Have you been reluctant to join a face-to-face group?

[Beth-Lock]

Wonder how many of you have also been reluctant to join a face-to-face group? I know there is a group where I live, and indeed the sex therapist I went to recommended it. But joining it proved difficult, and there seemed to be some sort of reluctance on the group's part to accept me, (the meeting place was kept a private secret). Eventually, my own reluctance started up, and I realized that I would not likely be comfortable in a face-to-face group.
Luckily I found this site much later, and it seems better to participate on-line than in person.
What have your experiences been with face-to-face groups?

[CD Susan]

Personally I have never joined one but am thinking about doing it. I am very curious about them as I have heard some very positive comments on them. Recently I visited the Tri-Ess website and requested membership information. I don't feel that I am ready for that just yet but maybe in the future. Going to one of these groups for the first time would be easier with a friend.

[Adrianamireasa79]

It's a no for me :(
At least for now, i don't know about this is my town.
But who knows, maybe i will give it a spin :)

[sterling12]

In my Tri-Ess Group We keep the meeting site concealed from people UNTIL they go through a screening interview and sign certain papers that will hold them responsible if they should ever decide to go crazy and "out" other members. I've never seen it happen, and I think it's pretty rare, but it's a safety measure.

If you joined a group, it would be for your protection too. Keeping a member's privacy is very important in Tri-Ess Groups. Many members decide to go more public on their own, but the protections are always in place.

I can't speak for all support groups, but a lot of groups have some sort of apparatus like this. I am reasonably sure that's what your prospective group is trying to accomplish. I don't think they were trying to be exclusive or exclude you, just want to make sure people are protected.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Gemma Rhodes]

My local support group have been fantastic to me. I'd even go as far to saying that they gave me the confidence to go out and about as Gemma.

I've not been for a few months due to ill health but i'm planning a return visit in June. They re a very friendly set of girls and always like to make newcomers welcome.

[karinels]

i attended a support group meeting back in 01 as a gesture to my so at the time. although i was extremely nervous and did not dress except for the hose i was wearing under my drab clothes, i did feel i would go back, and dress as well. the group was very easy going and friendly, and no pressure was brought to bear about anything. but soon after that meeting, things happened and i placed other priorities in front of the group i wanted to see again. and then, yet another change happened, and visiting those with similar interests became a lost item. but then, last year, i stumbled onto their website somehow, and im not sure if it was guilt or just wanting to attend a meeting again, i made contact, they contacted me back, we talked, and i recieved instructions to the meeting place. long story short, i have been very scared to show this side of myself, as well as my work schedule has seemed to interfere with my attending, but the kicker was this past saturday night. a special event that only happened once before, an evening at a salon where we ts/tg/ cds could get the help from professionals on a personal basis. i live about 1 1/2 hours away, and cleaned up, underdressed, packed 3 outfits, and headed out for my first night out. and then all went wrong. i took a wrong turn at first, overcorrected and missed my best turnaround, then somehow found myself an hour away at the time they said the night would probably end there, and move on to a club. i found my way home and with tears in my eyes, i questioned if i am meant to live this lifestyle. its tuesday morning now, and having dwelled on this night the last 2 nights, i will go again, and not just to a special event such as sat night, but to a meeting. just so i can express myself with others like me. i need it, just as im sure quite a few others out there feel the same way. i know my fears have kept me back, and then having bad directional sense sat night, im not gonna dwel on any of that, im just gonna go forward, and i know ill be happier for that.
:love:

[Paula Rae]

Hey Beth,
The best thing that ever happened to me in my long long CD life was joining a support group called
"The Diablo Valley Girls" (DVG) we meet informally every 1st and 3rd Monday at a Gay Bar
and go out to dinner every 5th Monday, we also have 2 or three BBQs every year. Membership is about 90.
This group has become a very important part of my life and I urge anyone of you serious CrossDressers
to seek out simular groups. (there are a lot of them out there)
If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, PM me if you need some recommendations or more information.

Paula Rae

[Di]

I think you have to find THE group that you feel comfortable in. A friend of mine a few years back visited prob 4 before finding the one . She has to drive a few towns away but feels it is worth it and she is now the secretary for the group.

[JoAnnDallas]

I belong to Tri-Ess here in Dallas, TX. It has been a real asset to me. It has allowed me to meet other CDers and has really helped me in my presentation and such. Like others, they have a screening processes, which is good. The only hard press rule they insist on, is if your married, your wife has to know about you. This rule is in the Spirit of National Charter. It is one of the reasons I finially told my wife last year, because I want to join so badly. 2-3 weeks ago when my wife finially saw me fully dressed, we had a long long talk. I also called some of my Tri-Ess sisters and talke to them about what happen. They all gave me guidance as to how and where to go from that point on. When I went to the May meeting and I told them what had happen up to that time, all of the members were thrilled for me.
Their support along with support from sister on this site and a couple of others have helped me with my ongoing relationship with my wife over my CDing.

[Joy Carter]

Went too one and they really were not very friendly. The GG host and my friend who invited me were the only friendly faces there. Not much fun to be with a buch of GMs, just sitting around in dresses and skirts all evening. But I'm undaunted. I will try again given the right group. :thumbsup:

[Emily Anderson]

I think it depends on your personality, what you expect out of a group, and what you can contribute to that group. Some people are more "group friendly" than others.

For my part, I don't like groups because I'm very picky about the people with whom I associate. I'm quite judgemental, and get easily bored.

Still, I can well see that for some people (most people?), groups can be a means to have a good time and feel a sense of belonging.

[Deborah Jane]

I have considered joining a group, but im not really sure what to expect and i,m quite shy in real life:o [despite the way i sometimes appear here].

[Kate Simmons]

Nope, when I joined my former group I jumped right in. I came to know most of the members both in and out of femme. I thought it was great to be flexible like that.:)

[Beth-Lock]

About groups having a screening process and this being something I might not have been aware of: No, though that was the reason they gave, but several times they did not reply to my emails, the whole thing dragged on for months, and in the end, they did not want to interview me over the phone which was their stated procedure. I think I must have said something in the emails that made a bad impression.
Eventually they invited me to a discussion group, rather than any of their socials, but it was the occasional social that i was really interested in attending. By then I had other problems and could not go at the time, and since have thought better of the whole idea. Eventually I wondered if I belonged there anyway, and if a group experience was for me at all.
I have been pondering at times getting more counseling and other help, but it is expensive and hard to find the right kind. i did talk to one person, (MTF), who confirmed my fears that you are likely to get the sort of answer that the counselor specializes in giving according to their world view, so it is all determined by selecting a counsellor.
These days I have been thinking of giving it up, but I am torn. Perhaps that was their problem with me, that they did not want someone who was ambivalent amongst them. Now, it is all water under the bridge, and I do not consider going to a face-to-face group a viable or desirable option anymore. I think the window of psychological opportunity to join a group has come and gone. I tried to approach the priest at the church to talk about it, but that led nowhere useful, though the conversation was friendly enough. It was just one-sided, with me making up all the things to say.
As for the matter of choice, there is not much to choose from here. There are only two groups in town, and the other is limited and more for transsexuals or those transitioning fully. So it is not as if I have a lot of options. But I would like to meet others socially, one on one, in a safe environment, just not in the kind of group that we have been referring to. Going to a group alone would make me very nervous now, and I would not know how to dress, etc..
So, that is my tale of woe!

[Joanne f]

I sort of stared to try and join a group a few years ago but i was having computer problems at the time so i could not send some of the things they were asking for and i also thought that the leader of the group was being a bit to "i`m the boss do as i say or else" so i took the or else :heehee: and i was also worrying that it might be a bit to close to home.
But i still do think about going to one some times as the thought of being around other people when dressed has that certain something that i would like at times .


joanne :o

[Nicole Erin]

Wonder how many of you have also been reluctant to join a face-to-face group?

