Mortified

[~Seana~]

I have a neibour who has a bad habit of showing up at all hours looking for a smoke. He doesnt actually smoke anymore but borrows one every so once in a while from us to use a bit in his pot. I wont get into the moral/legal discussion on that, just suffice to say here in canada the stuff is like water.

And so it was he suddenly appears at our patio doors at 10:00 last night scaring the shit out of both Tobi...and I who was in full crossdress. I see the double take then the "What the hell are you doing?" .To say he's vanilla is an understatement.
I was absolutely mortified. As was Tobi. I stil;l havent explained it to him. And I dont feel I can dress again .I'm feeling about as low right now as I can get. I'm wondering why I try anymore...with anything.

Top it off I have the court issue with my kids and Tobi accidentally elbowed my already sensative teeth from dental issues last night. I'm in pain and I'm really not in a good mental place right now.

[RikkiOfLA]

Dear Amanda,

Cheer up, dear. You've been outed, but it's not the end of the world.

Your neighbor nows knows your secret hobby. But I think you know his. Going to a neighbor's patio door at 10 pm, he stands a very good chance of seeing them in their nightclothes! Doesn't that make him a peeping tom?:heehee:

What this really means is that he might tell all the neighbors. Local pothead calls neighbor a crossdresser. Big deal! He was startled to see what he did, probably not morally offended. And if he really was morally offended, you won't be giving away your cigarettes any more.

A few weeks, and it will all blow over.

Blessings,
Rikki

[Sinthia]

You could always approach the neighbor and ask him to keep it confidential.

[Kayla Shadows]

Sorry to hear that your not doing so good.Theres always a chance of being outed but you shouldnt let it stop you from being who you are.What we do isnt wrong and the people that accept you are the ones that matter.If people dont like it then thats just less people around who are closed minded.Friends are the ones who like you for you..completely.Id say,be yourself and let life be the playground it is.Have fun and enjoy it :)

[Amy Hepker]

Cheer up, there is nothing you can do about it now, worrying about it will only make it worse. Just be ready for anything he might say. I would rather have him say it to you with no one around than to have him say something in front of others. Besides, he is not perfect if he smokes pot. I think he will keep the secret. Just go talk to him. Make sure you put it to him you are not gay, and many people do it.

[DanaR]

You could just say, dude what were you smoking! Play it down, saying you were getting ready for a costume party. If he says anything, at least you know he isn't a friend.

[Sandra]

Don't let this stop you, after all what you do in your own house has got nothing to do with your neighbour.

[Emily Anderson]

Amanda,

It's not at all clear what happened after the "WTF" statement from your neighbour. I mean, did he just walk off, or what? Please explain more...

[Huntress]

You could just say, dude what were you smoking!

Gotta go with Danar on this one. "Duuude... You were like, SOOOO wasted.":eek:

Huntress

[Karren H]

Next time you see him just say "Hey.... Now that ya know..... Don't you dare come over and try borrowing any of my dresses!!".

[~Seana~]

Amanda,

It's not at all clear what happened after the "WTF" statement from your neighbour. I mean, did he just walk off, or what? Please explain more...

he took a smoke fom Tobi and walked off. To the person who suggested the costume party...not going to work we have children ( who were long in bed) and he knows we just cant bugger.
I'm thinking if he ever shows up again I'll just be honest. We are definitely the "kinky neibours" of the neibourhood. It was just that it was someone I didnt have that relationship, his kid and mine play often . I think he was more shocked than anything. There's worse things than being a bisexual kinked crossdresser I suppose, but being outed to my neibour definitely wasnt on the top of my list of things to do right now.For the moments the blinds are drawn , and worst case scenario...he tells the whole world, welll due to suing for custody of my other 2 children I am likely moving in the next month or so anyway.
My instant reaction though was to shed the clothes . I havent felt the urge to purge since my Ex but I do now. I honestly think I'm going to have some issues putting on female clothes again as not only is my comfort shot, but any hopes of passability ( he identified me through a screen door in the dark!)
Plus with everything else going on, it's been the catalyst that has pretty much shoved me over the edge into depression, though that might have happened anyway. I'm wantingto be left alone withmy thoughts for the most part and Tobi is having a hard time with that.

[Emily Anderson]

Amanda,

You need to put things into perspective. You were on your own territory, and he walked over unannounced. What you do in your own back yard is no business of his, even though he discovered something that he didn't know previously. Who knows what anyone might discover if they barged in on someone late at night?

He's probably just as disturbed and confused as yourself over the incident, and it's doubtful that he's going to go around shouting it on the rooftops. I would suggest that you ignore the incident as best as possible, and don't even try to explain it to him. If he asks for more information, you can always shrug it off and say "Well, now you know", and try not to make a big deal out of it. No excuses needed, it's your right.

[Di]

I'm thinking if he ever shows up again I'll just be honest. We are definitely the "kinky neibours" of the neibourhood. It was just that it was someone I didnt have that relationship, his kid and mine play often . I think he was more shocked than anything. There's worse things than being a bisexual kinked crossdresser , welll due to suing for custody of my other 2 children I am likely moving in the next month or so anyway.
My instant reaction though was to shed the clothes . I havent felt the urge to purge since my Ex but I do now.
.

