Going to a Therapist

[Veryvicky]

I have always loved the support out here and its given the inspiration to keep going. I have an appointment to see a Therapist and she is local to me and everything which is great ! I want to make the most of seeing her as I know its a place for me to start. I live in the states...and I know there are alot of differences between therapists...I am wondering what to expect during the first session...I take it that it will be alot of background stuff...is that right ?

I am wondering too, what is the typical number of sessions needed to diagnose a gender identity problem. This may not be something anyone can guess on really. If anyone can share their experiences of when they started going I would really appreciate it. I hope that once I start going and become comfortable with seeing her that it will get as easy as going shopping !

[Sally24]

From my limited experience the therapist can have a pretty good idea early on just where you fall on the scale. If he/she suspects you are on the TS end then there will be alot more sessions before they are sure just what you need. I fall right in the middle, a serious CDer who doesn't have any body issues and wants to continue to "straddle" the fence of both genders.

If nothing else they can alay any fears you have about what your next move is. Talking to someone who has experience with this helps to give you more information to decide just what you want to do.

Good luck and relax!

[Sharon]

The first session is basically a meet and greet visit -- you tell your therapist about yourself, she prompts a few responses from you, you tell her a bit more, and by then your hour is up. This hour is also the time to try to establish a rapport with the therapist and you should make a determination as to whether you think you can be comfortable with her. Just do yourself a favor -- be as honest as you can, otherwise it is a waste of time.

My therapist did not make the initial diagnosis of my transsexuality -- she merely agreed with my own self-diagnosis, which happened after just one or two sessions. I continued seeing her weekly for about fourteen months, when it became apparent that I had little to gain from continuing to see her. I do have her number on speed dial, however, because stuff just comes up every now and then. :)

[Nikki K]

I've just gone back to therapy after a 10 year absence; only this is for depression. At least it was: this coming Friday I intend share my deepest feelings with the therapist (After three visits I feel I can trust her and I've had a chance to assess her skills and experience).
This is going to be a daunting visit since it will the first time, in forty years, I have ever, ever spoken openly about my inner turmoil.

I also agree with a couple of the other comments; time is money, your money, so get the most out of it. Be frank, be honest, don't hide anything, and tell her how you truly feel. (I've been reciting this mantra for the last few days as I build up the courage to reveal my true self for the first time)

So Vicky, this will be a journey we will travel together.

Good luck hun!

[Veryvicky]

Thanks everyone, I know that once I am there the therapy will be what I need it to be. I will have to be prepared for it to take time and as with many things, to take its course.

[melissaK]

I've just gone back to therapy after a 10 year absence; only this is for depression. . . . Be frank, be honest, don't hide anything, and tell her how you truly feel. (I've been reciting this mantra for the last few days as I build up the courage to reveal my true self for the first time)!

Full disclosure in counselling is very important. If you don't tell the therapist of your gender issues, they can't help you decide if that is the underlying cause of your depression, or help you deal with it effectively. And depression from repression of gender issues is a chronic problem for those of us who harbor denial, or guilt, or shame, or try to live in relationships where we won't dare to tell our SO how we feel inside. And I'd venture to say that if you are afraid of telling, you probably do harbor some denial, guilt, or shame about yourself, and counselling is a pretty good place to learn to deal with such issues.

hugs,
'lissa

[Dawn D.]

I began my therpy as a result of a second suicide attempt. I knew what was wrong inside me at that time, but, I just really thought that I could handle it all on my own. Wrong! On the first visit, my therpist took all the obligatory history and I told her straight out that I was transgendered. She, in one session connected very well with me and nearly six month's later I'm a new and improved me! You just have to be honest with yourself and her and if you go to joint sessions with a loved one (as I do), you must also be brutally honest with them to. A good therapist, I think, will see through any abiguousness that you try to get by with. She sure saw it in me. She also puts me in my place when I get out of line.

The only unfortunate thing is, I live in an area that finding a good gender therapist can be difficult. They don't advertise as such here. My wife called around and got a referral to mine. Even so, she is limited in gender situations and she admitted as much to us. We decided to give her a chance and it really has been wonderful! I have given her information as I understand things concerning gender issues that she was unsure of and she will do followup background research on those to see if I am accurate. You need to be sure they will be a good match for you and you can't do that unless you are both honest with each other. Ask them questions too. They should not be hesitant about answering concerns you have with their knowledge of the issue your there to see them for.



Dawn

[RylieCD]

Finding a therapist that knows the Trans world is difficult but one of the priorities that I sought when I started looking. The first theripist said she had experiance but as I found out it was limited and I was more of a test case. The second (current) has much more experiance. After a few mos we were able to determine that I did meet the criteria for CD/TS or GID but we have not been able to figure out where on the scale I prefer to be. He had indicated that it could take time.

[Kimberley]

Hi Vicky and Congrats on this very courageous step. As Sharon said it is basically a meet and greet. You may want to read this post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82500) to give you a heads up on all of this because it can be very daunting. It is good that you realize not all therapists are created equal.

Personally I dont believe in "gender therapists". There are therapists experienced with working with trans people. These are the ones you want because they dont diagnose GID. They recognize Gender Dysphoria as a symptom of other conditions such as anxiety and depression.

Some therapists will look at you a few times and see you are in good shape and recommend you start transition, while others will insist you need to deal with other issues in your life first. These are the ones you want to find because to them, gender is not an issue, it is who you are. They are the ones who will help you most in overcoming the obstacles you will face in transition. They are the keepers.

