So many questions

[gintnuh]

The earliest I remember about thinking of being a woman/dressing as a woman was probably around 12. A few times I tried my mothers panties and bra on, then not much more because I felt it was wierd. About 10 years ago I was introduced to the internet and immediatly found crossdressing sights I found the photos wonderfull to look at, and then over years realized the reason why is I have the desire to spend time as a woman. I tried on my wife pantyhose....wow what a feeling, I then grabbed a bra stuffed it and tossed on a sundress...stood in front of the mirror and felt very sexual, very excited, and empowered. I have now found this site, and see how many people in this forum are with the same feelings. So this morning I decided to shave my legs, after starting I got nervious about my wife finding out and only went down to my knees. I also followed the directions about shaving your face very clean, while it was the cleanest I have evry been shaved I guess my beard is ver heavy as I could still see a shadow, I must work on that. after I got out of the shower and was applying lotion to my legs I again felt so sexy, and excited. When I got dressed the feeling of my shaved legs against my pants made me feel so feminine I felt very comfortable. I then left for work early and attempted to look at undies and bras at Walmart...though I felt odd, this is interesting as I have shopped many time for intamate appearl for my wife. I was excited though the thought of a 34C Bra, pantyhose, and a thong had my heart pounding.

So here are questions, how do I start to dress and look like a girl yet keep it a secret from my wife. The lingere I need to purchase will not fit here and that could lead to even bigger problems then my wanting do dress and feel like a woman.

How do I get this beard gone? What do I do about making my face more feminine? Will tucking make it even better? Is there a good excuse why you want to shave your body for your wife?

[JamieDP]

start reading all the posts here hon...i think you'll find many points of view, thoughts, suggestions that will address all of your questions.

[sandra-leigh]

I also followed the directions about shaving your face very clean, while it was the cleanest I have evry been shaved I guess my beard is ver heavy as I could still see a shadow, I must work on that.

My facial hair is not very heavy, but I still have beard shadow (well, more moustache shadow.) When you shave, even with the best blades (manual or electric) the hairs do not get cut off below the skin for more than a small fraction of an inch, so the root of the cut hairs show through pale skin. That's what beard shadow is -- it isn't (inherently) a failure to cut close enough, it's the parts of the hairs you cannot get at.

Some people use chemical removers such as "Neat" or "Nair". Those potentially can dissolve a bit of the hair below skin level, but the effect varies with the brand and the individual. I'm one of the people that they don't work well on, at least not on my face -- and they can give you nasty burns if you leave them on too long or (like I did) foolishly try again too soon "to try to get the rest off". It can be like having an instant sunburn -- and if it happens to you then it will likely be very obvious for at least a day.

Some people get the hair tweazed out, or "threaded" out (similar idea, just a different way of pulling it out). Takes quite a while and can be eye-wateringly painful to get even just one hair done on your upper lip. And chances are strong that it will grow back.

Some people get laser hair removal. The costs add up and its efficiency differs depending on your skin tone. It has to be done in at least 3 phases, so it is a process over a few months. I have seen a few people indicate that laser hair removal is not permanent, that the hair will eventually grow back (but usually much finer, apparently.)

Some people get electrolysis, which is running an electrical current down to the root of each hair to kill it. I understand that the pain level is usually a bit higher than with laser hair removal (which itself is like being snapped with a rubber band), but that the result is more permanent. It is slower than laser hair removal and usually is more expensive than laser removal.

[Angie G]

Shaving is no problem foe me my wife knows I dress I do it in the open at home 5 day a week. Ever consider telling her. And welcome to the family hun enjoy your stay. :hugs:
Angie

[renee k]

The earliest I remember about thinking of being a woman/dressing as a woman was probably around 12. A few times I tried my mothers panties and bra on, then not much more because I felt it was wierd. About 10 years ago I was introduced to the internet and immediatly found crossdressing sights I found the photos wonderfull to look at, and then over years realized the reason why is I have the desire to spend time as a woman. I tried on my wife pantyhose....wow what a feeling, I then grabbed a bra stuffed it and tossed on a sundress...stood in front of the mirror and felt very sexual, very excited, and empowered. I have now found this site, and see how many people in this forum are with the same feelings. So this morning I decided to shave my legs, after starting I got nervious about my wife finding out and only went down to my knees. I also followed the directions about shaving your face very clean, while it was the cleanest I have evry been shaved I guess my beard is ver heavy as I could still see a shadow, I must work on that. after I got out of the shower and was applying lotion to my legs I again felt so sexy, and excited. When I got dressed the feeling of my shaved legs against my pants made me feel so feminine I felt very comfortable. I then left for work early and attempted to look at undies and bras at Walmart...though I felt odd, this is interesting as I have shopped many time for intamate appearl for my wife. I was excited though the thought of a 34C Bra, pantyhose, and a thong had my heart pounding.

So here are questions, how do I start to dress and look like a girl yet keep it a secret from my wife. The lingere I need to purchase will not fit here and that could lead to even bigger problems then my wanting do dress and feel like a woman.

