How do you know?

[Andrea85]

How do you know when your a transsexual instead of just a crossdresser? Any and all advice is welcome. Thanks in advance, April.

[GypsyKaren]

It's just something I always knew, I always felt that I was really a girl and that there was something wrong. How do you feel about yourself? There's a big difference between really feeling that you're a woman and feeling "girlie" when you're dressed or thinking about dressing, I think that many get the two confused.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Andrea85]

The clothes arent wha make me feel girly, Ive just feel more like a woman than a man. The girly undies bras and skirts help me feel more femme, but I feel that way most of the time

[GypsyKaren]

If you truly feel deep down inside that you are a woman, then you're a transsexual. I think it's a good thing to find someone to talk to about it, though it can take some time to find someone you feel comfortable with and who knows something about it. In the meantime, this is a good place for information and support, and to ask any questions you might have. We also have the private Safe Haven section for TS'ers only, if you do feel you're transsexual then submit a request to join. Just go into your Control Panel, click Group Memberships on the left,and submit your request.

Karen Starlene :star:

[loriannetucson]

Karen is right. Talking to someone else, specifically a therapist, can help you to sort out your identity. Someone suffering from gender dysphoria struggles with much more than just the clothing issue. It literally begins to consume much of their thoughts where they just are not able to function well at work, home, and can really wreak havoc on your daily life. Good luck.
Lori Davis

[deja true]

And please don't say"...just a crossdresser"....:sad:

We try real hard not to succomb to the idea of a hierarchy here.

Our interests are not all on some kind of a 2 dimensional spectrum of disphoria.

Each of us different, with different issues and motivations...

It's not a contest or competition, either.:eek:

Sorry, hun but you hurt me a little with that phrase...:)

:hugs:

[Lanore]

Like GypsyKaren, I just knew. Back when I was born, there were no labels. I knew I was born a male, but that's about all. I didn't have to try and figure out things. I had a great upbringing and was never forced to be anyone other than who I was. Of coarse, things have changed over the years and when ever someone is different, there's a label for it. As for knowing if you are a crossdresser and transsexual, that would depend on how you feel inside and for how long have you felt that way. You see, I feel female when I wake up in the morning and female when I go to bed at night. And I wouldn't change a thing.

Lanore

[AmandaM]

<<If you truly feel deep down inside that you are a woman, then you're a transsexual.>>

I feel this way. I think that I probably am, but don't feel a huge desire to transition. Even though I would like to and see it as the best case.

[KarenCDFL]

Wow.

That is the question of my life!

I have always felt that I was a girl even as a 2-3 year old.

When I discovered Crossdressing, I was able to push all of my feelings into that and it worked for a lot of years till about my mid 30's until all of a sudden looking like a girl just was not enough.

After 15 years of therapy, I know I am TG and have resolved to live the best way I can.

[debbeelee1]

Just a crossdresser here, or maybe just a guy in a dress! I have no desire to become a woman!

[Cai]

It's hard to explain how I know - I just know.

I'm not one of those who grew up knowing I was a boy from toddlerhood, but I did spend most of my life with this sense of "wrongness". I was never happy with the way I looked, ever. I was never happy with who I was. Something wasn't right.

For me, it was a sort of eureka moment. Once I knew, all the puzzle pieces fit into place. The further I travel on this road, the better I feel. That's one way that I know - it feels right.

[AmandaM]

Yup, no matter how hard I try, acting like a man, and doing man stuff, just feels so wrong. And I feel stupid doing it, and I think other guys can tell something is off. Of course, when I embrace the feminine, it feels so natural.


It's hard to explain how I know - I just know.
I'm not one of those who grew up knowing I was a boy from toddlerhood, but I did spend most of my life with this sense of "wrongness". I was never happy with the way I looked, ever. I was never happy with who I was. Something wasn't right.

[ZenFrost]

I guess for me the difference was that I didn't want to dress like a man, I wanted to be a man. And the more I thought about it, I already was one. Now all that's left is to make my body match my soul.

[KeriB]

Yup, no matter how hard I try, acting like a man, and doing man stuff, just feels so wrong. And I feel stupid doing it, and I think other guys can tell something is off. Of course, when I embrace the feminine, it feels so natural.

Hmm.... sounds familiar.......

[BillieJoe]

From early on my instincts and feelings were identifiable with those of a girl/woman. I liked playing house and playing with dolls. I always looked forward to the time i myself could be a 'mother'. I was, as a child, what you would call 'pretty'. Many comments to that effect were sent my way. It wasn't until I was about 8 that I ever wanted to try on girls clothes. To me the clothes were just the icing on the cake. To hide my femininity I tried various male pursuits. Was never happy doing that. I could always relate better to girls or women. I guess for a short profile of me 'thats how I know'.

