louann
05-31-2008, 10:32 AM
Last night I was talking to Tiffany about something and she said you need to blog that. I said to her the world doesn’t want to hear my crap about that subject but I promised her to write something.
I am thankful today for being who I am, I am appreciative and blessed to have the ability to be a passable crossdresser today and the lifestyle I lead. People may not agree with it but I am not hurting anyone or forcing anyone to do something they don’t want to do.
I grew up in the 80’s and through childhood I always found myself admiring the women of the day wondering what it would feel like to dress and look like them. I would say I was pretty confused back then because I thought I was the only one I the world who had these thoughts of being male but wanting to dress up in women’s clothes wanting to look like them. I did experiment with my mothers lingerie and boots but not till around 21 did I finally get the nerve to go shopping for a few things to fully dress and of course used the “It’s for my girlfriend” line.
It was in 1991 that my full realization of Louann’s possibilities came true. It was Halloween of that year, just moved into an apartment building that Christina Applegate just moved out of, must be nice to be famous. I started dating my ex wife at the time who fully did my make up. I had real long hair which worked out well and only had to crimp it here and there. After looking in the mirror and seeing the possibilities, it was beyond what I imagined. That evening I even went with friends to the local bar and fooled a whole bunch of people till I spoke. One guy even had to buy me a drink after he got up off the floor from amazement.
After that night during Halloween I did it again the following year in 1992 going to work like that and fooled a whole bunch of co workers. One even asking another one who is the new girl in the office.
I tried to incorporate my crossdressing into the bedroom with my new wife but was not comfortable enough to come out and say the words “I like to dress up in women’s clothes”, and to this day I don’t think she would have accepted it anyway. For a whole decade I remained a closet crossdresser, hidden from the world and at times purging and confused. At the end of the 90’s I got separated and then divorced and had absolutely nothing to do with my crossdressing. Let’s just say we both grew apart from each other. We had good times and bad times and it was time to move on with our lives.
This was the point in my life that changed everything I knew in life. The Internet at this point was getting popular. I knew now there were other people like me in the world; I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. I was in a way tired of lying to myself. I told Tiffany last night that life is short and I didn’t want to die or take my last breath wondering what it would have felt like to be a closet crossdresser my whole life with hidden desires from my girlfriend / wife. I vowed to myself I can no longer hide it and whoever comes into my life at that point will have to accept me as a crossdresser. Life is about enjoying life with a partner who loves you for who you are and not what your hiding.
However don’t get me wrong I was not about to flame my newfound realizations to my family, co-workers, etc. I wasn’t going to hid my desires from the person that would be my partner in life. Life is about sharing it and appreciating each other.
I have no regrets. Back in Y2K with my ex girlfriend, I could have said no I don’t enjoy doing this and at least I tried it and can die happy from whatever else I chose in life to do or be.
As I transitioned through my divorce, my ex girlfriend became part of my life and she was the one who I told what my desires were. Lucky for me she is very open-minded and a cosmetologist! Oh how lucky can I get! From Y2K up to today it has been a long journey but a short one as well. I can’t believe today it’s already been 8 years ago that I developed Louann into what she is today. I told Tiffany if I died today… I would die happy for what I have accomplished and done so far. I have met a lot of beautiful people in the world, not only physically but mentally. Attended numerous conventions and events, taken 1000’s of photos and hours of videos, and been published in various publications worldwide.
Anyway back to my whole purpose of this. In the last year being Tiffany’s friend, I always give her encouragement to be self sufficient at her own make up and practice makes perfect. That I didn’t get to where I am at today with what I do over night. It was a lot of trial and error and desire to be who I am. I agree I don’t like doing the make up thing either but it is something I have to do to be the person I want to be. It’s not like I hate it but it’s the least thing I’d rather do.
I do understand the feelings of a closet crossdresser and I don’t mean to look down on it but I just couldn’t live life like that anymore. I am blessed with the opportunity to be who I am in today’s society and I Thank the world for that. I do understand that in some peoples life they cannot do what I do at all or as often as I do it but I believe everyone who has these desires must at least try it out once in your life. I don’t care if you live in a small rural community in Maine, go out and experience it once in your life in a large metropolitan city.
I spent quite a few years at times self doubting myself of why am I doing this but today I just accept it and enjoy life doing it. I appreciate my ability to be passable and never take it for granted. Why what I have today was given to me… I don’t know, but the universe works in amazing ways, I talk to the stars, look at the moon, I feel the universe, I feel the love around the world placed around my heart. Sometimes I look into the sky at night and can’t help to just smile ear to ear knowing I can feel my community.
Tiffany and I usually get into these self-realizations of OMG! Can you believe what we are doing talks. It is truly amazing being her friend for past year since May 12, 2007. We both appreciate each other’s lives like we’ve known each other since childhood. We don’t mean to make people jealous or hate us for what we do but in our view, we are the one’s doing it. We are always happy to meet new girls into the scene or help them out into it. I think it is totally beyond anything that both of us ever dreamed of and we both Thank the community for acceptance in who we are and the world.
So again it was important for Tiffany to have me explain to you what I told her last night. That I was not prepared in life to die as a closet crossdresser. Again no disrespect to those who live that life but I personally couldn’t do it anymore and am blessed with the outlet I was given. “Life is short, Live it”. Tiffany and I have become Best Friends for Life in the last year and hope we both grow old together, that friendship is the most precious thing in life and to live without drama.
