i feel weird asking but i need HELP

[MissJ]

I am married to an AWESOME man. He dresses a lot at night after the kids go to bed (bonus for me he likes to be dominated so i make him clean the kitchen :devil::D) and we have a good sex life but it is always with at least him wearing a nightie and it always includes lots of talk about the "girly" side of his desires. I am ok with this 90% of the time. BUT i need him to have common place male dominated husband and wife sex with me once in awhile. but when i ask he take offense like i don't like the femme side. help please, how do i kindly tell him that i would just like some without all the bells and whistles?

[DemonicDaughter]

Try sneaking in a bit of love-making before he dresses en femme.

OR

Why not ask him to fulfill a fantasy of YOURS were he's dressed in something a bit more "masculine". I think pirates are pretty sexy. ;)

OR

Tell him outright. Something along the lines of, "Hunnie, I love sex while your en femme! But I also love when you just ravage me too! Like the hungry animal I know you are!" .... okay, not in those words but you get the point. :heehee:

[Sandygal]

Print out your post and hand it to him. I would hope he has the sense of how great you are.

[Sedona]

Agree with DD,

Just tell him that you need his "all guy" mode once in a while. Be nice, be loving, and make sure that he knows that you still love his "girly" side. Most of us love pizza, but none of us eat it 100 percent of the time.

[TSchapes]

You need to tell him, even though he should know this, that you have needs too. I feel it is selfish of a CD and does not help the relationship if it is his CDing that's important 24/7.

Marriage is a two way street, and you need to take turns. I just feel this is basic to a relationship.

If I may quote Peggy J. Rudd from her book "My Husband Wears My Clothes", on page 8 last paragraph, "The wife gives up part of the courtship time to share in feminine activities with her husband. He must be very careful to let her be courted by his masculine side. One wife remarked to me recently, 'I have needs too. Why doesn't someone think of my needs?' ".

So, you are not alone in this type of request. And I don't think you are out of line for asking.

Love, Tracy

[Holly]

Sweetie, a marriage is a partnership. BOTH partners have a reasonable expectation of a mutually beneficial relationship. Maybe putting it in a way your husband will understand could help... just as s/he craves validation, you do as well, as a desirable woman. If there is resistance, it may be time to have a heart-to-heart talk. Reassure that you treasure the softness and sensitivity s/he has as a TG person, but you need a display of strength and masculinity in your life to reassure your place in the relationship as well. Best wishes.

[Celeste]

Hi Miss J,Why not ask him why he doesn't see lovemaking as sharing anymore.Explain that you are a receptive partner able to accept his femme side but that you had always envisioned your relationship as something more than just that.Then I would try to mention that for you to be happy your desires need to be met as well and thats not happening with him dressing 90% of the time.I think when you ask he should be as receptive as you are and learn not to be so touchy.

[Sugar]

You sound like my kind of woman. :love:

Ok...seems to me if she's under your thumb enough to clean the kitchen surely you can command her to be the "butch" or a "pirate" for that matter.

Good lucky honey,

Sugar

[Brooke Smith]

Print out your post and hand it to him. I would hope he has the sense of how great you are.



Hi MissJ,

Sandy has a great idea but you could go one better;Print out all the replies
with your post and give it to him...If he still dosen't get it..Send him to us.

All the best

[MJ]

HE has no idea how many cd'r here would love to have a wonderful accepting woman like you .. :hugs:

[Kristen Marie]

I agree with MJ. I'd go for 10& of the time.....

You are a special lady. Let him know your feeling and say it's one of your fantasies.

[TGMarla]

I agree with what DD said. You have to have YOUR needs met as well. He has to admit that he's had it made doing the love making while dressed, but you have a right to get your lovin' your way, too. Fair is fair. He needs to compromise a little for the sake of both of you.

You get yours, too, sister!

