I wish i,d known then, what i know now!!

[Deborah Jane]

Hiya...Just a thought [not easy when you are blond] :heehee:

I wonder how many of us would have bothered with the self denial and/or purging we went through during our lives, if we had realised that crossdressing is with us for life!!

How would our lives have been differant if we had accepted and embraced our feminine side from the beginning?

If i had known then, what i know now, i sometimes wonder if i would have lived my life differantly.

Personnally, apart from having my 3 kids [who i adore], most of my life i feel i could have lived it differantly and still had fun with it.

[Lara Smith]

I would have most definitely told every pretty girl I knew that I wanted to wear her bras and panties and slips and girlthings and be as pretty and fem as I possibly could. I would have told her I wanted to wear HER things and have her dress me and do my make up and make me as pretty as she could. I would have been a full time "girl" and then done whatever else I wanted to do dressed as a girl.

[Jonianne]

I know exactly what you are talking about. I would not want to change most things in my past but to have learned to have accepted my crossdressing much earlier would have allowed me to not go through so much anguish. But, who knows, I also believe we are ment to live and learn. Life is our training ground.
Bless you.

[Amy Hepker]

I'll tell you, I have purged about 6 times in my life and evey time it hurt. I have had so many wonderful items over the years and I wish I still had most of them. It would take a large storage unit to keep it all in though.

[deja true]

I might have gotten married! Which I never have, knowing in those years gone by that NO woman would ever be able to accept this in me.

I might have had kids! Which I never have, not wanting to pass this horrible 'gene' along to another generation who would suffer the guilt and shame.

I might not live where I live now! Since my choice of this tiny, isolated community was an attempt to run away from the 'problem' those several decades ago.

I might be as active in the gender political movement as I was in the other movements of the 60's and 70's! Because now I feel guilty again but only because I cannot help as much as I want to.

But I also might not have found the incredibly wonderful folks I've found here.

So...do I have regrets? Sure! But I also know that a new life and a new way of thinking can happen at any age. And finally, I'm content with the person that I am and a nicer person to be around in all modes...

[Angela-Russell]

I very often think the same thing. When I was in my teens I never thought about this being with me for life. All those years ago though, there wasn't as much acceptance as there is today, as we didn't have the internet. At that time I thought I was the only person on the planet who dressed up when nobody was around. I couldn't say that I chose a particular path as I got older, I just followed my nose as things progressed, but maybe I would have made some different decisions, and things might have turned out different. Anyway, I don't let it worry me & just get on with being myself. (Ooh, isn't it heartbreaking to think think of all those pretty clothes we've thrown away over the years).

[Angie G]

If I had known my fife would have been OK with my dressing I could have started dressing a lot more about 15 years ago. :hugs:
Angie

[Bobsie]

Ah, if I had known then...back then, when there was no internet, and people who wore women's clothes were called perverts or "queers" or sick in the head. I knew I wasn't any of those things, but there was something wrong with me, and I had to try to put it right. So I tried. And failed. And tried, and failed again. And tried.....

So what I would I have done -- should I have done? Taken anti-androgens from before puberty, and kept my voice and my hair. Lived full-time as a girl as soon as possible. Transitioned fully by 21. If I had it all to do over (ah -- if only...) that is how I would want to play it.

Trying to kill the girl inside is tantamount to (at least partial) suicide.

[Laura_Stephens]

If I knew now...

1) I would have told everyone when I was 3 or 4 that I was actually a girl.
2) I would have taken the same occupation, but stayed away from the part that makes one well-known.
3) I wouldn't have thrown away $1,000's worth of really pretty stuff.
4) I would have found a wife that was OK with who I am.
5) etc., etc., etc.

[christid66]

I'd have realised that I wasn't a freak or the only one who dressed.
I wouldn't have purged.
I would have taken more care of my figure (Darn you Guinness !!!) and I've have told my girlfriend (now wife)

[Lisa Rose]

Your post reminded me of an incident the day I took my physical for military service. While standing in line like you always do, a very feminine looking guy came sashaying in. He was sent to another room, about 15 minutes later he came sashaying out and left the building. This was 1969 and I'm pretty sure 'he' didn't have to serve.

I was impressed with his boldness and remember thinking how much I wish I could have pulled that presentation off.

[RylieCD]

Wow what a GREAT post, I think this all the time. What If…?? What if I started counseling earlier? What if I accepted that I was a TS sooner? I may have not met my wife whom I love dearly and would hate to loose do to this. I may have been on a road to transition or I could be in the same place that I am now. Although I think about this all the time, I then remember then I have been granted a great life, yes it may have a couple of bumps, but who doesn‘t. I am at the fork now and still pushing it away.

