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Jamie S.
06-21-2008, 05:49 AM
Ok, It's just one of those nights where I just can't seem to get to sleep and work starts in a few hours. This year marked the 10th anniversary of the worst day of my (short) life. This is the first time I've ever told this to anyone, but since I'm around others who understand how this feels, I felt it was time to tell the story. So this is probably the worst event of my 23 year life.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Cut to: May 1998

I'm in the seventh grade and it's two weeks till summer vacation starts. For the last few months I've resorted to carrying my female clothes in my backpack, since my mom had gotten into the habit of ransacking my room in search of my clothes.

So anywho, I'm talking to a friend about my past weekend visiting my cousin in Mexico when I look toward my backpack and to my horror, see one of my classmates, George, going through my "things." He looks up and into my eyes with a look of horror. I immediately jet towards him and try my best to silence him with whatever excuse I can muster at the last second. I'm 13 at the time so the best thing I could come up with then was that they were my cousin's clothes and that she must have left them in there accidentally. I seem to silence him with my endless stream of BS, but I know I'm screwed. The best I can do is damage control.

So the 2nd period class bell rings and I make a bee-line to the nearest restroom to destroy the evidence, but it is obvious that some of the things can't be flushed or disposed of discretely as there is a crowd of boys there with me. So I flush what I can and try to make it to the end of the day.

Third period class goes by without incident. I feel like I could make it to the end of the day. Just maybe.

So, I get to fourth period. The last class of the day, also my most hated subject: math. One of the other people there, Luis, is a friend of the guy that went through my backpack earlier. Everything seems to be going well, but he keeps looking up at me every once in a while and then looks away.

Five minutes till the final bell rings and school is over. The class has begun to wind down and we're all getting ready to leave. Luis walks over with his friend Pierre. He tries to grab my backpack but I manage to snatch it away. I try to get away but he does something that will completely destroy my life for the next two years: he tells the teacher that I have women's clothing in my backpack.

I am officially screwed.

The bells rings and fortunately most of the other people in the class haven't heard the commotion because they were all talking loudly as they always do right before class lets out. The teacher, Mrs. Porras, commands me to stay after class and orders me to empty out my backpack. I had gotten rid of almost everything, but there were one or two things left. I could feel my heart struggling to pound its way out of my chest. I began to slowly take one book at a time out of the pack, stalling for time. As I did this, I positioned the last book on top of the remaining clothes. When I got to the last book I just said "That's it, there's nothing else other than that." She looks at me with a look of disgust, pauses, and then tells me to leave.

Needless to say, I RAN like I've never run before to my waiting car. I didn't sleep at all that night. Thoughts of all my classmates knowing my secret raced through my mind.

The next morning I waited for what I assumed would be something akin to a public lynching.

First period came. Nothing. Was it possible that this had all blown over already?

Nope. Come second period I get called into the vice principal's office. Mrs. Porras had taken it upon herself to inform the Vice Principal of the previous day's incident. I am once again subjected to a search of my belongings by a security guard and then given a speech about how he should call my parents to inform them about my deviant behavior. I try the same story I had told George the previous day, but again it convinced no one.

He didn't end up calling my parents in front of me, but I do believe he called my mom after I left the office.

And that was it. I was outed to an large group of people, to this day I still don't know who knows, because I know George and Luis told people. I remember the next year in the middle of science class, the guy next to me, Nick, turned to me and bluntly asked me if I was gay and then told me that Luis had told him of the previous school year's events.


After that, there's not much else I remember about my middle school days other than that I lived in a continous haze for the following two years. I had no confidence at all anymore, I feared people, and trusted absolutely no one. For a long time suicide actually seemed like the only way out.

Fortunately, I am a complete Self-Preservationist-Guitarist-Narcissist :P , so things didn't end up tragically, but they easily could have. Looking back on it now, I could have easily sued or filed a complaint on most of these people, but as a frightened kid there was nothing I knew that I could do. I expected that sort of reaction from kids my age, but the adults were just as bad if not worse.

And that's it, that is my horror story. I'm sure some of you all have much worse, but this one nearly killed me as a kid. It was this event that changed the course of my life more than any other.

