Lex
06-20-2008, 08:13 AM
Halloo! I'm back. :) For those who don't me, I'm Lex. I was here ages ago and then I went away to deal with things. Now I am back. So here's my story...
I've never really been a 'girly' girl, I loved being called a tomboy when I was a kid and I prided myself in being different to other girls. (And all other children actually. I would automatically go against everything that was 'in'.) When puberty hit, I 'blossomed'. That was the start of it all I think. My chest got very big, very fast. Plus, people stopped treating me like a kid and started treating me like a girl. I became more aware of all the subtle, sexist stuff that goes on in society. In high school I managed to lock myself into a group of friends who were all girls. I didn't really have the social skills to branch out and make new friends, so I stayed with them. And slowly began to hate them all. Being surrounded by teenage girls is VERY bad if you're starting to dislike being a girl. They make it so much worse. All the bad traits that females have as a group are highlighted by teenage girls. Sure some of them were great friends, but most of them were knobs.
Anyway, I hated being a girl, I hated being surrounded by girls and I started to hate all girls and women. My chest was the biggest problem. It held me back from doing a lot of things and is very symbolic of being female, so it just drove home how much females suck.
I decided I wanted to be a guy. I looked into it, I came here, etc. When university started I avoided girls and made friends just with guys. (At first, now I am just friends with everyone.) I did this because I was sick of girls. And I met my SO. He really helped me and was there for me when I was going through all the transgender confusion.
I also took myself away from this site. In real life I was encouraged to be a girl, here I was (strongly) encouraged to be a guy. That made me think even more that I wanted to be a guy. So I stepped back so that I could think.
Surgery also happened (before I left here, I think) and that changed so much for me. I have a MUCH smaller chest now (I went from a bigger than G to a B) and it changed my life. I am so much happier. I realized that most of my issues lay in my chest. I also started looking at all the negative aspects in men, something I had not done before. I had been surrounded by women and saw all their negative aspects, but had only thought about men in terms of being one, and thus thought of them positively. I started looking at all the positive aspects in women as well. I have a much better view of men and women now.
Generally I just sorted everything out. I am not FtM, I am just me. Just Lex. I do not think of myself in terms of gender and do not attach any gender to myself. I still enjoy being called 'he' though, that is fun. :P But yeah, I am happy with who I am, 100% happy with my body and I'm not as sexist as I used to be. :P
I've never really been a 'girly' girl, I loved being called a tomboy when I was a kid and I prided myself in being different to other girls. (And all other children actually. I would automatically go against everything that was 'in'.) When puberty hit, I 'blossomed'. That was the start of it all I think. My chest got very big, very fast. Plus, people stopped treating me like a kid and started treating me like a girl. I became more aware of all the subtle, sexist stuff that goes on in society. In high school I managed to lock myself into a group of friends who were all girls. I didn't really have the social skills to branch out and make new friends, so I stayed with them. And slowly began to hate them all. Being surrounded by teenage girls is VERY bad if you're starting to dislike being a girl. They make it so much worse. All the bad traits that females have as a group are highlighted by teenage girls. Sure some of them were great friends, but most of them were knobs.
Anyway, I hated being a girl, I hated being surrounded by girls and I started to hate all girls and women. My chest was the biggest problem. It held me back from doing a lot of things and is very symbolic of being female, so it just drove home how much females suck.
I decided I wanted to be a guy. I looked into it, I came here, etc. When university started I avoided girls and made friends just with guys. (At first, now I am just friends with everyone.) I did this because I was sick of girls. And I met my SO. He really helped me and was there for me when I was going through all the transgender confusion.
I also took myself away from this site. In real life I was encouraged to be a girl, here I was (strongly) encouraged to be a guy. That made me think even more that I wanted to be a guy. So I stepped back so that I could think.
Surgery also happened (before I left here, I think) and that changed so much for me. I have a MUCH smaller chest now (I went from a bigger than G to a B) and it changed my life. I am so much happier. I realized that most of my issues lay in my chest. I also started looking at all the negative aspects in men, something I had not done before. I had been surrounded by women and saw all their negative aspects, but had only thought about men in terms of being one, and thus thought of them positively. I started looking at all the positive aspects in women as well. I have a much better view of men and women now.
Generally I just sorted everything out. I am not FtM, I am just me. Just Lex. I do not think of myself in terms of gender and do not attach any gender to myself. I still enjoy being called 'he' though, that is fun. :P But yeah, I am happy with who I am, 100% happy with my body and I'm not as sexist as I used to be. :P