How do I get this beard gone? What do I do about making my face more feminine? Will tucking make it even better? Is there a good excuse why you want to shave your body for your wife?

WHY TRY TO LIE AND CHEAT!!

You'll end up losing your marriage! First off try and talk to your wife. Being sneeky will just foster distrust. She's going to notice the changes in your appearance. Just set her down and start talking. It sounds like you've been trying to,"pull the wool over her eyes" before.

Renee

[Cristi]

The best way to deal with beard shadow isn't really to go after every last hair, or such expensive and drastic solutions as electrolysis (unless you are going 'full time' as a woman).

The best solution is makeup. Even if you aren't into the 'full makeup' idea, just a bit of foundation with powder on top can completely cover your beard shadow for hours. It will probably take a lot of trial and error to find the product/color that works best for you, but if you search you can find lots of makup tips that deal with covering beard shadow online.

re: shaving legs. Just do it. If you can't 'come out' to your wife, just tell her that your legs were getting too hot and the hair was itchy, so on a whim you decided to do something about it.

[gintnuh]

Shaving is no problem foe me my wife knows I dress I do it in the open at home 5 day a week. Ever consider telling her. And welcome to the family hun enjoy your stay. :hugs:
Angie

Sorry about my first post having so many typos. I was out of town for work using my laptop on a public access port, and my boss walked in. In my haste I hit 'send' before spellcheck or even readign what I wrote. That was a poor introduction. It was funny, becasue while I was at Walmart today I noticed a top (well I noticed a few of them)...it looked cute. Turned out my wife went to Walmart today shopping, she came home with that top, not to mention hose, heels, a skirt, and panties. I am jealious..what I wanted to get when I was there.

Anyway back to the subject. At one point I attempted to tell my wife how I felt..sort of. It ended up going a differnt way then I expect. Not that it was bad, but differnt then I expected. We ended up going to a 'toy' store and she purchased a 'toy' that would make her a little more like a man. We used it a couple of times, and she felt unconfortable using it. I think she didn't understand that it wasn't the 'toy' I liked, but more liked being submissive in a womans role. That is strange also I have to attraction to a mans body, but I long to be treated like a girl. (Is that strange?) This leads to me thinking my wife will not understand me wanting to wear a teddy, or garter, hose, and push-up bra. Much less wanting to shave my whole body and wear make-up. Kids involved also.

What was fun about the trip to Walmart, while in the past when walking through the ladies section I have glanced at the clothing and lingerie this is the first time where I really let myself accept the fact that I really want to wear them. The first time where I though about being treated like a lady.
I am not sure where to go from here. It seems as though after allowing myself to try on my wifes clothes I only want to dress like that more. I also don't want to look like the 'man' dressed in 'womans' clothes as I did.
Is there a way to look like a girl when you want, but still look like a guy when you need to. I say this because I just changed careers and hold a very conservative position. I will not keep my job if I end up looking like a girl. Yet this same job gets me out of town all the time, and I would like to spend a night looking like a real girl. All this while hiding it from my wife, and friends, and employer. Is it alright to hide this? am I wrong or insulting people for feeling this way?

[raleighbelle]

My impression is that most men in this situation do keep it from their wives, out of a variety of fears of how she will react. But, though I am not married myself, I think it is very important to tell your wife about it. She is likely to find out sometime anyway, and then will feel betrayed and that you have not been honest with her. And she will be right. You may find she is really into it and it could be a lot of fun. If she is not so excited about it, tell her you will only dress when you are away, or when she is not there, but it is important that you are not hiding it the fact that you do it from her. One thing I would consider is seeing if you can go shopping together - she clearly has similar tastes. The shopping can be for her at first, and perhaps another time can be for both of you. That might be a good opportunity to start to bring up the subject. She might be willing to shop with you even if she isn't willing to dress with you. But if you are married, I think she definitely deserves to know about that part of you and your personality (and she already knows a part of it, so it shouldn't be a total shock to her). By the way, she may be much more accepting of you dressing like a woman than she was in having her take on an alternate sexual role. Make sure she understands that you still want her to dress as a woman too (assuming that is true).

[KarenCDFL]

Welcome to the forums.

I have to agree with the others here that hiding it from your spouse will only end in disaster.

It is a very difficult decision but I think even if she has a negative reaction and that is possible, it would be may times worse if she caught you and thought you were hiding it and deceiving her.

One of the biggest issues is if she finds some of your clothes like panties, her first thought is that you are cheating on her and telling her the truth then just flys out the window.

I told my wife before we married to give her the opportunity to bail. Thankfully she did not and he is very accepting.

And besides, if you two have a very good marriage, no telling how helpful she may be.

I wish you and your wife the best.

