Desire to look like a woman, or feminine??

[Shannen]

I've thought all day about writing this post. I might offend some, but that is not my goal. I hope we can all share opinions with each other in an open and kind manner.

I posted a thread asking advice on outfits to wear to a movie. The thread was wonderfully answered by many helpful members (thanks!). It was mentioned "my wife wears xxxxx and yyyyy to the movies", and eventually it turned to "if you want to blend in wear jeans, if you wear a skirt you will draw attention". (some paraphrasing has occurred of course. :heehee:)

So, what is my goal? To look like a woman? OR To look feminine?

I've seen beautiful GG's, and I've seen GG's that are ... not.

I've seen a few post-op transsexuals that looked like women. They wore women's clothing, hairstyle, jewelry, etc... But they didn't look feminine.

What is feminine? Have I bought the lie of over-sexed marketing? Do I feel feminine only when I have a skirt, hose, and high heels on?

I KNOW that I could go out to a movie as a woman in jeans and a sweatshirt with minimal makeup and flats for footwear. I WANT to go out to a movie in a skirt and heels because I can't!

A woman (GG) can look feminine, or she can dress in a non-feminine manner. I'm only supposed to have one choice...

Well, regardless if you can make any sense of my post, I just found it funny that I would be encouraged to dress like a woman wearing androgenous clothing to "blend in" on a crossdressing site!

-Shannen

[jaina]

You can blend in, in a skirt.

Many on this site seem to only think that there are jeans or mini skirts.

[Angie G]

I would think if the skirt was not so sexy you could pull it off Will you be going for a totally feninine look.:hugs:
Angie

[Karren H]

Yeah... Except for a couple times... (And not jeans.. Dress slacks). I always wear a dress or a skirt no matter where I go out enfemme... And jaina is right on.. Ya don't have to go over the top.. I'm a fem jeans hater... And refuse to wear then to blend in.. And who said I want to blend in any way.. Chances are an overly tall woman in a dress and heels gets noticed... Even whistled at last time out in Charleston...

So.... What was the question again? Lol

Ohh ya... Feminine.. Well I notice I walk feninine no matter how I'm dressed... Arms swinging.. Little bit of a hop.. And smaller steps... And I sit like a lady even in a 3 piece dark blue male suit....

Sooooo. My goal is to have fun out enfemme... And I do !! :)

[Shannen]

Yeah... Except for a couple times... (And not jeans.. Dress slacks). I always wear a dress or a skirt no matter where I go out enfemme... And jaina is right on.. Ya don't have to go over the top.. I'm a fem jeans hater... And refuse to wear then to blend in.. And who said I want to blend in any way.. Chances are an overly tall woman in a dress and heels gets noticed... Even whistled at last time out in Charleston...

So.... What was the question again? Lol

Ohh ya... Feminine.. Well I notice I walk feninine no matter how I'm dressed... Arms swinging.. Little bit of a hop.. And smaller steps... And I sit like a lady even in a 3 piece dark blue male suit....

Sooooo. My goal is to have fun out enfemme... And I do !! :)

I was just looking at your before/after pictures... I noticed the "pose" doesn't change between genders... :heehee:

Go Penguins!

[docrobbysherry]

I think you've hit on one of the BIG differences between CDs that go out, and ones that stay in the closet.

If you're going out, u may have to consider carefully, where u r going, who u mite meet, etc., etc. If u make a mistake, it may NOT be funny!

Us closet folks can throw any kind of wild, crazy, over the top outfits at the spur of the moment. If we screw up, all that happens is, we get a good laugh looking at our pics!

[harmony]

nice post shannen-thank you!
there is a femminine side in all of us-mine just occasionally wants out-it wants to be expressed,and not by imitating a woman.
i dont usually dress for some event but rather start naked like i came into this world and go from there expressing my mood of the moment like a painter filling a canvas with inspiration.some of the time it turns out well and can be viewed by the public or it might be discarded for a new start on another day.
i am most happy when i look into the mirror-the one on the wall or the one society provides by seeing me and reacting-and i see another piece of the puzzle that is me-in that case the femme me.
having evolved from compulsive and furtive excursiones into womens clothing to beeing able to artistically express myself
has been a rich journey so far.
well..that is just me and certainly to each their own!!

