Question About Time Frame

[Rabina32]

So a little info about me. I am 35 years old male and have come to the conclusion that i am transgendered. I recently became engaged to the woman that I have been looking for my whole life, in Dec. The feelings of something not being right came on hard and fast. I can't say that I never thought about being a woman before I just thought all guys had these feelings. Before we got engaged I told her that i liked to wear womens panties, and she was ok with that. Everything was fine for awhile then It just hit like a ton of bricks.

So I started seeing a psychologist about 3 weeks ago because i was loosing my mind, and am somewhat still lost. I know i need to find someone that deals with these issues, and currently looking for some in my area. I like the therapist that I'm seeing now but feel that i will need more help soon. I really want to go through the whole transition and full SRS.

Within the last week I have come out to my mother and fiancee about these feelings. Ever since I met tis woman or little girl inside me, its like she is dying to come out. My thoughts are totally out of control and I cant stop thinking about being a woman. Its so hard to clear your mind when everywhere around is there are women and girl things that bring you right back to this new Hell (aka. a blessing).

Is it better to take things slow in the transition when it comes to your SO? Should i not do anything then one day make the switch, or is it better to maybe just paint my toenails, then next week something else and so on?

Anyways Thanks for listening and any advice is appreciated.

[GypsyKaren]

The first thing you have to do is get your thoughts in control, you don't want to be making life altering decisions until then. You must also sit down with your fiance and discuss all of this with her because she has that right, it's not something that you casually announce or start doing without her thoughts. Transitioning is a long process and there can be a high price to pay, so I wouldn't rush until you are 100% certain that this is what you want.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Lanore]

I'm with Karen on this one. Talking and being honest about how you feel is so important. But most of all, be honest with yourself. When you hide how you feel, someone is going to get hurt someday. Since you are new to this site, I would sit back, take a deep breath and look through the threads and posts. This is a great place for information. You will see what others go through on their journey which might help you on yours.

Lanore

[Kimberley]

Karen is right, no doubt about that. Hitting the wall is a really tough time and a bad time to be making any decisions other than what to wear that day. Work with your therapist and yes, let the little girl grow up. She has to grow up to be an adult or transition will be horrid (assuming someone allows it).

When she grows up then she can experience puberty with HRT but to do it before she is ready is a recipe for disaster. Slow and easy hon. Take your time. It can be a good ride or a rough one. That choice is yours but you have to be honest with yourself and all those around you if you are to have a chance for success. Work with your therapist and your GP and listen to what they have to say. They are there to help you. If they get in the way then move on. Remember they have to help you find your own path, not dictate it for you. They may advise against certain things at certain times but listen to what they are saying. It is; or should be to help you.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Rabina32]

Thanks for all the comments. I know that i need to take it slow it's just so hard. Finding out late in life, I sort of feel cheated and knowing that I will never get that time back is hard. I just feel a real urgency, I know this road is a long one. I guess i see pictures of all you beautiful ladies, and sort of feel like the clock is ticking, mine just happens to be a different clock than most women. I'm worried that I have been unhappy so long and just didn't know what it was, and now i feel that if i dont act quick then it will be to late and my best years will be gone and i will be in a retirement home all by myself.

[GypsyKaren]

Rabina, you're 35 years old, that's a youngster to me. I'm 55 and I didn't start my transition until two years ago, with my SRS just last year. You have plenty of time if you use it wisely, but none if you ruin it by making a decision that's rushed and not right for you.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Dawn D.]

Rabina, my life parallels yours in so many ways on this issue. Please accept the advice that you have been offered here in that you need to be able to control you. Allow your loved ones to have time to accept (if they can) and adjust to what will come. It takes a long time as others have already stated. It is worth it too. You need time to get to know yourself completely. You need time to allow your loved ones to get to know this new person as well. There will be ups and there will be downs. There may be those that cannot be apart of your life. Can you accept that? You need to be able to.

If you have a good therapist, listen to them. Be open and honest in disclosing yourself to them. If possible I highly recommend involving your loved ones in on some of the sessions you have to listen to their concerns, fears and anxieties as well. It all helps.

I have been on this route now for nearly three years first discovery of myself the same as you, leading to denial and then acceptance followed by disclosure to family and friends. Then, further depression with suicidal thoughts alleviated through therapy ultimately allowing myself to exist in company with others and not feeling guilt or anxiety toward myself. Now I am at the beginning stages of transition and it will take (I know) a lot longer yet to complete. The good part of that though is the fact that I am bringing the majority of my family and friends along with me by them giving support to me in this process.

Rabina, no, you're never going to get that time back to be the girl you want to be. But, as I told my daughter when she asked,"Did I feel all of my life before including her and all the others in it were a regret on my part?", it is not so! Even if I were able to have that time back to be the girl I am, I would not make that choice. It would mean that she and the rest would not have been a part of my life and that is simply unacceptable! You are young, a lot younger than I, you will have plenty of time to be that girl. The same as I will too.



Dawn