[KarenCDFL]

We all get selfish sometimes and politely forget our partners needs or sometimes just want to be the center of attention.. BUT yes you knew they was going to be a but!

Your husband HAS TO realize that it can't always be about her and her needs. Now one thing to take into account, it is quite possible she is unable to perform when she is a he.

At any rate, there has to be a compromise and they only way to say it right is to his/her face. You cannot let something like this get out of hand. Trust me, I know. There has to be balance. One you are out of balance, it is very very difficult to turn it around. Remember this is a learned response that has or is turning into habit behavior.

[robyn1114]

My wife and I had this same problem, but she never could find the courage to tell me how she felt, so for years it went on this way till I could only make love in my Fem persona. Finally she snapped and confessed her years of repressed resentment. I tried like hell to change and she tried to accept but in the end there was too much to overcome. We have now agreed to end our marriage in the hopes we may still save our friendship.

Please make ever effort possible to explain your feelings to your S.O. now before it's too late . If he truely loves you and its not too late he might be able to change, or at least give you your man back some.

[Pamela Julie]

He needs to read your thread and the replies! If he still doesn't get it, wake the kids.

Pamela:)

[LindaMarie]

You sound like a wonderful, understanding wife.

I agree with the other people who have responded to you that you should tell your husband directly of your needs. I would suggest doing this at a relaxed quiet time (I have kids, too, so I know that relaxed quiet time is almost non-existent).

My wife was very understanding of my needs for a long time and I foolishly did not reciprocate. She didn't directly tell me about her needs and I was too blind to notice. She eventually became very resentful of my selfishness.

It may be difficult to have this conversation, but assure your husband that you support his wanting to dress but that you have desires and needs, too.

I wish you both the best. He's very lucky to have you.

Linda

[Sweet Jane]

Hi...you can't beat talking...just talk about what you really need out of the relationship while at the same time outlining the things you are willing to concede...marriage is a two way street where both people have expectations and dreams...just chat about yours with your husband

[rachel_rachel]

I can say that personally i wear nighities and women's pjs to bed nearly all the time, and when the kids are in bed i dress up a bit for my wife... We love it.

In fact just last night that's excatly what happened.

However i do listen to what she says sometimes and i can go in boy mode for a while and let her have her way as well.

It's not just a one way street, there has to be compromise if you're wife or partner is so accepting of crossdressing.
It's not all about "me"

[vivianann]

I agree with rachel it is not all about us, I hope we all can take lessons from this thread that we need to think about our SO's needs over our desire to be enfemme, especially when she is supportive of our crossdressing like MissJ. I wish you succes in convincing your husband that you need hime to be the male agressive sex partner in bed for yoour needs and fulfilment MissJ. there is alot of good advice here in this thread, my heart goes out to you MissJ. :hugs: Vivian

[Suzy Harrison]

First of all he is so lucky in having such a loving and supportive wife ~ and that's something he may not appreciate.

You have accepted his needs and in turn he needs to accept yours as well.

:hugs: Suzy

[karynspanties]

Show him all of these postings, have a heart to heart with him about YOUR needs. He needs to realize just how lucky he is to have a woman of your caliber. There are alot of girlz here that would love to have a wife as supportive as you are.

[StephanieH]

:D Yep, print out this thread and show it to him, then have a nice conversation about the issue. It's great that you support him and he should be more than happy to support your needs as well. As everyone's said, this is a two-way street, and if he's getting support, he'd better darn well be willing to do things the way you want sometimes too.

Use the old ice cream analogy - it's nice to have exotic flavors, but ain't it amazing how good plain old vanilla tastes when you don't have it that often?

Take care and God bless! :D

[Emily Ann Brown]

Just tell him after HE ravages you and fulfills your needs then you will ravage HER and fulfill her needs.

GEESH.....some sisters can be so selfish.



