Point of no return ?

[Suzy Harrison]

When I returned from my Trans Australian Flight, (excuse the pun!) I was on a high for days and even now, I guess I still am. This is really nice but I think the pink fog can be dangerous. The reason I say that is because when I returned I made a few comments to the two girls I work really close with, which I think has probably outed me.

Two days after I got back the three of us agreed to meet up for coffee at a local restaurant by the river. When I arrived in the car park they were both waiting for me ~ the pair of them really looked so gorgeous. I was so envious that it hurts inside not to be the same.

Picture the scene, minutes later we sitting over looking the blue river, with the city in the background, crystal clear blue skies, two beautifully dressed and made up girls and myself still wallowing in my pink fog. I think the scene was set.

When the three of us get together it really is like being like one of the girls. They share certain secrets with me, which strikes me they would only normally share with a close girlfriend. The both of them are going through divorces at the moment and also realise that my current situation at home is also very unhappy.

I had previously told them that when I returned from holiday in October I may make major changes in my life. As far as they were concerned it was the marriage that I was referring to. But in reality I feel after I’ve spent nine days in Atlanta in October, I might well review my whole life and make massive changes such as going full time.

Eventually the conversation got around to my situation. During that time I said the thought provoking words “You don’t know the half of it”. As I said it I knew I really shouldn’t have because it switched them into high gear. The conversation went on and on and I seemed to get in deeper and deeper. They could see that I had a big secret. They both said that they feel happy sharing their secrets with me and would keep mine confidential too. I dug in deeper saying that mine was so big that they would find it difficult to keep to them-selves. This made it worse of course and set their minds racing.

One of them, who I’ve always thought had an idea about me, said the words “You know if you told us we could even help you?” I was so tempted to tell all, but I held back, especially when we got to the ‘twenty questions’ regime. I said I won’t deny each one until they came up with the right answer.

To cut a very long story short, later on in the day I had a call from one of them who got around to asking me for advice about her present love interest situation when after a while she raised mine ..and spurted out that that the other girl had said to her she thinks I want a sex change. I said “wow that’s a big thing to say, what makes her think that?” The reply was that it’s the only thing that they could think of that was so big that I’d find it difficult to tell them. She then went on to say that I should remember that they are both nurses and they’ve seen it all so nothing could shock them.


As I’m writing and going all over this in my mind I’m realising they I must be about 90% out to them. They probably know but will still have nagging doubts as I haven’t confirmed their thought yet.

The thing is: What do I do now?

If I tell them it might be a relief for me but if word does gets out it will be bad from the job point of view. In a way I’m have glad they know/suspect but in another way I’m worried what may happen in the future.

So – What do I do?

Nothing ?
Deny All ?
Tell All ?


:hugs: Suzy

[happygirl]

There is that temptation to share, I've been there. But to open up to coworkers can be dangerous. You must protect yourself in this. The girltalk is something that goes on while you are not present too. That is something we must always understand about women. If this does work out for you, you are blessed. If not, it will be a learning experince for later.

[Huntress]

That brief Buh-Log-esque entry was the first jaw dropping entry I've read here in a while. Lots of information. Not too much between the lines. That's why I like Aussies. Zero BS factor. I'm very adventurous, but it looks like I'll have to tune into your adventures more often. Just Wow.
I'm sorry to hear things at home are "up with the Salties." Keep your gunpowder dry, your lipstick moist, and your leg out of the Crocs. mouth.

Good luck, Honey.:thumbsup:

Huntress

[vivianann]

Wow your co-worker suspects that you want a sex change, you are between a rock and a hard place with this situation my dear. If you do not say anything rumors may get started about you getting a sex change, I am sure you do not want that to happen, if you tell them about your femme self, that might get out too, well you need to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand. If you can swear them to keep a secret you should tell them, that is what I would do I know you have a job you need to protect, so that is a tough call because I do not know your work place situation. I know what you are going through by wanting to live full time as a woman, I never thought I would want to live full time until I started to go to enfemme getaways, and other week long conferences having to do with crossdressing or transgender issues. please keep us posted on what you end telling your female co-workers, and good luck with everything :hugs: Vivian

[renee k]

Hi Suzy,

From reading your post, and mind you this all I have to go on. If you need their help and support, and feel you can safely confide in them. Then go for it, as you said they 90% suspect. I guess, I would be open with them. Rather than leave something hanging. Just an opinion, but please let us know how it turns out. We're here for your support too!!

Huggs, Renee

[Kate Simmons]

It's up to you Suzy. They sound like pretty good friends. If they would be okay with you having a sex change , they should be okay with you being a CD. When I started my last job I told a lesbian couple who worked there about myself. I just said it was for their ears only and not for publication. To my knowledge, they have never told anyone else and we have since become good friends and get along well. Sometimes you can just tell when a person can keep a confidence.:)

[Holly]

Wow, Suzy... tough call! However, if it is in your heart to want to go fulltime as a woman, and if you trust these two friends, I would consider taking them into your confidence. Continuing to "tease" them with "thought provoking words" may lead to an unexpected strain on the friendships you have established. And, as evidenced it their speculation of you desiring a sex-change, the imagination very often out distances the reality.