I'm going to stop typing now, as I'm sure I'll be liable for killing someone through sheer boredom. If you've read this far, here's the meaning to life, the universe and all things: 42.

Deborah Jane
06-21-2008, 06:12 AM
Wow Jamie, such a horrific story.
Kids can be so cruel sometimes, but the adults, especially the teachers, should have tried to be more understanding towards you.
I can understand how that knocked your confidence and made you reluctant to trust people again!!

The main thing is you got yourself through it sis and you,re here among understanding friends now :hugs:

deja true
06-21-2008, 06:27 AM
It's amazing how all the painful details of something like this that happened a decade ago can still stick with us. Physical injuries...not so much... We forget the pain of a broken arm or a busted nose pretty quickly. But the psychological pain of cruelty from others, of resentment and rejection stay with us forever.

To write about it, to tell us of this hurt, is a way to alleviate some of it, to come to terms with it finally. And that's good. But we both know you'll never forget it...or forgive the insensitive people who inflicted it on you.

So purge them...purge them from your mind and your soul. For resentment and shame need to leave you in order for the grace and beauty of our lives to take their place fully.

Every day is an adventure, some good, some not so good. But each adventure is also a learning experience that ultimately makes us wiser and teaches us how to deal with similar situations when we run across them.

You've learned, Jamie, and being here, you're passing along your own wisdom while learning from others.

Thanks,dear one. Here's hoping you never have another day as bad as that one.

love,

deja

42? and all along I thought it was 23!

Gisele
06-21-2008, 06:45 AM
Yep, That one was pretty bad. Just think some of your teasing school mates may be members here as well......LOL!

Also want to add that you are too cute!:)

Jamie S.
06-21-2008, 06:50 AM
Well Thank you! :)

Now that you mention it, there were rumors of Luis getting a little too "friendly" with some of his guy friends in high school. I never did find out if it was true or not, didn't really care, but it made me chuckle inside a little.

Amy Hepker
06-21-2008, 07:08 AM
I find that it is not only kids but adults too that act like this. The reason is to down grade you so they look good. That's right, they will taunt and torment you to hide what they are doing. These kind of people are so insecure with their own life, that they have to ruin someone elses to make themselves feel better and so they have someone to hide behind. I am sure that idiot had a lot to hide. Like I said this goes into adulthood for many of these insecure people.

Emily Anderson
06-21-2008, 07:31 AM
That's a horrible and sad story!

I have a similar story, but not half as bad as that, which happened when I was about 9 or 10. Basically I told my best friend that I liked wearing my sisters undies, and he must have repeated it to at least one of my classmates, because this other guy teased me about it in class one day. Of course I was horrified that the news had spread, but luckily I never heard any more about it after that.

TGMarla
06-21-2008, 08:05 AM
Wow!!! 42!!! It all comes clear to me now!

I have to admit, Jamie, that's a pretty bad story! What a thing to put a kid through. But kids are cruel and self-righteous, and they will throw a fellow kid to the wolves in order to make themselves look better.

But now....let it go. None of that matters any more. You're with friends.

Sheena Pink
06-21-2008, 09:54 AM
Jamie, It's terrible what kids will do to each other to elevate themselves in the eyes of their peers. What's worse is the treatment that the adults in the situation gave you.
The good thing is that it sounds like you have become a strong person, and are working on putting the memory to rest. :hugs:

Sandra
06-21-2008, 10:05 AM
Oh kids can be nasty little sods and this is what you expect from them, but the adults well they should have tried to be a little more understanding.

tamarav
06-21-2008, 10:26 AM
I won't even try to minimize the trauma you suffered at that age, crossdressing can and does lead most of us into some sort of embarassing situation, or even threatening situation. The only thing you can do is learn from the past, dwelling on it just prolongs the negative.

Hopefully you won't get arrested for "Appearing in public in the dress of the opposite sex" and spend the night in jail with 40 men....... (December 24, 1974, Denver, Colorado)

Your sis,

Tami

VirginiaX23
06-21-2008, 10:48 AM
42? and all along I thought it was 23!

42 may be the answer, but 23 is the meaning.