I know there is a group where I live, but joining it proved difficult, and there seemed to be some sort of reluctance on the group's part to accept me, (the meeting place was kept a private secret). Eventually, my own reluctance started up, and I realized that I would not likely be comfortable in a face-to-face group.
What have your experiences been with face-to-face groups?

My very first time to a CD group they were accepting and fun.

Thing is, there ARE some CD/TS groups that are stringent or have anal rules. These types of groups, you should steer clear of. Especially if they act like it is some big secret or they seen reluctant to accept you. That means something else is going on with the group, things you might not want anything to do with.

Do not put up with a group that makes it hard on new members.

I have been to a few different groups and normally, they are cool. I have been to one group that gave me a bad feeling, and while I still think "F" them, they can have their group, it has not discouraged me. Another group I go to in my town is full of good people, so I will stick with them [Is also the same group that I went to once, 10 years ago]

I am wondering if this reluctant group is one of the ones known all over the USA that I, for one, would stay away from membership.

[Vieja]

I went to a couple of meetings with two TGs but as we really had nothing in common it kind of fell apart. I am a Tri-ess member and there is a group forming in my area though it has been forming for at least a year and still hasn't made it to reality. If it ever gets formed I will certainly give it a try.:D

Vieja

[RobynGirl]

:daydreaming:Hi, I would love to find a support group in my area, Bucks County, PA. It would be nice to be out with other people in a safe and supportive environment.:battingeyelashes:Robyn

[TerriM]

I have found support groups helpfull when you are 1st getting out. I met some life long friends through them.

Terri

[sterling12]

About groups having a screening process and this being something I might not have been aware of: No, though that was the reason they gave, but several times they did not reply to my emails, the whole thing dragged on for months, and in the end, they did not want to interview me over the phone which was their stated procedure. I think I must have said something in the emails that made a bad impression.
Eventually they invited me to a discussion group, rather than any of their socials, but it was the occasional social that i was really interested in attending. By then I had other problems and could not go at the time, and since have thought better of the whole idea. Eventually I wondered if I belonged there anyway, and if a group experience was for me at all.
I have been pondering at times getting more counseling and other help, but it is expensive and hard to find the right kind. i did talk to one person, (MTF), who confirmed my fears that you are likely to get the sort of answer that the counselor specializes in giving according to their world view, so it is all determined by selecting a counsellor.
These days I have been thinking of giving it up, but I am torn. Perhaps that was their problem with me, that they did not want someone who was ambivalent amongst them. Now, it is all water under the bridge, and I do not consider going to a face-to-face group a viable or desirable option anymore. I think the window of psychological opportunity to join a group has come and gone. I tried to approach the priest at the church to talk about it, but that led nowhere useful, though the conversation was friendly enough. It was just one-sided, with me making up all the things to say.
As for the matter of choice, there is not much to choose from here. There are only two groups in town, and the other is limited and more for transsexuals or those transitioning fully. So it is not as if I have a lot of options. But I would like to meet others socially, one on one, in a safe environment, just not in the kind of group that we have been referring to. Going to a group alone would make me very nervous now, and I would not know how to dress, etc..
So, that is my tale of woe!

OK Hon, I'll try and give you another "plausible" reason that you might have not received the response you wanted.

Having done quite a few interviews, been Secretary for a Group, and been around for a few years, here is what we find. About 1 in six of the inquiries we get, ever actually sets up an interview. About 1 out of four of those interviews actually shows up at a meeting within 3 months. After a year, the odds might be a little better, but not much. One of the chief assumptions is that the person who does not follow up and show some desire to actually take some action is: 1.)ambivalent, 2.)doesn't know what they want, or 3.) is never going to take the necessary steps. It seems to be a pretty safe assumption.

If you drug things out over several or many months, they are going to give up on you! This is all volunteer work, it's time consuming, and sometimes it's frustrating. This may or may not be your situation, but I would recommend to anyone who is READY to join a Group, do not diddle around! Step forward, be positive, let them know you are committed and ready to go! I'll just bet things will happen very quickly.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Laurelanne]

Id love to if there were one close Years ago there was one met every 1st tuesday of the month alot of fun. If u hear...call.:straightface:

[sandra-leigh]

Reluctant? Yes and No.

I wasn't at all reluctant about giving it a try. I'd had no idea that there was such a group in town before I started dressing, but within about 2 months of starting to dress, I had found a link to their web site on a different site I was looking at. I emailed them, they didn't really get back to me, so I missed the first opportunity I had to go. The web site didn't say where the meetings were, but the next month in reviewing some of the old newsletters they had posted I found the location, and I found that just in time to get to that month's meeting. So off I went and forced myself upon them :D

They did explain that they preferred to interview people first outside before the first attendance, so when I showed up, I was an unknown factor, not even someone's "guest" -- I didn't know anyone there. So that concerned them a bit, but they recovered from that fairly quickly. If I recall correctly, I did wear a dress or something like that to the first meeting, so it was clear that I wasn't there to cause trouble or be a "trannie chaser".

So, going at all: no, no reluctance.

I did, though, have some trust issues to get through the first few months: I didn't know these people, didn't know what to expect at the meetings, didn't know the extent to which I could trust them not to leak my secret or get too nosy about who I was. The first few meetings, I called myself "Anonymous": they took that in stride.

But it turned out to be a good group of people. Some of them I know better than others. I can't say that I trust them all equally, but that is to be expected with any group of people.

[Shawna13]

My wife and I are currently searching for a group for socializing and for support. We live in the Boston area and are very eager to fin d a nice group.

[Nicki B]

There seems to be such a huge difference in cultures here.... :sad:

I just started going to a bar known as a trans meeting place, talking to people one on one, going for meals together, before I ever came to the internet?

Honestly, the concept of hiding away and putting people through a vetting procedure fills me with horror - it says more about the fears of the group, than anything else?

[sandra-leigh]

Honestly, the concept of hiding away and putting people through a vetting procedure fills me with horror - it says more about the fears of the group, than anything else?

My local group is getting more relaxed about it (and never was as strict as Tri-ess sounds to be), but they have told me that when they started up, they did have some problems with "trannie-chasers" attending and hoping to succeed in propositioning one of the attendees.


My local group (and note I'm in Canada, where there is no Tri-Ess) does things differently than Tri-Ess

1) We do not ask that the spouse know; we do not by any means promote dishonesty or lying but we understand that for some telling isn't yet the right thing to do, and that for others it may never be. I would not have worked up the courage to talk honestly with my wife if I had not already had the support of the group for a couple of years.

2) If I understand correctly, Tri-Ess is only for heterosexual cross-dressers, and that non-hetro can at most be associates, not full members. Our local group is not concerned with sexual orientation: we just indicate in our mission statement that we are not a place to meet the meat. What people do outside of the meetings, we don't ask. Our membership includes gay and bi members; some of our members have dated each other. As long as the meeting is kept clean we're just glad to see
people find some happiness.

[sterling12]

I don't think of myself as a spokesperson for Tri-Ess, but when I read something that doesn't run quite true, I feel I have to say something about it so that others don't get the wrong impression.

I belong to 2 Tri-Ess Chapters. My understanding is that each chapter is allowed quite a bit of latitude on rules, so it's possible that a particular chapter may have some special rule I don't know about. However, NEITHER OF MY CHAPTERS HAS ANY KIND OF RULE THAT SAYS YOUR WIFE HAS TO BE INFORMED ABOUT YOUR CD! Tri-Ess encourages couples to participate, but we have many members in my chapters that are single, or the wives DO NOT KNOW. At least in the two chapters that I belong to, we do not tell anyone how to run their personal lives.

What you do outside of your Chapter is your own business. I personally know many Gurls who are bi-sexual or gay. What everyone is told upon joining is....1.) This is a Social/Support Group, keep your nose clean when you attend. This is not a place for predators, it is not a dating service. 2.) You need to respect the privacy of other members, if you want to bring a guest you will vouch for their behavior and you are to let some person on The Board know that they are coming to a meeting.

