best way to explain CD's?

[queerunity]

I often find myself in discussions with gay or straight crowds trying to explain why people who are trans are normal and healthy. It seems easier to explain transsexuals who wish to transition as opposed to those who live out their life both ways, ie: drag queens/king, CD's. How do I explain people being CD? The response I always get is, "why do they want to be both? why don't they just become either male or female"

[Kate Simmons]

There is no simple answer to this question. The reasons are various and sundry and depends on the individual person. It's like asking why someone likes the color blue, likes chocolate or fights windmills. It's who they are and they know who they are and what feels right. Unless someone themself has the feeling, it is impossible to describe or explain, you just know.:)

[Holly]

...why don't they just become either male or female"So using this logic we should only have chocolate and vanilla ice cream, Fords or Chevys, etc. There is not a single soul walking the face of the earth that is 100% female or male. Those of us who are transgender have come to understand and enjoy the benefits of both... now please pass the tuti-fruiti ice cream :D.

[Carly D.]

I was thinking of this very thing yesterday and I can't explain it because I don't know why I do it (wear womens clothes).. I like the way the clothing feels but is that the reason?? I like the way high heels look and feel, is that the reason??
I can't explain or justify why I wear this clothing, I don't know why.. I just do like to wear it, I feel good and I seem to think clearer..

[Emily Anderson]

In my humble opinion, it's quite simple. We like wearing female clothes. What is there to explain?

Oh, the fact that it goes against society's "norms". Well, it does, and that's where a lot of people (including myself) have issues, mainly due to the perception of others.

In one of my earlier posts, I tried to compare it to liking strawberries (for example). If society's common perception were that strawberries are for females only, and one of us males decided we like them, we would probably find a way to obtain them and consume them.

[Cayce]

I agree, I don't think that there's a simple or straightforward explanation. And why should there be? Why do I have to justify myself to anyone? I simply enjoy wearing women's clothes and being Cayce as much as I enjoy wearing my boy clothes and being my male self. For me, it's about being in touch with my "whole self" and not denying or repressing any part of my personality.

This is the same sort of problem, or issue, that sometimes appears when one claims bisexuality. I've seen a lot of contentious debate and opinions (to put it nicely) from the straight and gay quarters, i.e. "You're either one or the other, not both!" I say why not? Personally, I'm legitimately attracted to men equally as much as women, so why should I have to deny/repress my feelings for one or the other? I don't understand that mentality.

In the end, we are all who we are and that should always be good enough. Live and let live!

*steps off soapbox*

[JessieB]

The response I always get is, "why do they want to be both? why don't they just become either male or female"Well, for one thing, transitioning to fulltime fem status usually entails some enormous sacrifices and hardships. Not everyone is up for that, and that's okay -- in fact, it's usually the most logical and responsible choice.

For another thing, there's nothing wrong with dual status either. People who ask that sort of question just assume there's a problem, but my attitude is, "Oh yeah? Well, what's so great about your life that you should be telling me how to live?"

[queerunity]

so do most crossdressers identify as genderqueer, trans, or perhaps bigender? or do most identify with their birth sex but also like to tip toe to the other side from time to time or on a regular basis. sorry for all the questions, i just want to be better equipped to answer them.

[Ayame]

I often find myself in discussions with gay or straight crowds trying to explain why people who are trans are normal and healthy. It seems easier to explain transsexuals who wish to transition as opposed to those who live out their life both ways, ie: drag queens/king, CD's. How do I explain people being CD? The response I always get is, "why do they want to be both? why don't they just become either male or female"
You can start off something like, You look like a smart fellow why the hate? Why let the media run your life by air brushed pictures of people your suppose to look like, be different. Look at most successful people, they made their success from doing something original. Ask them why one cross dressing is such a taboo. Let them know that most cross dressers are ok with their sex and plan to stay that way and are straight. Then if they persist with the why don't they choose one, ask them if its normal to choose one. If they say yes, then ask them to define normal. Once they do that bring them back to the start about how they were conforming to the media since most people usually start out saying they are against it when you first mention the media. Right there if they listen or not it doesn't matter you won the conversation. If they try persisting just give them one of those "you got to be kidding me looks with a smirk" because at that point it doesn't really matter what you tell them.

:2c:

[Donna Michelle]

My wife simply mentions pizza toppings. Some people like different toppings. I may want pepperoni one day and extra cheese another day. She may want mushrooms one day and not another. She does not like pepperoni, but that doesn't make it bad.

I can like something she doesn't like and vise versa. Why do I like one thing and not another? Why does anyone? Why does it matter?

[AmandaM]

I just say my brain is half female.