LilSissyStevie
06-21-2008, 11:03 AM
I hate to be a party pooper, but if that's the worst day of you life so far then you are doing pretty good. A similar thing happened to me in the second grade when some kids found out that I was wearing my ballet leotard and tights under my clothes. I got teased and bullied about it every day for the next 3 1/2 years. But, bad as it was, it wasn't even close to the worst thing that ever happened to me either before or since. I sincerely hope that incident remains your worst experience, but I think you should look around at the rest of the world and be a little grateful for it.
:love:

VirginiaX23
06-21-2008, 11:08 AM
I hate to be a party pooper, but if that's the worst day of you life so far then you are doing pretty good. A similar thing happened to me in the second grade when some kids found out that I was wearing my ballet leotard and tights under my clothes. I got teased and bullied about it every day for the next 3 1/2 years. But, bad as it was, it wasn't even close to the worst thing that ever happened to me either before or since. I sincerely hope that incident remains your worst experience, but I think you should look around at the rest of the world and be a little grateful for it.
:love:

Stevie, while from your perspective, it might not seem as bad as all that given the kind of experiences you had, you shouldn't dismiss what others go through as somehow not being all that bad. Maybe to you, it seems a trifle, but for her, this was a traumatic day just prior to high school that led to continued trauma, depression and anxiety. I also hope that this was her worst experience, but that doesn't mean I think it wasn't all that bad. For her, it was.

LilSissyStevie
06-21-2008, 11:41 AM
Stevie, while from your perspective, it might not seem as bad as all that given the kind of experiences you had, you shouldn't dismiss what others go through as somehow not being all that bad. Maybe to you, it seems a trifle, but for her, this was a traumatic day just prior to high school that led to continued trauma, depression and anxiety. I also hope that this was her worst experience, but that doesn't mean I think it wasn't all that bad. For her, it was.


I don't dismiss it at all. Remember, I had a similar experience. I'm just saying that it can be a LOT worse. Be grateful if it isn't.
:love:

deja true
06-21-2008, 12:07 PM
42 may be the answer, but 23 is the meaning.

Wouldn't ya just know it!

I got it ass-backwards again!

I'm gonna have to meditate on this some more...


A-u-u-u-u-u-m-m-m-m-m-m-m......

Laura_Stephens
06-21-2008, 12:17 PM
I wish I had the words so the past wouldn't hurt so much. Sorry, but I don't...

kimmy p
06-21-2008, 04:41 PM
I'm not trying to make light of your situation when I say that's a shame. I am sincerely sorry for your predicament. The kids (I won't say friends since they weren't) were just being typical jackass junior high kids. The teacher and VP should have been horse whipped, then hung, then shot, then horse whipped again..... all in the most humiliating way possible. :Angry3: I hope Karma comes back to kick them in the kister. :D

TxKimberly
06-21-2008, 05:40 PM
Not bored at all my young friend - we all have days and events that played pivotal parts in defining who we now are. Clearly this was one of yours and for obvious reasons.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
More than a little surprised at the behavior of the teacher and VP - hardly seems appropriate to me.

VirginiaX23
06-21-2008, 05:49 PM
More than a little surprised at the behavior of the teacher and VP - hardly seems appropriate to me.

It's not appropriate and these days would not be tolerated in any way. A part of teacher education now requires us to be cognizant and accepting of GLBT students. Our job is to educate, not pass judgement.

Paula_S
06-21-2008, 07:00 PM
Schools can be brutal establishments where your peers are prejudiced and students can only dream of the protection you are offered in employment nowadays, so I think this was particularly difficult for you. Think to yourself how well you did to get through that!! If this happened to you in the UK tomorrow you could sue the school for enough money to fund your wardrobe for years...

Jodi
06-21-2008, 08:11 PM
I also do not want to minimize the problems that the young man experienced in 7th grade, but I agree with Stevie--as life goes on, there are many more horific things that can happen. Remember, "that which does not kill you, makes you stronger". It is how you react to hurdles in front of you, that shapes your life.

As a soldier, I have faced automatic weapons fire and rocket fire in combat. I have disarmed live booby traps and live ordinance. In my civilian job, I have faced hostile union people that actually threatened to kill me and my family. Everything is relative. One must be able to sort out what is really bad and what isn't.

