It's over

[MJ]

i should have told her from the start That i sometimes cross-dress back when . she found out and it did not go well ...today 3.5 years later i was served divorce papers ..
the sad part is i relay did love her.
i am sure as cd'r we all love our S.O yet can't tell her our secret ..but we trust our other half with our very life and bank book .
it's over because i kept this hidden .
it's a sad day. for me .
Time to break out the rum :drink:
rant off

[Kari Lynn Franks]

MJ i am sorry that youre going through this .i wish you all the best and i hold up a rum and coke toast to you that better things come in your future if you wanna or need to talk send a note.

[Wendy me]

MJ sorry to hear that............

[Charleen]

Oh, MJ, I don't know what to say except how sorry I am.
Love, hugs and XXXX, Lily

[deja true]

It's a terrible thing to lose a loved one...

But, your son's new thread tells us that you haven't stopped being loved.

And that goes for us, too!

respect & love,

deja

:<3:

[Andrea_girl]

Sorry to here your news MJ

Keep your chin up girl

Time will heal

[Alice B]

I am truly sorry. Having been through divorce I understand the pain involved and the questions about your future it creates. But be assured that it will get far better and you will be far happier. In the interm I'll pour a rum & coke and toast you.:love::drink::drink:

[sandra-leigh]

i should have told her from the start That i sometimes cross-dress back when . she found out and it did not go well ...today 3.5 years later i was served divorce papers ..


I don't think anyone following your story is surprised at the divorce happening eventually... more surprised that the proceedings hadn't been started earlier.

But the timing is a bit suspect. Is it just a coincidence that it happened not too long after your family reunion -- during which, if my memory serves me correctly, she somehow got word of the meeting and arrived and insisted that your under-18 daughter leave with her?

From this distance, and as someone who has quite likely missed some key posts of yours, I have formed the impression that your ex-to-be is unhappy at the prospect that you might be happy. I think I saw a claim of "You ruined my life!" go by recently? Is there a bit of revenge being run out over there? Or am I mis-assessing, and this is just an, "MJ, I've been thinking about the situation, and as I have decided that reconciliation is not possible now, I believe it would be kinder to both of us if we were to let go of the situation and get on with our lives, time to start putting the old phase behind us." ?

What difference does the timing make? The one that crops to mind first has to do with legal custody of your youngest daughter, whom I think you said before is under-age. Another couple of years and that trauma would not have to be run through the court system. What is she offering in that regard? Is she trying for minimal access, "protect" your daughter from you as much as possible, or is she offering "No matter what the differences are between us, you are an important part of your daughter's life, and she should stay with you part of the time" ?

[Danielle Hyatt]

I'm sorry to here that MJ I know its hard.

Plese PM me if you want!!!!!

Your Friend
Dan:D

[TSchapes]

I'm sorry you have had to go through all that. But that is in the past and the future looks a lot better without all that nonsense. Be positive, be strong, we are here for you.

Love, Tracy :hugs:

[JoanFlores]

I am very happy for you, yes happy, now you can be who you want to be, best wishes.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Sorry MJ

I know how you feel. However be aware, partners knowing doesn't always lead to happyness either. I dressed as a child, till my parent divorced when I was 16, I got married at 19, and my feelings to dress returned. I told my (Ex) wife all, she bought me clothes, and although it was never a major part of our relationship, I felt we had something that was really strong, and meaning.

I then slowly found out she had a relationship with my so called friend, had run up debts and stolen money from most of our friends. When the bubble burst, of course it was all my fault, due to my dressing, lost my kids, and havn't spoken to my sons in 20+ years (yeh I was told they weren't mine as well) I was divorced before I was 25.

I spent 7 years in the wilderness recovering, doing my own thing, dressing occationally, but generally I wasn't ready to get close to anyone for a long time, however time heals all (well most things) and I met Raksha nearly 16 years ago now, and they have been the best 16 years of my life and I'm so thankful for the day our paths crossed. She is my world, my life and my rock, I could not live with out her. She means so much to me, and I know she feels the same about me too.