Someone mentioned TS Gurls. As far as I know, we have no problem with them, and I know many who are current and past members. WHEN they begin active transition, boob job, SRS, etc., they understand that they will have a change of status and become an associate member. Doesn't mean they are shunned, or can't attend meetings. Many of them still attend even after transition, because they have made a lot of friends and seem to get some comfort from being with people. All persons are asked to "cool it," about talking about hormone regimens all the time, or having sexual relationships. And that is done to placate other persons (wives,) who can be very turned off by that sort of talk. Many GGs view that sort of thing as a threat to their relationship with their hubby. Everybody understands the rules and we all seem to get along OK. By the way, The Orlando Chapter was originally started by a Gal who is TS and has since transitioned. The Board of National Tri-Ess had to give their approval for that Group's Charter 20 years ago. Does that sound like an Organization that spends a lot of time worrying about everyone's sexual orientation?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[KarenCDFL]

I tried quite a few years ago and never went again. Was a Tri-Ess Dinner and the attitude was very bad.

Never went again.

[sandra-leigh]

I don't think of myself as a spokesperson for Tri-Ess, but when I read something that doesn't run quite true, I feel I have to say something about it so that others don't get the wrong impression.
[...]

Someone mentioned TS Gurls. As far as I know, we have no problem with them, and I know many who are current and past members. WHEN they begin active transition, boob job, SRS, etc., they understand that they will have a change of status and become an associate member. Doesn't mean they are shunned, or can't attend meetings. Many of them still attend even after transition, because they have made a lot of friends and seem to get some comfort from being with people.

My local club (in Canada, not part of Tri-Ess) does not have an "associate member" status. Pretty much anyone polite and respectful is welcome at the meetings, whether they are currently paid-up or not, Dressed or not. Non-members can't vote, of course, but little is put to the vote at the regular meetings. And if there's a non-paid member attending that we've known for years, chances are they'll be given a complimentary door-prize ticket, in recognition of past contributions to the club.

Officially the policy is that you don't have to come to the first few meetings dressed, which tends to imply that you should come to later meetings dressed, but what the club really wants to know is whether you are sincere about your crossdressing or are just there to get a thrill by looking at the members dressed up. Once people in our club know you are serious about your crossdressing, they aren't concerned about whether you are dressed any particular night. There were many months were I attended not dressed or barely dressed (e.g., maybe just forms), and left the meeting after 15 minutes or half an hour: they understood that I was doing the best I could under my life circumstances and any comments were strictly light teasing intended to let me know that they were glad to see me.

TS Girls: we have a few members who have completely transitioned, and a few who are somewhere in the process. They are as much a part of our club as anyone else is. There is a more specific transgender support group in town, but I am told it is more of a "how to" kind of meeting, with not a lot of socialization going on.

It's a good group, locally, and the GLBT bar that is our current meeting place has treated us quite well -- they even donated funding to offset costs for several of us to attend an out-of-town crossdressing conference. We cross-promote them, they cross-promote us, a good time is had by all.

[trannie T]

I have been to meetings of several different support/social groups in different cities. Each one has been very friendly and I have always been made to feel welcome.
A favorite is the Diablo Valley Girls as mentioned by Paula Rae, they are a wonderful happy group, I wish I lived closer so I could get to more of their events.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not sure I would want to join a group that would accept a weirdo like me!

[Nicki B]

I'm not sure I would want to join a group that would accept a weirdo like me!

You've been here since Sep 07.... :heehee:

[Teresa Amina]

I went to a group meeting back when I was first getting out into the world. The group had potential but were going through a reorganisation after the previous organisers dropped out. They met in a church basement and did little of interest.
I guess it was a good thing for me, though, since it showed that if I were going to get out I would have to get up the nerve and just do it on my own. :thumbsup:

[susan2010]

Robyngirl:
King of Prussia, is that too far? Check out www.ren.org and go to the Phila chapter. There is also a Lehigh Valley, and a Wilmington, DE group. Rennaissance is very accepting of the whole spectrum of cd-ts people, and you just show up. There's no pressure to act or dress a certain way. See you next month?

[unclejoann]

I have been encouraged by a friend to join a group and have recently contacted a group that I would join if I lived close enough. Unfortunately, I will only rarely get to that area to follow up with them. Locally (San Diego), I haven't found any group.

I have never been a joiner in any sort of group for any interest I have. But I would love to learn from others about makeup and dresses and just have a chance to be relaxed around other girls like me. My concerns are (1) my age and the fact that girls 30 years younger won't relate, and (2) dressing up for the first meeting (I'm still in the Bozo-stage of makeup).

If I could find a group I would attend events like makeup workshops and shopping and casual wine parties. Is that what others are looking for too?

[JennyS.]

I'm relatively new to this... Not dressing; as I've been doing it all my life. But, I'm new to the politics of all this. I didn't realize that there was so much distaste, confusion, and untrustful sentiments among us. And that makes me sad. I was hopeful that if I wanted to join a group or meet somebody with my interests, I would be fully accepted. It is sad that we have groups and people that judge us before actually meeting us. I understand the need for privacy as I don't want to be outed by another, either. But, to accept us... you have to meet us.

Just saying.

[Dr.Susan]

I used to be but after reading various postings I have changed my mind.
It appears there is just to much complication involved and they seem more like an AA meeting group than an uplifting experience. Also from reading it seems there is a bit of jealousy involved with whatever your stage of passing you present as at these groups.

[Beth-Lock]

Things got dragged out, initially, apparently because my first email got lost in a computer glitch. A subsequent email resulted in no initiation of the interview process, perhaps because they simply thought I was not a prospect because of ambivalence, and thought that following up was superfluous.
But I thought that an ambivalent person, assuming deeply conflicted, was just the sort of person such a group would be most helpful to support. Apparently not. Which takes us back to my eventual conclusion, that I might need more individual and private therapy but not group participation. (Though my last therapist specifically recommended group participation, at the group where I tried to initiate membership.)
That's where it stands now. I should next try a private therapist. I am not enthusiastic about trying a group again.

[JennyS.]

I am saddened by some of the responses here. Some of us don't fully understand the complextities of our lives, including me. Therefore; group help, influence, and understading are a major part of what we need. I don't think we need to be fixed, per say... But, we definately need support. Why is it that a person that wants support cannot find it in a place that advertises support? Makes no sense to me.

[linnea]

I have been coming to this site for quite awhile; so far it is my only group, though of course it is not face-to-face. I would a face-to-face group if there were one in my area. Alas, there is not. At least, as far as I know there is not one near me in southeastern Washington state.

[Claire3]

I joined the beaumont society a while ago.Went 2 a couple of coffee evenings and a xmas function,they were amazing.Got a little scared and gave it up.Seriously considering joining again.All the girls were fantastic on a face 2 face basis.guess there the ones who give us all hope along with this site.I was so nervous when i arrived 4 the 1st home meeting,but changing facilities were there,it was fantastic.Truly want 2 be a girl amongst girls

[Jeannie]

I have been reluctant in going anywhere dressed. I have this discussion with my wife and we are thinking I could go to a large meeting like Southern Comfort or something maybe after retirement. The thought of being outed is not very pleasant for me and I would be very humiliated if it ever happened. My big question is what happens when you meet outside of the group. If you are all from the same place odds are you will meet again and I'm just curious about of what happens. There are some very vindictive people and they love to see others suffer. It's just a thought and maybe I am sometimes a bit paranoid, but still I can't help from wondering.

Jeannie.

[jessielee]

if there was one, i'd join it.
but, around here,
it would probably be a trap to draw me and other "affected" souls out for a good ol' fashioned lynchin, even if they bought that i wasn't "one o' them sorts," i am this sort.
if you catch my drift.
proudly, to you,
in hiding, to them.
freaking chicken hypocrite,
jessie

[sandra-leigh]

The thought of being outed is not very pleasant for me and I would be very humiliated if it ever happened.

To paraphrase Dear Abby,

"Nobody can humiliate you without your permission."

