one step closer

[luvbnjessica]

i just got home from going out dressed.i still had some facial hair while i was out dressed.so there was no doubt when people saw me they knew i was cd.i went into an exotic lingerie store and me and the clerk started talking,her husband is a cd and she's confused.i told her of this forum and answered a few questions she had.she thanked me and i told her i would be back and that i would be willing to talk with him if he wants.she thought it sounded good and said she would see me later.
btw i had on womens jeans,light weight lavender long sleave hoody,bra and forms,navy bl loafers with baby blue socks,gold hoop earrings,lipstick,powder, eyeshadow,with a purse:battingeyelashes:

[CD Susan]

I am curious as to why you would go out dressed like this knowing that you were not fooling anybody. It sounds like you were dressed just fine but why go out obviously looking like a man, especially with the facial hair, and dressed like a woman? I can understand wearing womens clothes like jeans and a femme top as that can be looked at from either point of view. It sounds like you have the courage and conviction to go out dressed but why don't you present yourself in a more accepting manner? I think going out as you did only serves to have society look at us cd's in a negative way. You were extremely fortunate to meet the female sales clerk who befriended you.

[Ashley Lyn]

I dream and dream about being able to go 'out' and look like a woman, but wouldn't want anyone to see me as a guy in 'girl's clothes'...:eek:

The logic baffles me... :doh: I just asked the SO if I could 'dress' for the evening since the step-son is out and about, and she said 'sure'... I'm close to looking like a girl, but would not want to be seen as a 'guy in girl's clothes'...:straightface:

What am I missing, and why would you want to be 'outted'...:sad:
Just asking....!!!

[luvbnjessica]

i have been out dressed all shaved and proper but im so big that im made any how or have people stare to try and get a better guess.i just want to be accepted as i am.and i am a guy that dresses like woman.i got a lot less attention yesterday with my mustache and dressed girly.and the reason i done it is because i needed to be seen as me and noticed as being girly and im just not ready to shave yet.

[sissystephanie]

All during my married life my dear wife did my makeup and wig if I was going to go out as a girl! She passed away in 2005, and I soon learned that I do not have her skills. So I do go out as a man wearing feminine clothes. I go shopping (of course!) and just about everywhere else dressed. Guess what? The only comments I ever get are things like, "what a cute outfit" or "would you mind telling me where you got that skirt?" I have been doing this for 3 years now and have never had a negative comment. (Hope I didn't jinx myself!) I believe the way you conduct yourself will determine the type of response you get. I am quite confident about myself, because I don't care what people think of me. If someone does a "double take" I just smile at them and walk on. If they do comment on my clothes, or shoes, or my painted toes, I tell them that I also like the way I look. I don't make excuses for dressing the way I do, because I like to dress feminine. And that is only my business, not the business of anybody else. BTW, I always use the mens room if it becomes necessary. I look like a man, so that is where I belong. Even if I have a skirt on, as I frequently do!

Sissy/Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[jamie55]

Jessica: good for you. To each his own. Shame on those that put you down for being you, all the while asking for acceptance for their differences.

[sandra-leigh]

I am curious as to why you would go out dressed like this knowing that you were not fooling anybody. It sounds like you were dressed just fine but why go out obviously looking like a man, especially with the facial hair, and dressed like a woman?

Why not go out that way?


I can understand wearing womens clothes like jeans and a femme top as that can be looked at from either point of view. It sounds like you have the courage and conviction to go out dressed but why don't you present yourself in a more accepting manner? I think going out as you did only serves to have society look at us cd's in a negative way.

Are we struggling to be accepted as female "if we put enough work into it", or are we struggling to be accepted as ourselves, humans who dress in nice-looking clothes?

I go out a fair bit "gender-bending": female-ish clothes, forms that are not extreme but are noticeable to those that bother to focus on my appearance, but no wig or other attempt to hide my male face. Sometimes I go out as "a guy in a skirt", and occasionally I go out as "a guy in a dress".