[melissaK]

There's no litmus test. Opinions differ. The idea transsexuals "just know" or "have always known" suggests it is a bright line. For some TS it is so. They always knew and it burns so fiercly in them that by their late teens they are living in their non natal gender role despite all the wrath an intolerant world can assault them with. You hear their stories and it seems a CD is nothing like a TS.

But many professionals in the field of treating gender troubled people report this line is in fact very blurry, and in many m-t-f's at least, the idea of wanting to live as other than their natal birth gets stronger with time, and can become all consuming later in life.

You can read such accounts at Anne Vitale's web site, or Carl Bushong's site. Parapharasing Carl's writings, he posits that all CDers are TS's, it's just degrees of their self acceptance of their mental identity vs denial of their identity. Society sends a message early on that it will not accept you acting in a role other than your natal birth gender and most TS children develop natal gender personalities to get by. He claims you can be happy by realizing this, and then what you do about it is up to you. Perhaps he is right, perhaps not. (this is probably the same thing ZenFrost said but in 3x the words)

So, back to your question, how do you know? You ask yourself and listen for the honest reply.

hugs,
'lissa

[Melinda]

Right now I'm really frightened. I don't want to be transsexual! It's just too damn hard.

I started on a 2 mg dose of estrogen about 6 months ago, didn't feel any different and was planning to ask my Dr to increase the dose. Then I had a skiing accident and tore my ACL. I got scared and stopped taking the estrogen.

It was nice to let worry over my knee push my gender questioning feelings aside for a while. I thought, "maybe these feelings that I want to be a woman weren't so profound after all." But now, with my knee surgery over and rehab proceeding very well, they are back and stronger than ever.

I seem to be thinking about it every minute of every day. I don't want to try to pass as a woman and have never really tried. I want to BE a woman, soft and feminine. I don't even care if everyone else continues to think I'm male as long as my body starts to match the way I want/need to be...

The problem is I'm so terrified of the cost. I have a wife whom I love dearly that can't handle the thought of me crossdressing even less transitioning and a young son who is the whole world to me. I know if I follow this path that they'll still be in my life but it won't be the same. At the very least my wife's feelings of betrayal and fear would cause untold problems with my relationship with my son. I'd have to leave my home and leave him with her and her grief and I can't bear to do that to either of them.

Which is worse, trying to continue to fit in as a man and not let these thoughts control my life or losing the people that mean more to me than life itself? A real man would put his family first and hide his pain but trying to describe myself as a "real man" has always made me feel like I'm lying and guaranteed to get caught. I looked to this quote from melissaK for guidance:


There's no litmus test. ...

So, back to your question, how do you know? You ask yourself and listen for the honest reply.

hugs,
'lissa

The problem, of course, is that I've been lying to everyone for so long that I wouldn't recognize an honest reply even if I was able to give one. I have lots of great feel-good answers that I give to everyone from my therapist to myself and I don't know if any of them is true.

What I do know is that I've felt uncomfortable in general, hated looking at my face in a mirror and wished over and over to be female from the onset of puberty but can't really say I know I am female. I just know something is wrong and these feelings keep growing and growing...

Fortunately the rest of my life is wonderful so I have lots of quality distractions but I sure wish all this information and community and support had been available 30 years ago when my Mom caught me dressed up in her bra and panties.

For now I'm going to keep concentrating on anything else (gee thats working well as I sit here at work wearing a panties and a bra writing this instead of working) and try not to embarrass and horrify everyone who cares about me.

Peace

[Kaitlyn Michele]

This thread is talking to exactly where i am right now..

i'm 45...i'm divorced (because of cd'ing)...2 girls, 11 and 14

i've always thought of myself as a crossdressing guy...i've really enjoyed my dressing and i'll be upfront and say i also fantasized quite often about it..its got its ups and downs as we all know, but i was ok with it

here's the thing..in all of my "fantasies", i have always "been" a woman..i used to lay in bed and close my eyes and will myself into a girl.(that didnt work!!)...i used to think when i grow up, i'll just move out and live as a girl...it was never really body centric but more just about "being"..if that makes any sense. i started to think of facial surgery and hormones and passing..and more and more i was thinking that "I" wanted a life...what does "I" mean??? where did that thought come from ???

