Have you ever wanted to give up b/c you were not passable?

[tgirlinva]

I am a TS who is desperately in need of passing. I do all the obvious like shaving and applying makeup as best I can. But no matter what I do, I feel like I can't bring out the girl out of me. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a man and it's so frustrating. Sometimes, I feel so depressed that I just want to give up. Perhaps it's because I don't have the help of a support system, but I don't know, I was wondering if any of you have gone through it and how you dealt with it. I know a lot of people want to give up b/c they feel guilt, I don't feel guilt. It's just a matter of not being passable. I know it's shallow, but I can't help it. It's beyond me really.

[Karren H]

Passability is a state of mind.... an attitude.... looks are ok, but a killer additude will tell everyone you belong there dressed as you are....

And never give up... ya are what ya are....

Hell I look like a guy in a dress but that has never stopped me one bit..... and never will...

[StayceeCD]

Now first of all, you can never give up.. This will always come back! It's part of who you are for better or worse.. Thats why it's best to accept it, and embrace it if you can! This takes time though.. If you feel your makeup /wardrobe skills are not pleasing to you then you should try a "transformation service".. There are plenty all over the country and I've used quite a few myself trying to find who I am.. (you can PM me for the best in my opinion) You can watch your transformation, learn and leave with many gorgeous pics.. It is an amazing experience and you will feel much better about yourself.. But be prepared to part with a bit of money. In my opinion well worth it for the makeup tips, gorgeous pics and time en femme! :2c:
Staycee

[Carly D.]

I used to never care about passing because, for one I didn't know what that meant and two I dressed mainly in pantyhose and heels and didn't wear a skirt or dress.. it wasn't until I got a digital camera that I started to even try to pass.. and more to the point I think as far as I am concerned, I think it is a forgery attempt.. anyone can look like a girl wearing pantyhose a skirt and the right angle is chosen for a picture... I'm proof..

[docrobbysherry]

I used to never care about passing because, for one I didn't know what that meant and two I dressed mainly in pantyhose and heels and didn't wear a skirt or dress.. it wasn't until I got a digital camera that I started to even try to pass.. and more to the point I think as far as I am concerned, I think it is a forgery attempt.. anyone can look like a girl wearing pantyhose a skirt and the right angle is chosen for a picture... I'm proof..

I've experienced almost exactly what u have. I fooled around with CDing for years. Something I did it occassionally when I had nothing better to do. Never did more than try on a few things. Like hose and heels. Or a bra with socks in it.

I couldn't get into it, because of the "unattractive man in a dress", in the mirror. Then, I did what Carly did. I CHEATED! Started wearing my faces, and it completely changed my attitude about myself AND CDing. I still can't pass outside, and lots of folks don't approve of my faces.

But, I'm satisfied with my looks. Enough to continue CDing anyway. THat's what u need to do, too. Just keep trying until u can come up with a look that works for u!

After all, the only person u REALLY need to please is yourself. I hope u can do that!

[Sophie Angel]

I know what you mean and for me it comes in cycles. I succeed for a while in convincing myself I could be mistaken for a woman, I feel like a woman, and I dress every evening until reality hits and I stop completely. Then I get on with being a guy as best I can.

[Kate Simmons]

Like Karren said, it's more a mindset than it is appearance, i.e. 95% attitude and 5% appearance. I can be the most gorgeous "knock out" in the world but if I'm not into it, it doesn't work. Being "passable" is just a matter of perspective but enjoying being yourself, now that's the ticket.:)

[Deborah Jane]

Many times, but i don,t think giving up is possible!!
Now i just dress up because i want to and if i think i look passable..Good!!..
If not, well i,m still enjoying my dressing and feeling girly!!:)

[StephanieH]

My advice, go walk around in Wally World for a few hours (in drab) and you'll feel infinitely better about how you look with your makeup and such in place. If the discount stores and malls in your neck of the woods are anything like they are down here, you'll notice a lot of real women who (speaking kindly) would make just about anyone look great. :eek:

I'm not saying this to slam anybody, but nobody's perfect and not all of us look like a super model. Even on a bad day, I'd bet you have a lot of real women beat just because you care enough to try.

