The first person you tell outside the community

[Carrie f]

I'm at that next step. I'm divorced now & single. I've accepted my femininity as one of the major priorities in my life. Due to career, family, children I want to stay private unless out of town, but I desperately want to approach someone I know & trust to confide in and share with. A couple of friends come to mind but their SO's would not be understanding and I don't want to put my friends in the position of having to lie to their spouses. Or start any rumors or suspicions of affairs.

I'm sure many of you girls started with one special person who wasn't a family member or SO. A man, a woman, gay, straight, someone at work. I'm just looking for ideas to broach the subject. I know quite a few people and for the life of me I can't think of that one 'perfect person' ... who of course probably doesn't exist. I'm just trying to get as close to that person as I can. Sometimes other people throwing out ideas or experiences causes that little light bulb in my head to go on and I'll get a 'Eureka, why didn't I think of them' moment.

Any ideas or suggestions would be most welcome and appreciated,
Thank you ladies, Carrie

[boy2girl31]

The first person I really told (as in told I liked to cd rather than cd for costume parties or such) was my sister in law. She was only 21 and I've found that younger women seem to be the most accepting or us. I don't know your age or how many younger women you know but that would seem to be a place to start if you know any.

[JoAnnDallas]

The first person I told was a member of my Tri-Ess group. A year later I told my wife.

[harmony]

The first person I told was a member of my Tri-Ess group. A year later I told my wife.

finding a support group seems a great idea-go in drab to start with and see wether you feel comfortable!

[TSchapes]

I've come out to various people over the years, friends, family, acquaintances. And the thing I try and find out, is how accepting are they of diverse lifestyles. For example do they live in a artist type community? Then you are probably safe in telling them. Or do they have a narrow view of what people should be and do. Unless you know some specific things about them that would lend them to accepting you, I would avoid them. I wouldn't worry about true friends and whether their friends or wives would be OK. Let them deal with that. I've had plenty of friends that have thanked me but did not share with some of the people they are close to.

And what's really cool sometimes is when you do confide in someone and they absolutely love it. I just had that experience when I outed myself to my hairdresser of 10+ years. You can read about that here: I Just Outed Myself Today... (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82913)

Go slow, feel them out, and ride the ride. If you're not friends afterwards, you probably never were in the first place. :2c:

Love, Tracy

[stellatoo]

I'm in the mood for posting tonight it seems!! I think I'm making up for the fact that i cant get dressed and go out:sad:

Anyway, I've recently started a new job and a guy invited me out for drink one night-work buddies only. I thought!
Normally we go out at the end of the week with a few others and get a little tipsy (AKA drunk as a fruit cake!)

On a couple of occassions I've woken up the morning after and thought "Oops what exactly did I say/do last night?" and then spent the weekend "worrying" that I may have said something that would out me.

Anyway, back to the evening out 1 on 1, I decided (after a brew or 2) to ask this guy if I had said anything. He said "No, why?"
So I ended up confiding in him about my dressing, he kissed me on the lips, took me back to my place, saw me dressed, turned out to be a closeted gay man (and a bottom at that-too much info? sorry), argued with me, stormed off, didn't turn up for work the next day.

We've chatted at work since but nothings been said about that night.
I think he's more scared than I am (I'm not that scared of being outed as a crossdresser-I think- I just wont do it casually).

New jobs are fantastic for meeting people

[Glenda]

How about the person you feel most comfortable with?

[NatalieBliss]

My best buddy back home knows. Having 2 sisters he is the closest thing to a "brother" I will ever have. I have also told 2 GGs. One after we had a brief romance and one that I am currently just getting to know.

[susan2010]

I've told two therapists over the years. Both were very sympathetic, although they said they didn't know much about the subject.
I've considered telling my best friend from high school and college, really just because I sometimes feel I need someone who is not CD'ing to talk to about it, but I don't think he would take it well.

[MentalMercury]

Short version: Tell your closest female friend and work from there.

Long version: I have told... 2 close female friends, one of whom showed pictures to her brother, mother, father, gay friend, boyfriend, some other friend I met once, who knows who else, and I talk to them all and none care. But I like that.. I really don't care if she goes and tells everyone I know, I just don't have the guts to do it myself. Also told a few casual female friends at college, it just came up in conversation while I was drunk. The only people that I talk to regularly that don't know are my family and my coworkers. I don't care if my coworkers find out (they're going to see me as a female character at an anime convention soon anyway) but again can't really tell them myself, and family.. well that's the tough one, can't do it yet.

[Nicole Erin]

All the lesbians I work with know, including the team lead. In fact we talk often about makeup and styles of clothes.

A few prople I work with know but don't really make a big deal out of it.


Here is how to feel someone out -
If they ask questions that only a CD/TS/TG/DQ would know, it is probably safe to tell them. Like the other day a lady at work asked me "What is the difference between a TG and a DQ?" I briefly explained...

I guess part of it has to do with how masc/femme you are in drab. If you are a fruit basket looking guy like me, with shaved legs, thin eyebrows, etc, it will probably be easier to tell others. If you are some biker, people will be shocked.

[TSchapes]

I'm in the mood for posting tonight it seems!! I think I'm making up for the fact that i cant get dressed and go out:sad:

Anyway, I've recently started a new job and a guy invited me out for drink one night-work buddies only. I thought!
Normally we go out at the end of the week with a few others and get a little tipsy (AKA drunk as a fruit cake!)

On a couple of occassions I've woken up the morning after and thought "Oops what exactly did I say/do last night?" and then spent the weekend "worrying" that I may have said something that would out me.

Anyway, back to the evening out 1 on 1, I decided (after a brew or 2) to ask this guy if I had said anything. He said "No, why?"
So I ended up confiding in him about my dressing, he kissed me on the lips, took me back to my place, saw me dressed, turned out to be a closeted gay man (and a bottom at that-too much info? sorry), argued with me, stormed off, didn't turn up for work the next day.

We've chatted at work since but nothings been said about that night.
I think he's more scared than I am (I'm not that scared of being outed as a crossdresser-I think- I just wont do it casually).

New jobs are fantastic for meeting people

Oh and nothing wrong with the gay part, what I mean is I got drunk. And we got to arguing nature over nurture, I was nature of course. And to drive my point home I said that I was a CD and I had no choice about it, there nature. Well, you should have seen the look on his face. He was a co-worker and we were out of town on training. We talked awhile afterwards because he had "questions". He promised me he wouldn't tell but I've found out from another co-worker that he had spilled the beans to him. So, I may be out at work and not know it. It's probably the "Best worst kept secret" at work!

Oh well, I'm thinking of participating in the company Halloween contest for the first time this year. Hmmm, what should I be?

Living on the edge, Tracy

[JenniferR771]

I told my favorite clerk at my favorite thrift store. "I kinda wondered about that." The Halloween excuse doesn't work well when you are buying dresses in February. Later, the girls at Tri-Ess. Later my hair salon girl.