"I" means michele...i'm real!! all along this thought of being a girl someday, which i repressed both through dressing up and enjoying myself and by living a hugely macho life, was only getting stronger and now its a 16 ton weight falling on me

anyway.over last 2 years, it has hit me like a tidal wave,
a circular loop of thinking that is only getting louder...i have read vitale's work, and i see a therapist so i am in good hands
but i wanted to say its real...it's me...and frankly, right now..
it sucks

[Alys]

I guess for me it wasn't so much a snap switch of judgment, as more of a natural evolution :3 I grew up in an emo cuddle puddle, so I never was very masculine. I usually crossdressed, but not with the intent of looking like a woman; just that of fitting in with my peers. Fishnets, tight tops, multiple ear-rings and of course eyeliner and nail polish are all part of the emo-boy arsenal~

As for how I knew that I was transgendered, I guess it just came down to who I was able to relate with better; and it turned out to be my girlfriends more than the other emo boys. Gradually I shifted from being "the faggy emo boy in eyeliner and fishnets" to "Alys, the hot emo girl" :3

[Nikki K]

Hey Amanda, that is so true.
I hate being with "the guys" when they're bashing the wives, or women in general, I've always hated rough-and-tumble, contact sports, actually most sports, chugging beers down the pub, etc.
I've come to realise that actually my physical body is the lie; not my feminine feelings and attitude.
The clothing makes me feel 'right'; as does everything else I do to my physical appearance. I don't dress for the excitement or thrill; I dress because I feel nice when properly dressed.
As a man I simply can't look at myself in the mirror; I never have, it's always felt wrong, that the person looking back it me isn't me.

Hugs,

Nikki

[AmandaM]

If I knew what I knew now, I might attempt transition. The cost is too high with family, etc. Maybe when my kids are grown. For now though, there's always Prozac!

[Nikki K]

Avoid the Prozac!
I've been on anti-depressants for over 10 years and I'm desperate to get off them. (I'm currently in therapy with that goal in mind).
ADs simply compress you emotions; you no longer feel sad and depressed, that's true, but neither do you feel happy, ecstatic, elated, joyous, good to be alive. They are an acceptable coping strategy to keep you from suicide but are not a long term solution. I'm only now beginning to realise that most of my current state-of-mind and depression is caused by the enormous guilt I have by not telling my fantastic SO. She is completely in the dark.
I'm not sure what your situation is like but I would strongly encourage finding a good therapist (mine's GG with an awesome attitude) and to talk about your issues. I spent 10 years convinced that I just needed a pill to feel better; oh how wrong I was.
I outed myself to my therapist last Friday and I simply can't wait for tonight's session.

Hugs,

Nikki

[ann stef]

When you start thinking like a female. When you converse with females and agree with their views. When you show caring for problems that females may have. Showing interest in the finer things of life that ladies enjoy. Disliking pugalistic sports. Finding wars disgusting.

I personally hate TV shows with women getting raped or killed. Why don't they have big brawny males getting smashed to a pulp. At my age now, I wouldn't have SRS, but still think like a female and find it more relaxing than thinking like a male.

[Makncheese]

How do you know?

(I've erased and typed this at least ten times)

I don't know how I know. I just am.

Some things that are so elemental to our being aren't knowable in the rational sense. It is a feeling. I believe feelings are deep down fundamenal truths for humans; the language of the soul.

Do you know why you like a certain color?
Do you know why your favorite music makes you cry?
How do you know what love is?
Ever have the sensation of waking up before your alarm clock goes off, not knowing why?

Its just a feeling, isn't it. A feeling.

So...I don't know. I just am.

[Mydia]

Like so many others, I've just known my whole life.


Hey Amanda, that is so true.
I hate being with "the guys" when they're bashing the wives, or women in general, I've always hated rough-and-tumble, contact sports, actually most sports, chugging beers down the pub, etc.
I've come to realise that actually my physical body is the lie; not my feminine feelings and attitude.
The clothing makes me feel 'right'; as does everything else I do to my physical appearance. I don't dress for the excitement or thrill; I dress because I feel nice when properly dressed.
As a man I simply can't look at myself in the mirror; I never have, it's always felt wrong, that the person looking back it me isn't me.

Hugs,

Nikki

That is EXACTLY how I feel. Even as young as my kindergarten years I had always known that I was different from the other other kids. I hated and still hate any and all sports and I can't stand macho "man's man" kind of guys. One of the things I hate most in this world is men who mistreat/abuse women in any way; physically, mentally or emotionally.

When I was in grade school I was always the one getting picked on by the guys because I didn't participate in gym class and I stuck up for the girls when the guys were being mean to them.

I can't stand to look in the mirror and see a guy looking back at me either. Quite honestly it makes me cry sometimes, because like you said, the person staring back is not me. Mydia is me. That is who I am inside, and who I always have been and always will be.