Good luck.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Veryvicky]

Hi Vicky and Congrats on this very courageous step. As Sharon said it is basically a meet and greet. You may want to read this post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82500) to give you a heads up on all of this because it can be very daunting. It is good that you realize not all therapists are created equal.

Personally I dont believe in "gender therapists". There are therapists experienced with working with trans people. These are the ones you want because they dont diagnose GID. They recognize Gender Dysphoria as a symptom of other conditions such as anxiety and depression.

Some therapists will look at you a few times and see you are in good shape and recommend you start transition, while others will insist you need to deal with other issues in your life first. These are the ones you want to find because to them, gender is not an issue, it is who you are. They are the ones who will help you most in overcoming the obstacles you will face in transition. They are the keepers.

Good luck.

:hugs:
Kimberley

The therapist I am scheduled to see actually has a vast background, I have copied some of the things listed on her website...

Trauma and PTSD
Depression
Gay Lesbian Issues
Relationship Issues
Anxiety or Fears
Child or Adolescent Issues
Divorce
Domestic Abuse or Violence
Loss or Grief
Parenting
Spirituality
Dissociative Disorders
I am experienced in working with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals and their families.

From what I have seen so far she isnt a gender therapist per say, but its like you mentioned I dont think there may be many that only specialize in gender issues. I have already stated to her why I am coming to see her so she knows where to start. I am just curious on what to expect when we do start. The information you all have shared makes me feel a bit more at ease. Thanks everyone.

[Veryvicky]

By the way...thanks ever so much for the link to the post Kimberley, I need to bring that with me so I am sure she is right for me.

[surabhi singh]

These things need to be cleared out as early as possible ,otherwise in later stage becomes too terrible to handle
well any ways best of luck ......


regards

[Amy Hepker]

Just be honest and truthful. Don't go with your wife or someone who does not want you to dress. It can get ugly that way.

[Veryvicky]

Just be honest and truthful. Don't go with your wife or someone who does not want you to dress. It can get ugly that way.


Great advise Amy, I can see how that would get ugly when taking a wife or a girlfriend. I do have a boyfriend that wants to go to the sessions with me once I start going and its okay with the therapist. I did tell him that it may be a while as I need this for myself and would rather the therapist go by what I need and not be swayed by what he thinks, although, if she was swayed, it may very well be in my favor. I would probably take him along if the therapist thought it was helpful in determining how I am when I am not there in the office or something. I would rather it not turn into a relationship counselling session or something. I would need to know the facts and I would rather she goes by what I can tell her.

[Nikki K]

Ithis coming Friday I intend share my deepest feelings with the therapist

I cannot begin to tell you how much better I feel. The session was like going through the wringer. Now don't get me wrong, the therapist was fantastic, but the mix of emotions I experienced made it one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Afterwards, however, I feel that a huge burden has been lifted from me. Once I started (I chose to dive in the deep end rather than dip my toes in the water) my feelings just flooded out; I had to take a deep breath every now and then just to ensure everything made sense!

After rejecting a number of therapist this definitely proves the point that many of us have made in this forum; it is essential that you find the right therapist.

The journey has truly begun, at last. :)

Nikki

[Veryvicky]

Thanks Nikki

Seeing the words... "The journey has truly begun, at last." is where I am wanting to be soon as well. Well I need it more then just wanting it but you know what I mean. I am happy for you.

[Nikki K]

Oh Melissa you are sooo right.
Many years ago I managed to deal with the shame, reasoning that this is me, this is how I feel, and I'm not harming anyone, however, I harbour an enormous burden of guilt. My SO and I have a wonderfully supportive relationship; she has supported me through my depression and I her through a chronic illness. We have always said that the strength of our relationship is in the bond and committment we have to each other. While others are breaking up because the sex has gone south we have continued to get stronger even after 20 years and infrequent sex.
And yet, I have not been able to talk about my TG and hence I'm keeping a HUGE secret from her and living a lie. This is what's tearing me apart and I now believe is a huge contributor to my depression.
As I've posted elsewhere, I've finally told my therapist and have been completely honest about my feelings. The sense of relief is enormous and yet it's also revealed that I'm going to have to risk everything and talk to my SO or else the anguish of deceit will continue to tear me apart.
Having found this site, all my new friends, and my new therapist I'm finally unloading a huge burden and am starting to be able to see things so much clearer. Nevertheless, I am scared rigid of the prospect of losing my SO and family. This is now the key issue I have to deal with.

Nikki

[Kimberley]

Your therapist works with LGB so the chances are s/he is okay as long as s/he didnt go the Ray Blanchard School of Psychology with labs provided by Ken Zucker.

The best approach is to treat the person, not the gender. Gender cant be treated, but the BS we put up as barriers all our lives has to come down or making good decisions on transition wont be good decisions.

Let us know how you make out?

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Veryvicky]

I will let everyone know how things go with her, there arent that many here that I have found that even comes close to her written qualifications. I will soon see how things go and I will have more to report ! :daydreaming:

[Caitlintgsd]

I went to a new Psychologist two weeks ago. It took her all of thirty minutes to come up with the GID diagnosis. The reason I went to her was to get back on hormones. I had to quit for health issues (bp) almost two years ago and it turned me into a complete train wreck. I got really moody and depressed. The theurapest I was seeing was going to require me to see her for 6 months, even though I'd seen her previously.

[Jamie S.]

Just thought I'd pop in to point out something to others who are currently attending college. Most colleges have free psychiatric facilities for their students. I currently attend the University of Texas and they have several staff members that are trained in treating transgendered people. Anyway, just thought I'd mention that for those who may not have known that their college supplied these services pretty much free of charge (unless you count enrollment and such). I'm going to definately being taking advantage of this come the fall semester.