The 'Look of Death'

[Cristi]

I found that I have put a name to something that happens to me once in a while when I am out. I've taken to calling it 'The look of death'. Most people treat me no differently than a GG, some look a little longer, or follow me with their eyes for a few seconds if I'm not 'passing'.

But once in a while (twice today) I get the 'look of death'. Some person who is so UPSET by having their day spoiled by seeing a crossdressed person that all they can do is scowl while staring at me. My theory is that these tend to be manipulative people to begin with and they are trying to signal to you that 'You don't fit into my world, so I'm going to punish you by staring at you to make you uncomfortable'.

These 'lookers' tend to be middle to late middle aged women (though one today was a young man stocking shelves in a grocery store).

When I first started going out in public, the thought of getting the look of death almost terrified me. When I got it, it would ruin my day. Today, I found that it almost made me laugh. I was looking back at the woman who was giving me the look thinking 'what a sad narrow life she must have'. I almost wish she had SAID something so I could start a conversation with her.

Oh well, just another way things have changed for me since I've started going out.

BTW: Today was my second day out this week. I hit a few grocery stores, a shoe store, a drug store, Kohls and T.J. Max. Everyplace I went, I was treated well or even BETTER than I am usually treated in 'guy' mode. The loot from the day:
A pair of sandals from Payless
Some panties from Kohls (I'd told myself a while ago that I would ONLY but panties when fully dressed, as a way of getting out more).
A new shade of lipstick from Rite-aid.

I used the woman's room in a few different places during the day, and tried on two Summer dresses while at Kohls. All the interactions I had were good. Especially the woman at the Payless shoe store.

I must not have been passing at ALL by the time I got there. She asked me if she could help me find something when I walked in, and I said "No thanks, just looking for things in my size".

She said "We have size 11 here" (pointing to an aisle) "and size 12 on the other side". I said something about her making a pretty good guess about my shoe size and she said "We have a lot of customers for those sizes, that is why I stock so many". I got the feeling that she was saying that they had a lot of CD/TG customers. Now that the ice was broken, we chatted for a bit and when I had picked something out she said "These are CUTE!" while ringing me up and putting them in a bag.

[Lisa Rose]

I'd stop looking back or even for their looks. Ignore ignorance, it makes for a lot better day. :love:

[Shannen]

2 things:

1) Congrats on the outing! I've only had GREAT experiences at Payless when I am enfem... passing or "not". :D

2) I have been VERY grumpy all day long and given the look of death to just about every human being I've come in contact with! :Angry3: Well, maybe not every one... but it could be that person scowling at you has inner issues that have nothing to do with you?

In fact I would say that even if you give them an excuse to throw mean looks your way... it is because of inner turmoil that they would even bother to take offense. Laughing it off is the correct response!

Or, perhaps you should rethink your life and reform from your naughty ways because they don't like you! :rofl:

:hugs:Shannen

[Cristi]

2) I have been VERY grumpy all day long and given the look of death to just about every human being I've come in contact with! :Angry3:

Oh... it was YOU I saw in the grocery store! Nice skirt! ;)


In fact I would say that even if you give them an excuse to throw mean looks your way... it is because of inner turmoil that they would even bother to take offense. Laughing it off is the correct response!

That's what I figure... If they can't deal with me in a polite way, then it is an issue THEY have, not anything I have to worry about.



Or, perhaps you should rethink your life and reform from your naughty ways because they don't like you! :rofl:
:hugs:Shannen

I've spent enough time trying to 'reform' my naughty ways. As I get older, I find I'd much rather ENJOY my naughty ways instead.

Maybe every time one of these people sees one of us, she will get less and less upset by it. After seeing 50 or so of us, all she'll manage to dig up for a response will be a sigh as she goes about her business. :)

[michelle64]

who knows for sure what is really going thru their mind...i just ignore it as nothing is going to interfere with my time out as that time is too valuable due to the very limited time i have available...why let some jerk ruin your day..i dont

[JoAnnDallas]

I have had good experiences at two different Payless Shoe stores. In fact when my wife and I went looking for heels for my formal outfit a couple of weeks ago, the SA's in the shoe store we found them at were super. One was a GG, the other was a guy. It made no difference to them that the heels were for me and not my wife. (I was in drab). I tried on various pairs, walked in them, and looked at them in the shoe mirror. The GG SA asked about the outfit, I described it for her, and it was this SA that show me the pair that I ended up buying. She thought that from my description that this pair would look great with it. When we got home I put on the formal and the new heels and the SA was right on.

[Jolene]

Some people just always look grumpy. I can think of a few at work. Maybe they were just born that way.

