My SO

[kimberlyt221]

I told my SO about 2 months ago about my crossdressing at an early age, and when she asked me if I still do it, I said no.

I'm pretty disappointed in myself, but I'm not a liar. I haven't touched women's clothes since our conversation, and I miss them very much. Fortunately this forum is here, and has helped with that. I can talk to people who are like me, and understand how I feel. It is very exciting to someone who has felt ashamed and wrong by peoples reactions when they had caught me in the past.

I'm not going to stop. I would be living a lie, and squashing a part of myself. But, I'm not a liar, and I will not do it until I have told her I'm going to start again.

I'm soo afraid of her reaction, I love her so much. I feel I need her in my life.

Time to be brave.

[Emily Anderson]

I guess you're just going to have to fess up and tell the truth, before you get into the situation that so many of us have found theseleves in: years of deceit and hiding in the closet.

I know it's tough to say this, but if you want a relationship based in reality, you're just going to have to break the ice...

[SusanMarie]

In my personal experience...
Time to be honest. With yourself and your SO. Every day you don't, will make it harder for you and your SO. My SO was/is very accepting of my 'issues' and very unaccepting of my dis-honesty. Once I was honest with myself and her, our relationship grew and continues to grow in a very positive way. My SO loves Susan and probably understands her better than I.
Again...in my personal experience.
In the end, you are the best judge of when and how to be honest. But honest seems to work better.

[Bonnie D]

I did the exact same thing before we were married. I told her about wearing my mother's clothes when I was younger. When she said, "But you don't do that any more do you?" I said No right away. She was happy that I had confided in her such deep secret. I have regretted not telling her the truth ever since. 28 years later I told her. I am now living on my own through my own choice due to transsexual issues and not cd'ing issues. I am sure we could have worked through that if cd'ing was all there was.

My advice to you is to tell her, give her as much information as you can, and talk. Ultimately she should be given the choice on whether or not she can accept it. If she insists that you stop or else, then you will have to accept the "or else". If you don't, then do not make any life time commitments unless you have gone for quite a while without dressing and you are content without the need to dress. If you are not and don't tell her then you will be doing it behind her back. Then the longer you keep it to yourself to more more difficult it will be to tell her. And when you do, or she finds out on her own, the longer the period of secrecy the worse it is.

Bonnie

[Bethany38]

:2c: Kimberly,
I think I would have an honest sit down talk with your SO and ask her if it would bother her if you did start dressing again. As you said your not going to stop but wont start agin un til you have told her. I realize not every woman is as understanding as mine is, however, if she truely loves you! unconditionally she will at least try to understand. I wish I would have told m wife when we first met. She had found a pair of hose in my room and thought I was cheating. Luckilly a friend of mine said they were his girlfriends, and covered for me. He also thought I was getting some on the side. No one has ever known about my perpensity to dress until I told my wife. Luckilly she loves me unconditionally and almost embraced it from the brginning. She has gone through all the questions in her mind about sexuality and all that. Finally she came to the conclusion that I am the same person I've always been, I just like wearing and dressing as a woman. She even introduced me to this site. Maybe you should show her this site. Anyhow thats all I got I hope it helps.

[Donna Michelle]

My late wife knew about my CDing before we were married. My current wife didn't know and I tried to quit. Then I secretly wore her clothes. Five years later, I told her I was wearing some of her panties secretly. She said she thought more things were in the wash than she remembered wearing.

A few months ago, just before our 12th anniversary, I told her I wanted to dress like a woman AND go out in public. She saw me do this for Halloween a few years in a row, but this is different. She was not surprised. She bought things for me and goes out in public with me.

You already let your SO know that you dressed as a woman. You can ask her if she minds if you start doing it again. Since you confessed, she probably thinks you are doing it or thinking about doing it anyway. Ask her how much she minds and share a little at a time. Don't overwhelm her.

[JoAnnDallas]

You do realize that sooner or later, you will start back wearing fem clothing again. My wife and I have been married over 25 years now. For 24 of those she did not know I am a CD. Then when I came to Dallas in 2005, I was staying with my sister and she was doing a clothing drive for her church. I was looking thru the bags and all of a sudden decide to see if anything fit me. Next thing I knew the Pink Fog had hit me big time. When the house sold and wife came to Dallas, I tried to stop but found I could not. for another year I secretly dressed. Then in 2007 I finially told her. She was not happy but we did settle on a "No Ask, No Tell" policy where I could get dresse, go out, and even goto my Tri-Ess meetings but I could only do it when she was not around. Then 2 months ago she finially saw me fully dressed for the first time bu accident. Now she has decide to accept me as a CD and has now even help me get ready for my Tri-Ess meetings and even took my picture fully dressed.
Since the cat is out of the bag, I would suggest that you sit down with her and let it all come out.

[StephanieH]

Don't hide things, don't be a liar... obviously you don't want to be - that only breeds mistrust. Approach the subject again now that the ice has been broken. Do something like, "hey, you know when we talked about my crossdressing as a kid, well, I wanted you to know, I'd like to do some more of that from time to time" or something like that. You might be surprised at her reaction - she might not have a big problem with it.

If you're honest about these things, that's the bigger issue, not the dressing. Assure her and reassure her that she's the center of your universe (if that is the case) and this is merely a part of who you are. As others have said, be ready with some literature off the web and maybe a book on the subject for her to read and go slowly. If she loves ya', this should work out just fine - be honest and don't worry! The horror stories about relationships busting up on this forum almost always seem to center around years of having hidden this from wives, not from them just being creeped out about it. It's not the act, it's the deception. Women DO NOT like to be deceived!

Take care and God bless! :D

[Darlene Dippy]

"Time to be brave" ... If only it was so simple Kim.

You are dissapointed with yourself? Then all of us why care other people close to us
and care about how we may hurt them are guilty of that.

I'm not going to stop...No you can't, its what you, I, are.

Advice Non! But you are not alone I walk a similar road as you.

Darlene

[abundantly_me]

this is from a gg perspective - you know what scares us, that in some way you won't love us in the same way, that we become unsure of who we are, what are role is, does our role change somehow. A lot of us women tend to need some sort of validation within the relationship. I do think you should tell her, and help in her understanding, but also reaffirm that this situation doesn't alter how you feel about her.

[carolyn todd]

Hello kimberly,
i would tell your wife asp because it will get worse one lie on
top of another is not a good way to go.
tell her the truth every think
tell her you like to dress up in women clothes, but you did not
not want to upset her and drive her out of your life so you told a lie
because you love her a very great deal.

good luck
carolyn xx
ps let us know how you got on.

[Jonianne]

Kimberly,

You are so not alone!

Approaching your wife or loved ones or friends concerning this, is a terrifing experience that often turns into one of the most rewarding!

Bless you