But before you think all in my life mow is a bed of roses and full of glitter and gold. It's been a hard 16 years to, we have struggled to keep our heads above water. Dispite her knowing fully about my dressing from the early part our relationship, she struggles to see me crossdressed, to a point where sadly it is rarely mentioned between us now. sadly she doesn't visit here much any more, but it's not the end, it just her way of dealing with this. Shes seen me dressed just two or three times at most, in 16 years. However putting all of this aside, were still as strong as the first day we met, and thankfully my need to dress, has never affected her feeling towards me, dispite her feelings or shall we say fears about it. We have never married, but we made our own vows and commitments. we have two wonderful children together, and I have a stepson who I treat as my own. I can also dress when ever I need to, just she likes to know, if nothing more.

So what I'm trying to say here MJ, is don't blame yourself, telling does not mean instant acceptance, nor is it a path to happyness if you partner does know. What we do, we do because of a need, or a drive within us, but others,sometimes can accept it, reject it, or go along with it, so long as it not shown to them. but at the end of the day, this feeling is still with in us, and few managed to shed the desire to do it. We can not help who we are and what we do, just as much as our partners can't understand (and sadly sometimes) can't accept, this desire as only part of what makes us, us. Thankfully, in my case, Raksha sees what makes my male side a crossdresser, my female side, makes me sometimes (I hope) a more understanding man!

As I said, I spent seven year in the wilderness, living a life that was not mine, and often full of painful memories, self doubt, and blame. but I think it would have happened no matter what I was, or what I did. All I can be really greatful for, is the 16 years with Raksha, which has removed that pain, and filled my life with happer times, and memories.

SO NEVER GIVE UP, AND DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU ARE, EVEN WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT!

Good luck & best wishes to you MJ

Tracy

[CBlyss]

I'm sooooooo sorry, truly I am. Somehow, one has to find the courage to say something early on. I know it is hard (and that's putting it lightly) but how can one truly be free if one is hiding a major part of their being from their SO?

My heart goes out to you.

[TGMarla]

I'm so sorry to hear it, MJ. She just doesn't really understand, just as we are hard pressed to adequately explain it ourselves much of the time. We're here for you.

[Lanore]

You are in my prayers MJ.

Lanore

[MJ]

Thank you all. i guess it's another part of life . but it still hurts . i know it's time to move on . with all the good things in my life this is but a small bump in my travels .

[Holly]

:hugs:MJ, I hardly know what to say. This chapter in your life is done. Honey, it's time to turn the page and move on to the next adventure. May I offer a bit of unsolicited advice? Don't waste much time trying to find someone or something to blame. Except in VERY RARE circumstances, there is plenty of blame to go around. And even if you figure it all out, how is it going to help. Keep your heels facing forward, honey! Move on to something better. You have done many things right as evidenced by your son, Jon. You have much to look forward MJ... race on to find it!

[rosepowder]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

There is no bandage big enough to heal a broken heart.

We are here. I'll join you in a rum and coke.

[Laurelanne]

MJ, I know weve chatted face2face about this a bit and remember its not over its just begun I too was devastated when i told my first SO about it the sad part was she DID know , yet chose to divorce me anyway I too was crushed I did also love her and still do she was my childhood sweetheart, any way that was alot of water ago Its a better life honest This too shall pass
Chin up Chest Out ... stay ahead Luv Yah Laurelanne:hugs:

[Nicole Erin]

I thought you had been divorced for a while?
Or was it just not leagal and final and all that?

[christid66]

There's nothing that I can add to the advice that you've already been given.
I truly hope that you come though this OK

[Sharon]

Look at it this way, MJ -- the final chapter was written some time ago, but you have only just now finally read the last page. Time for the next book, Sweetie. :)

I know the pain and regrets are real, however, so my heart goes out to you. :hugs:

[melisss2u]

MJ sorry to hear about todays events. While it seems bad. Everything will seem like it wont get better. But in time all will be fine. and you have plenty of support on here from all different parts of the world. how great a support group is that

[teresa jeen]

in reality all we can do is go toward what we want to be. I myself dont have time to tell another how to feel, im busy doing it myself. i have a little saying: lifes too short to put up with bu>> s>>>. i gotta get the "ring" while i can. that includes what makes me feel good not everyone else, much as i would like to.

