Exposure and validation

[Emily Anderson]

Two of the most common crossdressing themes I've encountered over the years are the need for exposure and validation.

What is it with us CD's that we are obsessed with posting our adventures enfemme, our pics etc. and asking others what they think about us?

[tamarav]

Guilty as charged. Why last Friday night I ...... oh, never mind, you have all heard it before from me and it is probably getting old, but I did have a great time!

Narcisism doesn't count if no one else sees you, therefore it may not be real. We all need to be proven that we exist, we just want to do it in a different fashion. And, yes, I am one of the worst offenders. In fact I will use this question to post yet another picture, this one from Friday night just to prove your theory.

Your demonstrative sis,

Tami

[Emily Anderson]

Cool! Lovely pic Tamara.

[Deborah Jane]

This is a very good question Emily and i,m intrigued to know the answer, because so far the only reasons i,ve come up with is...Because i want too and enjoy it!!

[trannie T]

It is like "Show and Tell" in gradeschool, we like to share our experiences. Unlike a sporting event or a fishing trip we are somewhat hesitant to tell our buddies about the great time we had last weekend wearing a dress. The only ones we have to share with are our friends on forums such as this. Just wait until September for my 500 word essay on "What I Did on My Summer Vacation."

["Mary"]

I think you hit it right on the head in the title. being exposed, allows other folks to see us, to react to us (Hopefully positively) and validate our presentation.

[sandra-leigh]

Narcisism doesn't count if no one else sees you,

Narcissism doesn't care whether anyone else exists. It is vanity that doesn't count if no one else sees you.

[Annie D]

I really don't care about the reasons why everyone posts their adventures but since becoming a member, it has given me the courage to be bolder and braver in my outings. Whenever we post something that we have done, I believe that it has a ripple effect and the waves touch each one of us and make our world somewhat larger.

[TxKimberly]

Guilty on at least one of your charges! With the rare exception of my asking for opinions on hair or a particular outfit, I don't generally ask others what they think, but I do most definitely inflict my out and about stories on everyone. You want to know why? I have absolutely no idea! Part of it I suppose is a desire for validation - "Look ma', no hands!" sort of thing. Part of it is returning the favor of those that encouraged me to actually enjoy myself in the light of day instead of sneaking into dark Smokey bars. Last but not least, who else am I gonna share the things I do with? I'm having a ball and doing what I think are exciting things but I have no one to share it with. I can't share it with my friends. I cant share it with my co-workers. I can't share it with most of my family. I therefore inflict myself upon this forum! :-)
Oh, and Tamara? You look awesome chick!

[windycissy]

This may be the stupidest question I've ever seen on the forum. This is a site for, by and about crossdressing and crossdressers, and it's pretty natural for girls to want to share their experiences and ask other girls what they think of the way they look, what they're wearing, etc. Some of us are lucky enough to have real life friends we can share these experiences with, but for most of us I suspect this forum is it, and I really enjoy the opportunity to see what other girls are wearing, learn about their experiences, and share some of my own.

[lisa_e_love]

We like seeing pictures because it proves to us that we are exhibiting a feminine appearance. Men are visual creatures. We want to see ourselves in makeup and a dress.

As far as sharing these pictures and talking about our adventures goes, yes I believe there is a certain degree of exhibitionism there. But consider also that men don't typically get to talk at length about their personal experiences with others. It's just not manly. Here on the board we can gush about the wonderful time we had out and share pictures. It's a wonderful release.

[Sally24]

I have to assume that many others like me have only a few (or no) non-tg friends to share their lives with. For us this is the water cooler at work, the over the fence talk with the neighbor, the bulls***ing with the buddies over a few beers. I check this forum several times a day. Not because I need help and more information, but because I enjoy the "family", the interaction, and the feeling of having things in common with others like me.

Oh....here's my outfit from Pride weekend in Boston!
67310

[whitelace]

Yes! and as for myself, I love being identified and recognized in my small circle that I travel (en femme). It validates me as to... yes ..that's me and I am here. The bigger part I guess is recognition of oneself ....approving but then wanting to so very badly .... share the magic with others ....lacie:battingeyelashes:

[battybattybats]

Its a basic human need to be loved, to be recognised, to be validated.

The more we have struggled with self acceptance the more we should expect to crave validation, the recognition of our peers, general acceptance etc.

It's not peculiar to crossdressing, it just becomes more about out apearance with us than some groups because that is the aspect, our expression, that is the part that needs acceptance.

Just as academic women have craved to have their intellectual achievements recognised fairly for their worth so we do so with our personal expression.

It's only human.

[Karren H]

10 gig of photos and movies.... I'm over exposed i fear!!! hahaha

[sterling12]

Sharing experiences is done by at least a few of us as a very conscious effort to help other gurls. If we talk about going out and make it "a not very big deal," perhaps it will help others to take that same step.

Yes, I know there are many who don't want to take that first step of going out, but for other's just maybe it will give some person the "backbone" to finally do the very thing that they have been longing to do. That would seem to be a worthwhile endeavor.

I also know that some of the minutely detailed accounts can be a bit much; but by and large it's painless, it does no harm, and it's often darn interesting. If someone is mightily offended by an account of going out and about, I would figure that they probably long to do the same but haven't gotten the fortitude to do so. Perhaps it isn't The Account, it's their own guilty feelings.

