Telling your wife/s.o.

[Rita cd12fr]

So difficult to know what to do for the best (hindsight comes in handy), so maybe settle for some statistics.

Have you told your wife/s.o. about your cd thoughts and actions?

1. Yes - accepted OK (or better)
2. Yes - not accepted but we're still together
3. Yes - not accepted and relationship over
4. No but found out - accepted OK (or better)
5. No but found out - not accepted but we're still together
6. No but found out - not accepted and relationship over
7. No (not yet) - still a secret

In the thread it might also help to know how long the relationship has been going.

[paulaluvssz8]

yes, but not accepted. and we are still together:straightface:

[dawn-sussex]

Hi Rita

Number 2 for me - I told her some 27 years ago, and she doesn't like it, but is ok as long as she is not around.
She's been away this week and I've had a great time, even bought some falsies which are really good. Got them from www.bosomfriends.com and they are as good as they appeared on the website! Maybe one day she'll accept? - I doubt it, but live in hope! Maybe if I do the ironing?!

[RikkiOfLA]

My wife and i actually met on a crossdresser board online. (The board no longer exists). So she knew about me from the beginning.

Blessings,
Rikki

[Margyany]

I took the advice of this forum and told her in the second month of our relationship. It took a while but she finally realized this is part of who I am, things are not going to change and she is accepting that this is a part of our life. That was over 2 years ago and we are getting married this fall. The best thing I did was to be honest,open and TELL her at the beginning.

[suezeq]

wife and i meet online told her before we even meet and all she said was is that all no problems and that was 7years ago

[nikki47]

My wife is ok with it,but she dosen't want it all the time,so compromise is the key.

Nikki

[Tomara]

I have been divorced 2 years ( nothing to do with CDing ) I have never told anyone about my feminine side until I joined these forums . I would love to find a GG to share my life with , and both male and female sides of me .Tomara

[debbeelee1]

Yes, accepted and encouraged. We've been together for 4 years now. I've been dressing en femme for 2. We drive a truck together and for 6 weeks at a time spend 24/7 together, well, maybe 23/7! Most couples couldn't do this!

[Cheryl Anne]

She knows, has known since the second or third phone conversation before even meeting, and is very supportive. We've been together now for over three years, two of that married.

[Cayce]

My wife and I didn't have one of those long, drawn-out conversations about it. It just sort of happened. On several occasions she even said to me that she'd love to see me "dressed". So all I had to do was simply take that ball and run with it lol She's been overwhelmingly supportive and encouraging and regularly suggests or picks out things for me to wear. It's been a great experience thus far and we couldn't be happier!

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

we live as sisters and it's a blast..married 40 years come june

[sissystephanie]

Over 50 years ago I made a marriage proposal to my sweetheart. I also told her that I was a CD! Her response was, "yes, I will marry you and do you go out in public dressed?" When I told her that, "no I did not go out in public dressed because I can't pass," she answered, "I can fix that!" She did and we had almost 50 very happy years together.

I am a very strong advocate of open and honest communication between husband and wife. If you don't have that, you don't have a very good marriage. That also works with SO's. If you love her, tell her. If she loves you, it won't matter!

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, but man underneath!

[MJ]

number 6 for me . my ex could not understand . to her we are sick twisted people .. sadly it's her point of view

[Deborah Jane]

Number 3 for me!!
I told her, she told me i,m weird and she,s not my wife anymore:sad:

[Natalia]

And I'm wearing a lovely knee length new turquoise summer dress...

She told me "Damn...you look cute!":)

[tifftg]

number 6 for me . my ex could not understand . to her we are sick twisted people .. sadly it's her point of view

Number 5 for me, just recently slipped up after more than 20 years together. Holding on by a thread and fearful of becoming a 6.

[mike47]

I told a friend of mine. We hung out for awhile after she found out but now there is just that random call.

[Jackie67]

My wife has known since before we were married and we are going on 20 years. Infact she seems dissapointed if we don't go out together as two girl friends on the weekend at least once. Kids know Too.:heehee:

[Jenny Doolittle]

I am a #2, Told my wife 11 years into our marriage and now have been married comming up on 34 years. I cant say she is totally understanding however we do love each other and are a good pair. Here is hoping for the best! Thanks girls for all the confidence.

[Vivian Best]

I told my wife about 10 years ago. It was rough on her at first in fact I thought she might leave me, however, she has mellowed some in the intervening years. She still doesn't openly accept it's more of toleration.

[Kelsy]

I told my wife before we got married. totally accepting wonderful woman!

:daydreaming:Kelsy

[LindaMarie]

My wife has tried to be understanding but she really wishes I would just wake up one morning and never want to crossdress again. She was slightly accepting when I first told her years ago, but I think I was so relieved that she didn't completely reject me that I took things too quickly. I dressed up too much and she didn't like that at all.

She knows I still want to crossdress and go out, too. While she doesn't understand the dressing, she really hates the idea of me going out.

I keep hoping we'll work something out. There are days I'm hopeful but most of the time, it's a big strain on our marriage.

[kaseymaekay]

Been together 3 years, she has known for 2 and a half, she still only tolerates. We have never been out dressed together, one day maybe.

[Kimberly Kael]

I was open with my wife about what I knew and understood from the very beginning (which wasn't much admittedly, but she knew I liked to underdress and had an outfit or two that I'd wear at home from time to time.) I've tried to be open about my ongoing discoveries along the way as I discover more and more of my feminine leanings. It's extremely hard to express feelings and thoughts I don't understand myself and I know she'd like me to be better at it. I'm doing what I can and hopefully I can learn how to translate my feelings on the subject.