[Donna Michelle]

Only half?

[sissystephanie]

In my humble opinion, it's quite simple. We like wearing female clothes. What is there to explain?

Oh, the fact that it goes against society's "norms". Well, it does, and that's where a lot of people (including myself) have issues, mainly due to the perception of others.

In one of my earlier posts, I tried to compare it to liking strawberries (for example). If society's common perception were that strawberries are for females only, and one of us males decided we like them, we would probably find a way to obtain them and consume them.

Emmily's first paragraph says it all. WE LIKE TO DO IT!! Women wear mens clothing items all the time. Is that being "queer" or weird? Of course not, because society accepts women doing that. Someday maybe society will accept the fact that some men like to wear womens clothing items. Probably not in my lifetime!!:thumbsdn:

I have no desire to be a woman, I just like to dress like one!!!

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, but man underneath!

[Vivian Best]

Oh, if life were only simple! Society and environment teaches us that those with something between their legs are boys and those without something theirs are girls. Also, those with something between their legs don't do what those without do! It is frowned upon, parents go nuts if those with do what those without do! They threaten them with bodily harm and maybe even take them to see a doctor, of sorts, that will correct them to do what those with something between their legs are suppose to do. However, most of the time it doesn't work. Most of those with that want to do what those without do, continue to do it!

You really want to explain why we with want to do what those without do to someone who doesn't? Well, good luck on that one. If you have a good answer for them, please let me know because I've wondered for 60 plus years why I do it. The only thing I really know is that I'm compelled to do it, couldn't stop if I wanted to, enjoy doing it and plan to continue!

[carhill2mn]

"so do most crossdressers identify as genderqueer, trans, or perhaps bigender? or do most identify with their birth sex but also like to tip toe to the other side from time to time or on a regular basis. sorry for all the questions, i just want to be better equipped to answer them."

I think that very few CDs would use the term "genderqueer". "Bigender" seems to be a newer term that some CDs might use. A larger number would probably use the term "transgender" as "trans" generally means "cross" or "crossing" or "spanning".

[tricia_uktv]

We all have different reasons so I just explain mine and it will take too long to go into it now!

[Chrisacd]

As a very young 18 year old crossdresser I am not gay or bi or transgender. I'm a straight male and I love girls they are the most beautiful sexiest thing on this earth. I dress just cause it's fun and get a adrenaline rush everytime I do it. People thought it was wrong when girls started wearing suits, now its not even a big deal. Look at all the metrosexuals there not gay and do alot of the same feminine things we do. Don't try to put a label on everything everyone is different.

[Lucy Bright]

so do most crossdressers identify as genderqueer, trans, or perhaps bigender? or do most identify with their birth sex but also like to tip toe to the other side from time to time or on a regular basis. sorry for all the questions, i just want to be better equipped to answer them.

I'm afraid the answer is probably All the Above. I always think that asking 'Why do people crossdress?' is a question a bit like asking 'Why do people drink?' There are many answers that are going to be true to a greater or lesser extent for different people and perhaps even for the same person at different times: to quench their thirst, to get drunk, as a social activity, because they like the taste of beer, etc etc. Crossdressing is a similarly complex phenomenon.

Kisses,

Lucy

[Melanie R]

I explain that a crossdresser is a person who has a larger proportion of femininity as compared to other men. Many of these men enjoy wearing the clothing of women to express their femininity. The clothing is an outward expression of their inward feelings of femininity.

[kaseymaekay]

"I do, because I am."
Said with an inner glow and smile.

[AmandaM]

Only half?

yeah, the good half!

[Rachel Morley]

It's way too complicated and personal for each individual to try to explain it properly so I usually say : "...um, it's kinda like the male version of how a girl can be a tom-boy". :D

[Annie D]

I'm not sure that I want the straight people to know why I wear female clothing because I don't think that they will ever understand. There are so many reasons and feelings that I have that everytime I dress I experience some new feelings and that may be the very reason that I do it. I think that we all share those same feelings, perhaps on different levels but to some degree we all can relate to one another.

To one another we can explain and we understand. When I try to explain to my wife, she only hears but doesn't truly understand. How I the world could I expect an acquaintance or a stranger to comprehend those feelings?

Sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes naughty, sometimes frail, sometimes empowered, flirty, silly (in a good way), to name a few, but most times at peace about what I have become and quite happy that I am where I am in my life. The only time that I experience depression and sadness is when I cannot experience the multitude of emotions that I have when dressed enfemme.

NUNYA.....None of your business!

[Satrana]

If you are asking for a simplistic answer then as Rachel suggests say something like - women can be tomboys so men can be tomgirls. I am just a man who has a more developed sense of his femininity and unlike other men who are too afraid to express this, I enjoy doing so because it makes me feel like a more complete and rounded person who has more to offer.

