What has helped your self-acceptance

[battybattybats]

I'm struggling a bit at the moment.

Most of my issues seem unconcious which makes things difficult magnified by my latest chronic fatigue syndrome flare-up so I often don't have enough energy for more than some lipstick and a little underdressing while I struggle with basic chores most days.

I've found myself craving positive reflections of transgender/crossdressing on the net and positive TG/CD news stories to give myself some positive reinforcement.

Which had me thinking that a useful discussion not just for me but for others would be what has helped on your journey to deep self acceptance?
No matter how much or how little of the journey completed everybodies stories of what has helped them may prove informative or inspirational to others.

For me being forced by relationship circumstances to try and give up showed me that this is more important to me than I'd admitted to myself in the past.

And so far every family member and friend I've confided in has reacted with immediate warmth and support.

What has helped you?

[JoAnnDallas]

I really think that one of the things that helped my self-acceptance was when I went out fully dressed, filled up the SUV, then walked into the station store, bought a bottle of water, and nothing happen. That is the world did not come to an end, I did not get any figure pointing, and the attendant in the station store even called me "Mamm". It not only boosted my comfidence but I realized that there really was a woman inside me.

[Nikki A.]

Time and age and the posts from this site gave me the courage to look at my true feelings and examine where I head from here. Saying to others that I'm a CD and not being rejected, stoned, tarred and feathered made me feel that what I feel is not wrong or perverted.
I can be me and still be a good parent, husband and companion.

[MJ]

simply this the acceptance of others makes me feel great about myself

[fempsyche]

I'm not there yet, that is my quest, glad to see it achieveable though.

Anessa

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Being outted, helped me to learn and proudly accept this part of me.

[Angie G]

I'm pretty lucky @ age 60 Have always been healthy in body and mind no depression or the like. I've never had trouble with the acceptance of my dressing. My wife suffers from depression and other problems so I know the problems they cause. And feel bad for people these thing affect. So stay with it hun :hugs:
Angie

[Joy Carter]

Being outted. Got tired of denying who I am. It was easy once I admitted to myself, this is who I am. I'm finaly free.

[docrobbysherry]

And others like u here. After playing around with CDing, I only started getting serious with it about 5 years ago. Then, discovering this site late last year helped me SO MUCH!
Finding so many others with similar interests has helped me build a little CD esteem. And some, like u, r such nice, helpful, and friendly folks.

Unfortunately, I've fairly flown down the Pink rabbit hole since then. It often scares me, when I think have deeply I've dived into CDing, in such a short time. And worrying where I'm going next, on my CD quest!?

[deja true]

Doc Robby took my answer!

It's you and all the others here. It's especially the friends I have in my profile. They came to me! And bearing words of encouragement and love when I needed them most.

Just writing that has made me cry in my gratitude.

My first Be-All, my very first time out in public, last week, did it too. Looking into the eyes and hearts of some of the kindest, gentlest, most accepting souls I have ever met has given me a rebirth that I shall never forget.

Happy? I'm orgasmic!

[robyn1114]

I know how you feel, I too tried as hard as I could to give it up for my marriage, but I couldn't just made me so depressed, and now it is costing me my marriage, the love of my life, my soulmate. I know you were looking for good feel stories I'm sorry I don't have any, but I too could really use some.

[Kate Simmons]

One thing I have learned is to have a positive outlook even if everything seems to be going "South". Positive energy is additive and builds self confidence. Negative energy is subtractive and self-defeating. Of course no one always has a totally positive life wherein everything is flawless. The real skill is to use even the perceived negative to our advantage (i.e. learning experiences or working within our limitations). While sometimes negative experiences are a "necessary evil" we do not have to be consumed by them. Rather, turn them around and make them work for us and THAT is a win/win situation. Personal outlook really means everything and is always a choice in any case.:)

[DonnaT]

I guess I've been lucky in that I've never felt anything but self acceptance.

[Rachaelb64]

Feeling positive about yourself is the first step. Deciding what you want from all this.

Most importanly being true to yourself, by being your 'real' self whether this is when you are in drab or glam

For some of us that path is long, others short, but your are the only person who can walk that path the rest of can only give the love and support to help and encourge you :) :hugs:

[Carly D.]

I think I've come to accept my crossdressing and that I don't think it will stop until I stop breathing.. however I am still not sure I could come out to any one.. it's a sad feeling and I know there are others who feel this way..