The pictures are posted for validation, no doubt about it. I think we can be a lot like teenage girl's....we need someone to tell us we look good and we're pretty. Chock it up to arrested development, we never got to have all those important adolescent years. I think a lot of us are still working on getting that kind of ego-stroking. You can call it vanity, if you want. I would call it "hopeful."

Peace and Love, Joanie

[MichelleOBrien]

We all want our existence on this earth to be validated in some form or fashion. To do that, we have to expose at least one facet of our true nature and selves. On here, it's just our little way of making sure that we're still okay to be ourselves and that we're really not "strange".

Of course, there are some of us who are secretly exhibitionists and just love showing ourselves off, but even that is to make sure we are validated.

[Emily Anderson]

Thanks ladies for taking time to think about what drives us to post our pictures, comments, requests for feeback etc.

A special thanks to WindyCissy for not only posting this comment:

This may be the stupidest question I've ever seen on the forum.................
but, also for having taken the time to respond despite the stupidity of the question :)

[tricia_uktv]

Cos we love it - and why not!

[Kristen Marie]

And if Kim didn't post her adventures, or Karren, or...anybody, I would not have had the courage to get out myself anywhere near as much as I do. Reading about their outings is an amazing part of my development.

[Toni_Lynn]

Its a basic human need to be loved, to be recognised, to be validated.

I agree wholeheartedly. I feel that, at least for myself, as a crossdresser, I need that 'you're okay' acknowledgment from others. Having grown up surrounded by negativity and always hearing how wicked I was because I wanted to wear girls clothes, when I found something/ someone that would tell me it was okay, I clunk to it like crazy.

I made a vow a few years back, that if I ever found a partner who would accept the girl within me, I'd be hers for life. My wife does, and that fact that she added whipped cream on top of that glorious dessert by saying that she'd wear guy's undies for me, well -- for the first time in my life, I feel real.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[windycissy]

Thanks ladies for taking time to think about what drives us to post our pictures, comments, requests for feeback etc.

A special thanks to WindyCissy for not only posting this comment:
................
but, also for having taken the time to respond despite the stupidity of the question :)

That was kinda snarky of me, my bad...but I have to admit, your stupid question got some great responses!

[Sam-antha]

To display the undisplayable and to share the unshareable.
Think about that one.
Kimberly really put her finger on it tho'.
Aeons ago -30 years + omg -when I first went out on foot, there was nobody to share it with, like here and now. There was inevitably a certain flatness after the event. Before it too I suppose... it tended to be lonely as an experience. Now, long after the event I can a share.

[chaotropic]

I wish I was invisible.
I talk on message boards because I am lonely and bored and my cat doesn't talk back.

[Glenda]

Because I just bought my first digital camera and can't believe all of the things I can do with it! But even those of us with friends who accept us in the real world really appreciate and enjoy coming here to hear and share stories, thoughts and adventures.

[Edwina]

As I read through the posts above I kept thinking I must quote that and that and that until I realized that I could just say "What you all said" :)
But I must pay tribute to Karren's "over exposure" for giving me that final push out the door. :heehee:

:love:

Edwina

[Andine]

I like posting my results because i love to share with like minded people. At first it is easy to confide in people you don't really know, and whom you are not likely to meet.
Having said that, I started by using the courage and determination on this site to bolster mine to the point that I actually went out and did it!
I wondered how many of my friends would still be there after they found out .... To my surprise and delight they all stayed, and some have engineered parties and gatherings that Andine can take part in.
Sharing that sort of success is what I think this forum is about, and if my stories help others accomplish their desires then it is all worthwhile!

67473

That was a recent "Bohemian " party

regards

[HotJean]

I'm in my mid 40's and have always hidden the fact that the panties or whatever I was buying was for me.

Then one day after discovering this group I went shopping for a leotard. The SA asked what size. I told her that I didn't know and that is was for me. She didn't miss a beat. She thought I should try XXL and then pointed to where the dressing rooms were and also indicated where the full length mirror was (across the store). I was great having someone see me in such an outfit. She thought XL would fit better and went and got me one.

I now go back there 3 or 4 times a year and try stuff on and buy something no matter what. Next time I go I think I'll try a back zip leatard and see if she will zip me up in front of the mirror.

There is also a Fashion Bug near me where the SA's know me and seem to like me and know what I like. I go in male close and they help me find low rise jean's and shorts and panties, which I then try on (not the panties). One time I had not been there for several months. They asked where I had been and chided me for missing all the great sales.

I'm not sure why they are so nice to me. I wonder if they just like my honesty. I would imagine that they have to deal with men that are "looking for something for my girl friend" often.

After hiding my cross dressing for so long it nice to find some women that accept that part of me.

[María José]

A genetic girl is always a girl. Dressed, undressed, dressed with a man suit, alone at home and out in the world. We are not, and we know it. We need someone see it and tell us we are a girl (or we look like a girl). We need valitation and validation needs a previous exposure.

[Rachaelb64]

Two of the most common crossdressing themes I've encountered over the years are the need for exposure and validation.

What is it with us CD's that we are obsessed with posting our adventures enfemme, our pics etc. and asking others what they think about us?

I don't think it's just CDers, who like to 'expose' themselves, any group of 'enthusiast' whether they be Star Trek, Manga, Historical reactment groups etc, will take pics of themselves and share with their fellow enthusiast. Its just natural :)