Take care and God bless! :D

[Joanne f]

I expect that i am looking at it from a different perspective of it than you are but i would never give it up because i do not pass , i know that i would never pass so i would be much happier knowing what i am and not passing than trying to pass and not be happy with it , for me knowing what i am is more important than the looks , but i know that does not suit most as for them the looks are the most important , it just depends on how you look at things .





joanne :)

[Nikki A.]

I agree, it is a lot of attitude and appearance. Those who stand out are the ones who are dressed out of what is expected (gown in Wallyworld). We may be more atune since we know what to look for and we're all paranoid LOL. If you're dressed for the occassion and are not nervous most people won't even give you a second look no matter how you think you look. There are plenty of non fem looking women out there and no one thinks that they are men. Besides if someone is unsure would they say something and look stupid if it really was a woman.
One Halloween after we went Trick or treating I took the kids to Wendy's. I was dressed, really bad make-up and lousy wig and outfit. We sat and ate another woman was there with her son and after a bit I asked him how Halloween was. After she heard my voice she smiled and said that she was thinking to herself what an ugly woman I was, not even thinking that I was a guy. Even when I dressed at work one Halloween Better make-up and clothes the sales manager was asked a few times that day who's the new girl (some added ugly), one those (husband & wife) people even sat at my desk and talked with me the day before.

[tgirlinva]

I know it's about the attitude and I think I have a rather passable voice and mannerisms. (I was once dumped on a date b/c I was too feminine). Anyways, bottom line is that first impressions matter and I'd like to be one where people don't second guess even for a moment that I am a guy. I mean, it's hard to explain. There are certainly people out there that do it for the thrill of it and don't care about passing, which is fine and I respect that. But for me, I do it b/c I certainly do feel like I am a woman. and it's hard because that doesn't reflect what I see in the mirror.

[Kate Simmons]

I have to add that beauty is really relative and in the eye of the beholder sometimes. When the movie "Congo" came out in 1995, there is one scene in which Amy (the female gorilla) makes the comment (when the electronic translation comes out) that Karen (Laura Linney) was an "ugly woman" because she was jealous and liked Peter herself. I was on the floor laughing with that one.:)

[Nikki A.]

You see your imperfections real and supposed, 95% don't really pay any attention and of them probably 75% don't really care.
Of the 1% that's left who cares, you probably tick off the same percentage if you're in drab.

[Angie G]

I'd never give up and I don't ass well at all. :hugs:
Angie

[Cristi]

Remember also that you have seen YOU (the GUY) in the mirror all of your life. So even with the makeup, wig and everything else, you still see they guy underneath that you expect to see.

You have an automatic prejudice toward seeing the person in the mirror as male, no matter how much you try to cover that image up.

What you need to think about is that that stranger on the street does not have that prejudice. They start with a complete blank slate and no expectations. If they see a face that is presenting as feminine, makeup, jewelry, feminine hair style, their brain is going to tend to almost WANT to see you as female.

Sometimes after I get all dressed and made up, I look at myself in the mirror and try to forget who I am. I try to wipe that slate of expectations clean and just see exactly what is in the mirror. Sometimes I ALMOST succeed in not seeing ME anymore, just the woman in the mirror.

Good luck!

[raleighbelle]

I know how you feel about the desire to pass in public. I have always wanted that so badly. But, like you, I will never be able to pass. I am tall, have a big male pot-belly, a male voice, and certainly a walk that at this age would be very hard to change.

As for giving up though, perhaps I wish I could at times, but the crossdressing (or transgender feelings) is a part of me, just as my nose or voice are. I could try to suppress it (as I did for so many years), but there is no way I can just 'give it up'. Just in the past couple of years I have decided to stop trying to repress it and to instead embrace it, and I am so much happier and more comfortable with myself now.

[christid66]

That's exactly wher I am right now. I don't think that I'll ever be passable and wonder what the point is continuing - especially as it's so difficult to find the time at home to dress. It's really depressing because I so enjoy dressing and want to go out as Christi but I can't ever see it happening

[Amy Hepker]

No, I don;t care as long as I do my best.

[Beth-Lock]

I feel that way. Last time I was out in public, I got read by two women in quick succession, and went home, took it all off and have not been out so publically since. I also read the thread here about kidding onself and taking a reality check. That was also discouraging.
I guess you have good experiences and bad experiences, and some of us are more sensitive than others, in being upset by the negative ones, to the point of changing course.
Of course since then, I showed my woman friend a couple of pictures of me dressed, and she did not recognize me in either. But it may have had to do with her wearing the wrong contact lenses for close-up viewing. I know that there have been times when I have passed, even though outnumbered by times when I did not.
So, I guess that is whatmakes life interesting -- the fact that it can be so confusing.

