Busted Big time!

[Pamela girl]

Well it finally happened. Got busted by my S.O. She had no ideal I crossdressed until yesterday morning, now she is gone. While I was on the Bill Dance method I did not want it to end this way, we have to manny common freinds now and I am not sure how many of them already know or will soon know.
I work from home as a stock trader and an agent for a company so I have plenty of time alone. Yesterday as I got my day started I decided to dress which I do fairly often and just go about my day in my home office like it is the most normal thing in the world. Well I did not know that her plant sent everyone home because of a power outage that was expected to last until late in the evening. So there I am in a conservative buissiness suit heels and hose with a straight skirt, bra with my forms and jewelry (womans watch, rings, clip on ear rings, and necklace, along with an ankle bracelet) no wig or makup and on the phone with one of those clients you don't hang up on when I look up and she is walking in the door to my office. There was nothing I could do but keep talking to the client for what seemed like forever but couldn't have been over 5 minutes while she just sat down on the couch in my office and stared at me in disbelief.When I did get off the phone she was not understanding at all and has left. I don't think she will be coming back. It was one of those moments stories are wrote about. My desk is one of those just a frame to hold the computer type that leaves nowhere to hide, the heels have an ankle strap so you can't just kick them off the blouse zipps up the back and is thin white so if I take the jacket off you can see the bra through it. All I wanted to do was to get changed into my jeans and t-shirt and she wants to rant. When I went to the bedroom to change she just followed me ranting all the time when I ask her to excuse me while I get changed she just said well change and kept on ranting. That had to be the most humilliating moment in my life taking these clothes off while she was standing there watching me to see what else I had on underneath.
I hate to go on but had to vent somewhere and I am really not sure how my life will change from here. I have put everything in a large garbage bag to get rid of but haven't been able to toss it yet.

[Kimberly]

I know it may seem like you want to now - but don't toss any of your stuff.

If you want it gone right now, then store it somewhere.

This is the problem we face, with women who do not accept men who crossdress. It's horrible when things like this happen, and lots of hugs go out to you Pam! xx

Talk to your SO, and explain what this whole "crossdressing" thing is, and is about. Was she your wife? or just long term partner?

Still.... lots of hugs xxx :(

[Pamela girl]

She has been my GF since last aug

[Katie Ashe]

I almost got caught int he same Situation... Toss your items in the closet, you'll thank yourself later, Some items are expensive, don't hurt yourself that way. Hugs go out to you dear. All I can say is take it one day at a time, hope everything works out the way you want/need. We're here for you. :)

Hug, Katie

[Krissi]

Pamela,

I am soo sorry to hear what happened to you. I know this has to be a very difficult time for you. I'm sure you're gf was in for the shock of her life. And to be caught on the phone where you just had to sit and take it must have been awful.

Hopefully she is just taking some time and space to herself for now. I doubt she's told any of your friends yet, she may find it embarrasing for her to tell. I hope you guys can find some time to sit down and talk rationally. Good luck.

[DonnaT]

That's really terrible, Pamela, but tossing your stuff won't change what has happened and won't make it go away.

If she comes back, don't lie to her by telling her you'll quit, as you know you can try but it will be very nearly impossible to do.

Good luck.

[Wendy me]

girlfreind that just is a big mess haveing been busted so many times before i know that at that point what ever you say is wrong..... as well as not saying anything is wrong....all i can tell you is try to listen to her .. let her off load on you.. then try in a calm way to answer her questions ... and not to force the issue what the out come will be .. depends on just how you bouth deal with the subject... your not wrong and not right at the same time as she is too... give it some time a good thing might to put away a lot of your things before she finds them ....be there for her and let her know you love her as well.. rember she can be shocked , mad, upset with all this ... it's a lot to get in just one moment.... good luck rember as you have seen and read here small steps.. your in my thoughts and prayers.....

[Paula A]

Pamela;
Getting caught can seam to be the low of all lows, I bet you are feeling ashamed, embaressed, and angry all at the same time all the while being scared of loosing you GF or having her tell all of your friends. BUT this could be a new begining a rebirth of pamela, and a chance for you to be yourself. to talk to your girl friend and be open and honest with her. If it doesn't work out at least you know now and not after 16-years of marriage and two kids.


Right now think of what she might be feeling. is he gay? that's the first one, Does he want to be a girl? second one, and she will be angry because you were lying to her. (You did not tell her and secret are the same as lying.)

Big huggs going out for you, girl you need them.
remember what everyone else has said, don't throw it all away, put it in a box, put the box in the attic, but don't toss it, You will be needing it again.

[Tristen Cox]

That's aweful to be in that position. Don't be too hasty to jump to any conclusions just yet. And throw nothing away as you may only want it back later. Give this a few days to see what happens. Try to give her some space to work it out in her head as this is a total shock to her. At the same time don't let it wander too far, try to keep in touch. I'm at a loss for anything better to advise. Best wishes, and good luck.