[Karren H]

This just reminded me of the worst nonfeminine faux pau I've made while out enfemme... I get nasally every so often and it usually results in a large ball of flem flying through the air.. Well one time out enfemme... I got the urge... And without thinking.. Rolled down the window and let oone loose... Fooooommmmm.... Then it hit me... Women don't spit!!! Hahaha.. I looked around and no one saw me.. :)

[Andine]

Hey Shannen!!
Dress the way you want to be .... Have the confidence to know that what you saw in the mirror is still there, and others will see the same thing!

I nearly always wear skirts and 5" heels ( Black or red ) ... The only time I wore jeans was when I was going to be walking all over Sydney and I wanted to wear joggers.

66619

Even today I wore a long full black skirt and 5" black stilleto boots to a friends place for coffee ... On the way I stopped at a patisserie and got some almond croisants ... There were heaps of people there and I didn't see anyone staring at me, and I just behaved as normal. I know I got looked at by a group of older men outside the cafe', but that was in apreciation!

[vivianann]

I find that women wear every thing from jeans to skirts to dresses, I see alot of women in jeans with high heels, I think as long as you are not wearing a formal gown to the movies no one will notice. I agree with what Karren Hutton says, I always wear a dress or a skirt, and I seem to blend in for the most part, I am careful to not wear a too fancey dress for the occasion. I get alot of compliments from women and some men, the other day I was wearing a denim skirt to just above the knee's and a white silky blouse with tiny black dots, and a woman came up to me and said to me you sure know how to make a denim skirt look classy, that made my day. she also complimented my legs. So girls you dont have to wear femme denim pants to blend in, just make sure what you are wearing looks nice even if it is casual.

[Joanne f]

I think that you are right in that there is a difference between the two,
most can look like a woman if they had enough time and maybe money and practice to create the illusion that is what you will see on the out side.
But being feminine is something that has to come from the inside, it is something that controls your hole body, movements and thoughts, the way you stand, sit, walk, jesters and movements with your hands, soft flowing motions, and because of the different muscle tissue in a male it would mean that you have to put a lot of time and effort into it and it would not be something that you could switch on and off at will, so if you can achieve that i think it will be something you will show all the time without you even realising it .
Then if you reach that stage and wear something soft and feminine you will flow like a gentle breeze in the long grass and be the envy of all .



joanne :daydreaming:

[TGMarla]

Yeah, but you asked what you should wear to the movies. This is not the 1940's, where all the stars dressed to the 9s for their movie premiers.

You can wear whatever you want to wear to the movies. But movies have become a casual and comfortable occasion when it comes to clothing. So if you want to put on a dress, go ahead. But if you want to blend in and look like all the other women there, dress down.

[krisla]

I feel femmine when I wear jeans, and I do like to blend in with the other girls. However, when I can I will wear a casual skirt shopping or to lunch and that is heaven, I just make sure I don't overdue it for daytime.

[Dorisnycd]

When I dress i go extreme. Meaning that i wear the sexiest femme things I can....garters, stockings sexy thongs panties , bras, seamed sheer stockings and high stilettos. Tight dresses short sexy skirts. Since I am tall and muscled I try to make up for my more masculine features by overdoing the sexy parts! I love it! I feel wonderful and think I look femme and sexy. Passable???? Maybe not at 6'8!!!! But I do get dates! So I guess I'll stick with it!

[Chari]

IMO, most everyone can wear female clothing/makeup and appear to be a woman, but presenting the feminine image comes from within and takes practice. For me, I always try to dress age appropriate (or perhaps abit younger) and for the event - shopping, movies, dancing, night time party, etc. Wearing anything that is out of the norm in society will always get some attention. It is just how much attention you want!
Chari

[Shannen]

all great thoughts!

I agree that femininity has to start on the inside for it to come through genuinely. And I certainly didn't mean to say that a pair of jeans can't look feminine! :)

There are so many things that go into blending... like if I wear my wig with long hair, shouldn't I put it in a braid or pony-tail? 90% of GG's aren't going to put up with long hair making them overheat in the summertime without pulling it back somehow! :eek:

I just don't want to look like a man trying to look like a woman that is wearing comfortable (mens?) clothes.... toooo easy, and we see it every day.

As I thought more about it I realized I should say that people sometimes choose to look nice, and sometimes are slobs! My vision of femininity never includes the latter, and while I know no one was suggesting it, my conclusion was that to blend in the best, maybe the put-together look isn't the best idea.

