As Freedom Day Approaches - CD decreases

[AKAMichelle]

This is one of the oddest things. With my wife moving out in 20 days, I have the need / urge to CD less. I seem to be reverting back to my old male self. Looking forward to the hunt for women. Seems so strange to me. Since, for the first time in years I have the ability to 100% present as a woman and it doesn't seem as important as it should. When my wife was around the urge was huge!!! Could my wife be driving me to crossdress so I can escape her?

Has anyone else experienced anything like this before?

Michelle

[mike47]

I can say that I have gone through periods that CD'ing wasn't all that important to me. Then of course it was me telling myself that this is wrong and wierd and all. but after a little bit of time it hits me hard and I want or need it more. Back then I would always through everything away and tell myself no more. Now when it happens it is still in my closet waiting for me. I would have to say I have come to grips with it better and accepting it so much easier. Makes it alot more enjoyable.

[Kristy_Iowa_CD]

Have you ever considered that what your experiencing is just a normal (and healthy) part of your gender/sexuality?

Something that I have learned about myself over the years is that I have a complex dichotomy when it comes to my gender identity and sexuality. When I was younger, cross dressing was more about clothes and curiousity. As I grew older it became more about becoming feminine.

Today, when I am en femme, it is a complete package. I have spent the last two years working on and refining my mannerisms, speech, and behavior so that I am a complete "woman" when I dress. For me, cross dressing is about embracing the feminine side of my personality.

Yet, when I don't dress I am "all man". I experience the same sexual lust for biological women that any straight man would. I laugh it up with boys and kick back to drink a few beers. I will admit that I am probably a lot more sensitive and intuitive then most straight men (the feminine side of my personality asserting itself perhaps?), but believe me, anyone who knows me or would see me on the street would consider me "one of the guys" and many of the people in my life would be in utter disbelief if they knew about Kristy.

In my opinion, it is perfectly normal to look at a biological woman's behind and think "cute skirt" and "nice ass" at the same time. :)

[CharleneT]

Kristy, Exactly ! That dichotomy is at the heart of many CD's thinking. It also can cause a lot of confusion !! In another thread I was discussing "looking" at GG's and how that has changed since I started to go out while dressed (recent change in my life).

C.

[docrobbysherry]

I have gone thru a couple of periods when I couldn't dress because of my daughter staying with me. I REALLY wanted to dress at those times!
Then she left, and I was able to dress anytime I wanted to, but suddenly didn't want to.

I was kind of like; the longer I couldn't dress, the more I wanted to. Then, when I could dress whenever, I didn't want to anymore.

Eventually, my weirdness passed. Dressing, and the desire to, went back to my normal schedule. Maybe the same will happen to u.

[AKAMichelle]

I have gone thru a couple of periods when I couldn't dress because of my daughter staying with me. I REALLY wanted to dress at those times!
Then she left, and I was able to dress anytime I wanted to, but suddenly didn't want to.

I was kind of like; the longer I couldn't dress, the more I wanted to. Then, when I could dress whenever, I didn't want to anymore.

Eventually, my weirdness passed. Dressing, and the desire to, went back to my normal schedule. Maybe the same will happen to u.

That is exactly what I'm talking about. It's odd. It's totally not what I expected considering how important crossdressing has become. I have had times before where it has gone up or down. It is just so totally unexpected to happen right as I am about to be able to dress whenever I want

[Tomara]

I too have found that since my divorce 2yrs ago I went from OK now I can do what I want to and I`m going to do it!! to ok this is who I am and this is how I fell and it is OK to be me . And the way I feel now is I enjoy my feminine side , I appreciate my freedom , and I dress to enjoy who I am insted of telling myself I have to dress because I can . I hope you will find the same peace in your life that I have , this is I`m sure a very stressfull time for you , so remember you have the support of your friends here!! :hugs: Tomara

[vivianann]

after my wife left I wanted to dress more, and now I want to live full time as a woman.

[Shelly67]

Its an odd situation . I crave everyday for friday to arrive so I can trans.....theres been loads of times when it has gotten to that special time of the week that my desire to dress has been virtually nil.
I,ll bet I,m not alone in feeling this way too......