[Holly]

Pamela, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. But as the others hae already said, throwing your girl stuff away won't make anything different and may in fact lead to your resentment of your GF for "making" you do it. It's really much too early to tell wjat the outcome of this is going to be. What is you GF general outlook on life? LIberal or conservative? How deep of a connection do you have with her? Can she understand the Pamela is a part of the person she fell in love with? These are some of the questions you will need to think about as you prepare to talk to her. Good luck... and here's a Holly HUG just for you!

[Sigrid]

Pamela,

I'm so very sorry to here that. I just hope that after she calms down a bit she'll give you an opportunity to discuss it openly her. What you've come to accept over your lifetime, she has had to come to grips with in just a few minutes. Who knows, given enought time, she might surprise you and learn to accept it.

Keep your things. In fact, go buy yourself a new blouse. You need validation now, not guilt or shame.

~Sigrid

[Merinda]

I'm really sorry to hear that Pamela ,

I wish you the strenght to get you through this emotional time and hope you and her are able to sort something out.

As the other girls have said , store your cloth's out of sight in a box and seal the box , this will give you the effect of quitting.
Then you will not need to go to a great expense when you re-start.

Remember ,

very few of us succeed at quitting for good.

[SAMANTHA SIREN]

PAMELA; Sorry to hear about your unfortunate episode.What an awful black patch of luck!You mind your own buisness and treat people with dignity and compassion and then something really nasty and uncalled for happens! I can only say please reconsider your options dear Pamela.Think of how much the cross-dressing has given you and do not just throw it all away because some real female can't understand why you are as you are.Respect yourself and DON'T GIVE UP-PERSISTANCE WILL REAP IT'S REWARDS IN THE END.One day you will be a winner girl!

Love and kisses,
Thinking of you,
English blue eyed blonde,
Samantha.xx
P.S. If you need to chat about anything-e-mail me at [email protected] x.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Pamela,

You have been given some great advice by our sisters.I really can't add anymore but,you will be in our prayers.Hopefully things will sort themselves out in the next few days.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Jenifer1961]

Sorry to hear what happened.. Hopefully You can get a chance to talk with her over this... I wish the best of luck for you...

[Danielle Taylor]

This is my first post on her and when I read this something came to mind. I don't want to sound condesending, but I told my wife very early on. We have been married eleven years and she has known for almost 13. My point is that women, in my experience, don't like having things kept from them. Not to say there aren't women that would react poorly no mater how they found out, but I suspect that in many cases it is as much a feeling of betrayal, that you were holding something back, as it is shock and/or disgust. She may consider it lying. Men are not as concerned about such things in general, but considering who I am speaking to consider if you caught your SO in some private, personal activity she never trusted to tell you about. You would probably feel a little betrayed that she didn't trust you enough to tell you.

I know how hard it is to tell someone what we do. I was terrified when i did it, but I think in general it is the way to go. You will show her you trust her to confide your deepest darkest secrets to her. She might even feel closer to you. And if she does freak, she might not be the right girl for you anyway. I mean if she can't understand something so important to you, how can you ever build a meaningful relationship?

Again I don't mean to talk down to anyone or imply I have all the answers. Maybe I just got lucky. Either way, I feel for you. It is tough to go through that, I'm sure and I hope it all works out for the best. But maybe the lesson you take from this will help build a stronger relationship next time. It may be hard, but I can't imagine it being worse that what just happened.

If I over stpped my bounds, just tell me to shut up. Unfortunatly I have broad shoulders and i can take it.

P.S. Don't through the clothes away! The urge to dress will not go away and you will regret it.

[Melissa A.]

I'm so sorry, Pamela. This has been happening alot lately... is there some kind of cd radar out there, or what? Maybe if you were made up and wearing a wig, she would have been more impressed...

Seriously, I know it's embarrassing, humiliating, and really hard to go through. But it could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. Really. There are at least 4 or 5 recent threads about cds and their SOs finding out. I suggest you read them. And if she is at all interested, see, tactfully, if she will. Your'e not a bad person, and didn't deserve that kind of berating. If this was your first time getting caught, you probably have a long way to go, but someday you will know you haven't done much of anything that is wrong. Hopefully with someone who understands. Please read the other threads on this subject. I think they will help. Wishing you all the best.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Stormgirl]

Wow,what a pity.Makes me glad tht I am single :rolleyes:

[Anna]

Thats no girlfriend its an ostrich with lipstick. She's wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. You should thank her for opening YOUR eyes, life is toooo short Pamela.
xxx

[RachelDenise]

I'm sorry to hear about your surprise visit home by your GF. Who knows what is going through her mind. Try to keep an open mind yourself. Maybe she has some questions and wants to know more once the shock has worn off. On the other hand, it may be over. You need to figure out what is important to you as well. Keep your fem things. Throwing them out changes nothing and only reenforces your feelings of guilt.