You know you dress. Your wife knows you dress. If you haven't been going around bad-mouthing cross-dressing (which would leave you open to accusations of hypocrisy) then you should be able to meet comments with a response along the lines of "Yeah? So what? I suppose you are going to tell me that you don't have any bedroom excitement that is really no-one else's business?"


There are some very vindictive people and they love to see others suffer

There are, and you can deny them their pleasure by refusing to suffer. In many situations, the big damage does not arise from an action itself, but rather from the cover-up. A US president does not get impeached for an affair, but rather for lying about it under oath.

Is there a particular reason why you might already be unpopular with people? Been a criminal defense lawyer or an executive for a tobacco company or promoted a seal hunt or been a partisan politician or something like that? If you've just been a "good guy", participating in your neighbourhood, then even if you have noticeable public status (e.g., perhaps you are well-known as the best kitchen refurbisher in town), then unless you live in a pretty uptight community, chances are the great majority of people have better things to do with their lives than to even think about picketing your house to get you to move out of town. In your community, are gay people fairly well integrated? If so then chances are excellent that your community can tolerate known cross-dressers as well.


Is it possible to lose your job just for being found to be a cross-dresser? In the USA, I gather the answer to that is, in general, "Yes". The workings of the US "at will" hirings are a mystery to me here in Canada, but it is clear that if you are in an unprotected situation in the USA and some "moral majority" group decides to start picketing the business fearing that you will "contaminate their children" (c.f., the school dress-up day reported on in the Media forum a month or so ago) then the business might choose to let you go as a pure business decision, even if they'd prefer to keep you on. I wouldn't say that that sort of thing never happens in Canada, but in Canada it would have much more the character of a "buy-out", so as to avoid a wrongful termination suit under the Canada Human Rights Act.

[Raychel]

There are several groups inthis area. I doubt that I will ever join one of them. Being a neck down dresser, I will never pass at this point. SO going out surely is not an option now. I would love to meet some of the others in the area. But I doubt that it will ever happen.

[TxKimberly]

Many years ago I made contact with TriEss in the Austin Texas area and ultimately made it to one or two of their meetings. They were a bit as you describe the group you contacted. I'd only been out a couple of times at that point, and those only to gay bars, and they insisted on meeting me in a very public place first. So I screwed up my guts and met them there on the way to my first meeting.
Right or wrong, that sort of left a bad taste in my mouth. In the end I suppose it wasn't really even their fault. After all, I made the decision to go to this first interview dressed so I guess I shouldn't blame them.
Anyway, one of the things I noticed was they seemed maybe a little . . . umm . . .militant about crossdressing. That's not the right word but it's the best one I can come up with. It seemed to me a little as if they wanted to make DAMN sure you knew they were men that just happened to like dresses. I think if you might have implied that it may be more than just crossdressing for you, they might have been a bit stand offish.

[TxKimberly]

My wife and I are currently searching for a group for socializing and for support. We live in the Boston area and are very eager to fin d a nice group.

Shawna,

I get to Boston once or twice a year and there is a GREAT group there. In fact, it's pretty much my favorite group to hang out with. It's called "Sisters of Boston" and they meet once a week. Actually, it started as just Sisters of Boston and now it's branching out all over the area and there are now many Sisters groups. Anyway, here is their web page - give 'em a shot. They are the friendliest and funnest group of Tgirls I've ever had the pleasure to hang out with.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_boston/

[boy2girl31]

I wish I knew how to go about finding such a group and if there is one in my area (warren OH) any ideas let me know. I have been feeling alone to find others like me would be nice.

[boy2girl31]

I feel alone here (Warren OH) and wish I could find a group of like minded people in this area sometimes I am afraid to be in public as a girl but having others with me would help me feel comfortable as me. So if I could find a group I think the screening process might be worth the effort.

[Glenda]

I think support groups are vital for some people. Just like some people need to visit a therapist on a regular or occasional basis. If the alternative is sitting in your closet thinking you are some kind of weird freak, then you should visit or join a group which will provide some positive support and let you know that you are not defined by the morals and attitudes of a society which shuns those who are "different." If you are too concerned about being outed in your area, plan a trip once or twice a year to a city far away and attend a group there. No one will write about it in the local paper. You should be safe.

I am not a member of any face-to-face groups myself. I'm lucky because all of my friends have been very supportive. That doesn't mean that people don't make fun of me. They do. It's just not done in a malicious manner. My friends won't tolerate someone else making disparaging remarks about me though. Its kind of like two brothers may fight with each other, but if someone else tries to fight one of them, he'll have to fight both of them. I think we are sometimes a little too sensitive about what others may say or think. We tend to expect the bad and that influences our perception of what we hear.

Yesterday I had to do some shopping and decided to do it enfemme. As I was returning home, a friend called to say that she and her husband were boiling crawfish and were inviting some people over. She knows I'm allergic to shellfish and couldn't eat but wanted me to come over too. I did. As Glenda. No one made any remarks other than to say how nice I looked. So I don't feel the need to join a local support group when I have accepting friends. But if I was locked alone inside my home, I guarantee that I would seek a group to help validate my feelings. We all need some support, even if it is just as a member of this forun.

[SweetCaroline]

Shawna,

I get to Boston once or twice a year and there is a GREAT group there. In fact, it's pretty much my favorite group to hang out with. It's called "Sisters of Boston" and they meet once a week. Actually, it started as just Sisters of Boston and now it's branching out all over the area and there are now many Sisters groups. Anyway, here is their web page - give 'em a shot. They are the friendliest and funnest group of Tgirls I've ever had the pleasure to hang out with.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_boston/

Amen Kim. I can give a huge endorsement for the SISTERS since not only were they the group that got me out the first time, I've since become a moderator of my own group. The SISTER aren't as much of a support group as they are a social group, but we do support each other and provide a network to all sorts of resources. Where I'm from, there are a lot of options as far as clubs and support groups, but most of the other ones I was told about or looked into either charged a membership fee or were more serious groups geared for trans-sexuals. SISTERS is more about girls getting together and going out and having fun. There is no membership process, like some of the other girls have described. All you have to do is show up at one of our gatherings, and the rules are pretty simple--no lewd behavior, no using the group for "hooking up" or hitting on people. And some of the venues have certain restroom protocol we have to follow, but we're open to everyone, including supportive friends and family. Just about everyone who has been to one of our gatherings has come back, so that should tell you something there.

Peace out Sister. :hugs:

[JoAnnDallas]

Joining a CD support group is no different than joining a Model Railroading group. One can be a model railroader, even build a big layout in a spare bedroom, garage, or basement. This person can have a very enjoyable time operating his own layout by himself. Then he joins a railroading group. Sees other members layouts, get tips on this and that, they see his layout. He finds he enjoys operating some elses layout and enjoys seeing others operate his. He enjoys being around others that have a like interest.
I joined a railroading group when I lived in WV. It was a invitation only group. That is it was not open to the public. Why, model railroad layouts can cost thousands of dollars and trusting ones layout to others takes trust and getting to know the other people. It took me a year before I was offered a membership, as I built up a re pore, friendship, and their trust. My interest, skills, understanding, and modeling improved because of my membership.

Same for a CD group like Tri-Ess. Yes we have some rules, like we request (not demand) that your wife know, We like to meet a new member in drab outside of the club the first time, and etc. In fact you don't even have to be dressed to attend. Dressing at meetings is a individual choice. Most of these rules are because we want all our members to be safe and enjoy themselves at the meetings. We want to make sure that the new member is really a CD and not someone looking for a cheap thrill and etc. We do encourage wifes and SO's to join and attend, so that they can see others like their spouse and talk to other wifes/SO's. A support group can be the only place a closet CD can go to dressed and feel OK, because he is among others like himself and can feel safe.
We don't advertise the address of our meetings or even the general area. we do this so that our members can have a safe place to meet and enjoy each other's company.
I have learned a lot about dressing, makeup, and ect. I have made many good friends and some have even offered to go out with me which has helped improve my confidence. even my wife has recognized the benefits of my Tri-Ess membership and she has yet to go to a meeting with me.

