot like me, though I am totally willing to go through SRS.

I've never felt like a woman in a man's body, and I am not all "hurrah feminism/femininity" like a lot of people around here or elsewhere. >.>

If you want to know what you "are", what you are is what you are physcially, in addition to how you feel about what you are physically. A lot of people will disagree with this, but they are just stubborn and in denial because they are the "woman in a man's body" type or sympathetic to those whom like to dress up reality. :straightface:
Sorry, maybe that was a bit harsh.

If you are looking for a word to define you, a label, a buzzword, I can't give you anything specific. Right now, you are a crossdresser with semi-transexual inclinations.

[Damiana]

I apologize actually for not doing more research. This has already been addressed in other threads (namely: "Am I a TS or TV?") So don't anyone feel any obligation to reply further. Thanks to those that did though.

[deja true]

I apologize actually for not doing more research. This has already been addressed in other threads (namely: "Am I a TS or TV?") So don't anyone feel any obligation to reply further. Thanks to those that did though.


Damiana, honey...Do NOT apologize for asking any question here.

Even if you think it's been asked before, it's okay to ask it again.

Maybe your wording will bring out different nuances to the same question we've all asked a thousand times.

Maybe any of the new members who've joined since it was last asked will have a new viewpoint to consider. And if the original has gotten buried in the archives, and we're still concerned about it, it needs to be asked again.

Your research can start here. Others answers will send you off in all kinds of directions and maybe, one will be the right one for you.

Ask away, dear one. And be the strong up-front woman you certainly look like.

[Kimberley]

You are asking the right questions for sure and you have even answered one of them already. Therapy. A good therapist will help you find the answers you already have but cant quite put your finger on the answers. It is worth the time and money in the end.

As to "partial transition" you will still have to go through the process. The HBSOC recognizes that some of us will only partially transition and again, most surgeons will require that the standards of care are met. For that you will still need the pdoc in the end.

Good luck hon.
:hugs:
Kimberley

[Melinda]

I think confusion is more the rule than the exception. I find myself dreaming of having hormones and SRS and but not transitioning socially. I want to have the body I feel I belong in but don't want to pay the price of friends and family. Of course that's completely unrealistic and hopelessly selfish but at least I know it.

[Nikki K]

I read your post and related to it completely. I've just started therapy, primarily for depression, and I'm about to come-out and discuss this with my therapist. This will be the FIRST time I've ever discussed it with anyone and I'm more than a little nervous.
I also feel that I exist in the grey area between CD and TS. I have a burning desire to live in the femme form and right now would even consider the HRT and surgery to achieve it. (Wow, did I really say that?!)
However, I'm also extremely scared of ripping up my life and trying to start over. It seems that I should have faced this a long, long time ago.
So, to you I say "You're most certainly not alone". Our dilemma is analogue, not digital, in nature; we all exist somewhere between the M & F and only the medical profession have really chosen to categorise and to label us. We are who we are and not what someone else chooses to call us for their convenience.

Love

Nikki

[Beth-Lock]

I was feeling that way, or at least those were the next steps, a couple of years ago, but now I have just backed off to dressing only, and trying to pass as best I can from time to time. That was only after getting some counseling from a specialist in sex counseling, whose opinion was that mine was not a case for transitioning.
I wonder if 'what we are,' can be a moving target. It is at the very least a complex sort of getting to know what you want and where you are going. I mean no offense to those who know. Maybe their's is just a different experience.
But your description suits at least one other person who is quite public about it. But it is taboo to use the crude term, 'she-male' for it.