When I have my "dress-up time", I actually feel somewhat content with myself. Even though I still know in the back of my mind that physically I am not a "real" girl, it makes me really happy to be able to look in the mirror and see Mydia staring back at me. Those are the only real times when I can truly say that I am comfortable with myself. Even though it must end sometime, at least for that time being I can say that I was happy. I especially love taking pictures each and every time, because it immortalizes those moments forever.

More than anything I love dress-up time with my girlfriend. It's so much fun, how we can joke around and dress each other up in the cutest things, and then take couple pictures together. This is my favorite kind of time to spend with her, not just because it's fun, not just because of the memories we create... but because then not only does she love me, but I can say that I love myself too. :3

[Makncheese]

This is just a comment regarding stereotypical narratives in the trans community...(and not anyone here in particular).

To the original poster, I would NOT reach any conclusions about yourself by comparing your personal history to others. Whether you loved playing with barbie or GI Joe, or whether you liked sports or not; those behaviors are irrelevant. Many ciswomen LOVE "rough and tumble"sports, they drive fast cars, they HATE children, they don't like makeup, they hate dresses and so on.

In other words, you can be very much a woman without having any of the stereotypical behavior in your history.

But it seems to be very common in the MtF trans community that we need to have some kind of feminine behavior in childhood that provides a marker for GID. Its very common to want to latch on to some specific indicator that you could show the world because that would provide some external validity to your identity. "I used to hate (insert stereotypical boy behavior), and I used to love (insert typical girl behavior).

But, in the end, your gender identity is really something thats there already. Its a question thats already been answered. You just have to know it.

[deja true]

This is just a comment regarding stereotypical narratives in the trans community...(and not anyone here in particular).

To the original poster, I would NOT reach any conclusions about yourself by comparing your personal history to others. Whether you loved playing with barbie or GI Joe, or whether you liked sports or not; those behaviors are irrelevant. Many ciswomen LOVE "rough and tumble"sports, they drive fast cars, they HATE children, they don't like makeup, they hate dresses and so on.


You said it, darlin'! This kind of thing was exactly what was running around in my head when I was reading many of the previous posts. Girls like rough stuff, too. In fact, as a man, I couldn't even be drawn to the completely fussy, high-maintenance woman that so many think they wanna be. I admire greatly women that can change tires without whining, that can spend a week in the woods without worrying about breaking a nail, that can enjoy getting splattered with paint when painting the garage, and then jump in the shower and into the closet emerging as the ultimate dancin' queen on a Saturday night.

Our stereotypical, blindered vision of what real women really are is as much a fantasy as the idea that big corporations really have our well-being in mind when they try to sell us all that consumer crap.

It's also important to keep in mind that the overall population of women also harbors killers, fraudsters, abusive mothers and wives, alcoholics and whatever other socio-pathological type you can think of, even rapists.

Stop trying to emulate a "type". Just be the very best person that you can be. Your best characteristics, male and female, should be encouraged to grow within you (even if it is model railroading!). Personhood is the goal, not ultimate femininity or ultimate masculinity.

[Ásfríðr]

its hard to say, i always assumed that CDing was inherently bound to the idea of being female internally and trying to externalise it. thats what it was for me, i loved wearing eyeliner when i first started using it because suddenly i could see myself through my face more clearly. i was constantly confused for a girl when i was growing up, and i LOVED it. i'd act embarrassed, but i'd be thinking "whats wrong with being a girl?" being referred to as 'she' hit this little spot, near the one that buzzes when you're in love or about to cry at something pathetically soppy. it made sense to me, even if i was unable to rationalise and verbalise it in anything but an innocently childish way... eep! digressing.... reading what others have written here, i can understand the idea of feeling feminine in girls clothing and enjoying that part of your sexuality but i think it's the difference between having that female sexual energy as part of your makeup and a constant 'out of body', 'this isn't what i want' feeling.
God that sounds so depressing! its not meant to be, (hope it makes some sense to you) comfort is knowing yerself methinks
xx

[AmandaM]

Let me add that I am always trying to hang around women at work. My wife's friends are my friends. I am always interested in them and their lives. I guess that's why one of them called me "mister sister". I have like one guy friend. And I can only sometimes just tolerate him.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i have met many cd's and many ts girls and in between..hehe.

the thing i would add is that is absolutely up to you in the end...i have learned alot over the last 6 months as i've considered this question, and one thing that i can clearly see is that the narrative's of each person are varied and unique...

i beleive our gender identity is much more varied than male and female... to say simply..i am ts is fine but i think that just means that you are WAY over to the F side. I think there is NO BRIGHT LINE and your circumstances and internal clock will dictate how you handle your feelings i think many crossdressers could easily be candidates for transition but all the baggage becomes too much...