She's been amazing about being supportive and helpful even though I know it's hard for her to understand and accept. I consider myself extremely lucky and will happily keep her involved every step of the way.

[linnea]

I have been divorced 2 years ( nothing to do with CDing ) I have never told anyone about my feminine side until I joined these forums . I would love to find a GG to share my life with , and both male and female sides of me .Tomara

I am in a situation very much like this except that I have remarried without telling my spouse that I crossdress. We have been married for six years (I wish that I had told her before we got married, even if it had changed our marriage plans).

[melisss2u]

Have not told and am pretty sure if found out would be over

[Mary Morgan]

My wife has been incredibly supportive in her own way. We shop toether for everything and anything. She gives me the time and space to be myself. We can talk about it. She only asks that I not dress in front of her. I wish that it were not so, but I will respect her request and hope that she reconsiders someday. I must admit, if she were more willing to spend time with me en femme, I would probably want to be en femme all of the time. It is never enough.

[KarenCDFL]

I told both my first and current wives before we married.

My first wife was ok with it in the beginning but used it as hateful ammunition later. Marriage lasted 5 years too long. The breakup was not because of my dressing but made a good additional excuse to end things. And that was fine by me.

My current wife and I have been married close to 14 years and been together 16. I also told her before we married. She had no idea that people like us existed but she learned all she could and over time became an incredible supporter! What a girl I married!!! And she says the same thing about me!:)

[Angela-Russell]

Told her when we were courting, (took a few beers though). She doesn't like to see me dressed, but has been very helpful over the years, buying things for me, & even made my wedding dress & french maid dress for me. I think she would prefer it if I wasn't a cd'er though, but knows that I couldn't give it up

[jennCD]

I told my wife about my TG history within the first month of joining this site. It was the scariest few minutes of my life. We'd been close friends since high school, tho did not date until many years later... so when I did finally tell her, she's already known me for 26 years... or at least she "thought" she knew me.

Her initial response was the expected "are you gay?", "do you want to be a woman?" line of questioning followed by a few days of awkward silence which she used to work the news out for herself. Once the topic came up again, it was less awkward, and we spoke about it here and there until about a week later, as a token of acceptance, she bought me mascara while we were out shopping.

Over the last year, we've slowly established boundaries (like me not presenting publicly, and her not actually seeing jenn since she has issues with the imagery and all that... even tho I think I've developed an ok look for myself), which in time may be flexible, but do vary depending on regularly scheduled mood shifts (i.e. PMS) LOL and overall it's a wonderful life.

If I had a chance to do it over again, I would have wasted no time,... and done it 10 years ago instead of last summer....

:)
jenn

[CD Susan]

I concealed my cd'ing from my exwife for 15 years before coming out to her. Her reaction was she could not accept it and we divorced because of it. My mistake was not telling her before we married. If I would have the marriage would not have happened and both of us would have had a better life. I want to advise any cd contemplating marriage to tell thier fiance' everything before making the committment of marriage. If you think you can somehow change and not be a cd anymore you are wrong. Also trying to hide this from a spouse is setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and disappointment. Regretfully I have been there and done that.

[tricia_uktv]

Not really any of those. First accepted then not accepted - and we are not together any more leaving me to explore further - YAY

[Phoebie Phoenix]

I truly think she would be ok with it. To give you a bit of insight into our relationship, we are occasional swingers (with some very close friends) - she is totally bisexual, and she helped me discover that I am also (thats a story for another time though ...). We have a couple of gay friends that often dress up for local gay beauty pageants, and she always does their makeup, which she tells me is "great fun".

I just haven't found the guts to tell her yet - I am quite a "mans man" in terms of my lifestyle and what I present to our friends (I own and run my own businesses, am into surfing, kitesurfing, open ocean swimming, I hold a 1st Dan black belt in karate & I am currently learning Brazillian Jiu Jitsu), yet I cry easily over emotional movies and she loves that aspect of me ...

I have resolved in my mind to tell her before we get married, which means I am going to have to find the guts to do so as I plan to ask her to marry me soon ....

xxx

[Sheila M]

My wife accepted and has even encouraged me to explore further. After I told her about it she came out and told me that she has had experiences with other women. She even gave me permission to see other CD/TVs. I never would have thought I would be so lucky.

[gatubela]

For me is number 7, I don't know what would happen if she knew or find out..but sometimes she comments that I have great legs and butt and if she had legs like mine she would be parading down the street.. we'll see some day

[ColleenCD]

Our discussion happened 28 years ago when we were married. She listened but has no desire to see me dressed. She will buy me some things from time to time, and we can talk about my dressing on occasion. But she offers little to no support. We're a 2.

Colleen

[LACD]

[SIZE="4"][/SIZE
I told my wife fully about my CD'ing about 3 years ago. She had suspected something for years but really had no idea how deep my feelings were/are. We had many long tearful talks and now she is very supportive. We shop together and share some things but pretty much each have our own wardrobe. She is my fashion advisor and helps me not to look to frumpy. What I really love about her is that she is totally okay with my dressing. I have not and probably won't come out to the rest of the family, but I am fine with that. We have talke about an outing, but so far that hasn't happened. I would have a lot of work to do. Thanks for letting me ramble. Love to all.