[jjjjohanne]

Hi,
I bet you're stressed out! Dr. Phil was counseling a couple where he was a CD. He said frankly that it was very unlikely that the guy would stop crossdressing. With that in mind, throwing your stuff away will probably not stop you from dressing. You will not likely stop unless you decide to do it independantly and then seek counseling. I am certain it would take a skilled outsider who stays involved to keep you committed to it. We all have thrown a lot of stuff away, but bought new stuff because we were not committed to stopping, we were just in a down mood about dressing.
She is probably wanting exactly that. I told a girlfriend that I liked to dress up when I was young. She took it ok, but then told me that she wanted me to promise that if it happens again, that I would get counseling. (When we broke up, she told some people about me.)
So, what was YOUR girlfriend "ranting" about? What she was saying is rather important. How she waited until you were off of the phone to explode and how she felt free to yell (if she did) at you says some things about her personality and y'all's relationship. Women will stick with men through a lot of junk. Just watch cops. Men beat women in drunken rages and they stay committed. As with all premarital and newlywed couples, I expect that the two of you expect behavior from each other that is based on your world not the other's world. Most newlyweds struggle until they learn how the other person is different than themselves. She will want you to deal with this in what is right to her womanly thoughts. That will be something you two will have to work past. Good luck.

[Pamela girl]

Last night we got togather and went out to eat and talked. I told her while I was sorry for not telling her about it sooner that it was part of who I am and that I had crossdressed for as long as I could remember, it is a private thing and I have only went out like that when I was out of town when I used to be a transpatologist. I told her that while sometimes I wanted to quit that I didnt see it happening for long at a time since I'm over 40 now and have been doing it since I can remember (ealiest I can remember was sometime before starting school) We had a long talk and she agreed that she had had no reason to suspect and she had been living with me since August last year that I done a pretty good job of hiding it. She stayed the night and we had sex but Pamela did not come out. I told her that it is not uncommon for me to dress up after she leaves in the morning and work all day long in my office or watch television or just do whatever I do in the house like that all day then change back if I have to go out or sometime before she gets home. She wanted to know if that was the same thing I always wore or not and I told her I have several outfis from the buissiness suit to dennim skirts and tank tops but that all were either skirts or dresses and no pants. When she ask why no pants I told her if I want to wear pants I can do that anytime. She seemed really caring and sorry she was so shocked and ranting but said when she seen the guy she knew dressed like that it just blew her mind. I said well I guess if I had came home and found you out in the shop wearing my clothes with a Drew Cary haircut smokin a cigar and wearing a strap-on and grease under your nails and a 5 0-clock shadow I might have freaked too. For now it is smothed over but I don't know if I will be able to be more open with my dressing or not.
By the way, Speaking of Strap-on a lesbian told me the test that other lesbians give each other before they go out. "Is your 'thing' hanging lower than your skirt?"
Thanks for all your support

[Katie Ashe]

Sounds like things are working in your favor. Don't be too pushy, it is a sensitive time for her. I hope that she stays, sounds like you really love her. You need to be completely open with her when/if she ask, no matter how hard it is for you. Take it from me, the hard part is over now. Grow with her but don't drag. Hope that makes kinda since, don't know how to say it...

Love Katie

[Krissi]

I'm glad to hear things are working out for you.

[stephanie1000]

pamela girl i am truely sorry for everything that has gone on in your life recently and as i can't say i know what your going through i can only offer you my shoulder to cry on and my heart to warm you. As for your SO i don't know her and don't know where she's coming from outright of the shock and maybe hummiliation she feels she's going through.. Be the women your ment to be and don't toss out your clothes you will regret it latter on. Lots of Love Stephanie ;)

[Kimberly]

Ok. This is a great starting point. I'm glad she's coming to terms with it...


I said well I guess if I had came home and found you out in the shop wearing my clothes with a Drew Cary haircut smokin a cigar and wearing a strap-on and grease under your nails and a 5 0-clock shadow I might have freaked too.
You have finally brought some kind of empathy to my thought of how GGs must feel. (There's another thread on how they feel, and I couldn't work it out myself...) But you're right. If a GG friend or SO of mine was caught, by me, dressing in baggy jeans and a t shirt, trying to emulate the 5 o clock shadow you speak of, I'd probably freak too. :)

So there we go. Hope things work out for you more. xx

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Hugs, nothing more to say. However, (okay, so there is something to say) next time start out by telling your SO. When you know it's serious enough you will continue to see each other, then tell her. No surprises, no secrets. :)

hugs
kew

[Kimberly]

When you know it's serious enough you will continue to see each other, then tell her. No surprises, no secrets.
Exactly the approach I will take in the future. :)

[K_65]

I can only imagine how it must felt, But at the same time we must understand that life gives us many situations to deal with. Now it is time to overcome what has happened and move on to either reconciliation or
just learn form this experience. Ful disclosure is always the best so there is no surprises in the future.
The bad thing is this isn't always possible a some of us learn later what
we will become in life is not genetically predisposed, as life is a state of
learning and discovery. :eek:
If we all knew where or what life would give us down the line, there would be
no learning from our shortcoming. They could not exist. But how boring
life would become. :rolleyes:
All that can happen now is to be the best person we could hope for and know
that possibilities like this are quite likely.

*hugs*
Ken