[TGMarla]

Well, I'll bet just about everything would be different. In fact, I'd probably be a woman right now. Hard to say. But for most of my life, excluding the past five or ten years, perhaps, I have been in some stage of denial over my transgendered nature. I feel much differently now, but I was always living in fear that others would suspect or find out that I crossdressed and had feminine desires. I wore a moustache to cover it up, thinking subliminally that others would never suspect that anyone with a moustache would run around in women's clothing. How stupid, huh?

I'd have shaved my legs, not just my face. I'd be going out places, and schmoozing with others like myself over coffee in public places. I might well have transitioned. It's so hypothetical, it's hard to say.

[Tina Dixon]

It's hard to say what life would be like now if I would have known then what I know now, I'm sure people would know of my crossdressing and I would be out and about with it in stead of hiding it from every one.

[Emily Anderson]

I would definitely have dyed my hair a different color in hope of becoming more brainy!!! :devil: :love:

Seriously though, I think a lot of us who have only learnt in recent years how common a phenomenon it is, would definitely have chosen to live differently given half the chance. I am a bit sad that I had to go through years of isolation, feeling like I had a dirty little secret that would get me in deep trouble if anyone knew.

I wish that my parents had tried to address the "problem" when they found out (at an early age), but I guess in those days they didn't have much information to go on either...

I'm not sure if I would have ended up transitioning or not, because certainly when I was a child, I wanted to be a girl, not just dress up as one. Throughout life, I've learned to be both a guy and a crossdresser, but still haven't found myself completely, and am not sure that I ever will, really.

Hopefully in the not-too-distant future society at large will turn toward more acceptance and understanding, so that the young ones of today can avoid a lot of the troubles we have been through.

[Deborah Jane]

What a wonderful thing hindsight is!!!

I hope we get a second chance at life...Maybe i,ll get it right next time :doh:

[tricia_uktv]

I too have three kid, twins who know and can't cope with it (however things are looking up on that front). I shouldn't have to make a choice between cding and kids - but the kids win. If I had done what I should I would never have had them. I know about all the wasted years, but they were not. I am just going to enjoy the next few though!

[Toni_Lynn]

Hmmm ... well, to begin, since I am where I am today with a wife who just loves me as Toni-Lynn so totally, I wouldn't change a thing, because history and life being the slippery eels that they are have a tendency to change based upon even the slightest realignment of stuff. That said, it is still fun to think about in the context of going back and restaging situations in isolation.

So --- if I'd known then, what I know now I'd have:

1) Dressed up lots more as teenager! And I'd have bought lots more bras and panties and would have found better hiding places and stashed stuff away so that I'd have them today.

2) I wouldn't have gone through my major purge after the girl at the food court in the mall gave me the evil all-knowing eye.

3) I'd have felt none of the guilt I associated with crossdressing.

I'd give anything to go back to the early 70s and go on a marvelous shopping spree. I kinda like 70s fashion, so I'd be bringing LOTS of stuff back with me. :)

Huggles


Toni-Lynn

[AmandaM]

When I was 15 I toyed with the idea of running away to San Francisco and being a complete transgenderist. Of course, I might of ended up being a street prostitute, so maybe it's good I didn't.

[Amelia Moxon]

I have thought the very same, if i'd have stopped denying my CD side and come out of the closet (god I hate that term) when I was in college (16 - 18) I would have been able to get to grips and have allot more fun with, as allot of my old college buddies that I keep in contact with (not many of them) both male and female don't care and are accepting of my TG side. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing.

Amelia xxx

[jenny logan]

Had I known then what I know now my life would have been infinitely less complex in terms of dealing much more effectively with all the negatiive emotions, shame and guilt that crossdressing caused me. It took me years to understand that normal for me included wanting to appear and act feminine as often as possible and that the only thing holding me back was my reluctance to admit amd embrace my feelings of wanting to be female. It finally sunk in when I discovered all the resources available via the internet and that there are a mulitude of men who have experienced and continue to struggle with all the emotions involved with cding. I would have fully embraced my feminine persona at a much younger age and not wait until my mid forties to finally open the closet door to my wife and allow her into my secret world. She has been totally accepting and encouraging in my quest for acceptance and peace of mind. I guess I am far luckier than most cders who have spouses or SO's that just don't get it or make any attempt to understand it. The next big hurdle will be in several years when our youngest will fly the coop and I must decide just how far I am willing to go in terms of the intensity and frequency of my feminine persona. At this time I am leaning towards living as a transgendered female full time without SRS, but who knows, it may go further, it may not go that far. All I know is that it will be an interesting journey and all the trials and tribulations I have experienced in 35 + years of dressing will come in handy when it is time to finally decide.

