depression

[Karen C]

have any of you gone through bouts of depression. Have you felt it was linked to cd and hideing yourself and your feelings from outhers . I know deep question have myself and just wondered .

[Patti Girl]

Karen,

unfortunately, I suspect that bouts of depression are a normal thing for many people.

I know I've had my ups and downs in the past year or two but I don't think it's related to dressing. In fact, I'm usually doing just fine dressing (my wife likes me that way) and then something happens and I avoid dressing. Right now I'm in one of those periods where I don't feel feminine any more. :(

Best wishes that things improve.

hugs,

Patti

[Lisa Rose]

YUP, but as Patti said, it's nomal for life. I know I go thru lots of hi's and low's. Something new, some wonderfal advancement in cd'ing or TS'ing and I get a huge rush. Then, when everthing settles down, the low's can come back. It's always difficult to find balance but I guess that's as good as it gets.

[Karren H]

Nope!!!! I don't get depressed.... never have especially about my crossdressing.... Yeah I had questions and concerns but not to the point of being depressed... Once I accepted that this was something that was not a bad thing.... I embraced it and have been super happy every since....

[trannie T]

Most of us have mood swings. Some have wider swings than others, to the point of bi-polar disorder. If you are concerned about your depression please see a therapist. I think that for most of us our moods have little relation to the clothing we prefer to wear.

[sissystephanie]

I had a very severe bout of depression beginning in Feruary of 2005. Not at all related to my CD activities ot anything like that. I lost my wife of 49+ years to cancer that month! We had actually grown up together, so had lknown each other for over 60 years.

Fortunately for me, the absolutely wonderful Scots lady I call my GGF talked me through the bout of depression. I had actually reached a state where I was comtemplating either suicide, or starting life over as a female with an SRS operation. She convinced me, thank the Good Lord, to remain a man and helped me through the dark days of my grief. BTW, she is totally O.K. with my CD activites. Only time I have ever been depressed, and I never want to experience it again!

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[noeleena]

hi... depression , its not nice living with your s o for over 34 years. you know what it does & trying to help with out having help to deal with it. oh yea damm hard.
we have meds now that do help a lot yet do run down . i know from my own life what its all about so yes i have been on that road i did not like it . as a women who is out full time i felt the full force for a week i was totaly down . so yes in this case it had to do with me being a transfemale & coming to terms with our family . big time for me to live my life as i should . a women . i am 60 . so its been a long haul for us as a family we are not there yet . so depression is & can be a part of what happens to us it can hit you at any time . how we deal with it i am not so sure now i thought i was very strong . well i now know that is not the case . you may put up a front . for some of us as a male yea right .. not so ... as i live & grow as a women i am finding oh dear what a change . there are some who think hey i am a female i can dress as one . yet are you a women only you can say . for me its the small things that say i am a women . so be care full depression can drop you. i know this applys to me any way just a thought . ...noeleena...

[jill s]

If the purge cycle is a type of depression than yes. I'm struggling now with "why do I do this?" and "why can't I be normal?" . I don't think I am cut out to be transgendered, for me it is getting harder to live like this.

[bgirl]

I don't get down enough to actually say I am depressed, But I get way down sometimes. And yes it can be related to my gender varience. In the past there would be huge swings that resulted in binges and purges. As I accept myself as I am, I still have them. Minny binges and minny purges may occur but I know they are temporal and in the end I will still be gender varient.
I have been reluctant to say transgender as of late. During my last blue period, I came to understand I am somewhere in the middle of the genders as to my view of myself. Very feminine in some ways and very masquiline in others. I have stepped back a bit to intergrate my acceptance of this. I felt like I was a run away train. Lost in this culture club we have created here. Following well worn tracks. Truth is, I don't always feel like a man. I am not going to end up a woman, no matter what I add or subtract. I am somewhere in the middle. I still dress because this is a familiar and comfortable way for me to express that aspect of myself. Other times I don't know what the hell to do and get a little frieghtened of whats going on inside.
This has never been an easy thing to do. So when you are sad and blue, you are not alone honey. I am silently sitting right next to you.

[vivianann]

When I was married and was forbidden to dress up, I went through sevier depresion. when the marriage was over and I started crossdressing again the depression went away, if I go more than 3 days without dressing up as a woman I start getting depressed. so crossdressing is the best medication to prevent depression for me.