:hugs: Shannen

[MJ]

it's how you feel inside that counts . jeans are one option an alliterative is Dress slacks you can still wear heels .
i feel that i don't pass but it's how i feel that counts .
try to blend in that way you have a slim chance of getting noticed

you know the old joke... how do you spot the cross dresser at the mall

well don't do that :straightface:

[Tomara]

Hi Shannan , My opinion would be that a person can be or feel feminine and sexy in just about any kind of clothing , It all depends on how YOU feel about yourself and what YOU are comfortable with , so just be who you want to be and stop wondering what other people think you should look like or what you should wear . Enjoy yourself and have fun! Tomara

[JoAnnDallas]

Shannen......Take a look at my avatar. I have worn this outfit out and about many times and I have had no problem blending in. So if you want to wear a skirt, wear a skirt. Make sure the top goes great with it. What I would not do, is go over-the-top with a mini skirt, 5" spike heels, and heavy makeup. Use the KISS approach. A knee length skirt, nice top, low heels kinda like my avatar and you will be fine.

[Charleen]

I dress for my comfort. I've worn jeans all my life and I ain't stopping now. might go see the Indy movie today and I'm going to dress like I am in the avatar. Nice blouse, jeans, a little eye make up and lip gloss. It's too hot for boots so I'll wear my flats. That's who I am. Call it adrogonous if you will, but most girls my age dress that way ewhen they go out casually.
I say wear what ever you are comfort in and with. Our choices of dress are endless.

[Annabelle1962]

I dress to feel good, I enjoy the feel of wearing nice clothes like the feel of suspender/garter straps pulling on the stockings when you walk. I only dress, I do not use make-up or shave my body. I want to but that for my wife would be going too far so I just make do with the dressing. We are making progress though as I am now permitted to wear my silky nighty to bed.

[Toni_Lynn]

I too have thought about this. Its kind of deep-seated back to when I first started crossdressing

I was a bit of a chubby kid and as such was made to wear boy's clothes marketed with unfortunate moniker 'Huskies'. Oh how I hated that! I wanted sooo much to be sugar and spice and not snips and snails!

And of course girls clothes had this 'groovier' look with bright colours and patterens and styles. I was never allowed to wear jeans to school, so it was always a boring pair of dress pants and a shirt. I looked on in envy as girls had not only pants, but skirts and blouses and bodysuits and dresses!

And then -- boom! The other girls were getting their first bras. Their mums made them feel special. The girls where being encouraged in a sense to be pretty. And all I was getting was this disgusting hair on my face and a smelly jockstrap to wear to a gym class that I hated. Girls had magazines like Seventeen and American Girl. I had nothing.

I wanted soooo much to be be special, to be pretty. So in my little brain I set out ways to do for me .. to nurture the girl within.

It wasn't so much wanting to be a girl --- but to look pretty and feminine -- and to be accepted as 'just one of the girls' in spite of the anatomical incongruity.

Its funny ya know -- as a boy I was a total wash out at sports and gym class -- and I always felt that if I was a girl that I would be encouraged and nutured, whereas as a boy I was deemed a total washout. Hmm -maybe in my little brain I figured that if everyone saw me as a girl, I'd be worthy of that encouragement.

Mind you, I want to be girly-girl -- but I want be a bit of a cute impish tomboy too!

I suppose that is why to this day I just love wearing girls clothes and can be equally happy in jeans and sweatshirt (happier still if the sweat shirt says GIRL'S SOFTBALL TEAM or somthing like that on it), a skirt or dress, and yes -- much to the chagrin of some -- those psuedo tighty-whities for girls that have stirred up heated opinion in my Would You Wear These Thread. As long as I'm wearing what every other girl wears -- then I feel pretty and most importantly -- I feel special.

You know -- the beauty of this all is --and the assembled multitude may be sick of hearing this -- but because my wife loves the girl within me and encourages her (can you tell that we are newlywed) -- for the first time in my life, I feel that somone else considers me to be special!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

--- wondering why everything I seem to be saying here keeps taking on a weird psychological twist

[jaina]

This just reminded me of the worst nonfeminine faux pau I've made while out enfemme... I get nasally every so often and it usually results in a large ball of flem flying through the air.. Well one time out enfemme... I got the urge... And without thinking.. Rolled down the window and let oone loose... Fooooommmmm.... Then it hit me... Women don't spit!!! Hahaha.. I looked around and no one saw me.. :)


Women spit, wear trousers, curse in public and drink beer from a bottle.
You were thinkking of ladies, ladies don't spit.