Also as we grow up, our coping mechanisms are all different...this is tough stuff.. if you are feminine in looks, then maybe you are more open to your needs from the start..
if you are sexually aroused by your dressing maybe you are a crossdresser but maybe you are dealing with your anxiety (and your physical inability to be a woman) by fantasizing about it... maybe you wear panties all day...

if you are really wondering, then there are many resources, but i can give you one clue that seems to be pretty consistent...wait for the bell to go off...sounds crazy but time after time girls talk to me about their stories and i hear how they became suddenly overwhelmed with needs (this is how i feel) and all the wonderign and questioning stops mattering...you dont stop wondering you just feel like NOTHING ELSE matters, and the wondering and questioning for me has taken on a more desperate tone... i have a real successful life but on whose terms??? not mine..thats for sure!!

if you feel this way, you should get all the info you can and seriously consider springing for a therapist with expertise in these matters.. i know a couple girls who really messed up their lives by doing too much too fast and if they had thought ahead it would have worked out much better for them

take care

michele

[DianaGomez]

Well heres a question for all the board shrinks. (LOL) I know I am a man, my body and brain (training) tell me so. However, I would LOVE to be a woman. I want a womans body, face, smell, to be able to wear womens clothes 24/7, to be viewed as one, accepted by women as one of their own, to be seen to be one by men, etc etc. But I am aware I am a man. I dont feel as if there is a woman trapped inside me, but I would desperately love to be a woman. What am I?

[noeleena]

hi... Because we are not all the same what happens to one can we say we are the same .no am i a cd. no i am a transfemale or now a women well i allways was a women i knew about age 10 . i did not talk about it how could i . i did not know what to say or ask i just knew i was not like the boys oh my body looked like a boy yet..... was i . no i was female in side .. not till i was 50 could i come out then 5 years later i came out as a women . i live as a women i am accepted as one i am involved with womens groups & hey accepted . i am as close as i will ever look as a female as to who i am now . yea i am both male & female ...&... yes i am really happy about all of this so for me i am just me .....yea..... i am 60 so where do i go from here . as a women . because i am well known.. for them i am just accepted for ...who... i am.. so i know we can be accepted it just takes time . all my legel papers are done & yes s r s as well so it has all worked for me its a long road its not all easy yet we can get there ...noeleena...

[christinac]

I have always known that I'm a woman at heart, but was to much of a coward to even take a baby step out until just a few short weeks ago. Now I look forward to moving to a CD/TG friendly city somewhere where I can go Fem 24-7. Where I live now is still largely a "redneck" city and to make matters even worse, I'm boarding in the home of an evangelical Christian so I have to stay top secret and under the radar at all times or I won't have a roof over head. Makes life a living HELL.
Anyway, back to the topic, only you really know who you are in heart. Make sure your decisions are based on who that heart is and not on what others think. If you're fully woman than don't shut her up.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Diana

how many men do you know that would "love" to be a woman?

this is only my opinion..(shared by many others) --i think the whole woman trapped in a mans body is a common experience for many ts women, but not the only one...and it makes sense that the public generally hears that story..recently an LA Times sportswriter named mike penner went into transition to Christine and he wrote a wonderful letter that expressed what i see as another very common ts story..

have you ever considered that you're "desire" to be a woman is really you're very repressed knowledge that you "are" a woman

i'm no shrink but i have suffered for many years with the exact confusion you describe. when you watch a love story, who are you in the story?? when you see an erotic picture, how do project yourself into it? these things are brain only...for me? i was always the girl...always..it never occured to me that my fantasy of being a woman was an expression of how i truly am

i think there are a large component of tg people who could be just as happy as a woman or as a man...

for me over the years it has changed to something that is more and more important, almost as if i can't do anything else but start to express myself as a woman... i have talked to many girls about this feeling and its quite common, and Mike/Christine expresses it as a "need" and i would agree

now this is all highly personal and you have to decide for yourself...i hope you can figure it all out..i certainly havent
and if you are not feeling that need..then you probably have time to consider what you really are in your own mind

[DianaGomez]

Diana

how many men do you know that would "love" to be a woman?

this is only my opinion..(shared by many others) --i think the whole woman trapped in a mans body is a common experience for many ts women, but not the only one...and it makes sense that the public generally hears that story..recently an LA Times sportswriter named mike penner went into transition to Christine and he wrote a wonderful letter that expressed what i see as another very common ts story..

