Green-eyed Monster

[Mirani]

I am en femme more than not - including now most days at work.
Today was a guy day ... some travelling and a meeting with a prospective client.

I stopped at a Motorway Service Station which seemed to be a "stopover" point for coach trips to Royal Ascot http://www.ascot.co.uk/index.html
Coach after coach disgorged bevies of beauties!
OK. no exaggerating - I must have seen over 200 women of ALL shapes and sizes .. looking wonderful with full make-up, beautiful summer dresses and heels to die for. Oh and the hats !!!!!!! ... and pretty toenails ... and accessories ....

I was green with envy - and although I have so much freedom to dress, and a partner who fully encourages and supports me - I felt pain that I wasn't "one of the Girls" today .. especially as I have a number of dresses just waiting for an "occasion".

It left me feeling a bit down.
I wish I wasn't so self-centred and get low - almost as if I am sulking like a child because I cant get my own way.

I changed into a dress and heels when I got home - haven't done that (dressing to feel better) for a long time.

I can be silly at times ....

[Andi]

It left me feeling a bit down.
I wish I wasn't so self-centered and get low - almost as if I am sulking like a child because I cant get my own way............... I can be silly at times ....


Mirani, I don't think your feelings are silly at all. In fact I have had the same kind of reactions many times. I just feel so much better and upbeat when I can dress. Seeing all the beautiful GGs around me drives me nuts sometimes because I want so badly to be one. They are very special in my heart. Yes, I get down too and my attitude can be miserable to those around me. I'm constantly having to pull myself up by remembering how lucky I really am and how good life has been even if I can't be accepted by my wife. :sad:

[Mirani]

Thanks Andi,

I suppose I feel guilty that with ALL I have (and it is a lot especially compared to others who have to live with the secret) I am still not satisfied.
Perhaps I have been kidding myself and I am more than a "crossdresser".
I used to say that I was happy in guy mode, especially when I can choose girl mode mostly whenever I like. However, if I am happy, why do I yearn to be "one of the girls".
I often go to work as Mirani now. I work with a bunch of gals who totally respect me and treat me like they treat each other.
I dont yearn for anything at those times.
I hate being a stereotype - but perhaps I am.
I am one of those "always wanting more" cders.
My SO is wonderfully "with me" and (her words) loves her girlfriend.
Perhaps my next purge will be my guy clothes ... but I dont quite have the nerve to go 24/7.
I think I my biorythms must be out of sinc. I feel very introspective. Still, today is a "Mirani" day and now I am smiling because I am remembering that I can change into my heels at work :) - I wear trainers to drive to work and slip my heels on when I get there.

Upwards and onwards!!!!

[erickka]

Andi, I'm with you on what you said. Thanks for the words of reassurance.

[frenchie]

Hi there Mirani,know what you mean about Royal Ascot,I live in France,though originally from the Uk,and I've managed to catch some of the coverage and although I'm not really into the races I marvelled at some of the gorgeous outfits the women wore such beautiful hats and accessories,it's a place where being feminine is so encouraged,I'd love to go once en femme.My wifes mother is getting married next year,and my wife and I have joked about me being a bridesmaid or going en femme.It's only my wife who knows I cd,but who knows,my wife encourages me to go for it when I dress......watch this space eh?.....A big thankyou to all the understanding wives and partners.....Gina Frenchie

[chaotropic]

my first thought when I see a girl is always "I wish I could be that, I wish I could look like that." wanting to be with or date is a huge numero two.

[Angela-Russell]

I have the same feeling every time I see a girl on the steet, on TV or in newspapers/magazines etc. But it does hurt more when you see GGs having a great time being totally dolled up for big occasions such as Ascot, weddings & parties. It makes the desire to dress up much stronger too.

[rachel_rachel]

I hope that those ladies were dressed properly too.. i've heard on the radio here that they banned fake tans and skimpy underwear at the races this year!!!!!!!!!!


It's like in the spring here in Melbourne... The racing carnival is great, the main part of the carnival, Melbourne cup and Oaks day is the one where the girls get to dress up. Mainly Oaks as it's ladies day.