Are you cheating?

[Lanore]

If you know how you feel inside and have to hide it from someone you care for, are you cheating? Maybe you're not with another person, but you are with you. And isn't that like being with someone else? Just a thought.

Lanore

[battybattybats]

I think it's a false comparison.

The arguments as to the morality and ethics of being in the closet or confessing it are very different to that of cheating.

Those who have secret extra-marital sex are especially not contending with a lifelong societal pressure to fit a certain role or to hide something that has been in the past regularly condemned.

it's a very different thing.

[DonnaT]

Not to me, but my wife knows and is tolerant. Yet when she gets upset she still says I'm cheating on her.

[melisss2u]

I dont consider cding cheating. for me the underdressing isnt hurting anyone and no one sees it. and when i travel and bring "missy" along it is only me in the hotel room

[linnea]

I'm not cheating in the sense that cheating is used as a term related to an extra-marital affair. I am lying. I am committing the lie of omission. When I dress en femme, I do so as a matter of self-expression. If my spouse were accepting and supportive, she would find that I do not behave in ways that would be offensive to her or that would suggest that she is not a crucial part of my life. Social pressures, my own inhabitions and insecurities, and other factors play a role in motivating my deception. I choose to deceive her and others whom I love, but I have weighed this out very carefully in terms of the ethics and morality and the potential damage. To use a Benthamist concept: I find that the greatest good for the greatest number would not be achieved by my coming out of the closet.

[docrobbysherry]

Since I don't have an SO, technically, I can't be cheating when I'm with/am Sherry.

But, I may be lying to myself now, and cheating/lying to a future SO. I recently quit dating a very nice GG. We were getting close, but I just couldn't go the next step. Which was to try and sleep with her. And we drifted apart soon after.

I told myself we weren't rite for each other. But, I'm worried that's just an excuse I made up, because I prefer to sleep with Sherry at this point in time.

What will I do if I find a really great GG, who I want to spend my time/life with? Ok, I tell her about my dressing. Yes. But, CAN I tell her how attractive I find Sherry? WILL I be able to tell her? Or, will I end up lying AND cheating on her, with Sherry?

Why the heck didn't I pick model trains for a hobby? It's so much less confusing! Yeah, like I have a choice!:eek:

[victoriamwilliams1]

I don't think that dressing is cheating, Cheating is with another person other the one your married to.

[Jannette H]

Dressing is not cheating and I don't see how it could be. You are not with another woman.

[CD Susan]

No I do not regard cd'ing as cheating. However I think it is important to tell ones wife or SO about the cd issue right from the start. It is not easy or fair to conceal this part of oneself from someone you love or have feelings of deep admiration for. This is not always easy to do but it is important if you want to have an open and honest relationship with someone. Coming out to a loved one is taking a huge risk, they might accept it or they may not. Either way it is the right thing to do for both parties. I am speaking from experience as I waited many years before telling my ex wife about my cd side and that was a mistake. I lost her because of it but should have told her before making the comittment of marriage.

[Ayame]

Its not cheating but its not truthful. I know its hard to tell your partner sometimes but its something you should do. I told my partner and believe me it wasn't easy. She turned out to be very accepting of it so I lucked out. However in my opinion someone should love you for you and you should return that respect.

[JoAnnDallas]

IMHO, I think that a wife/SO who finds out their spouse is a Cder can get the notion that they now have to contend with another woman for your attention. Some may also feel you are cheating on them by being this other woman. This can be a threat to a wife/SO. This was one of my biggest fears after telling the wife. She told me that my fem side did not threaten her and that made me feel a lot better.

[Donna Michelle]

When I did/do not dress as a woman, I am cheating myself out of the enjoyment of crossdressing. When I do dress as a woman, I am cheating my wife out of the time she spends with her husband, but she now has a big sister.

She said she feels like she shares a room and a closet with a big sister and only dates the man she met. While most of my time is spent dressed as a man, I am at work most of that time. Family also wants to spend time with my male side, so I try to do both.

It is difficult to make everyone happy, but if I don't crossdress, I am not happy. My wife said I am MUCH happier since I came out of the closet. Except that some of my family does not accept me anymore, including my own mother. What kind of mother doesn't want her own child to be happy?

As for being truthful, my wife knows I do not volunteer anything. At least not anything that is unfavorable. She has a way of getting people to talk. She forgives a lot, but she doesn't like when people hurt other people's feelings intentionally. She understood why I didn't share my CD secret, though she did admit that all the secrets bothered her more than what the secrets actually were.

[Shelly67]

I don't consider dressing with a partner having no knowledge to be " cheating " . Deceptive definately. Possibly even decietful from the partners point of view if the truth should ever discovered .

[Emily Ann Brown]

From a "male" point of view dressing is not cheating, however (and this is not being condemning, just pointing out that men and women have different value perimeters) it often is seen as cheating by the SOs.

Condemning my previous actions by my own words, honesty is the best policy in a relationship.


Emily Ann

[Vieja]

I certainly do not consider it to be cheating. I do not see the point in telling my wife something that would hurt her simply because there may be some remote moral principle that says "honesty above all and keep no secrets". No, as long as what I do hurts no one and affects only myself and harms not even myself then I say nothing.

Vieja :2c:

[Rita cd12fr]

No I do not regard cd'ing as cheating. However I think it is important to tell ones wife or SO about the cd issue right from the start. It is not easy or fair to conceal this part of oneself from someone you love or have feelings of deep admiration for. This is not always easy to do but it is important if you want to have an open and honest relationship with someone. Coming out to a loved one is taking a huge risk, they might accept it or they may not. Either way it is the right thing to do for both parties. I am speaking from experience as I waited many years before telling my ex wife about my cd side and that was a mistake. I lost her because of it but should have told her before making the comittment of marriage.

Not necessarily so simple. For instance, I've been married 30-odd years and, aside from the very occasional (like once every 5 years or so) trying on of an item of my wife's clothing there was nothing to talk about until about six weeks ago.

I have acquired a pile of stuff in those six weeks and I think it's serious (but who really knows after six weeks?) but I obviously couldn't have told my wife beforehand and now it's at least a bit tricky.

[Shadeauxmarie]

I'm not cheating in the sense that cheating is used as a term related to an extra-marital affair. I am lying. I am committing the lie of omission. When I dress en femme, I do so as a matter of self-expression. If my spouse were accepting and supportive, she would find that I do not behave in ways that would be offensive to her or that would suggest that she is not a crucial part of my life. Social pressures, my own inhabitions and insecurities, and other factors play a role in motivating my deception. I choose to deceive her and others whom I love, but I have weighed this out very carefully in terms of the ethics and morality and the potential damage. To use a Benthamist concept: I find that the greatest good for the greatest number would not be achieved by my coming out of the closet.

What she said.

[annabellesmooth]

ive been crossdressing for many yrs
ive been with my boyfrend 3yrs
when we first met n started txt each other i stated that i like cd,tv and i also dress, then he said he also could were a skirt..
never happend
but when i go over to a freinds place (transexual she gives me confidance and suport, no sex..) and dress up (i shave pluck do the complete makeup,over) when i get back home (im now hair free) im made to feel like ive commited the worst crime an get treated like dirt
an all ive done is do what comes naturly (strip down an femmene up)
some times i feel like that he is trying to supress me an my outlets
advice needed