[CharleneT]

I think you've hit on a wonderful topic. GG's can be feminine in most any clothes. As many have said it is how your present yourself that gives the "feminine" appearance. Now, in the case of something casual like a movie, most GG's do not care to bother to be feminine. People here give good advice about blending in and so in a way, you blend best by looking like you are just a girl in jeans and a top who's going to the movies. BUT CD's want to experience more than the plain jane day to day. So, we in general dress up more than a GG would in many situations. In the end it gets down to which is more important to you on any particular occasion: being feminine or passing by blending. Go for which ever you want, neither is better. Of course, if the event is one where you are supposed to dress up, then the dynamic is a bit different. But most of what we do is just day to day living (shopping, movies etc).

C.

[victoriamwilliams1]

This just reminded me of the worst nonfeminine faux pau I've made while out enfemme... I get nasally every so often and it usually results in a large ball of flem flying through the air.. Well one time out enfemme... I got the urge... And without thinking.. Rolled down the window and let oone loose... Fooooommmmm.... Then it hit me... Women don't spit!!! Hahaha.. I looked around and no one saw me.. :)

The women I know do and better than me:eek:

Anyway, when I dress it is to present myself as a tall woman, I had an offer to buy some jeans and I turned them down as I do not look good in them. I think that how a person dresses is based on how they feel. I know GG's who wear dresses and skirts every 14-21 days for about a week then back to pants. Oh yeah it does not take a rocket scientist to know why they have that pattern.

[Annie D]

As women age, I think that their facial features become more masculine and as I have aged, with the help of this website, I have become braver and less concerned with passing and just trying to be myself. What exactly has "myself" tried to become. I think "feminine".

I love feminine clothing and wearing them makes me feel that way. I know a lot of us wear jeans and I do too but it is a little bit like underdressing; no one can really tell that you are wearing, you just enjoy the feeling and I like the thrill of wearing something somewhat naughty and ladies jeans and underwear give me that feeling. However by saying feminine clothing, I mean that there is no mistaking in what department the clothing has been purchased. The clothing must be softer, more colorful, cut differently and make me feel feminine.

Because of the public places I frequent where I feel "safe" I tend to wear capris, sandals, oversized casual tops, hoops, a scarf (babooshka) or cap/hat, and lip gloss. Sometimes I will use light make up. In no way do I pass as a woman when I dress this way but I think that I definitely look more feminine. I know that I feel more feminine.

[deja true]

Concerning dressing to be as feminine as possible, I learned a great lesson at the Be-All, my very first experience dressing in public ever.

I had taken lots of skirts, thinking I had to be my most feminine on the outside to feel the most feminine inside, too. But in 5 days of dressing for daytime, I hardly ever wore one! I felt my absolute best, my strongest, totally feminine best when I was wearing my tight jeans and low heels or even ballerina flats (for comfort walking). I walked with confidence and a nice sway. My head was up and I looked people in the eye when I talked to them. I didn't have to worry about showing anything when I sat. I didn't have to stress about how those damn heels pinched my toes. I could concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing; listening with my heart to the other girls, paying attention to the information in the seminars, walking into the big shoe store (DSW-what a paradise!) and actually shopping instead of worrying about blending in, and not being stared at because I was dressed inappropriately for the venue, just being looked at in appreciation for my great walk and nice ass (which shows up better in jeans than in a loose suburban mommy skirt)!

Go comfortable for the venue. That doesn't mean not being lady-like! It just means avoid morbidly stressing about passing or skirt length. I forgot I was dressed! I was just me, a MILF who was old enough that her kids were in college rather than grade school!

Stop arguing about jeans versus skirts. Wear what makes you feel your womanhood!

[Kate Simmons]

My desire is to look like myself. The interpretation depends on which mode I decide to be in at the time.:)

[charlie]

Carrying on the idea of feminine, do GG's look feminine when they go out to the mall wearing their hair in a bun clip, raggedy top, jeans and crocs? Most women wear this kind of outfit everyday! It definitely is not what I go to great extreams to wear. I try to look like a feminine lady. When I go out to nightclubs , I take great time in putting my outfit together and wear a dress or skirt outfit, heels and nylons. All stuff that GG's have stopped wearing. I would go so far to say that we as a group look far more feminine then 85% of the real ladies on the street.