[KandisTX]

While I don't think it can technically be classified as "depression", I know for myself that if I go for an extended period (longer than a week) without dressing in anything femme (other than panties and pantyhose which I wear daily, so they are no longer really a femme item for me), I get into what I like to call "a funk". Once I go and slip into something more comfortable, that funk dissipates and I feel much better.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Emily Anderson]

That's a very tough question, because I believe it not only relates to how you perceive your crossdressing experience, but also to how much natural tendency you have toward being depressed regardless of your crossdressing.

For sure, one can beat up on oneself and blame CD'ing when one feels low, making it the source for blame, but I think you'll find that that there are as many happy crossdressers as there are depressed ones. Still, it would be very interesting for the medical community to investigate whether there is a correlation between crossdressing and depression or vice versa.

In short, I dunno!

[sandra-leigh]

I didn't start cross-dressing until after I got Depressed -- not until I'd been on an anti-depressant for several months. Oh, there were signs of cross-dressing on and off for decades before that, but it wasn't until I was in my early 40's that I had the thought that "I could actually wear these clothes!", as opposed to "I wonder what it's like to try these on, to see what they look like and how they feel."

Did I get depressed due to lack of cross-dressing? I would not say there is any reasonable evidence of that. I had a high-stress long-hours job and Family Histories of related medical symptoms, and the point at which I got really sick was a high-stress time in my life: my body wore out. Possibly if I'd had cross-dressing as a stress-relief before then I might not have crashed quite as hard, but the same could be said for any of a number of other activities.

Before I started cross-dressing, I was not aware of any gender variation in myself -- before that, it was more like, "All these billions of women who wear bras... what does it feel like for them? Is it uncomfortable, does it hurt?". Oh, I knew that I wasn't exactly the most macho of men, but so what?

Cross-dressing decidedly helps relieve my depression symptoms: even when I was quite down, it was something I could initiate (well, sometimes), and feel good about, something that could clear my head when I was having a very rough day.

[jules3367]

Karen,

unfortunately, I suspect that bouts of depression are a normal thing for many people.

I know I've had my ups and downs in the past year or two but I don't think it's related to dressing. In fact, I'm usually doing just fine dressing (my wife likes me that way) and then something happens and I avoid dressing. Right now I'm in one of those periods where I don't feel feminine any more. :(

Best wishes that things improve.

hugs,

Patti

I was trying to explain how i feel its linked to cd'ing, but i think you just hit the nail in the head as they say - im depressed not because of cd'ing and 'hiding' its more like something gets in the way and i dont want to dress 0 then the depression starts

[Linda C]

I hope that you feel better soon - depression sucks! I hope that writing about it helps and you find some good answers :)

[jules3367]

I don't get down enough to actually say I am depressed, But I get way down sometimes. And yes it can be related to my gender varience. In the past there would be huge swings that resulted in binges and purges. As I accept myself as I am, I still have them. Minny binges and minny purges may occur but I know they are temporal and in the end I will still be gender varient.
I have been reluctant to say transgender as of late. During my last blue period, I came to understand I am somewhere in the middle of the genders as to my view of myself. Very feminine in some ways and very masquiline in others. I have stepped back a bit to intergrate my acceptance of this. I felt like I was a run away train. Lost in this culture club we have created here. Following well worn tracks. Truth is, I don't always feel like a man. I am not going to end up a woman, no matter what I add or subtract. I am somewhere in the middle. I still dress because this is a familiar and comfortable way for me to express that aspect of myself. Other times I don't know what the hell to do and get a little frieghtened of whats going on inside.
This has never been an easy thing to do. So when you are sad and blue, you are not alone honey. I am silently sitting right next to you.

That makes soo much sense as i was reading this, i felt like you were talking about me !

The real lump in the throat was the

This has never been an easy thing to do. So when you are sad and blue, you are not alone honey. I am silently sitting right next to you.