have you ever considered that you're "desire" to be a woman is really you're very repressed knowledge that you "are" a woman

i'm no shrink but i have suffered for many years with the exact confusion you describe. when you watch a love story, who are you in the story?? when you see an erotic picture, how do project yourself into it? these things are brain only...for me? i was always the girl...always..it never occured to me that my fantasy of being a woman was an expression of how i truly am

i think there are a large component of tg people who could be just as happy as a woman or as a man...

for me over the years it has changed to something that is more and more important, almost as if i can't do anything else but start to express myself as a woman... i have talked to many girls about this feeling and its quite common, and Mike/Christine expresses it as a "need" and i would agree

now this is all highly personal and you have to decide for yourself...i hope you can figure it all out..i certainly havent
and if you are not feeling that need..then you probably have time to consider what you really are in your own mind
Wow. Thanks a lot. I hadnt thought about that. The men I know all cringe at the very idea of being a woman! Thats quite right! And as to having SRS, they'd rather die than have "that" removed!!!! You are just like me. I love thinking Im the woman in the movie etc etc. Its just that all one hears and normally reads about around here is the typical "I always knew I was a girl trapped in a boy's body and I hate my male body etc." I dont hate my male body, its quite comfortable! But I would love so very very very very much more to have a female body! Am I too crazy? Not even on estrogen yet! Hahahaha

[Suzy Harrison]

Well I'm pretty confused these days too. I never really felt or acted like many other males. I was never interested in sports or many other 'male' things - but I appreciate there are many 'normal' males who would say the same about that too.

The thing that strikes me is that I can give a training lecture for 3 hours to 20 female nurses and feel very comfortable with them. But when I try to train just 3 male technicians for 10 minutes I feel out of place and have that horrible feeling that they can see into my feminine side which I'm trying to hide from them.

I usually work with females and feel envious of their life.

[DanaR]

I've always felt like a girl, like being with and playing with girls my whole life. It isn't a sexual thing, but I really enjoy female company and have always felt more at ease with them opposed to with males. My interactions with males seemed more forced to be able to fit in.

Being able to dress like a girl makes me feel right.

[Sarah...]

For me, when you've discovered that something feels right then you have moved into the realms of knowing what or who you are. When things don't feel right then you don't know yet, so wait a while, talk with someone and see what happens. I know it sounds a bit vague and I know we are all different but that works for me and I get closer and closer to the real me all the time. This journey, for me, has taken me to crossdressing and is now leading me into other realms that are just as exciting in their own way. With my SO I'm discovering what is right by going where it feels right for both of us.

For example, as mentioned in an earlier post, I have discovered that chatting with the girls at work feels right - so I'll keep doing it cos it's fun and allows me to be me. What was wrong before was forcing myself not to chat with the girls because I felt that as a person of male appearance I was not expected to enjoy and contribute to a girly chat session. I have no idea from this whether I should label myself CD or TG or anything else but I do know that life is now more fun, more fulfilling and more sensuous than ever before and getting better every day.

I'm not sure I know what thinking like a woman or thinking like a man is, I just think the way I think.

Do you see what I mean? I'm not sure it helps with the original question but I guess I'm saying I'm enjoying the journey and will be happy wherever that takes me and my darling SO.

Hugs

Sarah...

[LovelyRita]

Diana, i am right along your way of thinking. I have always thought my life would have run a more natural course if I was female. I havent always known I am female but wanted to be one. And the desire is getting stronger by the day.
And my question is... would the transition be worth the change in relationships within my family. I am 36 and married. I am not sure if my marriage would survive and even if it did growing up in Alabama I know my in-laws would not accept it without ridicule. And in my own family if I came out it would be the last time I would see my step-father. My mom and sister would accept it (not easily) and my relationship with my brother would even be in question.
So if I decided to transition I would just about be alone in it. Witness protection program comes to mind.:sad:

[noeleena]

hi... as i said i am 60. a lot of what you all are saying is true . its how we deal with it all when i came out at 50 i was not sure if i would lose jos & our kid.s . i still could .our 2 nd son is not accepting. our girl just gets on with life our first son has found it hard as well yet i still see them all . jos well she lost her man her husband... not that i was . not really so our kids lost there father the ... head ...of the house . yea right . i know i am both male & female & i am happy about this its just who i am so no problems there i know i live as a women now yet i am not just a man or a women i am in the middlle oh well thats me.do we know yes i did at about 10 years of age i did not tell any one till i told jos 11 years ago.
i could not tell any one i did not know what to say then how could . i as a women now yea its neat . heres a point as a women i can not have.... my own baby .... most men would not want to . so whats going on here would i as a male no way ....this is one of the hardest things for me not to be able to ...here we go. after we jos & i had our kids jos said will you have a op so we dont have any more kids . yea . did that .. 3 years later jos said can we have another try. yea did that again we thought it would work it did . we had a miscarage that ...was very hard.. after some time jos looked at me & said you can have the next one . i said ..yes i will ... thats what its means to be a women....thats what it means to me . theres just a small detail ..i dont have a womb ...dejarn is our grand kid shes 5 y 5 m . she is the closest ill ever get to having my own child so thats what its like for me as a women . i may be strange . oh well thats me....theres more to us than most people think. we are not all the same in how we do things or see things . yet in all of this we can help each other ...i hope you can see where i am coming from ...noeleena...

