I could use some advice.

[fredgregjoe]

Sorry if I'm kinda rambly in this, I didn't have a very organized idea when I started so it kinda jumps all over. T~T
So I think I'm getting pretty good in the confidence level (at least as good I can expect it getting) to being able to come out to my parents and I want to get that taken care of this summer as soon as possible.
I also thought it might be a lot better though if I went with the letter idea of telling them. So I wrote up a really good letter explaining everything really well that also specifically asks them not to come to me with their questions until they are ready. But I think the letter idea would work alot better if I were to wait until august when I go back to college for the semester. I come back on weekends so me and my parents could talk then after they've had a week to cool off and look at the help info I put in the letter.
I think I can expect both of my parents to be accepting, although I might have to wait a bit for my dad to come around...My mom might even already know, God knows I've let alot slide that she hasn't even questioned me about.
I know I can expect that I'm going to get the basic advice of "sooner is better," and I know its true. But the way I see it is I can go now and maybe go okay but will probably horribly uncomfortable or all of us but a BIG weight off my shoulders, or go in a month or two where things can only be better and will hopefully be not horribly uncomfortable.
Or I guess I can try the other idea I had and try to come out to my friends on facebook or whatever. Or I guess one or more of my many sisters. Hopefully from that I can build up some confidence and see if I'm feeling better about coming out to parents. But I kind of want my parent to find out first.

Anyway, I think my question got lost somewhere up there.^^
But given my situation, what would you do? Would you wait and go with the letter, would you go now, or would you come out to other people to build up confidence?
Oh and by the way, if you have any other advice/stories/ramblings about any road bumps you hit in your own adventures, I would be grateful to hear about them. ^_^

EDIT: Oh yeah, you can call me Natalya. I think that sounds good, I'm still kinda thinking about it though. ^~^'

[RylieCD]

Natalya,

You indicated that if you wait till august that it wouldn't be be too horribly uncomfortable. I think either way it would be very uncomfortable. I still in the closet myself but given the situation I think I would do the letter Idea as well, I have also heard of accompaning the letter with a book "trueselves" as an open second type package, this would offer an additional resource.

Good Luck

[John]

hi Natalya.

I understand the want to tell you're perants first, that's what I did (with my mum, anyway. I told her before I did any serious coming out). I've come out face to face with everyone, because I wanted to see their reaction for myself, but I do know that some people have handed over the letter and wated with them while they read it.

Not really sure what advise to give for timing. I cam out while I was at univercity (because that's when I resolved a lot of gender issues) and was only going home every few months. It made it esier to avoid prolonged awquadnes, but did mean they didn't see a lot of the 'chainges' (to aperence and social behaviour) as they happened.

Hope that can be a little help. Good luck.

-John

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Natalya

Anymore options and you'll need a secretary to sort them out. Just sit down and tell them. There's no such thing as the perfect time. Letters are wonderful, but don't you think they deserve a face to face? Read the letter to them, it will be fine.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Sharon]

I agree with Karen (it was bound to happen eventually.) Write your letter if you must, but only use it as a guide when you tell your parents face-to-face. That way, you will be able to react to however they react and answer questions you may not anticipate. Just tell yourself beforehand that you will remain calm no matter what, because their initial reaction may be an antithesis to their true feelings which could come with time.

Good luck. :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Natalya

i'm middle age (young..hehe)...

anyway...to :2c:

its sooo up to you and how you feel...we dont know you well enough or your parents..we are all so in need of affirmation..this is really tough stuff (or at least it is for me)...i have told 4 people and it came out differently every time...there is no "right" time or way...there is just you communicating yourself out to people when YOU ARE READY...take a breath and enjoy your current moments....

my example with mom is that i really have run that relationship...i'm a bit of a momma's "boy" ..and i'm a first born...so i kind of just let it all hang out with her and the most surprising thing was she KNEW!!!!! she said she was poking around my car trunk and found wigs/shoes/dress and some magazines with Female impersonators....
when i asked her why she didnt tell me...she said it was because and i quote..."it was none of my business"///so as we consider our newfound womanhood...clearly we can learn from this incredible leap of logic that its ok to look in my car trunk...BREAK INTO MY CAR...but its none of her business that she found all my stuff!!!... i don't have the heart to tell her how much i wish she had talked to me 20 yrs ago !!.. oh well..

see my point....i have my story...btw...i havent told my dad and its going to be horrible...

but for you it's gonna be your story and i bet its going to be a great one so take your time and do it right!!!
peace
michele

[MJ]

theres no such thing as perfect timing . just do it get it over with . it will be a big shock to your parents family and friends .
i wish you the best of luck

[melissaK]

Supportive people will listen to you. Face to face they will let you explain it, or if by letter they will read your letter word for word.

Those who don't want to accept will maybe want to engage in denial, and will not listen well either way. They will cut you off and argue when you speak face to face, or they won't read your letter all the way through.

Keep in mind the 'hard sells' may need time to work through their own emotions about this, so be extra patient.

If you do it face to face, and aggressive method, you are probably over any shame issues, or self esteem issues triggered by a fear of judgment by whoever you are telling. If you do it by letter, a passive method, it may indicate you may have some of these issues left to deal with.

hugs,
'lissa

[Katie Moore]

Very tough call..all the above advice is awesome.

Only you know though. Go with your first instinct. You'll be suprised at hoe right it is.



Katie

[Kimberley]

Sorry but sooner is not better. Only your time is the right time, not before and not after. Do not EVER go forward in any of this at the urging of others. Only you know what is right for you and this is your life.

You do what you have to when you have to.

As to a letter. Again only you can judge that one. If it were me I would probably talk to my parents one at a time but again, only you know the best way to handle it inside of your family dynamic.

Good luck hon
Kimberley

[fredgregjoe]

Thanks for all of the advice and the good luck wishes. ^_^
I think Rylie's idea of giving them a copy of True Selves to help them get informed is a pretty good idea. And with it being super cheap on Amazon I might go ahead and do that. ^_^
I really think I might go with the letter idea. Generally when I get really into my topic, take my time, and think things through, I can actually pull off some really good writing. When I wrote out the first draft of my letter, I spent almost an entire night and into the morning, but was feeling way more confident and it kinda helped me understand things I've been trying to figure out for years.
And as much as I agree that my parents deserve to be told face to face, I really don't think my words would be anywhere nearly as thought out or as meaningful as they would be in a letter.
As for timing, I'm still kinda mixed on that. T~T
At the very least, if I can't [-]manup[/-] girlup enough to do it before school starts, then being away from home will offer a "perfect" time to do.

Why can't I write a small post...? T~T

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are on the case!!