Really got me :'-)

[Nikki K]

Hi Karen,

Yes, I've been chronically and deeply depressed for many years and for many reasons. My most recent depressive episode was triggered off in February '08 and resulted in increased meds and my seeking professional guidance from an experienced psychotherapist.
What I 'discovered', or finally admitted, is that my current mental state was directly attributed to the guilt, shame, and betrayal that I felt as a result of hiding my femme side from my wife.
In the 20+ years we've been together we've never kept secrets and have an exceptionally honest, close, loving, relationship. My being deceitful was tearing me up inside to the point I knew I was never going to beat the depression whilst I harboured this secret from the one person who truly matters to me in this life.
Since telling her (just over three weeks ago) I am feeling better than I have in decades. (No exaggeration) In addition, our relationship is stronger, closer, and more loving than it ever was. (Which neither of us can believe is possible!)
In essence, it wass not the dressing or gender issues that caused my depression. I came to terms with that 'side' of me long ago and no longer feel any shame for the way I feel. Rather it was the dishonesty and deceit that caused me so much pain.
My SO is still coming to terms with this 'new' side of me that she was previously unaware of, however, she is very happy right now chiefly because I'm happy and not sinking in the pit of depression.
Depression of any form is a very serious condition. It took me many years to seek treatment and I've been on that treatment for over 8 years. If you believe you are depressed, rather than just experiencing the occasional 'down' day, then you must seek treatment and seek it now!
It's still early days for me but I truly, truly believe that I have now finally got my depression under control. Your ability to cope, mentally, is inversely proportional to the amount of emotional guilt, torment, and conflict that you're trying to deal with on a daily basis. Ridding yourself of these negative thoughts and behaviours will have a huge impact on your happiness and future. Of course these may not necessarily be entirely TG based, you may be harbouring other experiences or feelings which are stopping you from achieving contentment and happiness.

I realise that this is a long post for this thread but I do feel deeply passionate about this subject. In particular to my very positive experience as it related to CD/TG issues. As I said; I'm not out of the woods yet as far as my SO is concerned but we are talking, we are closer than we've ever been, and we are facing this together.

Be strong. And if you can't, then get help as quickly as you can.


Nikki
:hugs:

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I get depressed (but not in the clinical sense) when I have to take off my nails and put on boy clothes to go out. I hate how I look in boy clothes.

[RylieCD]

Yes, I have been an still get depressed at times. Unfortunatly from what I have experianced I am in a mood and do not really know untill I am almost out of it (yes that may sound strange). But I am a quiet person anyway so being a little more quiet is not much of a difference. so after awhile probably when I hit bottom and realise it I can change and try to get out of it (If i can). Sometimes it is just some depression and it takes time.

And yes I do think that some/most is related to me being CD/TG. Not because I am but because I am closeted.

[gennee]

I very rarely get depressed. What I do is change my thought patterns. Since I've been dressing I've never had a down day.

Gennee

:)

[Dr.Susan]

All the time

[JoanFlores]

Yes, I am very depressed, because I have come out to the wife about my CD, but she does not aprove and will not talk about it with me. She thinks that it will go away by itself, so I am back in the closet and feel super bad.
I do think a lot about ending every thing, but I am still here.

[marie354]

For years I was depressed, not knowing the underlying reason was mostly from hiding my cross-dressing.
Now that I've been full time for about 10 months, I've been taken off the depression medication and I feel great. (I've been off it for 2 months now.)
Oh sure, I still get depressed about some things from time to time like everyone else... World economy, gasoline, Carolina swamp fires, etc.

I'll credit this site and the many people here that have helped me understand myself better and get through it, but I've still got a long road to follow.

[Patti Girl]

Yes, I am very depressed, because I have come out to the wife about my CD, but she does not aprove and will not talk about it with me. She thinks that it will go away by itself, so I am back in the closet and feel super bad.
I do think a lot about ending every thing, but I am still here.

Joan,

Perhaps some counseling will help you, or both of you.

The other thought I have is that, if you go back in the closet, you prove her right...your CDing "goes away" as far as she is concerned. Your going to the closet is encouraging her. What would happen if you brought it out of the closet? Let her see that it will not go away?

Don't let it get you down too much, girl! Take care of yourself!

hugs,

Patti :hugs:

[Laura_Stephens]

I have dealt with multiple bouts of depression as well as multiple times when I came close to suicide. The only reason that I am still here is that I felt guilty about abandoning my wife and children via the “checking out” route.

[NylonMan]

Yes, All the time. It comes and goes. Some of the girls mentioned they were on meds. If you don't mind me asking, what meds are you all on???