[IlovStockings]

I'm in a very similar boat as you. My wife has no idea about my dressing and I don't plan to tell her either. I've dropped little hints here and there just to check her reaction. A few times things were done just because they were "silly". Like the time I wore my wifes thong out to the store after a night of drinking. For her, it was just a goofy thing to do. I really enjoyed it and hinted around how much I liked it. I didn't get the feeling doing it more than once in a blue moon would be okay with her. So, I'm left with keeping it to myself and in all honesty I'm okay with that. If it means keeping my marriage intact, so be it. Its not something I shared with my wife prior to us getting married. I'd feel like I was really dropping a bomb shell on her if I just came out and told her now. I know, she should love me just the same but I don't want to test those waters.

[Alice B]

I was once in the same boat, but decided that being secretive was not the answer. My solution was to do a lot of searching on the net about cross dressing, what it means, why I wanted to do it and how it is not an indication that I was gay or wanted to change who I really am. I printed out all materials that were on topic as to who I was, etc. I then sat down with my wife, explained that I liked to dress and why. I assured her that I was not gay, had no desire to become a woman, except for dressing once in a while. I then gave her all the material to read and digest. I had a feeling that she already suspected something as there are no real secrets from a wife. After a week we again sat down and talked. We established ground rules and over the past three years she has become more accepting as I've proven that what I said was true. We have talked more about my dressing and why and she is giving me more freedom, such as allowing me to dress when she is home. This is all new, but wonderful.

The point of this long post is that hiding who and what you are is not good. Your wife will feel cheated and lied to because she will notice and find out. Be open and honest and you will find that things will go more smoothly than you thought. If she proves to be dead against your dressing you will at least know for sure where things stand and can then deal with it based upon fact and not unproven and false assumptions. Good luck.:hugs:

[Amy Hepker]

When most of us started dressing we were very young and thought we were the only ones doing it and that it was wrong as that is what we were programmed to think. But the truth is we are not alone and we are real people too. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gintnuh]

Welcome to the forums.

I have to agree with the others here that hiding it from your spouse will only end in disaster.




Tell her hu....That seems like a hard pill to swallow. So much a stake, children involved, 9 years together, a home, a friend. Seems like a lot to risk. I have read that at times a stressfull situation triggers these feelings. I have just changed careers and this involved 5 month worth the retraining, in this time our finiacial situations have been a struggle maybe this is what has brought the whole dressing thing to a head. My question is do people find the 'complusion' goes away when the stress leaves, or is it now out inthe open and will stick with me?
I started thinking about how many times I have dressed, and I do remember about 12 years ago I did dress for a costume party. Though it was not all just in fun for me, I did take it seriously. I wanted to look like a woman, I pulled off a very trashy woman, fishnet stockings, short skirt, nice real looking breasts, low cut blouse, full make up, hairstyle, high heels, painted nails, toe nails, shaved legs, I went all out. At the time my girlfriend was the same size as me so I had a whole closet, I also remember not wanting to be the one to come up with the idea...so I let her come up with it after some leading. I passed that night when we were getting party supplies, guys were lookng at me, and even some one who had seen me quite a bit before gave me a double take then was standing in line behind me checking me out, only when I said somthing did he know who I was. so this has been an somthing I have explored before.
So today I again shave my thighs, but added my feet, upper chest and hands. I then wore a button up shirt buttoned low, and some silk boxers I have the fabric against my skin feels so comfortable and well...sexy. I do know I want to continue at this point. So is there a way to get my wife to come up with me putting on here undies with it being her idea? Some way to maybe 'play' for a night where I can 'feel' out the situation without risking my whole life as I know it? I don't want to lie to her, but I look at my son and I don't want to break up the family unit for my selfish wants and desires. Also I don't want to loose my wife.

Thanks
Scotty....is that a good girls name?

[Kate Simmons]

It's tough sometimes Scotty. The compulsion as you put it can become an all encompassing desire with a mind of it's own if left unchecked. Many of us struggled with this for years. I was determined to control it and not let it control me. It takes a lot of work but the best way to do it is to really get to know yourself, get in touch with the feelings and be honest. Then you have a better chance of turning it from a compulsion to a conscious choice and this seems to work better for everyone concerned.:)

[gintnuh]

I told my wife before we married to give her the opportunity to bail. Thankfully she did not and he is very accepting.

And besides, if you two have a very good marriage, no telling how helpful she may be.

I wish you and your wife the best.

Thank you for the wish.

In another post you stated that you are a tgirl. Did this happen after you were married? It sounds like yuo hae a wonderfully understanding wife! I could only wish for some one who would accept me without question.

Scotty

[KarenCDFL]

Thank you for the wish.

In another post you stated that you are a tgirl. Did this happen after you were married? It sounds like yuo hae a wonderfully understanding wife! I could only wish for some one who would accept me without question.

Scotty

I have been dressing and wishing I was a girl since I was 2 or 3 years old.

As I learned about myself, crossdressing was enough to make me feel good. With the help of my wife and therapy, I am finally true to myself in my internal feelings.

As for labels, I guess I am a mixture of a few things. I still dress quite often and do live and work as a male but the image I have of myself is that of a female.

Becuse of several personal reasons, I will remain this way for the rest of my life but I am happy with the gender integration I have done.

Honestly it is difficult to explain except that I know this lifestyle of mine works for me.