[Sharon B.]

I believe after a short time you will be enjoying yourself, being able to dress whenever you desire to.
Just give it time, you aren't the only one that has gone through the process of not having the desire to dress.

[Laura_Stephens]

I have found over the years that my desire to dress greatly increases when my stress level increases. The desire never goes away. It just fluctuates.

[Girdlewoman]

You bet your beads. Mine gave me fibro myalgia,asthma and a nervous breakdown. I'm still recovering. My need to dress has diminished. I'm a gurl and I know it so I know it's not over just another chapter. I'm even wearing mens undies for the first time in years. I love my femself but it's just resting right now.You'll be o.k. Peace Charlene

[linnea]

after my wife left I wanted to dress more, and now I want to live full time as a woman.
Shifts of desire are common, I think. I read about them quite frequently on this forum. I think that they are a little like the urge/purge cycle for lots of CDs. Who knows; maybe you will never crossdress again in your life. I doubt it, but it might happen. I think that it is hard to detemine a single motive or cause for CDing. One thing that I think is certain: things never stay exactly the same.

[jasmine57]

When I first got divorced, my urge to dress fell off dramatically. But as time went on and I did start to dres again, and realized I wasn't in such a hurry to get out of my makeup amd clothes, I really started to enoy it even more. I've had more time to try and perfect my makeup and don't have to put on wrinkled clothes anymore. As much as I love the hunt for new women, I love to be able to dress at my leisure and not have to rush for just a few minutes of the relaxation that come with my dressing.

[Nikki A.]

Since she is going there is less of a stress level. If CDing is a stress relief mechanism for you then this may be a reason. Just a natural ebb and flow.
Me, on the other hand, with my wife passing away I don't have her restraining me and I have done more in the last year than in the last 20 yrs. I have become less ashamed of it, if shopping I say it's for me and I've been out to one of the clubs. Next on the agenda is going to the commitment ceremony later this month dressed to the nines. All strangers except my friend and her husband.

[crusadergirl]

That happens to me alot where i can't dress but thats all i want to do. But when i have the time to do it i don't. My urge has gone away mostly b/c i never get anytime at all.

[ReineD]

When my wife was around the urge was huge!!! Could my wife be driving me to crossdress so I can escape her?

Michelle, I wonder .. do you think the urge to dress when your wife was around would have been so huge if she had been supportive and enjoyed your dressing and gf time with you? Or do you think it would have been just as strong but for different reasons? Just curious. :hugs:

[kittypw GG]

This is one of the oddest things. With my wife moving out in 20 days, I have the need / urge to CD less. I seem to be reverting back to my old male self. Looking forward to the hunt for women. Seems so strange to me. Since, for the first time in years I have the ability to 100% present as a woman and it doesn't seem as important as it should. When my wife was around the urge was huge!!! Could my wife be driving me to crossdress so I can escape her?

Has anyone else experienced anything like this before?

Michelle

It is too bad that you are looking forward to the "hunt for women" before she has even moved out. Do you think that attitude might have been behind why she is moving out in the first place?????

Perhaps she needed you to be 100 % into finding a balance with her in your marriage. Maybe the lack of involvement in your married life was due to your over involvement in thinking about crossdressing, planning crossdressing, actually crossdressing etc. A partner who is a non CD can be oversaturated with the topic and feel like a lesser priority or maybe no more important than a new pair of heals or a new nail job?

Try being up front about who you are and what you expect from a partner with your next "capture" then maybe you will have a shot at an actual partnership if that is what you desire.

:hugs: Kitty

[AKAMichelle]

It is too bad that you are looking forward to the "hunt for women" before she has even moved out. Do you think that attitude might have been behind why she is moving out in the first place?????

Perhaps she needed you to be 100 % into finding a balance with her in your marriage. Maybe the lack of involvement in your married life was due to your over involvement in thinking about crossdressing, planning crossdressing, actually crossdressing etc. A partner who is a non CD can be oversaturated with the topic and feel like a lesser priority or maybe no more important than a new pair of heals or a new nail job?

Try being up front about who you are and what you expect from a partner with your next "capture" then maybe you will have a shot at an actual partnership if that is what you desire.