[jennifer41356]

I wear skirts most of the time when i go out, i just dont wear short short black minis and 4 inch heels, i wear those at night when i go clubbing...the idea is to wear what a lady would wear in the day or in a casual setting....at the retail store i work at , here in Dallas, I have noticed women are wearing skirts and cute sun dresses more...but sometimes one will wear something that i think, wow, that is a gal calling attention to herself:eek::D

[crusadergirl]

For me i just want to look like a woman. But i have started to act femme in boy mode after dressing so much.
I don't like to blend in when i go out i will wear a skirt not pants. I can wear pants in boy mode so why do it as a girl.

[Beth-Lock]

I find it amazing how some tall women, including a couple of GG's that are a bit taller than I am, that is women 5' 11" or taller, still look very feminine, while I do not have that secret. I try and look feminine by displaying various markers of female attire, like lipstick, nail polish, earrings, rings, a purse, wearing a complete outfit, (at one time I did not have a lot of femme stuff, and found it hard to get a complete outfit including accoutrements), a wig that is longer rather than shorter, and preferably blond, and most of all, a skirt. People seem to look at you, and find these things are clues to which gender you are. But using them seems more like a trick, compared to the seeming natural feminity of appearance of the tall GG's I referred to.
Maybe part of it is body shape. Someone somewhere suggested that avoiding the male beer belly look, might be achieved in some cases, by just using a belt under your clothes as a cincher, around your waist. I have not got into trying a padded behind, (and hips), though that might help to make a more natural feminine appearance too.

[Satrana]

It is a good question, I believe that most CDs are not really transgendered as such, rather they just want to express their own inner feminine values and latch onto the only role models who are allowed to express femininity, namely women. We then seek to emulate women so that we can feel at ease expressing our femininity as part of the female club.

We desire to look like a women because they represent the pinnacle of femininity. If there was another group condoned by soceity who did a better job - then we would emulate them instead.

People confuse the fact that femininity and being a woman are two different things. The first is an appreciation of certain values and personality traits and the latter is a genetic fact of birth. Some women excel in expressing their masculinity!

[Jenna1561]

... Maybe part of it is body shape. Someone somewhere suggested that avoiding the male beer belly look, might be achieved in some cases, by just using a belt under your clothes as a cincher, around your waist. I have not got into trying a padded behind, (and hips), though that might help to make a more natural feminine appearance too.


Beth, I think the shape has a great impact on the visual presentation. I'm overweight with a belly and when I want to REALLY LOOK like the classic image of what we think women should look like, well then, I wear a waist cincher and padded hips/behind (a Veronica). But I Rarely wear all that anymore. I'm much more comfortable with who I am and I am Jenna all the time except for about 45 hours a week to/from and at work.

As for the question of what to wear to the movies, we've noted that most women opt for the comfy feel, unless they're on a date or it's a special occassion. This past weekend I attended the Sex and the City movie with a friend. I usually go the comfy route of pants and a top, but we decided to dress up a bit. So I wore a nice gypsy skirt and lace trimmed tank top along with some nice sandals. Most of the audience were women and while a very few were "comfy", the vast majority were dressed up a bit - lots of skirts and dresses and dressier slacks/jeans. Most were in groups of women though there were a few dates and married couples, but there were absolutely NO children. I'd consider Sex and the City movie an event and atypical, but it was fun to dress for a movie.

You may wonder why/how I noticed all this. Even though I practically live as Jenna, I'm still not confident with my fashion sense, so I'm ALWAYS looking to see what other women are wearing, how they're wearing it, and what they're accessorizing with their outfit. I imagine most women pay attention to what others wear from time to time, I just do it almost ALL the time.

Jenna

[KimberlyS]

You can blend in, in a skirt.

Many on this site seem to only think that there are jeans or mini skirts.

I agree Jaina. Most of the time when out and about enfemme I am in a skirt and most of that time it is a longer jean skirt. I blend well, but I do not pass.

As far as feminine or like a woman, I am a guy who is always a mix of masculine and feminine no matter how I am dressed. I can feel feminine in work clothes; jeans, tee, steel toe boots, tool belt and cap. Or I can feel like my masculine male self all decked out feminine in my frilly finest. For me CDing is alining my feminine feelings and physical traits with the way I was taught they should look growing up by my parents and society. Personally I am not trying to emulate a woman as I am just a guy with both masculine and feminine traits, attributes, and physical features.