Mixed up in all this is a home "situation" that needs your attention as well. Suzy, you're going to be a busy girl.:hugs:

[Jan W]

Dear Suzy,

Just so you know (and I am sure you do know), these girls will tell.

If that is as cool as can be then what's the problem?

If it isn't - there is no rewind on our conversations.

I suppose it boils down to this - are you ready for everyone to know? Is it time?

Whatever you do I hope it works out for you.

Love,


Jan

[MJ]

Dear Suzy ,
Thank you so much for that mini heart attack !! over you may go full time :eek:

I feel that if you chose to go full time or not just tell them there your friends and they are 95% right anyhow it seems that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain ..

i understand this is hard i went through it . and still here one thing is for sure you find out who your real friends are .

Suzy you are an amazing wonderful person and we all only have one life to live to yourself be true Hun.

oh right yes TELL THEM :hugs:

[celeste26]

Obviously if you do go full time then everyone will know anyway. Remember that not every TS gets "the operation" and so if you present as female that is enough isn't it?

[carolinebrookes]

I'm usually not very good with advice but your dilema caught my attention and I'm sticking my oar in a little.

To me, it seems as if you have all but made a choice in your next move to going full time.
Your 2 friends more or less suspect something and they are going on the right lines.
If it were me........I'd let it cool for a few weeks and see what reaction you get in the meantime. If the waters haven't been rippled in that time, then maybe you should invite them out for a meal and confirm, or at least set them right about what your intentions are.

The chances are that if it is going to come out it will be in the cooling off period I suggest. At least this way, you will know how good your friends are.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm so sorry! All the best to u, whatever happens!

Two things come to mind.

About telling the girls. Have they repeated any personal details of others at work that u believe were supposed to be kept secret? That should be a worry for u! If not, maybe u could tell them?

Once the tooth paste is squeezed out of the tube, u can NEVER get it back in again!
I believe u should think very carefully about what u want your life to be like, before u come out!

[Jenny Beth]

Wow, I don't think I've ever read a story quite like yours. Whether you come out with the whole truth to them is something only you can decide since you're the one who has to live with the consequences good or bad. I will say this though, you have them on the edge and they are just dying to know your secret and I doubt they'll just let it go. The speculation has begun and it's going to be tough to keep Pandora in the box.

[JessieB]

What do you expect to gain exactly by telling your coworkers? I understand the compulsion to confide, believe me, but beyond that, what's the upside for you compared to the potential downside? Tell them you are not planning a sex change, apologize for being melodramatic and say you were just dealing with some emotional issues, and leave it at that.

[Suzy Harrison]

Just to give you a little more info. There are no other females in our office and even these two are like me, reps who are usually out on the road all of the time and barely spend two or three hours a week in there.

They are not close to anyone else in the office so I'm pretty sure they will keep it to themselves. They will know that if they did let out the secret and my position became impossible, then I would have to leave. If I did that then their sales positions would become very difficult, as I have 14 years experience in my role which supports them and makes their sales possible.

I think the best thing is to let the dust to settle and wait for either of them to approach me again. To be honest nothing is certain yet as I want to see just how I feel after I've had nine days in Atlanta attending the SCC. Hopefully after that time I will be swayed one way or the other.

I don't feel too exposed at the moment as I trust them and have been really close to them for years.

[AmandaM]

<<I said “wow that’s a big thing to say, what makes her think that?” >>

To girls, this is a yes. And they've "seen it all", so that means, we know you're TG and we don't mind.

["Mary"]

Suzy,

Given the update on how much folks interface with others, boss, family, etc. If they follow up, you might as well tell them seeing they probably can't do much harm with it. Can they???

Sorry to hear things are not so happy at home.

Hugs.

Diana

[KandisTX]

They Suspect? Nope, not likely. It's more likely they already know or have their suspicions and are waiting for you to either confirm or deny, however even in denial you will be affirming their suspicions.

You must remember that women are often much more astute (sp) when it comes to figureing things like this out. My suggestion would be if you feel comfortable enough with them, as you seem to be from your own posts, then tell them, but you must stress the importance of secrecy on their part. This could turn out well for you, but then again it could also turn out bad for you as well. You must think of both routes the conversation will go and make the decision you feel best suits the situation.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Nicole Erin]

They are not going to quit bugging you now.

Serious tho, as long as your job is secure or easily replaceable, then no worries at work.

And since they are long time good friends, I think they will treat you exactly the same.

My experience though - if people DO have a problem with a CD/TS, the person will say so next time an argument comes up. IN other words, if you ever have a heated disagreement with them and they make a snide comment about your TG life, you will then know that telling them was a mistake.

[SarahLynn]

Suzy i'm not nearly as "exposed or exposing" as you (note i do not have an avitar here) but it is my experience, when women get to guessing about things they let their lips lossen up too much. I think if i were in your shoes (what size are they) i would excersize caution but be open with them about dressing. Hey some pointers on sales may result.