:hugs: Kitty

My marriage has been over for many months and years. We just grew a part. I kept my crossdressing hidden so as not to destroy the marriage. I told her about it as my last ditch effort to save the marriage. I hoped that she would understand that I trusted her and wanted things to work out. Instead I got more telling me how screwed up I was.

My crossdressing had nothing to do with my divorce although my wife thinks that I want to have a sex change. She couldn't be further from the truth. I want to live for a change. The other day my wife told me that she doesn't have any friends here. That's true because she never wanted to do anything except with me. I have a few semi-friends here and I want to find more. I want to quit living under a rock and see the world for what it is.

I had hoped that she would have joined me, but she doesn't want to. So off I go on my own. That's the reason for the feeling of wanting to find someone to go out with. I want to see the world and enjoy the company of someone who accepts me for who I am. I'm tired of being someone's project to change.


Michelle, I wonder .. do you think the urge to dress when your wife was around would have been so huge if she had been supportive and enjoyed your dressing and gf time with you? Or do you think it would have been just as strong but for different reasons? Just curious. :hugs:

I don't know for sure. I think that I would have still wanted to crossdress but it would have been greatly reduced. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I will answer your question in several months after I find the answer in a thread.

[Donna Michelle]

Michelle, you are going through mixed emotions about yourself and your failed relationship. You probably feel guilty that your wife is leaving because you crossdressed. It is like cheating on a diet. If you eat that candy bar while dieting, you have guilt and can't enjoy it like it was your birthday cake.

I crossdressed since I was 5 years old and nothing could change my mind about it. I crossdressed while married to Julie and she supported me, so I had no guilt or worries. I could enjoy it. When she died, I had more time to do it and it made me happy. I wasn't looking for another wife.

I tried quit crossdressing when I met my current wife, because I didn't think she would accept me. But I couldn't quit and I secretly wore her panties and bras. Soon that was not enough. I finally had to tell her, but I could not go public because we had a son.

Now our son is 10 years old, I came back out and enjoy shopping in public with my wife. I am looking for friends who accept me as I am. The toughest part of coming out was my wife being upset because I lied and kept secrets from her

You can choose to find people who accept and encourage crossdressers. Your urge to dress will come back with or without support, but it is more fun to have support. Try to get over the guilt. Crossdressing is not a bad thing. It is what made you happy until someone used it as a tool for guilt for you.

Don't let someone else spoil your fun. It is time for you to be happy! I can say this because I feel much happier since I am back out of the closet. I spent too many years doing what other people wanted. I want to wear what I like. You should wear what you like and not feel guilty about it.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Why is it we think we HAVE to be in short skirts and heels and full makeup to be dressing?? And if we aren't we are sick or something????

I became much happier when I realized that, just like a woman, I have moods where all I want is to survive and move on to tomorrow...those days I could care less about frilly clothes....a cami and soft pants is more than enough. It may not be the perfect IMAGE of femininity but I'm still dressed in fem items which make me feel better. And a few times I really don't even want to CHANGE clothes....just too tired and burnt out to bother when I get home.

I think once you learn to forget about being a CROSSDRESSER and just wear what makes you happy at the moment you will find peace and happiness. I did.


Emily Ann

[Claire3]

You are who you are.The urge will undoubtately return,leaving your partner is never a nice thing,ive been there.Alot depends on your circumstances,i wish you well.Ps,im flourishing

[Sandra]

Why is it we think we HAVE to be in short skirts and heels and full makeup to be dressing?? And if we aren't we are sick or something????

I became much happier when I realized that, just like a woman, I have moods where all I want is to survive and move on to tomorrow...those days I could care less about frilly clothes....a cami and soft pants is more than enough. It may not be the perfect IMAGE of femininity but I'm still dressed in fem items which make me feel better. And a few times I really don't even want to CHANGE clothes....just too tired and burnt out to bother when I get home.

I think once you learn to forget about being a CROSSDRESSER and just wear what makes you happy at the moment you will find peace and happiness. I did.


