Can u take a step back?

[docrobbysherry]

Actually, this question is for me, primarily. You're all welcome to chime in.

My CDing has continued to intensify, since I came out of the closet about 8 months ago. When I say, "out of the closet", I mean I had NO contact with CDers at all before then. Now, I'm out on the web, at least.

I'm concerned about not being able to stop dressing, or to stop thinking about CDing. Because for me, I'm not sure CDing is in my best interests, in the long run. Others have described CDing, as being like a drug. Well, I'm worried about being hooked!

So, I shall try to step away, cold turkey, for several weeks, at least. Not saying I'm quitting, because I don't wish to quit. I just want to know if I can quit when I want to!

Does anyone else ever worry about this?

[Staci K]

My question for you is why? What if you can't quit? Does it make you less of a person? Does it make you a loser? Does it make you a freak? Everyone on these forums knows the answer to all the questions; an overwhelming 'not guilty' on all counts.

CD'ing is a part of you; just as it is a part of what makes up me and every other member on these forums. To stop would be comparible to amputating my legs - without them I couldn't be me. I couldn't go cycling, I couldn't walk my dog, I couldn't admire how good they look and feel when clad in a pair of nylons.

For the CD'er to deny themself to full self-expression is comparible to suicide of part of the soul that makes up each and every one of us.

Just my :2c:

Best wishes on whatever you decide to do; you know we'll always be here to support you in whatever you decide. :hugs:

Nicole

[Claire3]

Well,we're all differant with varying levels of need to cd.personally im ok with who i am.Have tried on a couple of occassions to stop cding(many years ago)for the sake of relationships,it didnt work!Good luck to you in trying to find out who you are and what you truly want.Im perfectly ok with who i am,hope you will be too.

[sterling12]

Can you decide to stop breathing for a couple of weeks? After all, it's probably habit-forming.

Seriously, just like breathing, the transgendered part of your life is just that...a part of you! When we first come out, it often seems like things are going "too fast, too far" and it's rather scary. Yes, you can probably stop for a while. But you will probably be pretty miserable and get nothing out of the exercise.

Doc, I consider you an acquaintance with some smarts. We have PM'd and bantered back and forth in this forum. I think your next, best, move is to join a group. You probably won't be encouraged to wear the femmeskin or the mask, but I think that might be the best thing. The real Gurl gets to come out and play, you get some relief from the mounting tension, and a further "exploration" of Sherry begins to happen.

Usually, when we let it all come out; after a certain period everything starts to adjust and you integrate the two persona's into a whole person. You gain friends, Sherry gains freedom, both of you find a little more peace.....you don't have to thank me for such a great idea, just do it!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[deja true]

They're all right, DRS!

You can force yourself not to dress, but why intentionally hurt yourself so?

If you derive pleasure from it, and you're not hurting anyone, what's the point of giving it up?

You've got the clothes (that's for sure!), you've got the look you want, and you've go a lot of friends here.

Now all you need is to slough off a little bit of that self doubt every day.

You've already got your big toe in the pond. You're even up to your ankles and knees! Time for the big plunge, dear one. We're waiting at the deep end and we know you can swim...

Come on in. It's warmer once your all the way in...

[Littlej10]

I'm not clear why you think CDing is not in your best interests and what personal circumstances may put you under pressure or threat. You look terrific and seem in your picture to enjoy dressing. Everyone goes through periods of higer or lower intensity of interest in most things but to deny what is an essential part of your personality will lead to depression. There have been periods when I have not dressed, mostly imposed and for long periods but occasionally voluntarily and due to a loss of interest or to give time to something else. I think this is healthy but to stop when you are in an intense period of enjoyment would seem to be emotionally dangerous to me.

Good luck whatever you decide to do but don't forget you have a sympathetic community here.

[Kay.C]

Im going thru the same feelings now as you love CDing it but no one i know would except it, it makes me feel isolated somtimes i hate that, wish people were more excepting.

[Karren H]

I haven't been able to step away from it or stop thinking about it for almost 50 years now.... Its steped away from me a few times but never the other way around... And when "not in the mood" periods I've actually forced myself to dress just to try to get things going and its worked...

The big thing I see is not letting it control your life to the extent that everything falls by the way side.. But striking a balance.. And if you find that stepping back helps you acomplish that... Then go for it girlie!!! Good luck!

:)

[Tina Dixon]

There's no getting away from it hon, no escape, sorry, you can take a break but the girl in your head is always there saying let me out you horrible man!