[Raquel June]

Beth-Lock:

What exactly are you trying to get out of the group?

If you're reluctant to join a group, maybe you should start off by finding a group that isn't all secretive and goes to public places (usually clubs that aren't all that public). Then ask just fire off an email saying that you're a CD and you'd like to just go out and say hi. Then you can get to know people who aren't terrified of going in public.

I know there are a few "support groups" around where I live -- the type that want to give you an interview before they tell you where they meet. One of them is run by a girl who shows up every now and then at a club I like to go to en femme, and she's always ... umm ... well, she behaves very inappropriately. I'll leave it at that.

There are good groups and creepy groups. The more secretive ones certainly seem more creepy to me.

Just make sure that whatever group you're looking into approaches crossdressing in a way you agree with. For example, Tri-Ess is very specifically a group of heterosexual non-transgendered crossdressers. They do not allow homosexuals. They look down on queens and transvestites. They have a very narrow margin of what they find acceptable crossdressing. If you get much of a thrill out of it, you're a pervert. But Tri-Ess wants you to actually identify with your femininity. But if you identify too much with your femininity and get a twinge of bisexuality, or feel you're transgendered, then they don't want you, either.

[Rita Knight]

Hi Everyone,
I am a member of Tri-Ess chapter Chi Delta Mu in northern New Jersey.
The big reason for the interview process is to make sure a prospective member is really a CD and to keep admirers away. Wives do go to meetings and you really don't want admirers there. Unfortunately, meeting places have to remain secret.
As for national's policy of straight crossdressers only, a lot of chapters have a policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Cruise."
If you are serious about improving your look as a CD, you are going to have to meet other CDs. Tri-Ess is a safe way to go out for the first time. If you are a novice and don't look that good and the group puts you down about your looks, they are not worth joining.
Lastly, you can get dressed at a Tri-Ess meeting.

[JoAnnDallas]

racquel937 said...


Just make sure that whatever group you're looking into approaches crossdressing in a way you agree with. For example, Tri-Ess is very specifically a group of heterosexual non-transgendered crossdressers. They do not allow homosexuals. They look down on queens and transvestites. They have a very narrow margin of what they find acceptable crossdressing. If you get much of a thrill out of it, you're a pervert. But Tri-Ess wants you to actually identify with your femininity.

Each Tri-Ess chapter has a lot of leadway as to how they conduct their meetings. First a interveiw before allowing a CDer to attend a meeting is for safety of all members. It has been reported at the National Level where a few chapters have run into someone wanting to join that turned out these were really not CDer and wanted to join for nefarious reasions. Our chapter has 2 members who are post-op TS and one pre-op TS. Yes they joined long before they started transistion, but we are not going to kick them out because they have. We even have one member that is a GAY CDer. Her SO even comes to the meetings. Being hetrosexual is NOT a absolute rule. As I stated local Chapters have a lot more leadway than you think. Yes it does say on the National Web Site that Tri-Ess is for Hetrosexual CDers, but again is not a golden rule. As for Draq Queens, yes we do not have any in our chapter, but we have had a few as guests to our meetings, so that members could get to know and understand them and what being a DQ is all about. Also identifing with your femininity, isn't that what CDing is all about, getting to know you feminin side???

[Raquel June]

Wives do go to meetings and you really don't want admirers there.

That's understandable. I didn't mean to sound so down on Tri-Ess.

It's just that ... well ... I've had some very interesting encouters with married CDs who go to support groups (Tri-Ess and others). One second they'll be going on about how their wife doesn't understand them and that they're 100% hetero, the next second they'll be trying to stick their tongue down my (or some other young confused CD's) throat. It's happened more than once or twice. It's not like that horrifies me (my track record isn't exactly 100% straight), but it offends me when people are hypocrites and it offends me when people assume I'm easy, and in my experience married CDs who like support group meetings have been habitual offenders in both those areas. I think I've just had bad luck, though...

[jaina]

Beth-Lock:

But Tri-Ess wants you to actually identify with your femininity. But if you identify too much with your femininity and get a twinge of bisexuality, or feel you're transgendered, then they don't want you, either.

Thats my issue with tri-ess. and they aren't even secretive about it. They put their bigotry, homophobia and anti-gay propaganda right in there national mission statment.

Banning gay people from membership,
"Full Tri-Ess membership is limited to heterosexual crossdressers" (but they tolerate "Friends of tri-ess" to help funding).
they group gay, transgender and mentally ill under one banner.
They state the gay crossdressing leads to prostitution.

[Raquel June]

They state the gay crossdressing leads to prostitution.

Crossdressing is a slippery slope -- just like the way marijuana use leads directly to intravenous heroin use.

We all know what happened when GGs started wearing high heels around the mid 1500s. There were actually no hookers before the advent of hooker heels!!!

So for God's sake keep the skirts away from the gays! You know how most drag queens are gay? Well they're also prostitutes! I hear RuPaul hustles back-alley BJs when not performing!

:)

[Donna Michelle]

Hi Caroline! I know that Caroline has fun with my friend Ashley in Massachusetts. I wish I could drive up there to meet you gals! A group started in the Allentown, PA area (http://transgender.meetup.com/177/) and some of us have already met before our first official meeting planned for next month. We are looking for transgendered, crossdressers who are m2f or f2m. Currently, it appears that all are m2f.

Many people were shy or nervous to go to a group meeting. My wife spoke with Debbi on the phone. We met and are friends. Debbi already met Ninna who called me yesterday. Many of us have things in common. Many are over 40 and married. Some of us have children still in school.

We didn't knowingly separate into a subgroup but the mature married gals kinda made fast friends while the young single members chat with each other. Still, everyone should have fun. We all have ONE thing in common, so we can chat about clothes, makeup and things like that.

Some gals are still in the closet, so we have a private location to meet instead of a local bar. We still need to get home before the police stop cars to see if we were drinking! It is fun to talk online, but it is even more fun to meet others in person. We can go shopping together, have makeovers and dinner, chat and have fun.

[JoAnnDallas]

racquel937.....Did this happen at the meetings or after at a club or something. If this happen outside the meeting, then there is nothing any group can do to prevent it.

[Raquel June]

racquel937.....Did this happen at the meetings or after at a club or something. If this happen outside the meeting, then there is nothing any group can do to prevent it.

No, I've never been to any kind of support group. I'm just saying that the most inappropriate behavior I've witnessed at a club has been perpetrated by organizers of local support groups.

[Beth-Lock]

Beth-Lock:

What exactly are you trying to get out of the group?



It started as a suggestion from a therapist I had started going to for the cross-dressing/transitioning issue. He suggested joining the local group. His idea was that my cross-dressing should be pursued in a safe way, physically and emotionally. It seemed logical for me, that I could find a place where I could cross-dress in relative safety. What the local group offered, (eventually, after some non-replying to my emails), as an entree, seemed meeting in a relatively scary part of town to dress in, and a place that had no proper facilities to dress on arrival and departure.
It does raise the issue, that seeking help/support/assistance/even just someone to talk to, raises personal issues with many and personal reserve tends to emerge. When it is eventually not such a touchy subject, when society is more accepting, perhaps this sort of reticence will go away.
Anyway, I have moved on. Thanks for caring.

[JoAnnDallas]

racquel937...........I can not believe your are judging ALL support groups by the actions of members of ONE group. You will always find bad apples in the barrel of apples. It does not mean that all the apples are bad. This is totaly flawed logic. Without having witness first hand how a support group operates, how can you say that support groups are no good.
Example: before I joined the "Greenbriar Model Railroading Club", I was in another railroading club ("The WV Mountian Railroad Club"). Some of the members were Paranoid when it came time for them to let the club use their layout. There was always infighting and Jealousy about who got to do what, that I finially quit the club. Did I now judge all Model railroading clubs to be like that one? No, because I knew that all RR clubs were different.