[Diane CDN]

Read the theory on autogynephillia ...Always good for a snicker :)



http://www.tsroadmap.com/info/autogynephilia.html

[helenr]

great topic. I think there are limitless points in between a person who essentially gets 'release' from dressing up -and that can be a full range of definitions-and those who are so desperately unhappy they indulge in some sort of self mutilation.
I think transgendered maybe is a better term for many of us who always wanted to be girls,have never been attracted to guy stuff-it makes me nauseous to see men boxing,etc-, hate guns,etc. Yet, I am required to remain in male outward appearance. I have always crossdressed and will probably have nylon panties on when I am cremated. I wish I could have some surgery, but at my age (61) and with my looks-and my situation- I personally rule out SRS. Those who are pushing 70 and want surgery, please don't be annoyed at my age comments.
I compromise by taking anti androgens so I am not pestered by sexual urges,etc. I have developed some tubular breasts as a result and I have mixed feelings about my girls, but that is off the topic.
Medications are something you shouldn't take lightly, but I think it is a good idea to 'visit the place you want to reside' before you make a huge investment-physically and financially. helenr

[carolinoakland]

This is exactly what I'm addressing right now, and I am seeing a gender therapist. I've been coming to grips with the acts of diversion that I've done out of self preservation. I've used semantics to avoid saying the words that I need to admit. I've told myself that I didn't hate my male body, or so I thought, I realized that I've always been dissatified with my male body. And I told myself that it was just the weight issue, but it's more than that now. I've been telling myself it's the weight, but it's not that, I've never been happy with the body I see in the mirror. I heard a statement lately that really makes me understand what I've done to myself, I've mislead myself, and that it's going to feel uncomfortable for awhile, because I've had a whole life to mislead myself. Now, It's time to be true to the one inside, she's been patient enough.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Carol

Welcome to the club!! of course i do think of that line about not wanting to be in any club that would accept me!!! lol

you are so not alone...

:hugs:
michele

[Empress Lainie]

Nikki Mydia, me the same way. I wouldn't associate with the boys even in the sixth grade when we were forcibly segregated, so much that a social worker was sent to my house to talk to my parents and tell me to make one friend among the boys (or else?). So I did, but really didn't like him much.


EDITED FOR RESPONSE TO SOME AGE COMMENTS AFTER THIS:

I did not realize I was actually a female inside this body until 72yrs. I have been fulltime transexual woman ever since, and would have srs now if I could afford to.
And that is regardless of my diabetes from 1985, 5way bypass surgery, and fulltime pacemaker. I am in excellent health and have no obvious disabilities anymore. So no age is too late just for age. Other factors such as family, job, etc. are solid reasons to not transition for those for whom it applies.

[Edyta_C]

I was raised more or less as a girl until my brother was born. He was born blind and my mom felt that that was punishment for fooling with me. So mom and dad force me to cut my hair and dress like a boy. I ran away from home with the girl across the street. She helped me by dressing me in her clothes. The cops were fooled for a while by this as they were looking for a boy and a girl. Boy oh boy did I get it when the police brought us home. I probably would have gone for transitioning years ago, but at my age it ain't gona happen. My wife humors my CDing and I love her so I am what I am. A half and half I guess.

Hugs Edyta

[Nicki B]

Again, please don't say 'only a crossdresser'... :rolleyes:

Some people here seem to want others to give them a label - sorry, but you have to find your own, yourself. TS is perhaps only useful to you if you need (NEED, not think it might be nice) medical intervention - hormones, surgeries, etc.

There are plenty of us with gender dysphoria who do not transition - and there are plenty who do live fulltime, who don't have any surgery. Only you can find out what feels right for you...