[maggiecdva]

Gosh I don't know where to begin. This may sound horrible but dealing with recurrent colon cancer has helped me. I realize that life is too short not to enjoy it and I want to be who I am. What harm does crossdressing or being transgendered have on society. People that can't accept it have to deal with their own issues not me.
hugs - maggie

[Chrisacd]

I just started admitting I cross dress last month and I've already told my mom. This site and the people of it have helped me, I know thier is more then just me in this world with this gift.

[yms]

This sort of experience was it for me too. I found that others were more accepting of me than I was of myself.



I really think that one of the things that helped my self-acceptance was when I went out fully dressed, filled up the SUV, then walked into the station store, bought a bottle of water, and nothing happen. That is the world did not come to an end, I did not get any figure pointing, and the attendant in the station store even called me "Mamm". It not only boosted my comfidence but I realized that there really was a woman inside me.

[Patrice]

This may sound horrible but dealing with recurrent colon cancer has helped me. I realize that life is too short not to enjoy it and I want to be who I am.
hugs - maggie

Absolutely and without reservation. In the last 3 years Ive had my own encounter with colon cancer (nearly bled to death, and at 35 no less), lost my mother to aggressive terminal bone cancer and recently lost my grandmother to lung cancer. Life is entirely too short to live in worry and fear of others reactions, live your life for you no matter what.

Ive also drawn strength and determination from a good friend of mine, she and her wife (yeah, its what you think :)) are in a loving absolutely committed relationship and dont care who knows it. They make absolutely no attempts to hide themselves or assimilate into mainstream ideals. Its inspiring to see.

[MalibuJenny]

One of the greatest leap forwards in my inner peace was telling those closest to me.

It's hard to be completely positive about something that you are hiding from those that you otherwise consider close.... In fact, it leads to a certain amount of shame.

There is something very empowering about looking someone straight in the eye and saying: "This is me and I wanted you to know because I care about you and our relationship. I'm not asking anything from you... I just wanted you to know".

I've had all types of reactions to this but the main one has been my own good feelings about being open, honest and most of all just being me.

[Toni_Lynn]

Throughtout my career as a crossdresser, I'd say that different things have been key in my self acceptance. I see it as an on going grow -- cause life changes, but somehow my being a crossdresser hasn't. Odd that, how if look back at old journals and even discovered writings from when I was teen, my thoughts, desires, and wants are the same.

I guess someone should say it, so it might as well be me, and I might as well say it first. My faith in God has carried me through. I knew even as a teen crossdresser that I wasn't doing anything wrong, in spite of the oaths before God that I was forced to swear by my mum, or the way I was made to feel dirty. When confronted with hate, I trust in God. God made me a crossdresser and I thakn him for this gift.

Don't think that I am stating here that to accept yourself you must accept God first. I'm not even saying that you should espouse any religion or even be religious at all. I guess what I am saying is to hold on to hope. And for me, hope is in my faith. It works for me.

That said -- my self confidence and acceptance has seen great boosts via 4 big events in my life.

First was when I was a founding sister of Transpitt back in 1983. Wow! There are others like me! And we aren't weirdo pervos. I was among friends. There was a setback when I was read by a girl at the food court at the mall, and that hurt. It took a while to get over it. I made a mistake, though in not running to the arms of my sisters at that time, instead undergoing a great purge before sitting back and thinking it al lout.

Second was taking back control of my life from booze. Finally I could think clearly about what I was. Its great.

Third was getting my job. I had worked some real SOBs who saw only $$$ and not people. 11 years ago I started with the best comapy I know of, and I am respected because of my work, and not put down because I have long hair or because thre is lace on my underwear -- not that they know this of course.

Finally -- having a partner in crime -- my wife -- who thinks my crossdressing is cool and encourages me every step of the way to be all the girl I can be. You know she bought flowesr for me last night -- because as she said - -I've been a good girl!

I'm happy to be me -- I love this aspect of my life. I embrace and celebrate the girl within.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Celeste]

I liked how you phrased your question with journey,thats exactly how I feel about it,I never have to be done with this journey.This site and the great cool people within it have been very instrumental,I learned, I just don't have to stress the acceptance to the point of frustration.

[KimberlyS]

Self acceptance came for me first from the internet in the late 90's finding personal web pages of several cders. I suddenly was not the only one, I had a label and it was not one of the bad ones growing up and society gave me.

Second it came from the first times I went out. After my initial acceptance I had a sudden need to scream to the world this is who I am. The first times going out, saying I looked terrible was a compliment, I looked so bad. But I went out, got some looks and comments, but no one came after me and I made it back to the room in one piece and no confrontations. What gave me the best boost was the number of people that either did not notice me, even looking that bad, or did not seem to care.