[SweetCaroline]

Hi Caroline! I know that Caroline has fun with my friend Ashley in Massachusetts. I wish I could drive up there to meet you gals! A group started in the Allentown, PA area (http://transgender.meetup.com/177/) and some of us have already met before our first official meeting planned for next month. We are looking for transgendered, crossdressers who are m2f or f2m. Currently, it appears that all are m2f.

Thanks for the quote friend.

Seriously, you might want to talk to Ash about starting an official SISTERS group out around Allentown, or at least a sister, Sister's group. I'm sure we'd support you. :love:

[Jeannie]

Hi tess,

I agree to most of what you say maybe I'm just not ready yet. I have been made fun of in the past (as a child, not for dressing) and it was very painful and I don't want to have to put up with it as as adult. I have never done anything bad (well not real bad anyway) it's just going to take time and I'm in no big hurry. I am enjoying all the support here and I do find lots of courage in your words and I enjoy what you all do. It will help me to make that final decision. I am almost to the point of taking my first dress and I will drive probably try this fall. I will try to find a group when I retire in about two years and then we'll go from there. Thank you helping.

[sandra-leigh]

I agree to most of what you say maybe I'm just not ready yet.

Oh us girls, we're never ready on time! :tongueout


I have been made fun of in the past (as a child, not for dressing) and it was very painful and I don't want to have to put up with it as as adult.

Childhood.... I came from a good family, but the ways of childhood (and teenage-hood) can be cruel. School was a place of high marks in everything except social skills (and handwriting). Not usually the very last one chosen for the team, but... I dunno, like I just mostly slipped nearly everyone's mind when it came to "hanging out with". I wasn't even disliked, but kids will tease those who are different, and if no-one remembers to step in and counter-balance that teasing with some friendship, then the casual cruelty without even any real ill-will just ends up hurting. What had I done to deserve the hurt? Nothing other than to be bright and different (somewhat akin to being high functioning autistic.) And I never ever did develop the sense to stop being different.

When you grow up like that, being teased by kids (and later, called names by complete strangers), and mostly ignored otherwise, at some point you start telling yourself that what other people think of you doesn't define you: you are who you are, and you act as is important to you, and if the ignorant boors don't like it, that's their problem, not yours. That others might put you down is sad but you can't save everyone: they chose to be ignorant or insulting, and they'll just have to live with themselves. And you do what you have to to live with yourself.

[Raquel June]

racquel937...........I can not believe your are judging ALL support groups by the actions of members of ONE group.

I'm not. I was pretty clear. I specifically said, "I didn't mean to sound so down on Tri-Ess," and, "I think I've just had bad luck." But now that I think about it...

There are good support groups and bad support groups. There are some REALLY great girls, the nicest people you'd ever meet, who are members of Crossport in Cincinnati. The founder of urnotalone.com is awesome and most of the people who go to their TParty in Columbus are wonderful. Oddly enough, those two groups welcome homosexuals, yet I have never witnessed any inappropriate advances or rude behavior from their memembers. I'm also friends with a number of flamboyantly gay drag queens, all of which have the nicest manners you can imagine.

On the other hand, I've witnessed (and been the subject of) very offensive behavior from multiple members of multiple other groups -- including Tri-Ess. The ironic part is that these groups do not welcome homosexuals, and in my experience the CDs who are always trying to score with other CDs are often married and like to complain, "Why doesn't my wife understand that I'm totally straight?"

Obviously these people are in the closet about their sexuality and are being very unfair to their wives, and Tri-Ess encourages this by claiming to be a totally heterosexual organization and by inviting CD's wives to come and be reassured that crossdressing is 100% straight behavior.

As I said, I've probably just had bad luck. But as CDs, I think we're all looking for a little tolerance and acceptance, and I seriously question why you would be a member of a group which makes it quite clear that their official policy is to not accept homosexuals. If your local chapter's actual practice does not match their written policy then either something subversive is going on, or they should split from Tri-Ess.

[JennieL]

Where I live is relatively small and very conservative. There is a group for cds,tvs, etc and I've made some tentative contact with this group in the past. However, I've now learned that a 'straight' bar in town has banned all cds and ts's because of the rude and offensive behaviour of a small (unrepresentative) number who go out of their way to get noticed in a very negative way (raising their skirts and 'flashing' their underwear, deliberately bumping into male customers and giving hell when they get a negative reaction, etc). This just makes it very difficult for those trying to come to terms with their own dressing and maintain a little dignity. It also makes me fear that these people have no regard for their own privacy and probably no-one else's either. Let's just say I'm more afraid about any kind of public socialising en femme than I was before.
JennieL

[Beth-Lock]

The step of going out in public is scary enough, but mixing in the complexities of socializing, goes further towards running into difficulties, mixing it with friendship is a further difficulty, and finally, mixing it with existing friendships and acquaintanceships, is most scary of the list. (Telling your SO would of course be even worse.)
So, maybe that is why it is more difficult to find a venue for CD activities, the further you get along the list. And a face-to-face group, is for that reason wary of welcoming new members that are an unknowable quality, and of course from my point of view, makes reaching out to such a group a bit of a scary problem too. Still worse is being stalled, and then seemingly regarded with suspicion rather than being welcomed. So, do you blame me considering the circumstances?
The remaining problem is, if group membership is therapeautic, then being on your own, on the other hand, is th opposite, and can lead to depression, crises, etc.

[TommiTN]

Anyone familiar with the Tennesse Vals? I've been to their website a few times, but am hoping for some independent feedback before I commit to anything. A gurl can't be too careful, ya know.

[Bev06 GG]

Everyone is different but for us joining a support group was the best thing we ever did. Not only does my partner get support but Iget to mix with other GGs. I love it. We have made lots of really good friends since attending. Funny really because we have an hours drive to Boston UK, and whilst there we have met two couples who live just up the road from us. Quite handy for car sharing.

For those of you with wives who are accepting you might consider whether or not it would be good for them. Not everyones cup of tea but I know the partners that I have met there love it because they get to mix with others in the same position as themselves. We even have wives who are struggling with acceptance who have said that being a part of a support group has helped them enormously. Dont forget Girls these groups are not just for you.
Bev

[Nicki B]

The step of going out in public is scary enough, but mixing in the complexities of socializing, goes further towards running into difficulties, mixing it with friendship is a further difficulty, and finally, mixing it with existing friendships and acquaintanceships, is most scary of the list. (Telling your SO would of course be even worse.)
So, maybe that is why it is more difficult to find a venue for CD activities, the further you get along the list. And a face-to-face group, is for that reason wary of welcoming new members that are an unknowable quality, and of course from my point of view, makes reaching out to such a group a bit of a scary problem too. Still worse is being stalled, and then seemingly regarded with suspicion rather than being welcomed. So, do you blame me considering the circumstances?

Beth, if you had total freedom, what would you really want to do? :strugglin

Now you've answered that question for yourself, try and find possibilities and ways of doing it? It's one or two good friends you really need, isn't it?

[Karren H]

Not reluctant... I've been invited to join but one, I don't have the time and two, I really don't need any kind of support group... imho.. yeah it would be fun but I can't fit in one more thing right now.....

[Beth-Lock]

I think I really wanted my regular acquaintances and friends to accept me in either gender, though at the time I came out, mainly just in the fem gender, since I was thinking I might go almost full-time, and beyond into transition. What could I have been thinking!?
As you point out, it is more realistic to have just a couple of good freinds accepting it. I used to have a woman friend who would go along with it a certain dsitance, but like all friendships with women seem to go, that is over. My best male friend seems genuinely phobic about the whole thing, though he does not live in town anyway.