Emily Ann

[Tomara]

Hi MissJ , I have to agree with most of the posts above , I too would print out these discusions and have him read threw them (after she finishes her chores) so that he will know how fell . I am confident that with communication between you both that you can come to an agreement that makes you both happy .:) Tomara

[KandisTX]

There is one more option. You say he likes to be dominated correct? Well, you can order him to take off the nightie before the encounter.

SERIOUSLY though, I am in agreement with all my other "sisters". A marriage is and has to be a give and take relationship. When the CDing aspect comes into play, we (the CD) MUST also take into consideration our spouse's desires and needs. We must give them equal (if not equal, than a good percentage) time with both our masculine side as well as our femme side. Now, I know there are some of us who are living dressed and are married, but there has to be time for the masculine side to come into play when that (living full time) is NOT the case or type of relationship you have.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Vivian Best]

You say he likes to be dominated correct? Well, you can order him to take off the nightie before the encounter.
Kandis:love::rose2:

I like what KandisTX said in her post. A marriage is a give and take and it sounds to me like he is taking it all. I think he had better wise up before he has taken ALL YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE. It's time he start giving for a change.

[Donna Michelle]

I think your husband will get away with whatever you let him get away with. When I came out, my wife supported me. She bought me ANYTHING I could want or need. She shops with me while I am dressed as a woman and helps my CD friends and me find friends, dress and apply makeup. She tolerates a lot.

She told me after a few weeks that she feels like she shares a room with a big sister and she misses the man she married. She didn't see him much and felt like she had to schedule a date with him. I am a man at work (aside from the panties and bra) and wear a nightie to bed.

She said that she is NOT sexually attracted to women or men dressed as women. She won't have sex with Donna, just Don. Of course, we were married for 12 years and have a son before I came out of the closet entirely. She asked if I would want to have sex with her dressed as a man and I could see her point. YUCK! So, I agree to be "manly" for her (and family) some of the time.

[DonnaT]

Sounds like you've tried talking kindly already.

It also sounds like he has problems performing outside of fantasy. Thus he responds with some anger suggesting you have a problem with her.

It can be hard to get a person to change their response mechanism to eroticism. It may take a sex therapist and/or couple counseling.

So I suggest discussing the above with him. If he denies having this problem, then challenge him to prove it. No dressing, no fantasy talk, just male on female sex. If he can't perform, then it's time to see a therapist.

[Donna Michelle]

Don't mean to get too personal and you don't have to answer here, but... was the sex good BEFORE he started dressing like a woman? Was it for you? Was it for him? Does he want to dress up before, during and/or after sex? What turns HIM on? We know that his crossdressing does NOT turn YOU on?

How often does he hope/expect you to have sex while he is dressed as a woman? If he is simply experimenting a few times and you don't mind, okay. But if you REALLY don't want to do it, tell him NO. My wife was quite clear, though I tried to get her to do it a few times. I want HER to be happy, too, so I respect her feelings on this.

If he wants to be a female 24/7 and you don't like it, then you may have a problem. He may not understand what he really wants. He is hopefully just experimenting.

By the way, my wife wouldn't mind borrowing him to do household chores. I cook, but I always leave the dishes for her. She got a French maid costume for herself as a joke since I always say "the maid will get it". Her mother didn't think it was funny. My wife and I respect and understand each other. We have a strange sense of humor.

Best of luck to you!

[Angie G]

I like Brookes idea MissJ :hugs:
Angie

[Donna Michelle]

Yes, if he reads this forum discussion, maybe he will understand your feelings more. I know my wife can. I would LOVE to wear the nightie during sex, too. But I know that SHE doesn't like it just as I wouldn't want to have sex with someone masculine. It makes sense. We both want and deserve to be happy. You both deserve to be happy. I hope you both CAN be happy together.

[ptp009]

Quite Frankly sit him down and tell him that you are supportive of the dressing but thease are you needs on occations and an acceptable rule. Hon any CD with a wife like your's will be more than grateful for your openess about the subject.
Jenn