Support forums did a mix for me. Some information helping with acceptance and some making it worse. I had already been out, and did not even come close to passing. I was your worst image of a guy in a dress, tight clothes, poor makeup caked on. So made me wonder what all I did wrong, but why was it so right for me. BTW going out before getting to the forums was one of the best things I did. A lot of the need to pass to go out is BS IMHO. Get away from home and just do it in a safe public place with people. It is all a mind game within your self. All of the bad, ugly, nerves and the good, calm, feeling of self. If one needs to pass personally for ones self, go for the challenge. But in general society does not need you to pass, but to be honest with your self. The general public's acceptance of you begins with with ones personal self acceptance. That realization has been my biggest step to self acceptance. There will always be the rednecks, conservative, self religious, biggots and others that will be against people who are different. But in general society is a lot more tolerating and accepting of others than we think it is.

[DanaR]

Being accepted by others. I never thought that I was doing anything wrong and worried sometimes about how others would view me. Over the years I've tried to help educate them, about who we really are.

[Ruth]

Interesting comment from Toni-Lynn as regards faith in God. I am not an evangelist and this is not a God commercial, but,... if one thing troubling a CDer is the perceived conflict between CDing and the Christian faith -- forget about it! Put your CDing before God and He will accept it. Then get on with being the best you can be, and a CDer.
This knowledge helped me from the very start. I always knew I was not doing anything evil or perverted.

[StephanieH]

If I had to pinpoint one specific thing that's helped me with my little condition, I'd have to say it was finding this forum and reading and sharing with everyone. It's been very helpful to know I'm not alone with this and that others have the same feelings and inclinations.

Thanks to all, take care and God bless! :D

[Jae]

I am a new member and I have been so impressed, not only by this thread, but by the contributions I have read on so many other topics. I do not think I could find a more careing, helpful, sympathetic group anywhere. I do not know why this should be, but thank you all for having me as a member. By the way what does LOL stand for?

[MalibuJenny]

Welcome Jae!

LOL is message board speak for Laughing Out Loud. :)



And by the way, I wanted to elaborate on my previous post about my own acceptance being forwarded by being open to others.

It really had nothing to do with THEIR acceptance -- it was that I was okay with them knowing whether they accepted or not. And that continues to be very empowering.

[Jae]

Many thanks Jenny re answer. Its good there is such a lot of LOL in this forum

[AmandaM]

Remembering that the world doesn't like you anyway!

[Donna Michelle]

I always accepted myself. I was in the closet as a child, because my mom kept taking my clothes. I was big and different and no one messed with me. But I was really a shy girl inside.

My late wife knew about my CDing and accepted me. I hid it from my current wife at first. I was "an old, fat, bald guy" (in her mom's words) who is uneducated. She was the exact opposite! I was afraid she wouldn't accept me. I recently came out and she helps me and others CD!

She helped me find other crossdressers online, so I can have friends to accept me. As I came out to family, some accepted it while others did not. I think she wanted me to be surrounded with support instead of negativity. It helps to talk to someone who understands and accepts me.

My wife may support me, but she will never understand me the way other STRAIGHT crossdressers do. I am NOT gay. There is nothing different about me since I came out. I simply enjoy wearing women's clothes. I don't smoke, drink, take drugs or abuse women. My late wife had an abusive husband before she was married to me. Both wives found me to be loving and kind. They accepted me and I was happy.

Accept and enjoy your crossdressing. It is harmless fun. If someone can't accept it, it is THEIR problem and THEIR loss.

[Jaydee]

Great answers. I am still on the journey of self acceptance. Finding this site a couple years ago has helped tremendously. It has been reassuring to find that I am not alone in having a desire to wear clothing normally associated with women.

Jaydee

[Donna Michelle]

My wife says we are all born without clothes. The Bible doesn't have a punishment described for crossdressing, because God made us who we are. The people are the ones who added that issue in the Bible. God allowed us to have different colors and textures and no color or texture was meant for only one gender. Those rules were created and changed by society.

We are talking about clothes. Why does it matter what clothes we wear? And I have been around for decades. In the late 70s, men wore pink shirts with ruffles! Check out your family wedding photos for laughs. Remember those disco platform shoes? I had long hair in the 60s and 70s until I went bald. Fashion is chosen by designers and followed by society. Women didn't always shave their legs and now both men and women can shave.

Why do people feel guilty for enjoying nice clothes? You shouldn't. I don't.