I am thankful today for being who I am, I am appreciative and blessed to have the ability to be a passable crossdresser today and the lifestyle I lead. People may not agree with it but I am not hurting anyone or forcing anyone to do something they don’t want to do.
I grew up in the 80’s and through childhood I always found myself admiring the women of the day wondering what it would feel like to dress and look like them. I would say I was pretty confused back then because I thought I was the only one I the world who had these thoughts of being male but wanting to dress up in women’s clothes wanting to look like them. I did experiment with my mothers lingerie and boots but not till around 21 did I finally get the nerve to go shopping for a few things to fully dress and of course used the “It’s for my girlfriend” line.
It was in 1991 that my full realization of Louann’s possibilities came true. It was Halloween of that year, just moved into an apartment building that Christina Applegate just moved out of, must be nice to be famous. I started dating my ex wife at the time who fully did my make up. I had real long hair which worked out well and only had to crimp it here and there. After looking in the mirror and seeing the possibilities, it was beyond what I imagined. That evening I even went with friends to the local bar and fooled a whole bunch of people till I spoke. One guy even had to buy me a drink after he got up off the floor from amazement.
After that night during Halloween I did it again the following year in 1992 going to work like that and fooled a whole bunch of co workers. One even asking another one who is the new girl in the office.
I tried to incorporate my crossdressing into the bedroom with my new wife but was not comfortable enough to come out and say the words “I like to dress up in women’s clothes”, and to this day I don’t think she would have accepted it anyway. For a whole decade I remained a closet crossdresser, hidden from the world and at times purging and confused. At the end of the 90’s I got separated and then divorced and had absolutely nothing to do with my crossdressing. Let’s just say we both grew apart from each other. We had good times and bad times and it was time to move on with our lives.
This was the point in my life that changed everything I knew in life. The Internet at this point was getting popular. I knew now there were other people like me in the world; I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. I was in a way tired of lying to myself. I told Tiffany last night that life is short and I didn’t want to die or take my last breath wondering what it would have felt like to be a closet crossdresser my whole life with hidden desires from my girlfriend / wife. I vowed to myself I can no longer hide it and whoever comes into my life at that point will have to accept me as a crossdresser. Life is about enjoying life with a partner who loves you for who you are and not what your hiding.
However don’t get me wrong I was not about to flame my newfound realizations to my family, co-workers, etc. I wasn’t going to hid my desires from the person that would be my partner in life. Life is about sharing it and appreciating each other.
I have no regrets. Back in Y2K with my ex girlfriend, I could have said no I don’t enjoy doing this and at least I tried it and can die happy from whatever else I chose in life to do or be.
As I transitioned through my divorce, my ex girlfriend became part of my life and she was the one who I told what my desires were. Lucky for me she is very open-minded and a cosmetologist! Oh how lucky can I get! From Y2K up to today it has been a long journey but a short one as well. I can’t believe today it’s already been 8 years ago that I developed Louann into what she is today. I told Tiffany if I died today… I would die happy for what I have accomplished and done so far. I have met a lot of beautiful people in the world, not only physically but mentally. Attended numerous conventions and events, taken 1000’s of photos and hours of videos, and been published in various publications worldwide.
Anyway back to my whole purpose of this. In the last year being Tiffany’s friend, I always give her encouragement to be self sufficient at her own make up and practice makes perfect. That I didn’t get to where I am at today with what I do over night. It was a lot of trial and error and desire to be who I am. I agree I don’t like doing the make up thing either but it is something I have to do to be the person I want to be. It’s not like I hate it but it’s the least thing I’d rather do.
I do understand the feelings of a closet crossdresser and I don’t mean to look down on it but I just couldn’t live life like that anymore. I am blessed with the opportunity to be who I am in today’s society and I Thank the world for that. I do understand that in some peoples life they cannot do what I do at all or as often as I do it but I believe everyone who has these desires must at least try it out once in your life. I don’t care if you live in a small rural community in Maine, go out and experience it once in your life in a large metropolitan city.
I spent quite a few years at times self doubting myself of why am I doing this but today I just accept it and enjoy life doing it. I appreciate my ability to be passable and never take it for granted. Why what I have today was given to me… I don’t know, but the universe works in amazing ways, I talk to the stars, look at the moon, I feel the universe, I feel the love around the world placed around my heart. Sometimes I look into the sky at night and can’t help to just smile ear to ear knowing I can feel my community.
Tiffany and I usually get into these self-realizations of OMG! Can you believe what we are doing talks. It is truly amazing being her friend for past year since May 12, 2007. We both appreciate each other’s lives like we’ve known each other since childhood. We don’t mean to make people jealous or hate us for what we do but in our view, we are the one’s doing it. We are always happy to meet new girls into the scene or help them out into it. I think it is totally beyond anything that both of us ever dreamed of and we both Thank the community for acceptance in who we are and the world.
So again it was important for Tiffany to have me explain to you what I told her last night. That I was not prepared in life to die as a closet crossdresser. Again no disrespect to those who live that life but I personally couldn’t do it anymore and am blessed with the outlet I was given. “Life is short, Live it”. Tiffany and I have become Best Friends for Life in the last year and hope we both grow old together, that friendship is the most precious thing in life and to live without drama.