[Eileen]

If you are truly trans, a break is not going to stop your feelings. In all likely hood you will find yourself going into a slump. Also as you get older you will find your desire to be a female will increase dramaticlly! There is nothing wrong with such feels. They are the result of who we are and in my case I let them out and am enjoying living as the woman I have always been.

Eileen

[Sharon]

If you have enough will and fortitude, you can certainly quit crossdressing. The question to ask yourelf, however, is whether you will be happier.

[Deborah Jane]

I,ve tried stopping a few times and find that i just get depressed!!
Now i just dress whenever i feel like it and have found that life seems better this way!!

Maybe you can do it Doc, but from what i,ve noticed, you really seem to enjoy yourself with your dressing, so why stop doing something you like?
Why punish yourself by going "cold turkey", just to prove a point?

[KandisTX]

DRS,

Try asking yourself just the opposite question. Can you NOT take a step back? What I mean is that if you are unable to answer this question, the original question is a moot point. The real question is do you feel you need a break from dressing? Sometimes we can all use a break from the things we enjoy just to make sure that it's the thing we enjoy and not just the idea.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Sam-antha]

Apart from "hurting" oneself, why really stop ? If you like wearing a certain type/style of jacket you would not think these thoughts.
I notice that DCS - indirectly - sort of equates dressing to drugs. Which is surely a "talking down", a debasing of the state of mind that we have concerning dressing. (- I am not talking transitioning - ).
The effect of music, classical or other has been also been likened to a drug addiction, usually in passing and humourously. Certainly not with the connotations given by the friends of DCS. Our addiction is not an addiction in the drug sense, - which is destructive at the worst and terribly costly at the least -. We all recognise dressing as a part of our character. A part that we find early or late in life. For many it has been around us for years, and I hasten to add that once it has been realised, it will stay with us, with or without practice/encouragement/denial.
It is a natural condition to a lot more people than we think. We accept and live with it.
We learn from and never mind the disappointments along the way when something turns out to be not quite as hoped for.

Enjoy life, get dressed and get out to enjoy it even more.

[Wendy me]

see quiting .... well OK that's not going to happen .... i know lol....my problem is i am excessive compulsive in every thing i do lol starting something new is scary .... all or nothing .... with dressing came shopping lol ...... there times when quitting this little thing would be so much easer ..... when i realized that i was not a cross dresser that hit hard scared the hell out of me ....carefuly slowly and some deep thought help..... look your masks and fem skin thing creep me out but that's your thing they make you you.... enjoy doing your thing .... it's OK ... it's cool..... every one needs their own thing .... this my dear is yours ......

one thing i have learned is that we all do something that makes us happy or feel good .... as long as we don't hurt any one live and let live enjoy be happy...........

[geri]

doc,
i feel exactly like you. i went to a halloween party in october, dressed to the max, and got hit on . i liked it but it also scared me. i then saw my therapist and she suggested that i stop dressing for awhile and gather my thoughts. i have not dressed totally since then but i have dressed when i go to bed. i tuck and sleep. however, my thoughts of dressing and changing ( hrt, orchi, ffs ) have gotten stronger than ever.
so i'm at this cross roads at 65 and i believe that i am bi-sexual and very confused.
it will be soon when i make the most critical decision of my life. do i transform totally or do i lose my SO of 44 years? she has never accepted my cd'ing or anything to do with OUR society.
if there are any girls with any suggestions, i'm all yours.

hugs from me,
geri danielle

[Emily Anderson]

Beware of the pink fog!

I'll go out on a limb here, and say that if you are thinking about it, you are probably already aware of the associated dangers of becoming engrossed in this activity, and are thus in a better position to evaluate whether or not it is encroaching on other areas of your life. What would be more worrying is if you blithely neglected your well-being at the expense of crossdressing, only to discover at some point down the road that you were headed in the wrong direction.

In a nutshell, enjoy it, but also continue to be aware of how you integrate it into the rest of your life!

[tricia_uktv]

Yes, just had to. I'm flying with my dressing at the moment but behind me is a nest. I must look after the nest! I am doing so now

[Sarah...]

To answer your question; yes, I worried incessantly about this for years. But whenever I stepped away from it I became desperately sad, a great sense of loss that just wouldn't go away. I managed four years without any CDing whatsoever, so I proved I could do it. But at what cost to me? Once I started again my personality began to shine too - we're all different but for me the CDing and more is inextricably linked to my personality. Trying to step away came so very, very close to wrecking my relationship with my darling SO. Now I'm happy being me which means I'm happy CDing and stepping away would simply be incomprehensibly self-defeating.

