Coming out to yourself

[Jonianne]

When my ex first insisted I see a therapist for my CD'ing, it took two sessions before I could even say why I was there and I knew he already knew. The shame was overwhelming. I finally said "I ..... wear ..... womens ..... cloths". I didn't have many sessions because we moved.

The next time I went to a therapist, I was able to say that within one session. When I finally said it this time he asked "Is this a problem for you?". I of course at the time said "yes". For whatever reason I didn't have many sessions with him, but I left with the question that possibly, maybe being a CD'er might not be a problem for some people?

The third therapist I saw, I was determined to say exactly what I was. It still took a whole session but before the end I was able to say "Let me say this myself - I .......... am .......... a .......... tr ......... ans ........... vest ......... ite!"

It was so hard to say that to another person, But I knew I had to say that if I wanted my sanity.

That was about 16 years ago and I am so glad to have gotten past so much of that shame. (See my post in the MEDIA section called Truly accepting yourself)

Does this sound familar to anyone?

[Sarah...]

For sure. I have not seen a therapist at all but when I finally managed to admit to myself who I was it was such a huge relief. Years of self-imposed shame and guilt fell away. I wonder now why I didn't just get with being myself earlier in life - things would have been, for me, much easier. Sarah is who I am and I take pride in who I am now, a valuable human being like anyone else.

No more shame, no more guilt and much more fun out of life. How cool is that?

Sarah...

[María José]

It was the first thing I said to my therapist. In the first session, after saying hello :)

[Bonnie D]

I told my family doctor first. I told him that I had gender issues and that I crossdress whenever I am home alone. I was also under a lot of stress. He asked me if I wanted to go for counselling. I told him that I didn't at the time. A year later I told him that I did. He asked me to give him a week or two and he would look into finding me one.

I went for 10 one hour sessions and found them very helpful.

And yes, it was very difficult to tell my doctor. It was easy to tell my therapist because he already knew why I was there. It was such a relief though to talk about it.

Bonnie

[sandra-leigh]

I haven't told my family doctor because it hasn't seemed relevant to anything he needs to know. I have considered mentioning it sometimes as an indication of my progress -- e.g., my anxiety control still is not ideal, but I've gone from barely able to get out of the house (even to go to work) to the point where (e.g.) yesterday I wore an obvious skirt and noticeable forms in public (in "guy mode") for several hours, including to some stores I had previously only gone to before as a pure guy (or so it would have looked then :heehee:)

But admitting it to myself? Not a problem! Once I had the thought that I could actually wear women's clothes (at all) instead of just "putting them on to see what they look like", integral to the thought was "in public!"; and a number of people have seen me Dressed or gender-bending, and by now hundreds of sales clerks must know. I don't go around announcing it at work, but it's not too much of a secret around town.

[Daintre]

When I first opened up to my doctor, the shame I felt was very great. It was only because she was understanding that we were able to start a true dialog between us. I was scared, humiliated because of a preconceived idea (perversion), and felt so awkward because I was so obese.

[yms]

Hi

The DSM IV lists two conditions for a diagnosis of "transvestic fetishism" (302.3). One is that the patient is male and wears womens' clothing. Duh.

But the other is that this causes undue stress and that the patient believes it is negatively affecting other areas of his life. Here is a link to a page that contains the exact wording:

Tranvestic Fetishism (http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/transvestic_fetishism.htm)

So yes, it is possible that a crossdresser doesn't feel that crossdressing is a problem. I think there are a lot of ladies here who feel that way. In some ways, reaching the point of self-acceptance and being out to some degree or another can be an empowering experience.

My own therapist was always more concerned with how I felt about everything else. Crossdressing was never an issue unless it was affecting some other aspect of my life.

[Angie G]

I never had a problem with guilt or shame about dressing like a girl it just always felt right to me. And when I came out to my wife she didn't have a big problem with it so at least for me the world is right. as is should for you and all my sisters here. Be true to yourself dressing is not a bad thing and something we didn't really ask for but I for one am loving it. :hugs:
Angie

[Ruth]

I have been going for counselling for nearly 2 years and the main purpose from the word go has been to talk through my CDing. So naturally that was almost the first thing I told my counsellor.
I did not feel any kind of shame because I had already accepted that this process was a therapeutic one, so I absolutely had to own this "condition" and tell my therapist everything about it, otherwise I would be wasting my time and money.
(In a way it would be like going to see the doctor and refusing to reveal your symptoms.)
The doctor analogy is not accurate, I realise, because I did not feel CDing was a disease and fortunately my therapist didn't either.

[Deborah Jane]

I told my therapist in the third session and with her help i came to terms with it.
She also suggested i look on the web for support groups and to help me get an understanding of myself.
Coming here actually led me to full acceptance of myself and now i,m completely happy with who i am :)

[Jonianne]

Thank you all for sharing your coming to grips. It was extremely hard for me because of my religious background. The fear mostly of God being displeased with me and worse!
But thank God I did come to totaly accept it, eventualy after extreme anguish. I had got to the point of literaly hearing voices in my head. And when you are a sane person and go through that, it was enough to drive you mad. I spent nearly 8 years with some execlent psychologists. Probly 1% of the time was spent on crossdressing and the rest on relationships. I had no idea how to relate to others. I came away from there knowing I was OK with God just as I am. I learned that through feeling the acceptance of others in my group at the time.

Thanks again for sharing.

[Amy Hepker]

It is hard the first time to tell a therapist, but once you do and they say, how do you feel about that. They want to help you and if it is a problem for you then that is what they work on, if it is a problem for someone else they try to work with them. You are normal being a CDer. There are amny of us out here and we are not Crazy!

[CD Susan]

I have never been to a therapist or gone through any kind of counceling. The reason for this is I have never seen a need to do this for any reason. I have known that I was a cd since around the age of seven. At that early age I was confused as to why I wanted to wear girls clothes but I did not see it as a problem and enjoyed doing it. Over the years I have tried to quit many times but always came back to doing it. I now realize these feelings I have are never going to go away and I have accepted that. I am very happy with the way that I am and would not change it even if I could. If I ever go to a therapist this is what I would tell him/her and would also ask 'why am I here ?'