[TGMarla]

It's surely been a combination of a lot of things that has led to whatever level of acceptance I have. I'm fine with the fact that I crossdress. That can't be said for everyone I know. But the acceptance of others is not really my problem. But my self-acceptance is my responsibility, and mine alone.

The biggest contributor to my accepting myself has simply been time. I've been doing this so long, I don't remember what it's like to not do this. Furthermore, it's made me realize that I'm not likely to stop, that this is here to stay, so I might as well accept it.

Related to the time factor is the relative maturity that goes along with it. Years ago, as a young man, I truly struggled with it, as I was learning to be a man, yet yearning to be a woman. This can really play with your head. As I have matured, and presumably grown wiser, I learned that I could be both, and learned to be comfortable with that. There's no reason that one has to be either one or the other. After all, all of existence is a balance between good and evil, and the male and the female. Since life incorporates both, why cannot one pursue both?

Accepting that I have a great deal of the feminine essence in my soul has brought me a great joy and a feeling that I am a more well-rounded person than I would be if my thoughts were wholly and totally male. I can see things from a point of view more in the middle rather than from either of the extremes. Many American men, and men in general everywhere, live with this unconcious fear of others seeing them as in any way feminine. Women, in general, don't have this hang-up. They are usually not worried about whether they appear feminine or masculine. They just accept themselves as women, and don't get worked up over whether others see any masculine traits in them.

Men could all learn a lesson from this. An accepting and balanced person is a happier person.

[Sally24]

I'd say that the more I talk with others and the more friends I make the easier it has gotten. 2 years ago I didn't know another CD. I found this site and a real time group about the same time. The daily interaction with people here and the monthly group meetings in Boston have really exploded what was a little portion of my life.

I have to say that about a year ago I marched in my first Pride parade in Boston. As I was marching and looking at the sea of faces around us I realized something. I had come to show support for the LGBT groups and their members who are still repressed by some in our society, then I realized.........I was one of them! I know it's a little thing but up until that moment I hadn't digested the fact that I was a minority. I was still looking at things like I was one of the majority (you know..white middle class male) when in fact I had much more in common with the Lesbian, Gay, and Bi brothers and sisters around me.

Since that time I have come out to my daughter and she has told her best friend. My wife has also told her best friend. It seems when they get ready to tell someone about my "secret", everyone assumes that I'm having an affair. When they find out the real secret it just takes them off balance because it isn't expected at all. With more and more people being in the know I'm getting much more comfortable with myself, and feeling less like this is a secret that I don't want anyone to know. When I'm out with my family and dressed, I prefer to pass, but it's not a major failure if I don't. I also carry over more things into my boy mode. I frequently have very long fingernails in preparation for a weekend out. And I very rarely let my arm hair grow out.

I still have days where I just stop and say "Where are you going with all of this?" But most days I feel pretty happy with myself and continue to plan more fun outings.

At some point you have to stop taking life so seriously and just agree that it's utterly absurd!!

[krisla]

Finding accepting freinds helped, and that gave me the courage to go out, once out I found out most people don't care, or notice. Mission accomplished, I just like being Kris occasionally and just being out there, being the girl I am.

Kris

[Kayla Shadows]

Having someone supportive like DD has helped me a lot.Friends,the forums and seeing how many understanding people there are out there.And I guess just taking hold of that rebellious nature Ive had and saying,this is me.If people dont like it,then dont be around me.I want to be happy and thats being able to be me completely.

[Ellen Ross]

Marla,

Well written words, thank you!

[jennifer41356]

my not caring what people think and my thinking that life is too short to worry about things.To embrace this wonderful gift for the short time I have on this earth and have fun with..god knows I missed so much time, i dont want to miss anymore:D

[SusanMarie]

Hang in there Batty, we all have 'those' times.
For myself, I have been mostly self accepting. But for 'those' times... my SO's support and acceptance makes all the difference. To this day, I am not 100% sure I could drag(no pun intended) myself out of the 'down times'.

[christinac]

The biggest thing that has helped me is all the people who post on this web site. Reading thier thoughts and fears, success and failures, and everything in between and plus age and experience of people posting. It is a great feeling to know that you are not alone.

[Fab Karen]

The very first leap was discovering make-up that covered the beard shadow, & figuring out as a make-up guide what you notice most about models faces ( their eyes & their mouth ).

But the biggest one was getting out to clubs with other girls & realizing that it isn't weird to be this way, & like gay people, we are basically everywhere ( even if sometimes hidden ).