Jenny L.

[Sarah...]

Ha! I want some hindsight glasses. If I'd known then what discussing all this with my darling SO now would do to our relationship (it's gone stratospheric, talk about fulfilling!!) I'd have done it all then (nearly 20 years ago) with bells and whistles on.

Lots of love

Short-sighted Sarah...

[linnea]

I have almost no regrets about the life I have led up to this time, but one that I do have is that I did not have a way to discover that CDing was not perverted, illegal, immoral, weird, or queer. If I had known that, I think that I would have changed only a few things.
First, I would have told my mother. I think that she may have suspected and even wished that I would be feminine. Having told my mother, I believe that I would have been able to tell my wife but BEFORE we were married so that I would not have any doubts about how the news would affect our marital relationship.
Second, I would not have purged so many times. My purges resulted in the loss of some beautiful clothes costing a lot of money.
Third, I would have been more adventurous sooner with my going out and enjoying CDing more openly.
Now, having said all of that, I would have to add that even if I knew more about CDing and even if I understood that it was not a perverted lifestyle, the times through which I lived would have had to have been different in order for me (or anyone else in my generation) to be more comfortable with CDing. Regardless of what I might have known when I was in high school, I still would have had to face a population of peers and older citizens who simply had closed minds about such things.
A lot of the culture in which I still live says that crossdressing MtoF is not acceptable in most circumstances. That's just all there is to it.

[vivianann]

I would have been living full time as a woman long long ago knowing what I know now. better late than never, I am going full time hopfully soon.

[Mary Morgan]

Wonderful question and one I have thought about many times. Those purges were so expensive both financially and emotionally. The important thing is that now we do know so what as the song goes "What are you doing for the rest of your life?"

[jules3367]

Hiya...Just a thought [not easy when you are blond] :heehee:

I wonder how many of us would have bothered with the self denial and/or purging we went through during our lives, if we had realised that crossdressing is with us for life!!

How would our lives have been differant if we had accepted and embraced our feminine side from the beginning?

If i had known then, what i know now, i sometimes wonder if i would have lived my life differantly.

Personnally, apart from having my 3 kids [who i adore], most of my life i feel i could have lived it differantly and still had fun with it.

I totally agree - i have fought long and hard over the years against this person who lives within me - and i realise now after loads of 'episodes' will never go away or i will be 'cured of' and will always be there ( and truly makes me who i am )

I have no kids, i am an uncle 6 times over but can see where you 'are coming from'

I truly wish i had not wasted my best years, taken better care of myself and can say i would have definitely done things different if i had known then ...

Society sucks at telling us what we can or cannot do, who we should be, what is expected of us - 'we' are special and through history in other civilizations we were reviered and held in awe - so why is western life so difficult

Just my tuppence worth

J xx

[jules3367]

Ah, if I had known then...back then, when there was no internet, and people who wore women's clothes were called perverts or "queers" or sick in the head. I knew I wasn't any of those things, but there was something wrong with me, and I had to try to put it right. So I tried. And failed. And tried, and failed again. And tried.....

So what I would I have done -- should I have done? Taken anti-androgens from before puberty, and kept my voice and my hair. Lived full-time as a girl as soon as possible. Transitioned fully by 21. If I had it all to do over (ah -- if only...) that is how I would want to play it.

Trying to kill the girl inside is tantamount to (at least partial) suicide.

Been there tried the 'self-destruct button' and know exactly where it is way too many times :(

[Claire3]

Hi Debs,Would life have been differant,probably.Is society better in acceptance of us,i dont think so,its ok to be gay?Cant put my head around that one,prob coz they wear the clothes of their own gender are they accepted for that?But they are.Love who i am,thats it really,take me or leave me:love:

[KateSpade83]

I always thought God cursed me for crossdressing and purged 5 times before because of this. No more purges. After my last one, I told God in my heart I'm addicted to this and I might and well become gay because he never gave me a good career [crossdressing hurt it]. Well, I guess God heard my wishes so I wouldn't be gay and now he has blessed me with a great job and income. And because of weight loss I spent lots of money on a big beautiful collection size 4 to 8 [mostly] clothes that a woman my size can fit. So I ask God to convert me by blessing me with a pretty wife who can fit my clothes.