I would tell them about dressing and how much it pleases you to have their confidence in this knowledge. With them being nurses they are sure to have some stories to tell that would put ladders in your tights.

Certainly if i had a couple of friends like they are with you, my friends would know about my dressing. I think the knowledge of your dressing will come as no surprise and at the same time give them enough info to stop the guessing about any plans you may have for future changes.

Just my $0.02.

SarahLynn

[TxKimberly]

OMG Suzy, you don't do anything half arsed do ya'?
Wow, what a rock and a hard place. Gotta tell you it does sound to me like they already have a pretty fair clue and are just waiting on you. Suzy, I know this sounds weird since we have only spoken to each other through words on a screen, but I love the hell outta you. Your thoughtful, bold as hell, and just a fun person to talk to. For those very reasons, I wouldn't dream of offering advice here. I'd be scared as hell that my advice would result in you getting hurt.
What I will do is share a couple of things that I have done or that have happened to me.
I was in a very similar place to where you are. I so wanted to be part of the "womens club" - I felt a need for people I liked to know about me and I hoped accept me. I told probably 4 people that I liked and all went well. I had people I liked that I didn't have to hide from all the time.
Then one evening I made the mistake of telling the wrong person at work. (long story how that came about and I've shared it before). She acted fine that night but later told me that I should be ashamed of myself. A few months after that I was asked to leave my manager position and return to being an engineer "because they needed my skills more in the field than as a manager". Like hell. I found out years later that this woman had shared my little secret with a number of other people and I have reached the conclusion that this is why I was asked to leave the management position. Let's face it, if I sucked, they would have just got rid of me.
So, sharing with people you work with is a double edged sword. It offers you freedom to be honest and real with people you have shared it with, but it also carries with it very real risks.
I wish you the very best my friend,
Kim

[CharleneT]

Just from what I've read ... only ... I do not understand your position or feelings, but I would go with the thoughts of TxKim above. Share only if you are very sure of these ladies. The chances of that going bad are great and the result could be bad. For now, I would just tell them "that's something that is not going to happen for sure !" and let the rest drop. Let the mystery be a mystery.

Especially because you mention that they are not in the office much, so they don't know the others. That could also be said about you, if they are not around, you can't be sure of how honest they would be about keeping a big secret. Be very careful.

C.

[Angie G]

Even if you can trust the girl with your secret things have a way of slipping out even if not intended. I would not tell until there was no other option. If it costs you your job your problems will just be that much bigger. :hugs:
Angie

[MichelleOBrien]

Suze, i really am at a loss for words...which is rare... My opinion is that you've told enough or shown enough that they already know. Besides, women's intuition is a mofo. On the plus side, they've offered their help and support and they already treat you like one of the girls. On the downside, there is always the possibility that something might slip to someone in the world.

It really depends on where you want to go with it. I would tell them the situation though. You're a crossdresser thinking of living full time en femme. If nothing else, they could give you advice and pointers. Especially if they've already seen people go through it.

Besides, who better to give advice on being a woman than two women from biith? Just my :2c:

[Maddie22]

After having kept my dressing a secret for 27 years I finally told a girl I worked with ( we worked in a restaurant, which is pretty much like working with friends and family) Anyways, it went over fine we still talk and she still keeps it a secret. It took me about 9 more months to tell my next gg friend who is as close to me as a sister. I did dig deep a bit to make sure I felt safe telling them and proded to get a feeling.
It has been great so far, I even just told my conseulor around the same time.
Bottom line, if you feel like they are more than just co-workers, if they are really your close friends and they are willing to help, just ask them how open they are about certain issues and prod them. From what it sounds like, they will be 100&#37; fine and supportive.
Besides which, if you are going to go full time you need to start by telling some one, and when you are full time then everyone will know and it won't be a secret

[Suzy Harrison]

I've decided to bite the bullet and reveal all tomorrow.

I've spoken to them on the phone tonight and we're meeting at the same place at 9:30 in the morning.

So it's 13 hours to go................ and I hope that figure isn't significant !

[MichelleOBrien]

Good luck girl! knock em dead!

[Erica Lauren James]

That's awesome!! I'd definitely tell them as well. It is going to be just fine. Just now you will be able to be on of the girls with them.

Your such a lucky girl!!

Erica

[TGMarla]

Bite the bullet and tell all? To your girlfriends? Now, are you going to reveal crossdressing, or transexualism? Are you deciding to transition?

Best of luck to you, sweetie!

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Suzy,

Difficult questions but pull back and look at big picture.

1. How will it effect those U love?
2. Is it impossible for U to live a happy life in your current situation?
3. Will U feel happy in family and career as a women?

I realize these are difficult questions but we do have to live for ourselves and there will be support for you no matter which direction U go.

Good luck Dear.

[Shelly67]

Its you're call sweetie . But if it were me , I,d keep a quiet for a bit longer . guage the situation..........

[Suzy Harrison]

I've know started a new post as the subject has now completely changed (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1312923#post1312923)

[BillieJoe]

My perspective (from experience): If one person knows something - its a secret. If TWO people know something it probably won't be a secret for very long. Best of luck sweetheart, I wish you well.