I am sympathetic, but color me stoic.

Jodi

Stacye Rose
06-21-2008, 09:00 PM
Thank you so much for sharing.

I fervently hope that by sharing that with us after 10 years of living with it alone that maybe now it will lose some of the power it has over you. Sometimes the best therapy for trauma is the simple act of sharing the pain.

I'm sure many of us here have experiences that we consider much in the same light you consider this one. One of the greatest things about this forum is the opportunity we have to share things, events, and experiences both positive and negative with like minded folks:2c:- It's a very powerful and empowering thing.

May you live long enough to laugh about this.

Stacye Rose


P.S. living well is the best revenge.-be proud you're a crossdresser, every time you think about this incident-dress to the nines and have a great time doing it.

annabellesmooth
06-21-2008, 09:55 PM
my hart goes out to you
for the b/s you given back then it has fertlised the garden that has nurted the lovely girl that has blossemed
rember that they are droids to the chains of their narow minds
you are beutifull:battingeyelashes:
you are strong:)
you are with those that care an will listen:love:

sterling12
06-22-2008, 01:45 AM
Obviously The Adults at your school failed to take Empathy 101 when they attended college. A security guard went through your backpack? Was there a report of missing clothing from The Girl's Locker Room? Sounds like a young person's worst nightmare. They obviously failed to inform you that having girl's clothing in your backpack is NOT a felony!

These days, one would think that these same adults have taken some sensitivity training, and the next TG Kid just might get a break.

So often as adults; we fail to ever consider "The Marks" we can leave on young psyche's. The good side, it appears you know how to write and seem very intelligent. It may be plain luck that an incident like that didn't ruin you, killing all desire to obtain an education.

peace and Love, Joanie

KateSpade83
06-22-2008, 06:20 AM
It's very hard being a crossdresser and a student. My Sr year Mech Eng Project was ruined when my partners discovered my stash and tried to blackmail me into all the work for the project.

FlygrlChristy
06-22-2008, 10:20 AM
Jamie,

Wow, that brought back some memories that I thought I had let go of, like the time I was outed to my mother by the airport police, my panic was nothing like yours, and fortunately I didn't have to endure my school years like that. I hid what I did until that incident, I can't imagine the cruelty your classmates could bestow on you.

Not to dismiss what you wrote, but as the old saying goes "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", you've survived that trauma, and you've turned it into something positive. Your better off for the experience, and stronger because of it, it may take a few more nightmares before you can let it go completely but you will. What a lovely girl, no one can take that away from you now, you've earned the right to be who you are.:hugs:

Christy

susan2010
06-22-2008, 01:22 PM
Jamie:
That really must have been awful. I'm lucky I never got caught, although I didn;t do anything that risky when I was younger.
The closest was a few weeks after my high school graduation, I was in a nearby discount store looking a slips and a girl I knew from school walked up and said hi to me. I said hi and beat a pretty quick retreat. She was an aquaintance and a very nice girl...I don't think she ever said anything to anyone. We had some common friends and no one said anything to me.

PS: Paranoid Android?
Another Radiohead fan here.

Jamie S.
06-22-2008, 09:47 PM
PS: Paranoid Android?
Another Radiohead fan here.

I love Radiohead, to me they are only second to The Beatles :D

Susan.
06-22-2008, 10:35 PM
What you went through is what CDs like me worry about the most. Suicide was always in the back of my mind until the past few years. Glad you didn't take the easy way out.

Jilmac
06-22-2008, 11:01 PM
Wow Jamie, That was in 1998? I would have thought by then, that society would have been a little more tolerant. I was still experimenting with my three sisters' clothes when I was 13 and never carried them to school in a backpack. I would actually wear panties to school in seventh grade. Now mind you, this was 1958 and I went to a Catholic school where the nuns told the girls that it was sinful to wear their uniform skirts above the knees. I never got busted for wearing the panties but you can't even imagine the torment I would have gone through if one of the other boys or girls found out that I was wearing girls panties and told one of the nuns. :eek: I know Sister Vincente would have had me kneeling in church begging for forgiveness as she sprayed me with holy water until I was cured of crossdressing forever.

Luv and :hugs: Jill