Public reaction varies, but by far the most common reaction is to not even notice that I'm there: eyes track across where I am, and just keep tracking without pausing to focus on me and without stopping to "parse" my appearance and make a decision on it.

Most males that focus on me just ignore what I'm wearing: I'm not carrying a weapon, not on a collision path with them, I don't pattern match as someone they know; and their limbic system doesn't immediately interrupt with a "Wowser! Potential sexual partner straight ahead!" So their mental filters just drops me from consideration, or at most tracks my movements in case I move into a collision path.

Likewise, most women that focus on me just ignore what I'm wearing. I do, though, get smiles in passing from some women -- not from everyone by any means, but I get those smiles most days. I don't know exactly what the smiles represent: it could be "nice clothes" without any thought about gender-appropriateness; or it could be "nice clothes" with a thought about them being women's clothes but without thought of the implication being that I am a "cross-dresser"; or it could be appreciation that I am "making the effort" of experiencing women's clothes (rather than the willful ignorance and assumptions that most men have); or it could be that they see that I am a cross-dresser and like the idea... or it could be something else completely (e.g., smiling in reaction to the "feeling good" that I project when I'm wearing obvious women's clothes.)

What do I seldom get? Insults, or any kind of fuss noticeable beyond a short distance. For example, a few days ago when I was in guy-mode, a passing guy said, in normal conversational volume (and not insultingly), "Nice dress"; a young woman he was with did break out in a laugh upon hearing that, but the "effect" of that laugh was confined to the small group -- no finger pointing and loud proclamations of "It's a guy in a dress!!". Tonight was a bit of an exception, in that a early-20's male making a multi-lane turn near me bothered to call out the window something like "You have boobs!" -- that kind of attention-calling by others is few and far between.


Does my gender-bending or failure to pass "closely enough" (e.g., I don't have the walk or the voice down) lead to negative perceptions about cross-dressers? If it does, then I haven't seen any evidence of that, except perhaps amongst groups predisposed to react hostilely to anything that innately challenges machoism (e.g., gang members, in the literal sense; offshoots of the Bloods seem more prone to this.)

What I do have quite a bit of evidence of, is that when I visit an establishment in gender-bending or "I recognize you" passing mode, it usually only takes 3 or fewer visits to go from "a weird stranger" to "a recognized and welcomed customer".

When it comes down to personal interaction, if your clothes are respectable (and not vainglorious), then although people you interact with may well notice that you are a cross-dresser, what they remember about you is that you are polite and patient and interesting and courteous and interested in them or their products -- the kind of person that it is enjoyable to deal with, rather than the kind of person who is a pain in the fundament. It is, one could say, "brand building" -- once you have them over whatever startlement they may have about your clothes, by being a visible cross-dresser with a good personality, people start to think that probably other cross-dressers might be "nice people" too.

For example, at one store I go to, the owner is a dedicated conservative Christian; she didn't know what to make of cross-dressers (and didn't quite approve) when I started shopping there; now she treats cross-dressers quite well, and is pleased when a new one comes to shop there. Now I was not the first cross-dresser to shop there, but I was the first one to openly shop there as a cross-dresser: the previous ones had either "passed" or "bought gifts" or whatever, so my obviousness succeeded in changing attitudes where years of stealth shopping had not.


Another anecdote about it being attitude rather than clothes that matter. Yesterday I was in a moderately large mall, buying a replacement cell phone. I was male head (no makeup, no wig, standard guy glasses, standard guy voice), with a light blue (women's) shirt of indeterminate gender, over D-cup forms of clear (but visually moderate) projection, and wearing a long blue denim skirt with pink flower embroidery. Gender-bending for sure. The woman being served before me was having trouble with the idea of blocked phone numbers, and was half-convinced that those callers were "tracking" her or were listening to her calls. The female sales agent wasn't coping so well with that; her temper and exasperation were audibly rising. When it was finally my turn (me in the strange clothes), I had very straight-forward requirements and sensible questions, and was there to buy rather than "just looking". Will the sales agent remember that I was cross-dressed? Probably. Will she remember that negatively? Probably not: she will probably remember that I was the calm, polite, and relatively sane customer. When you are having a bad day, you remember that someone was nice to you more than you concentrate on what they were wearing.