[Chiana]

MJ, I don't know your story with the same level of detail that some do but I was aware that your SO was not accepting at all. I knew that you have had to endure some trying times, but my impression is that you have really grown in personal strength over the past months. You are a wonderful person and good things will happen for you.

[JennyS.]

I'm a bit confused over this post, Tess. I guess I haven't been following the story so I just wonder why the animosity. Or did I just read it wrong?


I don't think anyone following your story is surprised at the divorce happening eventually... more surprised that the proceedings hadn't been started earlier.

But the timing is a bit suspect. Is it just a coincidence that it happened not too long after your family reunion -- during which, if my memory serves me correctly, she somehow got word of the meeting and arrived and insisted that your under-18 daughter leave with her?

From this distance, and as someone who has quite likely missed some key posts of yours, I have formed the impression that your ex-to-be is unhappy at the prospect that you might be happy. I think I saw a claim of "You ruined my life!" go by recently? Is there a bit of revenge being run out over there? Or am I mis-assessing, and this is just an, "MJ, I've been thinking about the situation, and as I have decided that reconciliation is not possible now, I believe it would be kinder to both of us if we were to let go of the situation and get on with our lives, time to start putting the old phase behind us." ?

What difference does the timing make? The one that crops to mind first has to do with legal custody of your youngest daughter, whom I think you said before is under-age. Another couple of years and that trauma would not have to be run through the court system. What is she offering in that regard? Is she trying for minimal access, "protect" your daughter from you as much as possible, or is she offering "No matter what the differences are between us, you are an important part of your daughter's life, and she should stay with you part of the time" ?

[ColleenCD]

MJ,

You have many friends here. Sorry to hear about the news. Be careful how far you reach into the Rum.

Extra love your way,

Colleen

[Majestyk's Lady]

Dear MJ,

I am sorry to hear about this..and that you are saddened by the outcome..perhaps in the back of your mind you have thought it might come to this but it always is a terrific blow when it finally arrives..

I am gladdened by the fact you have been reunited with your children and grandbaby and they will be a comfort to you..

Please keep your chin "up"..and know you are not alone..you have some wonderful friends here and it will pass..takes time..but your friends and family will see you through this...

You have great courage and you too shall step over this "obstacle" placed before you as you walk down your pathway in this life..:hugs:

Bless your heart..

Take care,

Majestyk's Lady :love:

[Wenda]

The others have said it all and said it well. Don't blame the dressing or yourself, or her. It's done. What you learn from it is what you can salvage and take away for another day. All the best, :hugs: w.

[sandra-leigh]

I'm a bit confused over this post, Tess. I guess I haven't been following the story so I just wonder why the animosity. Or did I just read it wrong?

You are a bit confused about my post, I am a bit confused about your question, so things balance out :D


Thinking about my questions more, I see that although they were natural ones, for MJ to have answered in the posting could have required a break with MJ's practice of not criticizing her in public. That is a good ethical practice, and it was immoderate of me to have implicitly asked MJ to violate it.

The basic points remain: I can opine that IMHO it sounds as if MJ's wife would prefer to see MJ unhappy, but it would have been better if I had not implicitly asked MJ to confirm any such thing.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Sorry for your loss MJ, as others have said you are among friends here.

[AKAMichelle]

Since I am going through a divorce at the moment also, I feel your pain. I am planning a road trip after my wife moves out.

Enfemme Road Trip West. Maybe we should join forces and drive twice as far away. :D

Michelle

[docrobbysherry]

That this is happening to u, just proves the old saying, " Bad things can happen to nice people". And there's no one here nicer than u r!

So many of us have suffered thru divorces. As I have. She was the only woman I've ever loved, (to date). I'm looking again. My divorce had nothing to do with CDing. And I suspect most divorces that r blamed on CDing, have other factors involved, too!

Some day I hope to have a drink with u, but I just finished a toast TO u. Rum, of course! I don't drink Coke!

Here's to u, MJ. And to the new chapter opening up in the story of your life!
CHEERS!

[kerrianna]

So sorry MJ.
:hugs:

I guess it's the finality of it that hurts the most huh?

In time, that may be a good thing, because you will move on, but you seem like a sensitive girl and I know how emotionally charged things like this are for us.