[annekathleen]

I gave away alot of clothing to a good friend, but I still kept all of my bras and panties, and a few other items. I figured that I'm never going to leave the house while wearing them, and thought that they could go to a better use if I saw my friend ( a female friend ) wearing them.

[SusanMarie]

In a word...NO...this is way to much fun!

[Claire3]

I feel girly whenever im dressed.With or without make-up,wig,etc.Most of the time its how i feel rather than how id pass.Im Claire,smart,casual and sexy:love:

[Sara Jessica]

Passability is a state of mind.... an attitude.... looks are ok, but a killer additude will tell everyone you belong there dressed as you are....

And never give up... ya are what ya are....

Hell I look like a guy in a dress but that has never stopped me one bit..... and never will...

Karen, guy in a dress? Puuulllleeeezzzeee!!! You look terrific in my opinion. And btw, I'm a huge Ducks fan but am pulling for your Penguins to win the greatest trophy in all of sports. And besides, hockey is such a great game for a girl to love :)

And back on topic, what's all this stuff about "passing"??? This is an ideal which cannot be achieved by a vast majority of us so I think this word should be removed from our vocabulary. Blending is a better term. Do your best to blend into whatever public venue you are heading towards and that is half the battle. The other half is just as Karren said...attitude. My goal is to present in such a way that although I may be read, I want people to say "hey, she pulls it off pretty well". I'm not naive to think I am "passing" per se because this implies that EVERYONE thinks you are a gg. However, I am comfortable enough in my presentation that I can give a hoot what anyone thinks if they do happen to read me.

Now this doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to do the absolute best we can. This includes voice and mannerisms. I cannot tell you how often my girl mannerisms have bled into my male persona which I believe validates what I'm trying to do...be true to myself as best as I can short of transition.

So there's my two-cents. No one should give up. We are all special and do the best we can with the cards we are dealt. It's how we play those cards that affects how the outside world perceives us.

[KatrinaAshley]

I don't think I can give it up completely. Being only half passable is what keeps me at home. Even if I had someone with me I'd be too paranoid to enjoy it.

[Sally2005]

Yes. But, then I joined this forum and people told me I looked good. I believe if you practice the good days will eventually outnumber the bad. I think anyone can 'pass' with enough effort. A good shave and foundation helps a lot as does the right wig. Also, giving up 100% seems impossible. It may be possible to go for years, but eventually temptation sets in.

[crusadergirl]

I thought about giving up many times i just never do it. I have to admit i didn't look very good when i first started at all. Even now i don't think i can pass. You will get better as long as you work on your look.

[Beth-Lock]

Julia Anne, maybe you have the right idea, blending, and not giving people an obvious target to stare at and see if you pass. In my case, the second woman in the incident, was one I sort of provoked into staring at me, by looking her in the eye, and sort of quizzically at that. So, what should I have expected.
Anyway, I have just posted a photo of myself today, In the gallery, but not one showing me at my most passible. So, anyway, people can see what I am up against, in trying to get my act together to pass.

[Ladynlingerie]

You will always see the man under the make-up because that is what you are looking for. Try and see the women with the make-up. It sounds cheezy, but it worked and I ventured out for the first time a couple weeks ago. Take a look at some of the real girls and they don't really do a good job looking girlish

[Kelsy]

Passing is not the end all and can be a desire that removes all that is good and fun from being transgendered. I suggest you seek out tran gendered events and or a support group and surround yourself with other girls like us ,that way you can get out and enjoy who you are!!:D If you are clocked and chances are you will be in a group of crossdressers, it doesn't matter. you can toss your hair back put a lil swing in your walk and enjoy!!:battingeyelashes:


be good to yourself enjoy your gift
:hugs: Kelsy

[priscellia]

Hi tegirl.
Dont get disappointed Look carefully at yourself in the mirror and apply plenty of makeup using a panstick as a heavy foundation.
I hope you keep trying as dressing is such fun and very intemate.:thumbsup:
Priscellia

[JoAnnDallas]

A good sister once told me the secret to passing.

1. Dress your age or to blend in.
2. Act like you have been dressing all your life.
3. Act like you belong where you are at.
4. Smile at anyone that looks at you.

That's all it is to it.

[boy2girl31]

I feel the same as you. I recently moved to a new state and I don't know people around here so I don't dress in public (I wish I could get the courage to do it ) but I could never give it up. When I am out I'm me and when I'm inside I become Jen and although I still look like "a guy in a dress" I couldn't feel sexier. I guess it all comes down to how you feel about you.

If you just can't feel better look around on the net you can find wigs with real woman looking face masks attached. They get pricey but if you need them to make you happy it's worth it. Happiness is always worth it but you should be happy about who you are first and foremost.

[Donna Michelle]

I could never be passable. I would love to be, but I know I won't be. I love the clothes, the feeling, the colors. I love pantyhose, bras, panties, nighties and perfume. I would be a woman 24/7 if I could (but my wife would miss the man she married).

I never wanted to give up crossdressing for anything, except when I met my wife. I was afraid she wouldn't accept me, so I hid it from her. I got rid of my clothes. But I missed it and secretly wore HER clothes! Finally, I told her and she bought ME clothes.

If you are comparing yourself with beautiful women and tgirls, remember that there are genetic girls that don't look as good as the beautiful women. What is on the inside is what counts. What's on the outside is just the gift wrap on the gift!

[CD Susan]

A good sister once told me the secret to passing.

1. Dress your age or to blend in.
2. Act like you have been dressing all your life.
3. Act like you belong where you are at.
4. Smile at anyone that looks at you.

That's all it is to it.

I have to agree with JoAnn here. I have lived my life in fear of being outed and have not gone out in public because of this fear. Since joining this site about 6 weeks ago my confidence level has increased enough that I have gone out twice and experienced nothing bad at all. If I did not pass to some individuals it was unknown to me as I did not detect anyone staring at me or recieve any negative comments. I have learned a lot from the members of this site and am grateful for that. If I had not discovered this site I would have been forever stuck in the closet. I feel so fortunate to have found this place as it has given me the confidence to be myself and to stop being concerned about what other people think. I truly feel that I have changed since I discovered my sisters on this site and am a happier person because of it. This passing thing really is a state of mind. We are our own worst critic.

[Raquel June]

I'm going to have to disagree with what a lot of ppl are saying here. Maybe it's just the way it's being said, but the whole, "You just need to have the right attitude to pass" seems a little weird to me. I worry that CDs will get built up by all the nice talk on here then decide they actually do pass then go shopping then someone will say something mean and they'll freak out. Yeah, it's about attitude ... but that attitude means doing your best, being feminine, having fun, and not freaking out if someone gives you a hard time. The attitude is being OK with not passing, and that can be hard.

I think that might be why a lotta girls purge. I used to get a pair of panties or a bra or some pantyhose, whatever. Maybe even a mini shopping spree. Then a few weeks later I'd see myself prancing around in some body shaper and feel like a total imbecile and throw it all away. I've never purged since I started going out and hanging out with CDs now and then. Once you get in the mindset that it's a normal fun thing, you don't really go through as much of a depressing shameful cycle when you don't feel like you pass. You can just pretend that it's not such a serious thing to you (even though it really is -- you kinda gotta lie to yourself).



Perhaps it's because I don't have the help of a support system, but I don't know, I was wondering if any of you have gone through it and how you dealt with it.

Yeah, it's definitely all about a support system. For some people that means getting together and talking. For some people it means going out to a restaurant or shopping. I like going to clubs. If you find a group that has regular GNOs at a friendly club, there's nothing like it. I mean, when you're in a place that has tons of other CDs, and everybody's having fun, and everybody there knows that there are a ton of CDs there but they're cool with it ... well, it's great. Then you can really relax and have fun, and go around asking the cute girls advice on makeup, and where'd you get the clothes, and all that kinda thing. When you're in that type of situation, well, sure everybody wants to look their best, but there's no real pressure that it's the end of the world if you don't pass. And I think being around a bunch of CDs gives you some real perspective. You know, just like you can look at some of them and say, "Oh, I wanna be like her," you can look at other girls and say, "Wow. She's taking this all way too seriously and I don't wanna be a downer like that."