Emily Ann


:clap: :iagree:

Well said Emily

My SO is like this she's just as happy in a tatty pair of jeans and t-shirt as she is wearing a dress and all the trimmings

[Tree GG]

you just might get it. Then it's all your responsibility for your happiness and no one else's fault that you're not.

[Donna Michelle]

I agree with Emily and Sandra. My wife looks sexy in a t-shirt and jeans and no one thinks she is any less feminine. She doesn't always wear makeup as she works from home or remodels the home. She can program a computer or knock down a wall and still look and feel like a woman.

I feel happy even to wear my bra and panties to work. I am the same person inside. It is just more fun to wear the other things, too. But the urge never goes away, it just gets stronger or weaker.

I have a friend on MySpace who went through a few months of confusion and took a break from crossdressing. She came back feeling better as we supported her through her mixed emotions. Guilt, fear, rejection, confusion, sadness and anxiety can affect your enjoyment of any activity. But this is especially confusing, because other people complicate it.

I like to wear women's clothes. Why? They look and feel nice and make me happy. There. Why is that so complicated? Why would you question my sexual preference? I have been happily married to women most of my adult life.

[bettysue6879]

I definitely have times when the need to dress is less. Interesting that yours is happening when she is leaving. Now that you are "allowed" to dress, you don't need to as much. Like a kid getting permission to stay out late from parents. Once you know you can, you don't have to do it all the time. The beauty of the chase.

[chrerrywine]

AKAMICHELLE, I' am a gg and was just reading your post's and was wondering,in your first post you say the marriage has been over for a long time,and in the next post you say you kept it hid from your wife,so what was really the problem, was it because she never really understood you but how could she if she didn't know, you say your urge CD is less and your urge to find another woman is strong, could that be because you really need a woman in your life, if that is the case than when looking for the next one be sure you are up front, I live with a cd amber o7 , he has been divorced 3 times and we have been together for almost 2 years now and will marry in Feburary, when we first met I think I loved him right from the start because he was the kindest man, with such passion, and caring but , with 3 failed marriages he was afraid to take another chance, we dated for 5 month's and I felt thing were not going anywhere and was ready to give up on him and then one night he finally told me all about himself, I love him for the man he is and for the special amber inside him, I was widowed 10 months when we met and was married 39 years, I went from my parent's to my husband and had never been alone, and when this marvelous man came into my life and totally different from anyone I have ever know, I accepted him , all of him for what and who he his, they are the loves of my life, so if you go out there looking for another woman be sure to tell her all about your self inside and out be up front , if you hid it from your first wife don't make the same mistake twice, let her love you for who you are...good luck in what ever you do.....Hug's chrerrywine

[AKAMichelle]

AKAMICHELLE, I' am a gg and was just reading your post's and was wondering,in your first post you say the marriage has been over for a long time,and in the next post you say you kept it hid from your wife,so what was really the problem, was it because she never really understood you but how could she if she didn't know, you say your urge CD is less and your urge to find another woman is strong, could that be because you really need a woman in your life, if that is the case than when looking for the next one be sure you are up front, I live with a cd amber o7 , he has been divorced 3 times and we have been together for almost 2 years now and will marry in Feburary, when we first met I think I loved him right from the start because he was the kindest man, with such passion, and caring but , with 3 failed marriages he was afraid to take another chance, we dated for 5 month's and I felt thing were not going anywhere and was ready to give up on him and then one night he finally told me all about himself, I love him for the man he is and for the special amber inside him, I was widowed 10 months when we met and was married 39 years, I went from my parent's to my husband and had never been alone, and when this marvelous man came into my life and totally different from anyone I have ever know, I accepted him , all of him for what and who he his, they are the loves of my life, so if you go out there looking for another woman be sure to tell her all about your self inside and out be up front , if you hid it from your first wife don't make the same mistake twice, let her love you for who you are...good luck in what ever you do.....Hug's chrerrywine

There were a lot of things that led to our demise. A little of this and a little of that. Nothing big - just grew apart. I still love her and even told her tonight. The problem that we can't keep fighting in front of the kids all the time. We realize that it will be better for us and them, but still hard to detangle 20+ years.

As far the next woman, I have no intention of not telling her. She will be told sooner rather than later. If she can't accept then I move on. There is somebody out there for me.