JUST HANG IN THERE YOU SAID YOU MIGHT BE MOVING ANYWAYS

About the purging
Please do NOT do this as you will regret it...pack away if you MUST


Amanda,

You need to put things into perspective. You were on your own territory, and he walked over unannounced. What you do in your own back yard is no business of his, even though he discovered something that he didn't know previously. Who knows what anyone might discover if they barged in on someone late at night?
He's probably just as disturbed and confused as yourself over the incident, and it's doubtful that he's going to go around shouting it on the rooftops. I would suggest that you ignore the incident as best as possible, and don't even try to explain it to him. If he asks for more information, you can always shrug it off and say "Well, now you know", and try not to make a big deal out of it. No excuses needed, it's your right.

I agree.....as stressed as you feel you were NOT doing anything wrong.

[shannonsilk]

As far as being recognized in the dark, it is different than meeting you on the street. He was expecting to see you, so if you were the right size and shape he would assume it was you. Away from your house, you could be anyone.

Best wishes with your troubles.

Shannon

[Notbychoice]

As for your neighbor seeing you: I can see how thats would probably make you VERY stressed. I know I would be. Hang in there. You'll be adding it to the "Biggest Embarrassment" section before long and laughing about it.

As for purging? Why on earth would you do that? Logically speaking, throwing out things that bring you a lifetime of pleasure and enjoyment over one person is completely illogical and irrational. Pack them and put them away, but throwing them out will only cause you more grief than being outed in the long run.

With the price of gas going through the roof, saving money on cigs is probably the best thing that could have happened. I hate bums.

[rian]

Dear AMANDA
:hugs::)
It is true to feel let down situation , Yet why should you make big deal about it , He new you are a crossdresser , Believe me what different does it make what he thinks , Yet take my advise never ,I mean never open this subject to him at all even if you see him every day , It will be a messege to him to notiy him that this is my life and you have yours . Suppose you saw him again and he talked about it tell him not to interfear in your life this thing has to do with your private life .May be this incident accelerated the idea of being more couragous to show publicly .
On the other hand , The costidy case , It is not a bad idea that bieng a crossdresser means more passionate parental protection to the kids . I read couple of cases like that and it was favorable to the crossdressers , check some these cases .
At the end what we are trying to tell you we love you and does not matter what the world thinks , we are happy about ourselves and content as well and that what counts . luv you

[MJ]

If i may say now That he knows . there is no reason to hide anymore .
i sure would not . whats the worst that can happen ? ... he does not come over anymore !
just tell him he can't borrow your makeup :eek:

Keep on Dressing !!!

[trannie T]

Were you surprised? Yes!
Were you embarassed? Yes!
Were you injured? No.
Will all of you laugh about this in a few weeks? Probably.

In the meantime give up those cigarettes, crossdressing is harmless, tobacco kills.

[sterling12]

Well I'm no expert, but here's what I remember about "indulging," many years ago. Perhaps he came over to borrow because he had already done at least one joint. Although he said WTF, I seem to remember that these people don't seem to remember a hell of a lot the next day.

I would just cool it a while and see if he even remembers the incident. Maybe he thought you were someone else, maybe he will chock it up to a hallucination. I seem to remember that seeing stuff that really wasn't there was often a part of The Sticky-Icky habit.

Perhaps he's such a burn-out already, that he is used to his mind not working right. Maybe weird stuff is just a part of his normal day, maybe a thousand other things could happen.

Just wait and see, no point in thinking up a "worst case scenario."

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Tammy298]

Not to worry!
Asumming Tobi is your SO, just tell your neighbor that Tobi like's you to wear womens clothes and you like to please Tobi!

[Celeste]

I certainly hope you don't allow someone else's actions to detour you.It's plain this fellow has no consideration for others privacy.I would not waste my time worrying about what some burnt neighbor thought about me.I would keep my kids away from him,especially if he's driving them somewhere-he could leave the car in drive and run in to get a pack of smokes or something.I hope you have good incentive now not to have tobacco around ,its self defeating,polluting and addictive.

[cd_britney_426]

Wow. Certainly does sound frustrating. If you are on good terms with your neighbor and don't mind him coming over to bum weed off of you, then I would just go with the flow and if he brings it up, then you might just have to be blunt about it. "This is what I do. It is something that I enjoy. No real reason behind it but it is something I do." Or, whatever statement fits best. If this neighbor is becoming a nuissance, you might need to politely ask that he stop making unannounced visits to your residence or that he can only come during certain hours or that you are not able to give him any more pot. I guess my advice is to do whatever you feel fits your comfort zone. I do not recommend allowing this neighbor to encroach on your lifestyle. You have the right to crossdress. He does not have the right to be on your property or to get any of your stuff. It is a privilege that you allow him on your property and give this stuff to him so if he has an issue or an attitude I would recommend that you take that privilege away. Good luck with this.