I think it is useful to draw the conversation away from the usual preconceptions of homosexuality, kinkiness and sexual perversion and instead use non-alarmist language and ideas like saying you are a tomgirl. Words like transvestite and crossdresser have become stigmatized with negativity so use words to your advantage to gain understanding by not saying anything which will raise their defenses. Your first job is to get them to listen to you and understand that this is not something to be afraid about. Since people don't think tomboyish behavior is abnormal, they will hopefully see the light.

Another tact is to talk about the bravery you must exhibit to confront social taboos. You can them that you can understand how the suffragettes must have felt to take on the "natural" gender order and liberate their gender from a rigid definition of behavior.

You have to approach this like a marketing campaign and sell the concept. If you just say I like to dress in corsets and petticoats and wear 5 inch heels.....they wont take you seriously and they will fall back onto their preconceptions.

[queerunity]

thanks for your interesting and eye opening responses. it has provoked another question in me...

if clothing was 100% gender neutral and women wore mens clothes and some men worse skirts, (females clothes) and it was completely accepted by society, how would that impact the way you feel about dressing? would you just be happy society was accepting of what you wore or would you no longer feel you were crossdressing because all men/women do it, and how would you embrace your fem/masc identity?

[Nikki K]

I'm with you Cayce.

I've been trying, over the last few days, to categorise myself (mainly for the benefit of my therapist when I introduce this subject to her on Friday) and it's difficult. There appears to be a linear spectrum from M-F and absolutely everything in between. I just luv the way I feel when I dress; I also have femme feelings in my regular guys clothing. (Largely through wishing I was wearing something else!)
We are who we are and each of us is an individual. We may share some comment traits but we CD for our own reasons and to express or experience an inner personality in our unique way.

Nikki

[StephanieH]

As for me, and a lot of others I know, this is kinda' just the way I was wired up to begin with. I'm not gay, don't have any real interest in guys sexually. I don't have anything against anyone who does, because hey, I'm wearing panties, so who am I to judge anyone?

Like I explained to my wife, I think the reason I like CD'ing so much is that I've always admired and envied beautiful women, so much so that a part of me has always wanted to be one. It's the old "imitation is the most sincere part of flattery" thing.

The great thing I've learned from this forum is that when it comes to CD guys, there is no way to generally describe this crowd!

Take care and God bless! :D

[Sonia Kiss]

...How do I explain people being CD?...

I'll bite. CDs are attracted to, or identify with, some aspect or aspects of femininity

I used to give people a simpler explanation, and just say that CDs are attracted to femininity This explains, I would say, how they can be "straight." They might love femininity in their partner and also feel compelled to express femininity themselves. People liked that explanation. It made sense to them and helped them put their world in order. But as many of the other replies in this thread point out, there is no one simple answer.

Now two years into my experience with crossdressers, I no longer see it as simple attraction. Sure, there's lots of "I LOVE high heels/short skirts/panty hose..." but also there's "I FEEL so sexy when..." I think there's often an identification thing going on in addition to simple attraction.

Also after blossoming into this gender variant world, I now recognize that "femininity" is not a simple atomic concept, but is richly multifaceted. This is why one CDs form of expression can be completely different from another's. What is femininity? It is MANY things, of course.


The response I always get is, "why do they want to be both? why don't they just become either male or female"

You have to point out to people how naive that question is. It assumes that being female specifies all aspects of femininty. Women express femininty in amazingly diverse ways. Crossdressers do too.

Sonia

[Laurelanne]

I used to worry about all this too then one day a person asked me the burning question Why do you want to be both Male AND female and my reply was:
Do you like ham? do you like cheese? I Like Ham AND cheese. dont you?:devil:

[sissystephanie]

thanks for your interesting and eye opening responses. it has provoked another question in me...

if clothing was 100% gender neutral and women wore mens clothes and some men worse skirts, (females clothes) and it was completely accepted by society, how would that impact the way you feel about dressing? would you just be happy society was accepting of what you wore or would you no longer feel you were crossdressing because all men/women do it, and how would you embrace your fem/masc identity?

Can't speak for all crossdressers, but I for one would be happy that society accepted me the way I am. As I said earlier in this thread, I dress because I like to! Not for any other reason. There may be some fantasies involved at times, but nothing else. I just like the fit, feel, and look of feminine things!!!

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[jenalex]

Now two years into my experience with crossdressers, I no longer see it as simple attraction. Sure, there's lots of "I LOVE high heels/short skirts/panty hose..." but also there's "I FEEL so sexy when..." I think there's often an identification thing going on in addition to simple attraction.