Yours, somewhat tearfully,

Sarah...

XXX

[MentalMercury]

I don't worry about it at all doc. Though I realize how much it's taking over things for myself. It's you, it's enjoyable, why not enjoy it?

[Celeste]

How is this harming you? It is making you happy at times isn't it? I'll go for a few weeks and then start thinking about it and realize that a release point is imminent.But I try not to sweat it knowing I still am in control of the pressure valve.My biggest question is, how much steam to let off and when to balance it. But if you go away and come back maybe you will discover more about your personal ceiling.I'm hoping that you benefit from this somehow.

[CD Susan]

My CDing has continued to intensify, since I came out of the closet about 8 months ago. When I say, "out of the closet", I mean I had NO contact with CDers at all before then. Now, I'm out on the web, at least.

Your situation sounds exactly like mine but in my case it has been only 2 1/2 months. I am not concerned about the intensity of my cd'ing in fact I am enjoying it more than ever. I have tried to quit several times in the past, even purged everything. It is useless to try to quit. This is part of who we are and we should try to embrace it and be content with ourselves. I wish you the best and hope you can feel better about who you are.

[KateSpade83]

I purged 5 times and always came back. Now I've spent too much money on clothes and I just can't quit with the big beautiful collection of clothes I have!

[VtVicky]

DRS, you have consistantly described your situation as a fetish, not gender dysphoria. A fetish should be enjoyed in balance with the rest of your life.

Over the past few months you have been "playing with a new toy", and now you need to put it in balance. You do not need a "12 step program". Just let it relax for a while. Regaining balance does not have to be massive pendulum-like swings.

On the other hand, perhaps CDing, while being fun, did not really satisfy some underlying need. And it was that need that got you started. In the past, I believe you have mentioned some international dating. In my experience there is a connection between that and CDing. But, since I'm not sure it is appropriate for this forum, I'll not pursue it here. If you want my thoughts on it PM me.

Good luck

[AshleyCD]

I'm not sure your situation, but they only thing I found is if you are doing it to much that you are hiding out from doing other things. I think she is kind of stating that she wants to make sure that the CD is not controlling her, but she has control over cd.

On another note I have never felt the urge to purge, don't really get why people have done it. Guess maybe it is the values my mom has taught me. She never really cared as long as I do it in private.

[María José]

Can u take a step back? Me? No!!!

[Sonia Kiss]

Hello Sherry,

Frustration and anxiety and many bad things come from dening your identity. What is your identity? What do you feel inside of you? It's ok if you don't know--discovery is part of the journey life. This strong internal identity seems different from people who claim different labels like TS, CD, bi-gendered, or androgynous, but for each of us it seems something part of us from birth, even if we spend our lifetimes figuring it all out. If you love a male identity at least some of the time, that's so cool. Just because you CD doesn't mean you have to deny that. Follow your bliss. Get obsessed, take a step back, do what works for you.

Me? Ah...in retrospect, my male identity never worked so well for me. I am so happy to be who I am today.

Sonia :)

[Vivian Best]

I'm concerned about not being able to stop dressing, or to stop thinking about CDing. Because for me, I'm not sure CDing is in my best interests, in the long run. Others have described CDing, as being like a drug. Well, I'm worried about being hooked!

Does anyone else ever worry about this?
I guess my answer would be "it depends!" Those that are TS I guess it doesn't matter. Those of us that are CDers and have jobs and families to support have to have balance in activities including dressing. It certainly isn't easy. So far as thinking about dressing, well good luck on that one! Many times I've thought what could I have accomplished with my life if my brain hadn't spent so much time thinking about crossdressing. It has consumed a vast portion of my thoughts all the sixty eight years of my life.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u for your advice, experiences, tips, and support. There is so much for me to consider, while I'm gone. I'll miss this site, and all of u; probably MORE than I'll miss dressing. But, when I return, I hope to have a better perspective, if nothing else!

Whatever enlightenment I find, I hope to share with u.

Not, " Good bye", just, " See u later", friends!

[jennCD]

Well for me it was quite easy,.. with my hair now short, I've pretty much stopped dressing altogether now for a month... I won't say it's something I'd ever be done with, and I know that it's something always on my mind (especially during the major times of stress) but so far, I haven't gone insane so it's really all in how you busy yourself with other things if you're looking to take a break...

:)
jenn

[Andine]

Hi Sherry!
I suspect that Vtvicky is closest to the point my friend!

