When I was caught

[rikki sue langley]

I have been dressing (in secret) for many years. I was quite sure that my wife would not approve so I never told her. One time she was out of town visiting her mother for appr 2 weeks. Hooray. I had all my cloaths at home and was dressing most every night, and going out to the Queen Mary in LA.
I came home from work one day and my wife had come home unanounced.Needless to say she was beside herself. She confronted me about it , so I said to myself too hell with it . And admitted that I was a crossdresser, and have been most of my life. She left me at that point.And I was really enjoying myself when she said she wanted to come back and discuss it. After a lengthly discussion she said she would work with it and try to help me.. Well that didnt last long. She thought I needing counceling. I refused, she was upset and said I was sick, and needed help. I said tough shit.She still will not accept my dressing so I went back to dong it in secret.
Now I am at the point in my life where I can get away for short periods of time in my motorhome (where I keep all my cloaths) and dress and go out.Oh how I wish I had an understanding wife to share me joy with.
Rikki Sue Langley,

[JoAnnDallas]

Sorry to hear about your wife not accepting you. I told my wife about a year ago. She too was not happy at the time. At the time she did not see me dressed. About 2 months ago we came face-to-face with me fully dresed. We sat down and talked about even more than we did a year ago. Then about a week later she told me she was OK with my CDing. She even goes with me shopping for fem items. I have yet to dress in front of her and hoping that one day she will allow me to go out shopping with her and me fully dressed en fem.

[Sandra]

So she's supposed to accept your dressing just like that, have you really sat and talked to her and tried compromise? or has your answer been
I said tough shit all the time? I'm sorry but with an attitude like that I'm not surprised she not accepting.

[sissystephanie]

I have been dressing (in secret) for many years. I was quite sure that my wife would not approve so I never told her. One time she was out of town visiting her mother for appr 2 weeks. Hooray. I had all my cloaths at home and was dressing most every night, and going out to the Queen Mary in LA.
I came home from work one day and my wife had come home unanounced.Needless to say she was beside herself. She confronted me about it , so I said to myself too hell with it . And admitted that I was a crossdresser, and have been most of my life. She left me at that point.And I was really enjoying myself when she said she wanted to come back and discuss it. After a lengthly discussion she said she would work with it and try to help me.. Well that didnt last long. She thought I needing counceling. I refused, she was upset and said I was sick, and needed help. I said tough shit.She still will not accept my dressing so I went back to dong it in secret.
Now I am at the point in my life where I can get away for short periods of time in my motorhome (where I keep all my cloaths) and dress and go out.Oh how I wish I had an understanding wife to share me joy with.
Rikki Sue Langley,

As one of the other ladies has said, with your attitude it is no wonder your wife won't accept things the way they are. Marriage is a two way street! it cannot be all your way, or all her way if it is to work.

You both need counseling, preferably with a counselor trained in gender problems. If you wife understands that you are not "sick," but have a desire to crossdress she might be more understanding.

Your major problem is having lived a lie for all these years! I do not believe any CD should get married unless and until the prospective spouse is fully aware of the crossdressing. If that fact prevents the marriage, then so be it!
Since the facts will come ultimately anyhow, the marriage may be doomed from the start. Either that, or there will two unhappy people! As in your case!

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[adelle]

hi Rikki sorry to hear about your sad story and thanx for sharing it with us. u must remember people say bad things when they are shocked and mad. soon you will work something out if you give it some rope. hope all works out for you. :hugs:

[Holly]

Ricki Sue, it's a shame you pushed you wife away. The, "my way or the highway" attitude leaves little room to work out any issues the two of you may have. In effect, you have told her that you don't have any problem and that it is all on her. And what has it got you? Shoved back into the closet. You say you want an understanding wife to share this with... you would be a lot closer to your goal if you showed a bit if understanding yourself. Best wishes.

[KarenCDFL]

I have to agree with Sandra and Holly,

And honestly with an attitude like that, your cross dressing issues with your wife are the least of your issues.

The fact is, your wife made an effort by asking you to go to therapy, it is nothing to be ashamed about.

My wife is accepting because I was honest with her and I was willing to talk with her about it without threatening her. And yes we both go to counseling, not for the cross dressing but with what is going in in everyday life all the time we using therapy like taking vitamins. Something to give us a bit of extra strength to get through the day as a couple.

You say you wish you had a wife who could accept you. Well you are half way there, you have a wife. Now be the wo(man) you think you are and rise to the occasion.

[DanaR]

I'm with Karen, Sandra and Holly. If you expect your wife to be understanding, you have to be understanding of her as well. It is a two-way street. I believe that marriages are all about compromise. You don't always get it your way, but sometimes you can reach an agreement you both are happy with.

[Jammie 3]

don't know which way to go with this,but I must say that your wife should have been informedof this LITTLEBIT of info before the big marriage day,but I also hide it from my first, even had she known it would not have worked! My 2nd wife (now) she found out when she kept going throug my BIG truck when I come home for the weekend,and she thought I was cheating on her,good gosh what a tangled web I weaved then. But we were'nt married then and I had to tell her, hey baby I love you but I have another personallty,I have a love besides you, but your are my true love, I also love to wear women's cloth's,and I couldn't beleive that she gave a big hug and said she was glad it was'nt another girls cloths.

[morgan pure]

Most girls will not approve. When I'm all dressed up and want some sex, I usually want a man. My wife feels the same. Believe it or not, most women like the stupid macho thing. Remenber, they objectify men as much as men objectify women. I hope I don't sound too cynical in remarking that many women see us as just wallets who are intellectully and culturally challenged. They get a sense of superiority I guess. hey are threatened by someone who challenges their stereotypes. And, boy do we challenge stereotyes!
Morgan

[TGMarla]

The, "my way or the highway" attitude leaves little room to work out any issues the two of you may have.Yes, but it's amazing that so many women take the same attitude towards their husbands when the cat's out of the bag. That's a two-way street.

Once again, a wife gets way too worked up over something so silly as crossdressing.

[NicoleScott]

She left because she didn't approve of your cd-ing. So she knew the terms when she wanted to come back, and then wanted to change the terms. She wanted you to do all the changing. What's fair about that? It seems to me that you may have been happier apart, as far as cd-ing goes, being able to dress when you wanted to. Together, it's back to "don't ask, don't tell".