[pinkshelly]

About three years ago, the S.O. and I were sitting in the parking lot of Smiths. I was dressed (maybe alittle over the top). It was to be my first time really out in public. As I sat there scared half outa my mind. I thought to my self. If this is what I want to to. I'd better get to it. I got out of the car and went grocery shopping.
If you want to make eggs. Chances are the pot head up the street will see.
Of all the people who know and have seen me dressed. The only ones who care are the really ignorent ones. Do you really care what the stoner up the street thinks? I wouldn't. It's your life. Get busy liven it or get busy hidden.

[raleighbelle]

I can feel for your situation, but I would not stop dressing. He already knows about it so now you don't even have to hide it from him. If he is bothered by it, that is his problem. You were in your own home, and were not imposing it on anyone else. As far as friendships go, if he has a bit problem with it all, it doesn't sound like you will be losing much there anyway. I think with a bit of time things will look a lot better. But I definitely would not recommend purging now.

[Nicole Erin]

It sounds like this guy is a sponge, a free loader.

Here is what to expect -

He will explain that he is cool with it. Not that he is CD but he will be cool with it.

He will continue asking for crap, cause after all, he is still your friend.

One day, he will get mad cause you run him off after being tired of his free loading. On this day, he will say what he really thinks of CD/TS.

Things will be tense for a while, but you will think at least he is gone.

NOPE!!

Nothing else will be said about your CD'ing, but he might come around again to sponge some more.

You can tell I have dealt with these types.

[Littlej10]

I feel for you sweetie. The surprise of a sudden face-to-face undoubtedly resulted in shock, embarrassment and an unconsidered reaction by both of you. As for your concerns with passing, very few of us can do that and I suspect almost none when in our usual context. Don’t let the shock of this incident make you change your life, concentrate on your children and securing your future with them and let the cross dressing come back naturally as it surely will since Tobi is obviously supportive.
Best wishes for your future.
Joan

[~Seana~]

I'm really surprised by the number of people who chose not to really read my messages, then give really judgmental replies. For the record folks he came over for a cigarette. he uses it in his pot to water it down. Yup I smoke tobacco.
To those who said not to panic you are probably right. I've never really cared who knows about other parts of my life ( I'm kinked, poly, bisexual amoung other things). I 'm not really sure then why this b others me so much.

[TGMarla]

Since there's nothing you can really do about it, you'll just have to ride this wave out. Many here have come up with some valid points, the greatest of which is that you were in the privacy of your own home. This puts you in the right.

Now ask yourself some questions: Is this guy actually a friend? Or is he just an inconvenient neighbor? You have every right to be proactive about this the next time you see him. You can tell him point blank that it's intrusive of him to just pop by at all hours. You can tell him that you're very upset with him for doing so, and invading your privacy. If the crossdressing thing comes up, you can say, "So what? It's really none of your business, and it's really not so uncommon as you think." In order to not be insulting, tell him you like him fine, but that you feel like he has to practice more courtesy when he feels like coming over. That's what phones are for.

Stand your ground. You've done nothing wrong. Purging won't help, and you'll wind up regretting it later. Remember, you are the person who was wronged, not him. Be firm.

[MarinaTwelve200]

It sounds like this guy is a sponge, a free loader.

Here is what to expect -

He will explain that he is cool with it. Not that he is CD but he will be cool with it.

He will continue asking for crap, cause after all, he is still your friend.

One day, he will get mad cause you run him off after being tired of his free loading. On this day, he will say what he really thinks of CD/TS.

Things will be tense for a while, but you will think at least he is gone.

NOPE!!

Nothing else will be said about your CD'ing, but he might come around again to sponge some more.

You can tell I have dealt with these types.

I Had a freeloader "friend" like that once---And I ALMOST got caught by him once or twice.

Once when we were watching a TV show that had a CD in it, it really upset him--"Gawd if I came here and saw YOU like that, I'd never come back here AGAIN" he said.

Ever since then I have been SORELY tempted to LET him catch me--and see if he is as good as his word. It might be worth the risk:D

Fortunately, He has since gone to Texas on an Oil Rig Job, and hasnt been around for almost a couple of years--I didnt have to do it:D

Since then I gained another problem----the local "handyman" has started bugging me nearly every couple of days to give him a job to do or to borrow some money. I getting to have to plan my CDing around him---he tends to knock on the door and look for me mostly in the afternoon or evining (on saturdays)----I'm not sure how to handle him---Think Jethro Bodene (seriously)

So I still have my moocher/busybody problems, but fortunately, the worst one is gone away.

[Mollyanne]

OK, you've been "outed" so what!!!!! I'm going to be a little tough here and say stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your not the first one to be caught and honey, you WILL NOT be the last!!!!
Get a hold of yourself and "can" the self pity. You have a court date coming up and you need all the emotional strength you can muster. Time to move forward!!! Just remember you have friends here, you have sisters here and we are "pulling" for you.


:love: Mollyanne