[DonnaT]

There's nothing wrong with going out as a "guy in a skirt". I don't think it gives us a bad name, as long as your dressed decent.

Sometimes people can be more understanding when they don't think you're trying to fool them.

I've got out totally fem and a few times without a wig and makeup. Not everyone has a need to present as a woman. If you feel like wearing a jean skirt, much like a woman desires to wear pants, then one should feel free to do so.

It's bad enough that some in our society don't cotton to our ways, others in the trans community should know better than to have similar prejudices. IMHO.

[Emily Anderson]

Jessica: good for you. To each his own. Shame on those that put you down for being you, all the while asking for acceptance for their differences.

I totally agree with Jamie on this one. Who the heck is judging who here?

Anyone who wants to go out looking like whatever they want should be entitled to do so, as long as they are not causing a public disturbance or breaking the law. Besides, it sounds like Jessica was doing some great goodwill work here.

Way to go Jessica!

[tricia_uktv]

I dream and dream about being able to go 'out' and look like a woman, but wouldn't want anyone to see me as a guy in 'girl's clothes'...:eek:

The logic baffles me... :doh: I just asked the SO if I could 'dress' for the evening since the step-son is out and about, and she said 'sure'... I'm close to looking like a girl, but would not want to be seen as a 'guy in girl's clothes'...:straightface:

What am I missing, and why would you want to be 'outted'...:sad:
Just asking....!!!

Ashley, dream on, you will almost certainly not completely pass, however good you are, even if you became transsexual. The stuff I'm learning in my dance class just about sitting, standing up and walking is amazing. I don't think it is about being a woman, it is about being the person you are and you feel. Underdressing is also a good way of building up the courage and the inner steel to go out completely dressed. Promise you it works. Jessica is doing what she wants and is happy and I think is right. I'll tell you what though, getting there is great fun! Hugs

[CD Susan]

Tess-Leigh, I certainly am impressed at your quite lengthy post to my response of your initial post. I am impressed at the length and the level of intelligence that you have put into this post. I will admit that I was premature in judging you and apologize if I offended you. I did not see in your initial post that you were just trying to be who you are and not trying to hide this from public view. I undersand this completely now and will tell you that I admire you for having the conviction to do this. There are so many of us that have the preconcieved notion that this is how we must look to be acceppted by society. I totally understand where you are coming from and I do agree with you. Although our views on this are not accepted by society that is too bad for society, there are some of us that are willing to lead the way for the rest of us with the hope that someday we will be accepted. I think that you are leading the way and all of us will benefit from your courageous point of view. I will admit that I judged you prematurely before posting my comment. As you can see I am looking at this in a whole different way now.

[sandra-leigh]

Tess-Leigh [...]I will admit that I was premature in judging you and apologize if I offended you. I did not see in your initial post that you were just trying to be who you are and not trying to hide this from public view.

Well, it's always nice to be complemented about what I've written :o but note that it was luvbnjessica that made the initial post.

[CD Susan]

Well, it's always nice to be complemented about what I've written :o but note that it was luvbnjessica that made the initial post.

You are so right, my mistake.

[CD Susan]

luvbnjessica, My comment to Tess-Leigh was meant for you. Sorry for the mistake.

[luvbnjessica]

thats ok susan,thanks for all the great comments.Tess thank you 4 your support
one day society will accept us for who we are

[Byllie]

Are we struggling to be accepted as female "if we put enough work into it", or are we struggling to be accepted as ourselves, humans who dress in nice-looking clothes?
Right on! This is precisely how I feel, and you've put it into words expertly.

We are who we are, somewhere on the tapestry of life, and should be able to live and express ourselves that way as long as we do not physically or mentally hurt others. If, the way we behave and dress, does not harm others then why not proceed as we wish?

Thank you, Tess-Leigh, for such a wonderful post.

Byllie