In my case I am able to get out in the comunity and pass. This gives me a sense of closure if you like .... I am happy to be sucessfull.
IF I may be so bold .... I suspect that that is one of the things that is missing for you, and you are seeking ever greater things in the line of toys, but that does not satisfy the inner longing to be someone you are not.
I suggest that, whilst you are apparently going on a trip, you find a suitable venue, where no one is likely to know you, and try to do it without the latex, and let the real Sherry out ... however lacking she might be in your ideal of how you would like to present her to the world.
I promise that you will get quite a thrill from the experience!! ( I hope you don't have a weak heart ). It might get easier after that.
At the moment I have a fellow staying at my house. He is across my dressing, but as his stay has become rather too long I find that he grates on me ... as a result I havent dressed for a couple of weeks! I guess my dressing is associated with my happiness ... Does that happen to you as well?
Best regards

[Kate Simmons]

It depends RS, mostly on if it's a "state of being" or not. If so, the clothes make little difference as our self ID is secure regardless.:)

[Adrienne CD]

Hun I understand your angst. I have been married for many years and have been crossdressing fo over 30 years. I have thrown out so much lingerie and clothing in the name of "giving up" and have regretted it. Now I only get to dress whenever I travel and have noticed that my finnesse has increased due to the concentration of effort and the fact that I cant dress day to day. When you get the urge to dress, organise a meet with another Cd and get your rocks off. You will find it then takes a back seat for a period of time until the urges comes back! Sorry you are infected with the dreaded CD syndrome! Enjoy it! It wont disappear!

[Carly D.]

What I get from this question is can I dress less or cut back.. I have now in the past week (but it's been coming on longer) taken a look at myself, and see what there is about it.. I decided at the start of June to shave my upper body hair (chest, shoulders, wherever I could reach) and when I got to the point where I just had no more hair I thought job well done.. then I'm getting ready to take a shower and look in the mirror and there was a ton of hair on my back.. I just can't reach it.. my arms are really messed up from years of neglect and reaching back to shave those areas.. to give an idea, I can't hook my bra from the back, I have to hook it in front and then turn it to where the front (cup) part is where it is supposed to be... anyway after seeing my back (gorilla suit) I decided that this just didn't work and that, pretend as I might, I will NEVER be able to pull that part off and that dressing from my waist down has taken on the meaning of dressing, as it did in the beginning.. itchy scratchy time...

[bgirl]

Cold turkey will be difficult. And if you fail,(if?) you will be disappointed in youself.
I, like you, felt like I was getting out of control. Needed some perspective, some anchor, some priorities, some something!!
I am in the stepping back mode at the moment. I am trying to be just one person. Not man or woman, just me. The major facter for me was taking a look and what I would lose if I followed the path I felt I was on to the end.
In the end I would be a lonely old woman that used to be a man, used to have a wonderful wife, used to be able to walk out the door once in a while with out being thought of as a freak. (I think I could learn to live with the last one.)
I know from past binges and purges that it is not going away, so I needed to tame the Tiger. Nice kitty. I have reached a comprimise with myself that seems to be holding. Lot of work, but the pay off is that I am not completly ruled by desire. Yes I miss the fulfilment of desire. No I don't miss the fear and uncertanty, the confuson and dissapointment that follows.
Yes I still dress but it is only a part of my life. Not all of life. I won't die if I don't go out or dress. I won't die if I do.I just want to be me.
Now if you can help me figure out who that is, give me a holler.

[Lara Smith]

I think not dressing is not healthy. Before I began dressing fully (and realized and accepted that was what I wanted) I purged my bras, panties and slips several times. What a waste of some very pretty things I wish I still had.

It isn't going to go away. You can deny it, you can not dress, you can have all the will power on the planet and it will not change the fact that you want to dress. The longer you live, the more this will be true. You could stop dressing this very moment, never do it again, but it won't stop your want or need.

As for balance, it depends on what you need to balance. Job, wife, children?
Only you can decide what is appropriate for your life.

But ask yourself, as a man, if your favorite clothes were cowboy boots, Wranglers, and western shirts and they appealed to you more than say suits and ties, would you freak out about it? Would you worry you were too western? In the summer, I don't wear anything other than shorts and a t-shirt and no shoes unless I am forced by need to do otherwise. I don't give it a second thought.

When I want to be a girl I wear the prettiest most fem things I can. It has taken time, money and effort to get them. Just like my guy side clothes. If I were younger and wasn't married and didn't have children (my children have no idea) I would be a very different person and would most likely have become a wonderful mixture of a man/woman full time. And in being myself I would have drawn a very different life and people to me that would have loved and appreciated me for exactly who and what I was.