[chrerrywine]

SKAMICHELLE , I can understand what you are saying, I stayed in a 39 year marriage that was very hard my so drank but I thought I needed to stay for my children, I wanted them to be with their father to be a family but now years down the road I see I made some bad choices, my husband passed 3 years ago, he did quit drinking but to late for a lot of things, you are so right about the kid's they don't need to see the fighting and unhappiness that can not be hidden, when I decided to find someone to spend the rest of my life with I never in my wildest dreams thought I would fall head over heal's in love with a man that CD's , I came from a very straight and religous family and but here I sit with a man that makes my heart skip a beat, so yes there are women out there like me that can understand where cd's are coming form, I watched a program on nightline called (gender Idenity) and it really made me think what cd's got through, and helped me understand amber o7 when she came into my life, I love them both and out there there is that one special woman who will understand you...good luck ...Hugs chrerrywine

[ReineD]

I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I will answer your question in several months after I find the answer in a thread.

No, it's OK. I need to stop asking "what if" questions! :)

I know how hard it is to end a long term marriage, especially when there are kids involved. I am going through the same thing myself. All the best to you in your new life, Michelle! I am sure you will find peace and happiness. :hugs:

[Donna Michelle]

My CD friend Debbi has children from a previous marriage. She is divorced. Her wife also has children from a previous marriage and is divorced. They don't do much of anything together. The wife goes drinking with her girlfriends every weekend. They each go to the gym, but different gyms! They each have their own checking accounts and credit cards.

I understand that since both went through a divorce, they are being more careful or independent, but they seem to share a house and some expenses and that is it! Debbi secretly crossdresses and hides things at our house. My wife helps Debbi with makeup and clothes, but I can't blame my wife for worrying that Debbi's wife may get suspicious.

Debbi admitted to having sex with other crossdressers and men. She had sex with another married crossdresser recently while married to the current wife. My wife thinks Debbi should tell her wife the truth, because Debbi would probably be happier single. She can dress as Debbi more often and see who she likes more often. Being in the middle of this drama is just sad. If Debbi would have been honest, she wouldn't have to sneak around and secretly call friends on HER cell phone when her wife is at work.

Watching this drama and how my wife reacts is really an eye opener. My wife tolerates SO MUCH, but I don't do the things Debbi does. We probably don't know the whole story, but we just can't understand how they ever got married. We only know that Debbi said her wife HATES CDs and TGs. She had a doctor who became a TG and she stopped going to that doctor. So we keep Debbi's secret, but we keep thinking she would be happier if she came out.

ReineD, best of luck with your transition. Do the children know about your crossdressing? If so, how old are they? How do they feel about it?

I am really lucky that my wife and son support me on this. I felt sad about my mom disowning me, but I live with my wife and have sex with her, so that is what mattered most to me! I believe that nice people like you can also find your TRUE soul mate and be happy. First you must be true to yourself and let others see you for who you are. That is how the right person can recognize you when she finds you.

[kittypw GG]

Debbi admitted to having sex with other crossdressers and men. She had sex with another married crossdresser recently while married to the current wife. My wife thinks Debbi should tell her wife the truth, because Debbi would probably be happier single. She can dress as Debbi more often and see who she likes more often. Being in the middle of this drama is just sad. If Debbi would have been honest, she wouldn't have to sneak around and secretly call friends on HER cell phone when her wife is at work.

Watching this drama and how my wife reacts is really an eye opener. My wife tolerates SO MUCH, but I don't do the things Debbi does. We probably don't know the whole story, but we just can't understand how they ever got married. We only know that Debbi said her wife HATES CDs and TGs. She had a doctor who became a TG and she stopped going to that doctor. So we keep Debbi's secret, but we keep thinking she would be happier if she came out.
.


Donna,
Debbie is NO FRIEND OF YOURS. You and your wife are being USED. How could you go along with helping to deceive someone? Do you really feel good about that?

Sorry I think that you should not be worried that he should tell his wife you should be worried about your own moral character and cut the ties from someone who would induct you into accepting cheating and lying to someone he says he loves.

Sheeesh........................ :eek:
Kitty