[JOANNE]

I lived with GD all my life (only realised in the past few years, what my condition was) and despite the difficulties committed myself to my family until I was widowed 3 years ago. Its too late now to contemplate SRS but I am determined to transition as far as possible without any surgery. I have no body hair from the neck down apart from some around the pubic area and very little on my face which saves a lot on electrolysise. I agree the term " Transgender" covers every one of us and we all have different feelings. Crossdressing has never bothered me although I wear female underclothes and a bra 17/7 Just a nightdress for sleeping.. At home I wear jeans and a top and the occasional dress. I have yet to go out en femme, concentrating on my body changes first.

Joanne

[ann stef]

My SO says that I go into escapeism. That is, I try to get rid of the male feelings and habits that I find disgusting. She notices that I don't agree with many of the male views when in conversation with them. I like the female view of any topic and find them pacifying.

[shirley1]

I think it has a lot to do with where you are in the trans spectrum of things, at either end ie the tv/cd who knows they are male but just gets a kick out of dressing occasionally, to the other end of the spectrum, the true ts that knows from an early age that something is wrong.

Unfortunately for many of us we are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, the trick then is to find just excactly where ?

I have just recently started taking female hormones, and have no idea how far I will go with it at this stage, the thought of having my male bits removed doesnt much appeal to me at the moment, I dont hate them like some do.

But as I am more and more thinking I am ts, it seems right for me to take hormones, with the hope that it will help me phychologically, and help to deal with my GID, or dysphoria which I know I am suffering with quite badly just lately.

Its true, only you know deep down if you are ts or tv, but it takes some of us many years to really find out for sure !

[MarieTS]

Shirley makes a great point about "finding out where you are on the spectrum." Yes, very important and you must accept that this may take a geat deal of time. It's not neccessarily an instant answer. Despite years of feelings, desires, wondering, and experiences, I guess the realization most fully came when I discovered I most wanted to present as a woman when it came to how I want to be seen in a variety of activities. For example, doing errands, appearing at social events, even performing household chores, etc. Yes, even in conducting my relationships with others. Most essentially, I believe, is the need for you to fully believe SHE IS WHO YOU ARE/SHOULD BE, and not simply who you might like to be. So, if you have an honest to goodness answer for all those occaissions than that is probably a pretty good indicator of what gender is the true fit for you. Does that make sense my fellow members?

[valenstein]

I'd wondered why there were so many more MTF's in the world than FTM's and then I read a book on how gender develops in the womb. The default for the human embryo is female; it's the addition of hormones around eight weeks? that cause it to stay on its path or diverge from it. I theorize that this is partially the reason, though I think environment and personal experience plays a part in some cases in how deeply these feelings go. I very well may be transsexual, but it is as much a label to me as calling me male or female. Most times I feel like female is on the left, male is on the right, and I'm driving a test course with traffic cones that make me swerve back and forth between the two.

[Empress Lainie]

I know it is my mom's fault for being born the wrong sex, but I just can't hate her for it, she couldn't help it.

She died June 13, 2002, I died 18 months later Dec 12, 2004.
I wish she was still her to see her beautiful and happy daughter. (tears coming!) that she never knew she had.

People used to tell her what a beautiful girl I was until I was 3 and she cut my hair.

[CaptLex]

I'd wondered why there were so many more MTF's in the world than FTM's
Nope, I don't believe that . . . MtFs get more attention and are therefore more visible, that's all. From what I've seen, the numbers are not that different.

[marie rose]

How do you know if you're transsexual? That's a question I've asked myself many, many times. How does one know? Maybe I'm just a wannabe.

Well I think the answer is in previous posts regarding real men. A real man regardless of physical appearance would NOT want to be female and a real man would much prefer losing an arm or leg or even his life than his genitals. So on that basis alone even though I present to the world as macho male I most definitely am NOT. The personna that I worked so hard and so long to develop was a total fabrication and besides my family the person I deceived most was myself. I used to believe if I only tried harder to be a better man it would come to pass and this battle that has raged within for decades would be over. The lesson of course is, you are who you are and one must come to terms with that simple fact to find inner peace. Appearances can be so deceiving.

[Janetmichelle]

Well I feel the same as most of you. I have always known that something wasn't right. I have put on this act and not been true to how I felt. Going through a few relationships because I wasn't happy with who I was andnot really feeling right hanging outwith "the guys".I have always felt like a bit of a loner.

I am happy to say that I have recently started up a relationship with my high school sweet heart and it has helped. I have always enjoyed dressing femme but being able to be myself has always been hard.

I told her who I was and she is very accepting of me and has even gone shopping with me and even worn some of my cloths. Being able to be myself and having someone who lovesme for me has gone a long was to helping my selfesteem and just my over all mental health.

Thank you,
Jan

I am really looking forward to where my life is now headed.