Jolene :)

[Maria2004]

I found that I have put a name to something that happens to me once in a while when I am out. I've taken to calling it 'The look of death'................

My theory is that these tend to be manipulative people to begin with and they are trying to signal to you that 'You don't fit into my world, so I'm going to punish you by staring at you to make you uncomfortable'.

These 'lookers' tend to be middle to late middle aged women (though one today was a young man stocking shelves in a grocery store).

I've had the same experience from the same demographic and commented on it a couple of years ago (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=663216&postcount=24)

"Manipulative" is a good observation, I've also felt in some cases these were strong women who had achieved some measure of control over their own personal lives and those around them so they think they've got it all figured out, then we appear (CDs) seemingly out of no where and it rocks their boat. In my experience some appear to freeze and stare, more stunned and confused then angry, and as you said in some cases they do it to intimidate I guess. In either case I've always found the former curious and the latter laughable. Glad you didn't let ruin the day and had a good outing. :thumbsup:

[Cristi]

I've also felt in some cases these were strong women who had achieved some measure of control over their own personal lives and those around them so they think they've got it all figured out, then we appear (CDs) seemingly out of no where and it rocks their boat

Exactly!
The one thought I always end up having when running to one of these people is "I'm glad I'm not her son/husband". I imagine that she is probably the dragon queen of her household and uses that look regularly to let you know that SHE IS NOT PLEASED.

well....:tongueout:tongueout:tongueout

[AliciaWeb]

I think Maria had a good point, some people are totally unprepared for anything out of their normal scope and freeze staring in confusion which may appear aggressive due to their consternation and the length of time they hold the look. It is good to feel sorry for people of such a narow outlook, many of them seem to be from a strict religious background which makes their plight even worse.

[Holly]

Give them back the look of enjoying life! A well placed, genuine smile will let the "looker" know that you are happy with yourself and that they have no control over you and how you feel about life.

[JoAnnDallas]

As for "lookers", I once had this GG at my nail salon go wide eye and just stare at me the whole time while I was getting my toes polished at the pedicure station. She continued to stare at me while I was getting a manicure, fill, and nail polish on my nails. She was in the station next to me. All this time she just stared at me but did not say anything. It was like she had never seen a man get a pedicure/manicure before in her life. What really was funny was I sat down beside her at the drying table and it so unnerved her that she got up and left way before her nails were dry. Guess she did not like being that close to me. LOL

[Joanne f]

The Look of Death.
We have a similar saying here when someone looks at you like that it is

" if looks could kill" and if they look grumpy with it it`s "they have their head up their *ss




[QUOTE=JoAnnDallas;1329437]As for "lookers", I once had this GG at my nail salon go wide eye and just stare at me the whole time while I was getting my toes polished at the pedicure station. She continued to stare at me while I was getting a manicure, fill, and nail polish on my nails. She was in the station next to me.

It is funny that you should say that as i took my wife into a nail salon which they call here" American Nails" don`t know why as it seams to be mainly Thai people that are running them, i was the only male in there (if you can call me one):D we were sat waiting by this other female, and we were in one of are silly moods so started joking about things and my wife could see this person getting moody so that makes her worse, she tells me to hold out my hand so that my purple nail polish was showing and says out loud, what colour are you having yours done, so i said pink this time to go with my undies, well " if looks could kill" we would both be dead .
We both smiled at each other because we new that we were getting at that person, that is the way we deal with people like that .

joanne

[Leslie Foxx]

One of my tgirl friends is very tall, but fairly passable. When she encounters "the look" she will often say to the person in her best New Hampsha accent: "What's amatta, you never seen a Transvestite before?", and smiles. So far, she's not experienced any negative repurcussions from this, and sometimes the person will actually engage her in pleasant conversation after they recover their wits.

It can be very disarming to the one giving you "the look" to actually be adressed. I'm not suggesting anyone should be confrontational, but if you turn tail and slink away, it just reinforces their mindset that you are doing something "wrong", and they are in the right to be judgemental about you.

[MsJanessa]

I've found most people to be more than polite and not likly to stare at you if you are read---occasionally the opposite is true however and you just have to roll with the punches. PS most people don't quite dare give Me the look of death--for obvious reasons--but I do get other looks

[Audra Sinclair]

I was walking through a Mall one day all "dressed up." Two young males were walking in front of me. They were "punk" type guys. They both sprouted mohawk hair cuts and one of them was purle red and yellow. They made me as a crossdresser. They started to make fun of me as we walked.
I turned to them and said in a loud voice. "At least I don't look like a ****ing parrot. They both shut up and walked the other direction.