[Nicole1]

I am really sorry that so many have had difficulty in finding a good support group. I and my wife attend the local Tri-ess and the face to face environment is what we like. You can say and be anything on the Internet; but face to face is a bit different. You can talk to them and see that they are what they say and I feel a better association is accomplished. I personally am glad that the group had me meet a member face to face prior to giving up all the facts about the group. Safety, and privacy are very important to me and my wife; and knowing that they are concerned about protecting my privacy as well as the other members makes me feel better. It also gave me a chance to get some answers about the group and what they were about. I was much more comfortable attending my first meeting; and now, I only wish it was more than once a month. I love this Forum and I find it very valuable; but it is not the same as looking at someone face to face. Keep looking for a group to share with. Google crossdresser groups for your area. Well, that's my :2c:

Hugs:hugs:

Nicole

[Rachael502]

I'm sooooo close to being ready to take the deep breath and join a local group......But just can't quite bring myself to do it yet.......hmmmmm.....maybe the better idea would be to join a group a little ways away from where I live.......??:cute:

[maryjanecapri]

unfortunately we have no group here. we had one but it dissolved. if we had one i would probably attend.

[Sara Jessica]

For those who wish to go out and about, support groups can be a terrific first stepping stone. I made rounds through several groups in SoCal back in the early to mid 90's and my experiences were overwhelmingly positive. It just so happens that the groups I gravitated towards were not as "secure" as Tri-Ess and in fact more inclusive to all along the gender spectrum which was important to me. And this lack of secure attendance has never been a problem. I have yet to encounter an "admirer" at a function and no other TG individuals have hit on me. But it really depends on what one is looking for. For some, the heightened security of a Tri-Ess group might be what is required for them to enter the outside world as a woman.

I went dormant as far as outings go in the late 90's and out of the blue I resumed in 2006. Only one of the three groups I had visited before was still in existence. They welcomed me back and right away I made a couple great friends who have given me a whole new perspective on the joys of going out (ie - much more enjoyable doing so with friends than alone).

And another comment on groups. I think calling them social groups is a better term. One can find as much or as little support that is needed among the friendships that can develop. In other words, you don't have to be in need of support to enjoy the experience.

[rian]

No ...I would not prefer to have face to face meetings may be because our enviroment still not accepting these kind of behaviors...Yet being a closet crossdresser make me more aware that somebody might recognize me in public ...

[sandra-leigh]

I have yet to encounter an "admirer" at a function

Just as a data point, a couple of "admirers" have shown up at the odd meeting of our club; we politely discourage them. It is by no means common at our meetings, but it has happened. The two I recall didn't appear to be "trannie chasers"... more like opportunists who happened to be there, by chance, for other reasons. I didn't see them as a big problem in practice, but I could imagine that some of the members might hypothetically have felt fairly uncomfortable about them in our "safe place".

[Raquel June]

Just as a data point, a couple of "admirers" have shown up at the odd meeting of our club; we politely discourage them. It is by no means common at our meetings, but it has happened. The two I recall didn't appear to be "trannie chasers"... more like opportunists who happened to be there, by chance, for other reasons. I didn't see them as a big problem in practice, but I could imagine that some of the members might hypothetically have felt fairly uncomfortable about them in our "safe place".

It's funny... I go to this thing in Columbus called the TParty. It's not a serious support thing, but it's not a creepy hook-up fest, either -- just a bunch of girls getting out and being friendly. It's actually a very supportive group ... I'm just saying that the TParty is intended to be social.

I was talking to a pretty hot 30yo CD named Keira there last month, and she was saying how she likes getting out, but the tranny chasers bother her. I was basically disagreeing with her, saying that I've never had too much of a problem, that usually the chasers are kinda amusing and act a little intimidated, and even the drunk ones can usually take a hint and will give up and go bark up another tree. Well, right as I'm in the middle of saying, "Tranny chasers are no big deal," this goofy guy walks up to us and just will not stop trying to pick us up. He's just going on and on about his farm and how he's from the middle of nowhere and can't find any TGs to date. I mean, he was being really sweet, which made it kinda difficult since I didn't just want to tell him to get lost. All I could say to Keira was, "OK, you win. I was wrong."

[Sara Jessica]

Just as a data point, a couple of "admirers" have shown up at the odd meeting of our club; we politely discourage them. It is by no means common at our meetings, but it has happened.

Point taken Tess. I didn't want to imply that it doesn't happen or cannot happen, just that in my travels, I haven't come across any admirers at support groups.

[Nicki B]

As you point out, it is more realistic to have just a couple of good freinds accepting it. I used to have a woman friend who would go along with it a certain dsitance, but like all friendships with women seem to go, that is over. My best male friend seems genuinely phobic about the whole thing, though he does not live in town anyway.

I was actually thinking trans-people - then there is so much you don't have to explain? :)

[Beth-Lock]

I have an acquaintanceship with one who has transitioned, but it will never be more than a casual, social acquaintanceship. I guess we all like to have our own lives and choose as friends, people we really want to get close to. So the whole thing can be a sensitive issue even to one who has been through it, and wants simply to move on. At least, that is what I am assuming.

[SweetCaroline]

You might want to check out the SISTERS. We have groups in both Boston and Worcester. And my lil Ol Group in Gardner. Just a boomerang throw from the Pioneer/ Plastic city. Please considerer us. We'd love for you to join us.

A little ways from where you live? Try the Blu Ultralonge in Worcester...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_worcester/

One of the most awesomest T-girl groups you'll ever meet.

Caroline Emily
SISTERS of Gardner



I'm sooooo close to being ready to take the deep breath and join a local group......But just can't quite bring myself to do it yet.......hmmmmm.....maybe the better idea would be to join a group a little ways away from where I live.......??:cute:

[Toni_Lynn]

I must admit to being really reluctant to rejoin a CD group. This is based on past experiences.

I was a founding sister of Transpitt in Pittsburgh PA. I don't even know if they are still around. (are they?)

I was in the group for a little over a year until, during my first public time out as girl, I was read by a teenage (18 plus) girl at the food court of a local mall. Her 'oooh sick' reaction and expression really turned my stomach and made me very self conscious. I can say that my gut reaction to her was far more intense than her gut reaction to me. I was then off crossdressing for a good 6 months.

I returned to Transpitt in 1993. Only one of the charter members was still there. Odd thing is that my intake interview occurred in the exact same food court. BTW -- my intake interview was deemed unnecessary by the person who conducted it as this was that same charter member I mentioned above. Anyway, the group had changed and it seemed to be overwhelmingly TS in nature. Meetings turned into social events at a local gay bar. After a year, I left, for I felt totally disconnected.

I returned once again in 2000. Things had moved back to crossdressing, and no one I knew was in the group. Things didn't sit quite right with me again though. There were several GGs there with their CD spouses and I found that the CD spouses tended to largely ignore their wives. In a sense it felt far too CD in focus and quite unorganised. The group just didn't feel right.

I do think about rejoining a group, and Debbie has said that she would be okay with me doing so, and would go to meetings with me .. but still I hold back.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[gennee]

Joining a support group helped me tremendously. Having discovered my transgender status only three years ago, I needed to understand what was happening inside of me. I met others who went through things similar to me. I knew that I wasn't alone out there.

Gennee

:)

[SusanLaine]

I've been to a number of Tri-Ess mtgs but never joined any group. The mtgs never seemed to click for me but not because everyone wasn't friendly and supportive, I just move at my own pace. I know that there are a lot of groups now and I might consider joining one but time still eludes me.

[Ásfríðr]

theres no tri ess in the uk??! i've only been searching tonight really so call me miss-informed lol, i'd love to find a group that would be as supportive as this one, honestly i'm so happy to have found yous all and its true that participating online is very easy but it'd be cool to go out in london with some other girls. although i kind of like being the only one in the group if i'm with my friends, prob stick out less too..i've thought about meeting a few of you that are kinda close to me, but you know, meeting people off the internet...that whole chestnut. hummmm lost my trail.... so anyone know of any uk groups?

x

[sandra-leigh]

theres no tri ess in the uk?? [...] so anyone know of any uk groups?


Tri-Ess is US only (not even Canada)

I found several UK groups listed in the below directory. I have no information on any of them. Some of the links are resource links that likely list other groups as well.

http://directory.google.com/Top/Society/Transgendered/Crossdressing/

[Rita Knight]

Hi,
Try the Beaumont Society in the UK.