I sometimes try to explain this as "femme" expression (rather than female or feminine).

But then you usually have to try and explain butch/femme as well. No, a lesbian butch is not trying to be a man; she's co-opting male attire to feel powerful and butch, not male. It's about feelings not identity. How do you feel when you wear that skirt? I want those feelings too. But you look dreadful. Possibly, but it's about feelings not fashion; the fat woman at the lingerie party, you probably think she looks dreadful too, but she still wants those feelings. But you're a man. Yes, but I'm femme. So are you gay? ...

Actually I don't much bother trying to explain :battingeyelashes:

[Jenny Doolittle]

It is simple........I dress becasue I like it!

[queerunity]

thanks for your responses, i think the simplest and best answer i have heard in a variety ways from a few of you, is the basic people like chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, not one is right or wrong and why judge someone if they like 1 or 2 flavors? hopefully that made sense but basically why should society set a standard if a man wants to wear a dress or a woman wants to wear something butch?

[jenalex]

thanks for your responses, i think the simplest and best answer i have heard in a variety ways from a few of you, is the basic people like chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, not one is right or wrong and why judge someone if they like 1 or 2 flavors?

that sounds like Bertrand Russell: liking strawberries is neither good nor bad, but someone who likes strawberries has an advantage over someone who doesn't

:)

[MeraLehanga]

Sorry, the replies are going haywire not being distinctively answered. Strange, its all about harmones and ladies here talking about ice-creams and hamburgers to justify this sensitive topic like gender split personality of an indivdual! Funnily enough the right example would have been does Stereo speakers sound better or a mono one? Ahh! Wish it was as simple as that. I was expecting the justifications from the wisdom queen Betty or Salandara. I consider them to be intellects , they are thinkers and offer logical reasoning.

Anyway, One has to keep this in mind that the strong uncontrollable urge to be in female clothing begins when a child is just 3 years old! A divine age, Free from any influence, its a bodily hunger which can not be challenged nor changed, no matter what. Can be forcibly restrained but yet it comes back with strong force. Its ecstacy, its a mystery untold.

[TSchapes]

I'm two, two, two sexes in one!

The best of both worlds.

I am neither, I am androgynous. I am me. Get used to it!

-Tracy

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Like everyone here I just enjoy dressing as a woman, but I still like being a man with a woman, just dressed in nice clothes if possible. Someday I will meet my SO.:battingeyelashes:

[queerunity]

thanks for all your help, there is so much awareness that needs to be done. i met a gay man yesterday who argued with me that trans people should just choose. im like uhh gender is more complicated than just male or female buddy.

[Ruth]

That's interesting that you should meet a gay man who seems to have no insight into transgender issues. It bears out my feeling that we all understand our own slant, more or less, but why other people behave the way they do remains a mystery. And that's why it's hard to explain CDing to a non-CDer.

[DanaR]

It's way too complicated and personal for each individual to try to explain it properly so I usually say : "...um, it's kinda like the male version of how a girl can be a tom-boy". :D

This is a good explanation.

[DeeDeeB]

How would you explain being bi-sexual to someone? With the black/white thinking, shouldn't we all prefer either men or women, but not both? :idontknow:

I'm happy with both of me and act and dress as one or the other depending on my mood and/or circumstances. I also don't try too hard to explain Dee, it's just a part of me that I enjoy.

Dee :fairy1:

[jenny logan]

I have spent a lifetime trying to figure this out. Counseling, abstaining, purging, and going full out to where I could easily pass never got me any closer to the real reason why I so thoroughly enjoy presenting as a woman. I guess the best way to rationalize it is to quote the immortal words of Popeye the Sailor Man, " I am what I am and that's all that I am"

I am transgendered and nothing will change that and quite frankly I don't want to. So, here's to diversity in all its many forms and may those who don't understand cding by calling me unflattering names or insisting I am a pervert can just kiss my girdled and pantied patoot.

Jenny L.

[Kelli Ann]

I think that the one of the reasons I dress up is because I want to become the woman that I can't have. I dress very sexy and before I know it, my dreamgirl is right in front of me in the mirror. VERY EXCITING!!!

[Nadia-Maria]

I think that the one of the reasons I dress up is because I want to become the woman that I can't have. I dress very sexy and before I know it, my dreamgirl is right in front of me in the mirror. VERY EXCITING!!!

Before knowing my present SO, I used to think exactly like you do.
My present SO is even more sexy than I could dream of, and I go on dressing nevertheless !!

Hence, things maybe still more complicated than that, I mean.

Kisses

Nadia