Are we the weaker sex?

[Emily Anderson]

Considering the number of CD's who live in fear of being caught, or who express great difficulty in discussing crossdressing with their SO's, I'm curious as to how much this fear spills over into other areas of our lives? That is, I have a feeling that a lot of us (including myself when I was married) take the easy way out and accept all kinds of things that we should not, because "at least it's not about having to confront the real issue - crossdressing."

What do you think?

[unclejoann]

I would definitely consider myself "non-confrontive" and often let things pass that I object to or that harm me in some small way. The word "weak" does crop up from time to time when I think about my reactions. Sometimes the word I find is "practical."

Overall, I'm a sissy.

[Deborah Jane]

Who me? :hiding:

[AKAMichelle]

I wouldn't use the word "Weak", but we do avoid confrontation a lot. Many times when my wife and I would fight she would say that she could last much longer than I can. So the withholding of SEX and many things became her weapon of choice.

She got a little bit of a surprise earlier this year when I explained my crossdressing and that I may consider a sex change. That means I won the argument for once. :devil: While I don't think that I will ever go through with the sex change, it was a turning point in my life. I quit cowing down to her and stood up for myself.

That was the moment that divorce became a reality. We are taught that when you get married you work with your partner. Sometimes they try to change or control you and eventually win by playing their head games. Only when they have pushed us into not caring anymore does the old ploys no longer work.

P.S. My wife didn't count on males loosing libido as they age. :devil: As I hit middle age I began looking at life a lot differently. I guess that's why so many marriages fail around that time period.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me I had a fear while out dressing so I would go into places that did not have allot of people, as of last year I do not care what people think so I go out. I do not consider myself as weak however when in fem i find then I am more submissive.

[Kate Simmons]

For myself, I learned fairly quickly (after coming out) that crossdressing was merely the tip of the iceberg. The real issues for me were self acceptance and balance and integration of feelings. As a result, I am no longer afraid or ashamed of my feelings. It requires a certain amount of self empowerment to truely address the deeper issues. Therein may lie the barriers for many as it requires being totally honest with one's self. As Sherlock Holmes would say:"When everything else has been eliminated, what remains is the truth.":)

[Holly]

..."at least it's not about having to confront the real issue - crossdressing."I think your premis is flawed. In most cases, I don't think the real issue is crossdressing. Sal has it right. It's about accepting ourselves, loving ourselves. How can we possibly love others if we can't love ourselves?

As far as how crossdressing inpacts the marriage relationship, time after time, we read that SO's are more deeply hurt at the lies and deciet, not the actual crossdressing itself. Or that their partner obsesses about the crossdressing at the expense of the marriage relationship.

[Emily Anderson]

I think your premis is flawed. In most cases, I don't think the real issue is crossdressing. Sal has it right. It's about accepting ourselves, loving ourselves. How can we possibly love others if we can't love ourselves?

As far as how crossdressing inpacts the marriage relationship, time after time, we read that SO's are more deeply hurt at the lies and deciet, not the actual crossdressing itself. Or that their partner obsesses about the crossdressing at the expense of the marriage relationship.

Ah, but that's exactly my point! I believe that one of the reasons a lot of us cannot accept ourselves and love ourselves is related to the the fact that we crossdress and haven't come terms with it. Hence my post, and the question as to whether it affects other areas of our lives.

[Daintre]

Personally I believe that loving ourselves, and accepting who we are comes first. I found that overcoming the guilt was the major road block in dealing with my self worth.

[docrobbysherry]

I wouldn't use the word "Weak", but we do avoid confrontation a lot. Many times when my wife and I would fight she would say that she could last much longer than I can. So the withholding of SEX and many things became her weapon of choice.

She got a little bit of a surprise earlier this year when I explained my crossdressing and that I may consider a sex change. That means I won the argument for once. :devil: While I don't think that I will ever go through with the sex change, it was a turning point in my life. I quit cowing down to her and stood up for myself.

That was the moment that divorce became a reality. We are taught that when you get married you work with your partner. Sometimes they try to change or control you and eventually win by playing their head games. Only when they have pushed us into not caring anymore does the old ploys no longer work.

P.S. My wife didn't count on males loosing libido as they age. :devil: As I hit middle age I began looking at life a lot differently. I guess that's why so many marriages fail around that time period.

I had a very similar experience in my marriage. I used to let her go on and on, to avoid arguments. Our therapist suggested that I start telling her when she was going too far. I did that. I felt better, but she couldn't handle it. Our marriage ended shortly there after.

I started dressing during the end of my marriage. Did I start because of damage to my self esteem?

Or is my shame/guilt at CDing causing me self esteem problems?

If something were to happen in my life, that restores my confidence, would I stop, or cut back on my CDing then?

I'm not sure of the questions, much less the answers!

[Kate Simmons]

When we finally see we have true value as a person, we begin to see the flaws in the premises of society. Society is made of people, people have flaws. The real trick is to turn it around and get the flaws to work for us. Once we realize our limitations, we can work with that. By working together, we complement one another and can make things better, flaws notwithstanding.:)

[guardian832]

Both Michelle and actually seemed to become more resiliant to the everyday 'crud' in life when we finally came to terms with the existence of eachother.:hugs:

[trannie T]

We are not weak.
For the most part we are a bunch of timid little bunnies.

[linnea]

I am certainly fearful about this issue. I have kept my crossdressing a secret for many years. However, fear about one thing does not necessarily mean that one is fearful about all things. I have no qualms at all about confronting people who litter, telling them that they should dispose of their litter appropriately. I do this to men, women, and children. I also have no fear about interceding in an abuse situation; I might not step between two fighters, but I would call 911, shout and yell to stop the fighting, help in ways that would not accelerate or exacerbate the situation.
Of course, I would do none of these while dressed en femme (except call 911).
Part of my reticence is related to fear of exposure; part is related to practical considerations.
When it comes to hostile--physical or psychological--aggression, I try to remember the dictum: "You don't want to get into a fight with a pig because you both get dirty and the pig likes it."

[Marina]

I feel very different when I look at life en femme. In my normal male life, I'm not bothered with what other people think, I'll confront anything that's wrong and to hell with the concequences - be it my job, friends or whatever. I'm self sufficient, extablished and confident enough to be so. But, before you think I'm some sort of swine, I am sensiteve to other people's feelings, capabilities and opinions, will try to accommodate anyone and will never bully, be nasty or pick on someone.

But the idea of going out en femme is terrifying. I'm 6 foot 3, slim, dress well and could look good at a distance but my height, foot and hand size would expose me and I'm not going to pass. Maybe it's the fear of not having the confidence I normally have that keeps me from venturing out.

I'd dearly love to venture out with others but nowhere near confident enough yet - in total contrast to my male persona. I only had th guts to join this site a few months ago and it's the first place I've ever spilt my personality to anyone so who knows where it might lead.

Maybe we'll all meet one day - it'll be marvellous
Marina