[Laura_Stephens]

I haven't joined a group mostly because I am too well known in the city where I live.

However, in reading this, it sounds like the groups reflect non crossdressing groups -- clubs, if you will. Some are good and some aren't. For those that aren't as accepting, it reminds me of the quote from Yukon Cornelious, "What do you know? Even among misfits, we're misfits!"

[Jenny J]

Robyngirl:
King of Prussia, is that too far? Check out www.ren.org and go to the Phila chapter. There is also a Lehigh Valley, and a Wilmington, DE group. Rennaissance is very accepting of the whole spectrum of cd-ts people, and you just show up. There's no pressure to act or dress a certain way. See you next month?

I attended the Delaware Renaissance Chapter meeting for the first time last night and while it is probably smaller than most groups, they seem to have a good core of people there. It’s a cross section of the GLBT community and they deal with multiple issues concerning all.

I don’t know if I am going to learn anything about make up tips there but I was able to network with a couple of CDers and picked up some helpful information on things that concern me. Things like where to shop, TG friendly merchants, deportment and other activities that go on in the area.

Being someone who is hesitant to go out, I felt like I got my big toe out of the closet and with each meeting it’ll encouraged me to get even further out into the sunlight.

Diane the Chapter President is very friendly and receptive to everyone’s needs of anonymity. She put me at ease the moment I arrived and introduced me to several of the members. The meetings last about 45 minutes to an hour pending upon if there is a guest speaker and plenty of time to socialize before and after the meetings.

They have no interview process and pretty much anyone that is interested in their group is welcome. I invite you to check out their website and read their newsletter.

I felt like I had nothing to lose and I was pleasantly surprised.

[Genifer Teal]

Not much fun to be with a buch of GMs, just sitting around in dresses and skirts all evening.

This is exactly how I felt before I went to one. The first group I went to no one dressed up for. There was no place to facilitate this at the meeting place. That group turned out to be a bunch of middle aged men talking about how miserable their marriages were because most of them did not tell their (now unsupportive) wives about it in the beginning. Going to this group set me back a few years in my development towards getting out.

With trepidation I attended a new group meeting about 2 years later. What a difference. I did not dress though we could change there. I was scared and didn't even bring clothes. I shared a few photos and was immediately made to feel comfortable. Many in this group were (and always will be) in the closet. I did meet a few long term close friends who helped me find the courage to go out in NYC. The rest is history.

I have no reason to want to hang around someone's house in a dress with a bunch of men doing the same. It is a great way to meet friends to go out with unless you wish to do it alone.

Don't knock the idea until you try it. You may have to find the right fit. Not all groups are the same. Not every CDer wants to get out or what ever it is we each prefer to do. Try it. You never know what you might lear or find.

Hugs - Genifer

[SusanLaine]

I have to admit that the few meetings I've been to have left me looking for alternatives to meet people with the same interest. The meetings were okay and supportive but I really had little interest "to hang around someone's house in a dress with a bunch of men doing the same" as Genifer put it so well. This is good for a lot girls and would have been much better for me 10-15 years ago but I've grown well beyond that now.

Plus there is a weird strange feeling I get in certain CD situations with other CDs. It's hard to explain but it has to do with "mixing" masculine and feminine activities or roles. I know it's just me but that's the way I feel...I don't even like discussing my en femme self with my wife unless I'm dressed...weird huh?...

[Raquel June]

Plus there is a weird strange feeling I get in certain CD situations with other CDs. It's hard to explain but it has to do with "mixing" masculine and feminine activities or roles. I know it's just me but that's the way I feel...I don't even like discussing my en femme self with my wife unless I'm dressed...weird huh?...

I'm definitely put off by the way some CDs get overly comfortable and go into total guy mode around other CDs. I don't talk in a Minnie Mouse falsetto en femme or anything, but I have a definite natural comfort zone that -- while maybe not as femme as I could be, does not involve me cussing like a sailor, drinking bottled beer, discussing sexual escapades in depth, scratching my butt, talking loudly, debating sports, or being obnoxious in general. I'm left thinking, "Hey, if I met you as a guy, I wouldn't want to hang out with you. Seeing as you're wearing that dress, go ahead and act a little lady-like."

I guess the problem is that I like being femme, and other than the fact that I'm a computer geek and can quote a few hundred movies, the "act" for me is usually trying to be more guy-like. When I'm wearing a skirt, all that masculinity is the last thing I'm comfortable with. I wanna get a cocktail and talk about clothes and who's cute.

[SusanLaine]

Racquel...you hit the nail squarely on the head for what I was thinking and didn't articulate too well.

[Beth-Lock]

Well, maybe I will give socializing a second try. I just wish I could find an accepting church though. There is no Metropolitan Community Church where I live, and the people all seem so conservative when it comes to different or even exotic people, compared to the experiences some of the others on this board relate. Stuffy is hardly half the term for it. So, these days I have become a near complete recluse, and hardly go out the door of my apartment unit anymore. Hopefully, something will turn up.

[Amy Hepker]

I have been to a couple of Tri-Ess groups and I have to say that most of the people there are just like us here. The only thing with a Tri-Ess group is that they require a face to face meeting before they let you come to a regular monthly meeting. This is to weed out fakers or people just trying to make trouble for us. They are fun to go to, there are some groups that are snobby and will treat you badly or other badly.

[Krystyn]

After relocating in three states...and joining a local group in all three states...I can honestly say I've enjoyed each group.They are very similar in procedures and making new members at ease.I loved going to meetings(still do)although its really an event for me to go...with four kids it takes a lot of planning(like dressing and driving) and sometimes you just can't make a meeting.You learn a lot...you share a lot...you make good friends...it's a good thing.

Just bare in mind that group dynamics play a huge part in these meetings.They can and will get clichey.CD's tend to group up with other CD's and TS's with TS's.There are certain "core" members that shoulder most of the responsiblity while others sit on thier asses.These groups exhibit the same characteristics as any other group...just learn to deal with it,partisipate,laugh,cry,talk and show off(of course) and you'll have fun.
DO NOT BE AFRAID..YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND BY NO MEANS...THE FIRST ONE!
Krystyn

[Kristen Kelly]

A group is only as good as the people that are in them. I belong to a few groups here in NJ 1 meets monthly is a discussion group hosted by Dr Lisa O’Connor http://www.healthytransitions.md/ it is a great group and I have learned a lot about myself by listening to others and the problems they encounter, not that I feel I have to attend but attending I have made friends, and learned a lot from those that have been down this path.

I also run a social support group, trying to get the girls out in a safe and friendly atmosphere. We go out to dinner, TG friendly clubs, as well as different events in the NJ / NY / PA / CT area http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ladies_Out_and_About/

[countrygirl]

I am still somewhat in the closet as far as crossdressing and being gay. I am afraid of being found out and being seen by somebody that I know.

[wendy68]

I would be very interested in joining a face to face group but no group to my knowlegde exists in my area. Ive gone on line and found one group but its hours from my home and money for me is very tight and Im supporting a family.--wendy

[CD Susan]

Since my first post to this thread about two months ago I have joined a group. It is a yahoo group that is a chapter of Tri-Ess. I did not have any problem joining. All I did was write a letter to the groups leader explaining why I wanted to join the group. I wrote this letter explaining my reasons and told of my long history of being a crossdresser. I included several photos of myself while dressed. The following day I recieved an e-mail informing me that my membership request was approved. There are about 50 members in this group and I recieved e-mails from most of them welcoming me to the group. I was granted access to the groups website where I can view the photo galleries and communicate with all of the members. I posted photos of myself on the website on my first day of being a member and was thanked for doing so. I feel good about being a member of this group and am looking forward to meeting everyone. I have not attended a meeting yet as they meet in a city that is over 200 miles from where I live. I will eventually make the trip to attend a meeting or event that the group participates in and will be thrilled to meet all of my new friends.