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Lex
06-20-2008, 08:13 AM
Halloo! I'm back. :) For those who don't me, I'm Lex. I was here ages ago and then I went away to deal with things. Now I am back. So here's my story...

I've never really been a 'girly' girl, I loved being called a tomboy when I was a kid and I prided myself in being different to other girls. (And all other children actually. I would automatically go against everything that was 'in'.) When puberty hit, I 'blossomed'. That was the start of it all I think. My chest got very big, very fast. Plus, people stopped treating me like a kid and started treating me like a girl. I became more aware of all the subtle, sexist stuff that goes on in society. In high school I managed to lock myself into a group of friends who were all girls. I didn't really have the social skills to branch out and make new friends, so I stayed with them. And slowly began to hate them all. Being surrounded by teenage girls is VERY bad if you're starting to dislike being a girl. They make it so much worse. All the bad traits that females have as a group are highlighted by teenage girls. Sure some of them were great friends, but most of them were knobs.

Anyway, I hated being a girl, I hated being surrounded by girls and I started to hate all girls and women. My chest was the biggest problem. It held me back from doing a lot of things and is very symbolic of being female, so it just drove home how much females suck.

I decided I wanted to be a guy. I looked into it, I came here, etc. When university started I avoided girls and made friends just with guys. (At first, now I am just friends with everyone.) I did this because I was sick of girls. And I met my SO. He really helped me and was there for me when I was going through all the transgender confusion.

I also took myself away from this site. In real life I was encouraged to be a girl, here I was (strongly) encouraged to be a guy. That made me think even more that I wanted to be a guy. So I stepped back so that I could think.

Surgery also happened (before I left here, I think) and that changed so much for me. I have a MUCH smaller chest now (I went from a bigger than G to a B) and it changed my life. I am so much happier. I realized that most of my issues lay in my chest. I also started looking at all the negative aspects in men, something I had not done before. I had been surrounded by women and saw all their negative aspects, but had only thought about men in terms of being one, and thus thought of them positively. I started looking at all the positive aspects in women as well. I have a much better view of men and women now.

Generally I just sorted everything out. I am not FtM, I am just me. Just Lex. I do not think of myself in terms of gender and do not attach any gender to myself. I still enjoy being called 'he' though, that is fun. :P But yeah, I am happy with who I am, 100% happy with my body and I'm not as sexist as I used to be. :P

CaptLex
06-20-2008, 09:04 AM
So happy to see you back here. I always enjoyed reading your comments and thoughts on many subjects. :)

You sound happy . . . and I'm happy for you. I'm glad you sorted things out. Some of us spend most of our lives trying to figure ourselves out and are still never quite sure. I remember when you told us about the surgery, and I'm glad that worked out well too.

So how's school coming along? Any plans for the future? Am I getting too nosy? :tongue:

I hear what you say about being strongly encouraged to be male here. I never thought much about it till I heard a few others say it too. So I'd like toward making sure that no one feels excluded - whether transitioning or not, whether it's those that feel totally male or those that don't. And I'd really like to avoid having two separate groups, if at all possible, 'cause I think we can all learn from each other and support each other.

Any suggestions you can offer in this regard would be much appreciated.

Welcome back . . . :hugs:

Adam
06-20-2008, 11:33 AM
Hayyyyyyyyyyyyy Lex welcome back :hugs: its great to hear you worked things out and you sure do sound happy and thats good.

hope you stick around now and things i mean male/ female in the middle or just yourself as you say Lex its not all about gender here its also about community and freinds and its nice when i old freind comes back to join us. :hugs:

Sharon
06-20-2008, 11:42 AM
Welcome back, Lex -- it's great to see you and just as great to read that things are going so well. :)

Tina Dixon
06-20-2008, 11:57 AM
Seems like a few old members are returning, welcome back:hugs:

ZenFrost
06-20-2008, 02:36 PM
It's great to see you back here Lex. :hugs: I'm really glad you've managed to work things out with yourself and be happy with who you are.

Lex
06-21-2008, 07:28 AM
So happy to see you back here. I always enjoyed reading your comments and thoughts on many subjects. :)

You sound happy . . . and I'm happy for you. I'm glad you sorted things out. Some of us spend most of our lives trying to figure ourselves out and are still never quite sure. I remember when you told us about the surgery, and I'm glad that worked out well too.

So how's school coming along? Any plans for the future? Am I getting too nosy? :tongue:

I hear what you say about being strongly encouraged to be male here. I never thought much about it till I heard a few others say it too. So I'd like toward making sure that no one feels excluded - whether transitioning or not, whether it's those that feel totally male or those that don't. And I'd really like to avoid having two separate groups, if at all possible, 'cause I think we can all learn from each other and support each other.

Any suggestions you can offer in this regard would be much appreciated.

Welcome back . . . :hugs:

Uni is going well, I have only one semester to go and then I have to go find a real job, yargh!

I do like being encouraged to be male here, it makes this board a place where I can really express that side of myself, I just had to get away from it for a while.

And thanks everyone for the warm welcome back. :)

Flameboy
06-21-2008, 02:15 PM
Hey Lex, nice to meet ya - I think you must've gone before I arrived here. Your story is really interesting, and I'm very pleased to hear that you're happy with yourself nowadays - that's very cool, many people never reach that stage at all!

Dave

Felix
06-21-2008, 05:37 PM
Hi Lex and great to see ya back bro!!!!! xx Felix :hugs:

SirTrey
06-22-2008, 08:37 AM
Hi Lex....Welcome back to the board.....:)

KrazyKat
06-22-2008, 11:11 AM
Hey, Lex!! :hugs:Happy to see you back!! Wonderful news that you have found yourself and what makes you happy!! Only you can do this, and it's difficult for each of us to find our path to happiness and peace!!

Congrats on the successful surgery. I'm happy this gave you a new outlook on life!! So glad the Uni is almost over!! You'll be ready for a job, I'm sure of it!!:hugs:

Taylor105
07-13-2008, 06:10 PM
Wow this is way late but I had to welcome you back too!! You missed the drama in Feb and March when I almost died. Was on the brink of it for awhile and drove everyone here crazy! I'm sure you are probably glad to have missed that. lol It's not really funny as I am still in physical therapy but you gotta laugh or you'll cry sometimes. Anyway, glad to have you back!!