[azalea]

Someone said it's 95% attitude and 5% appearance... well, I'd say a big thing you're missing from that is VOICE. No amount of attitude or the body of a supermodel is going to matter if you sound like a man. I think I look alright as a girl, but my voice is so obviously masculine I'd never be able to pass.

[Suzie S.]

Whether my face and figure could stop a clock or not, I could never give it up. :heehee: I enjoy it way too much to stop! :thumbsup:

[harmony]

"mummy-look-she is a man!"said the about ten year old boy as we were passing on the sidewalk.it hurt momentarily-but i smiled -kept my head high and continued to enter the restaurant i had chosen for that evening where i found a very appriciative audience.

[Renee_B]

Yes, I've wanted to give up because I'm not passable (overweight *sighs*), but then I realize that this is more for me than anything or anyone else. .

[kaseymaekay]

nothing beats a nice pair of large Jay Lo sunnies for a confidence boost.
1 Identity is masked
2 saves 20 minutes doing the eye makeup
3 Always hold your head up high and smile.

[tricia_uktv]

Why does it matter? You are being who you are and who you want to be. You will always be found out even if you transition - so forget about it, enjoy yourself for what you are and be yourself. I think that it is the biggest step we have to take - but we can do it. Good luck, get rid of it, and have fun!

[rian]

Tigirlinva , love

When you dress up and wear these lovely panties ,
and those lovely lengeries dont you feel you are a sexy attractive woman ready to be taken and loved , especially when you shave all , dont you feel it ecxited , happy ,?

This feeling what makes us beautiful women .

I always take photos of my self and I have a muscular body .... sometimesI succeed in these pictures & sometimes no ....who cares

We CDs should always appriciate what GOD offered us .....Its this feeling whch no other person experience it .
Im a woman and I feel it deep in my heart

[Farrah]

Listen hon, beauty comes from within. How you feel about yourself on the inside we shine through on the outside. Keep your head up sweetie!!

[Laura_Stephens]

Crossdressing is not what I "like" to do - it is who I am. Unfortuantely, God did not bless me with very good genes. When dressed, I look like a downgrade from Janet Reno's ugly sister. There is no way on God's Green Earth that I could ever pass. It does make me sad, but I still dress because I am who I am.

[Tomara]

Hi Tgirl , I dont even remotely pass , but I dont let that stop me from enjoying my feminine side as much as I can or want to . I am not worried what someone else thinks about me . There are sometimes when I wish I was passable to enjoy things enfem that I can not at this point in my life , I dont dwell on those feelings . I just enjoy who I am to the fullist extent that I can. Tomara

[bobbie_1048]

Like Karren said, it's more a mindset than it is appearance, i.e. 95% attitude and 5% appearance. I can be the most gorgeous "knock out" in the world but if I'm not into it, it doesn't work. Being "passable" is just a matter of perspective but enjoying being yourself, now that's the ticket.:)


My advice, go walk around in Wally World for a few hours (in drab) and you'll feel infinitely better about how you look with your makeup and such in place. If the discount stores and malls in your neck of the woods are anything like they are down here, you'll notice a lot of real women who (speaking kindly) would make just about anyone look great. :eek:

I'm not saying this to slam anybody, but nobody's perfect and not all of us look like a super model. Even on a bad day, I'd bet you have a lot of real women beat just because you care enough to try.

Take care and God bless! :D

Hi Tgirl. These two quotes contain a world of good advice. Don't give up hope, you'll do just fine. I'm certainly no great beauty, but I've been out and looked a lot better than a lot of gg's Ive seen. Go out and have yourself some fun. :bighug:bobbie

[Jamie M]

I'm sure that not a second goes by that some GG somewhere in the world looks in the mirror and goes , ":eek:Gawd , that's not how i look is it ?!:eek:"

Point is each and everyone of us is our own worst critic and cynic. As has been stated time and time again here , passing is completely a state of mind. if you feel comfortable with what you see and how you feel then you'll just float past everyone on the street without a care in the world and without a second glance. Okay some joe public might be think "damn that's one ugly lady !" but at least they'll be thinking you're a lady :heehee::devil:

[StephaniePA]

Hi Karen,
Nice to see a hockey fan, you knocked off my Flyers and good luck in the Stanley Cup Playoffs at least a Pa team is still in it Go Pens
Stephanie
P.S. Doesnt look good right now but you never know