I hope your tomorrow is sunnier and brighter. :hugs::love:

[MJ]

Again thank you all ,your the greatest

[Tamara Croft]

MJ :hugs: I don't know what else to say :sad:

[Suzy Harrison]

Dear MJ - I'm so sorry you're going through such a painful time at this moment and I am thinking of you. Time will help to heal things ~ and you still have all of us on this site who love and care for you.

:hugs: Suzy

[TxKimberly]

i should have told her from the start That i sometimes cross-dress back when . she found out and it did not go well ...today 3.5 years later i was served divorce papers ..
the sad part is i relay did love her.
i am sure as cd'r we all love our S.O yet can't tell her our secret ..but we trust our other half with our very life and bank book .
it's over because i kept this hidden .
it's a sad day. for me .
Time to break out the rum :drink:
rant off

MJ, I am so sorry you must go through that kind of pain. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy let along a good and caring person like you.
Lots of hugs from Texas,
Kimberly

[Melanie R]

MJ,

I feel your pain. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs,

Melanie

[cinderellaman]

So sorry for your loss MJ.:hugs:Things can only get better from here:love:

[Sandra]

MJ

I think it's nearly all been said so for now I'll send you loads of

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :love: :love: :love: :love:

[Cayce]

Sorry to hear this MJ. Stay strong. This one's on me...:drink:


:hugs:
-Cayce

[MarciManseau]

You have our sympathy and love. We only wish you were closer so we could hug you and comfort you. I know things will be better for you soon. You're a lovely girl, so someone will come along and see that, then love you for who you really are.


Hugs, Marci and Julie :hugs:

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi M.J. I know we dont know each other accept for possible the occasional comment to a post but I do feel for you and wish you the very best. The old saying about when a door closes a window opens and I truly believe that is true.

The great thing about these chat rooms is the support.

Good luck in the future and I do hope we can get to know each other better.

[Sheena Pink]

Mj, sending you cyberhugs. So sorry. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Vivian Best]

I'm truly sorry for you MJ! Life's reality is that some women just can't accept us and it makes it worse when we truly love them.

[Lissa Stevens]

You are where myself and a lot of others are terrified of ending up. You have all my thoughts and prayers.

[Tomara]

Hi MJ , I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry for the you have to deal with , just remember you have the support of all of your friends here. :hugs: Try to keep a positive thought. :hugs: Tomara

[debbeelee1]

Good luck to you MJ!

[Deborah Jane]

Hey sis, i understand exactly what you,re going through
Keep strong hon and you,ll make it to the other side:hugs:
We,re with you all the way!!:hugs:

[KandisTX]

MJ,

Best of luck to you honey. You are here with your sisters and we are here for you. I have been through this same thing three times myself and it is not easy I can agree with you on, but we can make it through. Remember, 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Kandis:love::rose2:

[tamarav]

I am so sorry about your situation. I don't believe there are more than possibly 93% of the people on this site that this situation has happened to in the past, myself included.

Every experience is a opportunity to learn, when this door closes, maybe another will open....

Your sis,

Tami

[donnadawn]

I am so sorry to hear the news. Wish I could be there to give you a hug to make you feel better.

[~Seana~]

Sorry to hear of your difficulties. I'm going through very much the same thing in the form of a nasty custody battle with my common law spouse of 13 years, go to case conference next week and we're barely keeping ourselves afloat. It's way worse when there's kids involved I hope that's not your case.

KinkedAmanda
ThenotsoHappy****

[adelle]

Hi MJ sorry to hear of your loss, i cant say i know what you are going through but also got divorced 11 yrs ago and got remarried. i will go the same way you just dit if my SO finds out, some times there are certain things in life we just have to keep for our self. i have been saving lives for nearly 20 years and i could not save my marrige the first time and if i get cought ill be losing the battle for the second time. may i join you in a :drink::drink: red heart and coke? please pm me if you would like to chat and be strong hun the pain gets lesser but never goes away:sad:

[racquel]

My thoughts are with you during this trying time.:hugs:

[claire angie]

sorry to here your news MJ hope all goe's well for you in the future
hugs and kiss hun :love:

[KimberlyS]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: