What do you do when your family does not accept you as a CD?

[CDjww]

I don't know if any of you have had the same problem. My family does not accept at all that I crossdress. I love my wife, but it seems that she cannot tolerate the idea of me being a CD.

I try to crossdress when I am in a business trip. or when she goes in vacations to visit her family. The problem is that I cannot keep my femme attire at home, or I will have a problem with her.

I looked for a storage or a place where I can store my toys, since it is expensive and tedious buying new equipment every time, but so far I was not able to find the right solution.

If any of you have had the same problem, what have you done to be able to crossdress as often as possible? (without buying new clothes everytime...)

JWW

[Danielle1960]

I'm in the same boat as you!! I'm working on it and if anyone has some help that would be great.
Danielle

[CDKathy]

You might want to check out this thread:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=561

[eleventhdr]

I just do not let it bug me anymore!. I mean who really cares what your family thinks' about stuff they do not understand. I do not need or want this if I chose to be or dress as a girl that is my right not there's to interfere with or in!. And that's the way it should be!. After all if I had been a girl like i should have beeen then there would probaly have been no problem to begin with. More later!.

[Shy Charlotte]

This is an excellent question that haunts alot of crossdressers.
Yes, there are those of us who have the "If they don't accept me for who I am, then F%#$ them!" attitude, and if we are lucky enough to have someone understanding enough to accept us for who we are, then that attitude works. However, for those of us who have less understanding loved ones, there are certain approaches that you can cover.

First, do some research. Find some evidence that shows why we do what we do, show it is a documented, historical condition, and find some psychological literature friendly to our cause. Often times people think that this is a choice or a phase that we go through. This is a part of our persona, and is not changeable. Also, if the case applies, show that it is not a case of some disembodied homosexuality. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but alot of us aren't, so don't let others (especially wives) get confused.

Second, if the person you are talking to is in the right mood (good mood, happy, open, drunk, whatever your judgement tells you) you can come out. I came out first to my best friend, showing up to his place en fem and telling him I was just stopping by to say hi before I went to a Rocky Horror Picture Show showing (where they egg you if you're not in drag). Later on I came clean and just told him how I really was. In both scenarios he was kinda uneasy, but at least it was out there and I knew he would be uncomfortable about it. In hindsight I think I should have told him at an opportune moment, when I was in drab. The best time to tell them is when you're in a relaxed environment and they confess something (hopefully equally incriminating) first.
"So, you got your dick caught in a mousetrap? Guess what? I'm a crossdresser". Well, something along those lines.

Third, if you do ante up and come out to someone, let them know that that is who you are, and see how they feel about it. They should say something along the lines of "I love you for you, but this is something I'm not comfortable with"... followed by "Are you gay?" or something (to which you retort with some interesting fact that you came up with in step one, like "actually only 5% of true crossdressers are fully gay, which is less than the census average for males which is 10-15%", and followed by "Did I tell you how much I love you/You look beautiful tonight/I bought you that Jaguar you always wanted". Judging from how they react, make it a point to tell them "this is just how I am/how God made me. If it makes you uncomfortable, then I won't do it around you. But please respect that". That way, the stuff you have in the Hefty bags or Walmart Plastic Storage containers that says "Do not open" won't end up in the trash.

Fourth, push the envelope. If you went ahead with steps one through three without a hitch, then leave some stuff out in the open every once in a while. Maybe let them know that you're wearing women's underwear. With most people (like my folks), I've only gotten to step two before things got ugly. Ah well, at least it's known. Just make sure the people you do tell aren't the gabby kind, because it's hard to come out to more than one person at a time.

Hope this helps...
The Shy One

[JustmeBear]

Well about 4 or 5 months ago I found out that my boyfriend is Transgendered..Which was actually pretty relieving because I cd... This made it alot easier on both of us actually...We both knew that gender did not play a role in our relationship..
However my boyfriend who actually lives his life as a woman...wears womans clothing all the time....So I figured he would eventually meet my family and friends.....
That's the problem though...I figured I could be so open and honest with him..That I should be the same way with my family...So I told my family about him and while I was at it..I also told my family about me...
Needless to say that I havent spoken to my mother in some time..or rather she has not spoken to me....The one person in my family that is extremely ok with it is my sister....I had even told some of my close friends and which now, well they are no longer my friends....They have ignored me since I said something....
I don't regret telling them and if I had to do it over again..I would still tell..it is just a shame that people can not accpet us for us..clothes do not make a person...


Our bodies are just merely a package that holds the person we are inside and how we choose to represent ourselves on the outside is relivant to who or what we are ...

When we are with someone and they tolerate what we do...to me that isn't good enough cause I do not like to be "tolerated".....Which who wants (definition of tolerate) "To put up with; endure".....not me I like this definition of tolerate better....."To recognize and respect (the rights, beliefs, or practices of others)." ..Wouldn't things be so much easier...I know I know...I am dreaming here..
I am glad that I found someone who understands me and it is nice knowing you are accepted...
Over the past several months I have really come to know who is there for me and who isn't...and the ones who aren't well...I guess I know now rather then finding out later down the road.....

Oh you know what I wanted to say...I have this friend and he knows...well I actually just met him about two weeks ago ...he is actually a friend of my sisters......any who.....He was over watching a movie with me, my daughter, my sister and his kids....He thought my hall closet was the bathroom...Wrong..it is were I keep all my guy things.....He just had to shout out....It looks like a mans cloting store in there..Well for one thing...my daughter only knows to a certain extent..She is 9....( all she knows is mommy wears mens cloths) I haven't explained why yet....
So one day he called me and asked me why I had all those mens cloths and no man living with me...I tried the...It is my boyfriends stuff and he said for my boyfriend to have that many clothes at my house...He should be living with me and he didn't believe me...So I told him the truth..He didn't understand..he said I was a beautiful woman and that I should stop...Awwwwww I tried to explain to him and actually I am still trying to explain to him..you just can not stop...I have actually tried to give him things to read and he wont...I even got..oh you must have been traumatized at a young age or something....Traumatized I said HA!!!!!?????....He said yeah...maybe you were hit with womans clothes when you were young.....And I thought I heard it all.....I just wish he could understand...but atleast he hasn't run away..which is good and he said he would still be my friend.....Awwww I just wish he wasn't in denial...But I guess we can not change the way people feel....

Either love me for all of me or not at all...

I have rambled on far too long

[Jenny Beth]

Comming out to family and the fear of rejection is by far our biggest fear. I am very fortunate to have a supportive wife and daughter and I have a sister in law who also knows but has never seen me dressed. While some might think that is enough it really isn't. Like everyone here I am living in deciet and that really bothers me. I have family and friends I would dearly like to come out to so they knew the real me, I am tired of having to dash to the bedroom to change when a car comes up the driveway unexpectedly.

One of the most common questions here is how far does crossdressing go? As we all know there is always one more corner to turn, one more thing to fulfill the need. When you get to where I am and have been for years the next corner is the need to be honest and I am slowly trying to figure out who next might be understanding. It's a gamble for sure. I applaud those of you who have come out to your family and friends, your courage is beyond that which most of us have and some have paid a high price for being who they are. It is often said that time heals all wounds and I firmly believe that. Those of you who have been rejected will some day find acceptance, your biggest asset is that you have been honest. We have to realize that most people haven't the slightest idea of what it's like to be trangendered so it's no wonder their reactions are negative. It's up to us to ensure that we are seen in a positive way and can contribute to society just like anyone else.

Jenn

[CDKathy]

It is interesting what the title of a post can bring in responses. :confused:

While all of these posts are informative and insightful, I'm curious how many, besides Danielle and me, actually read JWW's post... :o


The problem is that I cannot keep my femme attire at home, or I will have a problem with her.

I looked for a storage or a place where I can store my toys, since it is expensive and tedious buying new equipment every time, but so far I was not able to find the right solution.

If any of you have had the same problem, what have you done to be able to crossdress as often as possible? (without buying new clothes everytime...)

[Jenny Beth]

You are right of course Kathy, I wasn't any help with the original question. Some of us get carried away with other things that get posted in a thread and forget what the intent was in the first place. It seems it sometimes boils down to our own problems and while some can relate, others have no interest. Oh well, at least we are civil!

[CDjww]

Thanks for your comments. I envy most of you, since you have been able to show your true self, at least in your family and close circle of friends.

I realy have tried with most of the things that have been mentioned, but unfortunately, my wife has accepted a lot of different things during our marriag, but it looks that CD is not one of them.

Every time that I even lead the conversation to that area, she reacts with all her artillery against it.

I hope some day she will accept it...

CDJWW

[Summer]

I was one that read the post.

As I see it you have a few choices. NONE of which will be easy!

1 If you are able to afford it rent a small apt. Use it as a place to go and full fill you needs.

2 And this is the hardest choice to make a , is this the right family for me or not. If the answer is yes then you must not continue with dressing.
If the answer is no, then you must decide what to do about your situation.

Simply hiding your clothes is most likely not an option! You will for ever wonder if she find them. Many go thru life this way. I for one could not live with the stress of never knowing if I come home and find my stuff on the porch. And the locks have been changed. And a note, you don't live here any longer!

I know this is not much help, but I don't think you have that many options!
That is if you want to continue dressing.

Good luck with your problem. If you want to chat send me a pm or email and I would be happy to chat. I have a loving family so I have no problem.
I live my life this way, my family is the best.
Summer

[Dallas]

Try contacting a local support group, perhaps someone there will have the storage solution you need, (have you considered your trunk?)