Talking to the wife

[Sarah.Dee]

My SO found out about my CDing in Feb 08 and since then i think she is in denial about it all. After the initial discussions when it was suggested i could dress when there was nobody in the house there is never any mention of dressing at all,she says she can not get her head around what has happened.
My problem is I know I have to talk to her but I do not know how to approach the subject, I do not want to alienate her or put any pressure on her or indeed end my marriage to her I love my wife more now than when we married.
Please any help or advice will be gratefully received.

Love

Sarah
XX

[Shadeauxmarie]

Search the forums. There are many instances here of where to find information to give to her. And good luck!

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Sarah,
I really hope that your wife will come around and will be very supportive in the long run. I wish all my married fellow CDers would have very supportive wives like I do.
Felicity

[Holly]

Sarah, here's a suggestion... check in with her. By that I mean pick a time when the two of you won't be disturbed and ask her how she is feeling about it. The "don't ask, don't tell" scenario you have described may, in fact, be the best it is going to be. Perhaps she has been waiting for you to open the door to further discussions. In either case, go with her lead. And please don't be disappointed if she still, "can't get her head around it." After all, it's her head. Best wishes.

[pinkeverything]

This is my first "real" post I guess. My first post was moved to the introductions section, but it is a befitting end to your very dilemma.

It has been 2 days since my SO dressed me up in her lingerie and makeup for the first time. What a relief this last 2 days has been.

Patience, patience and more patience is what got me here. I guess I shouldn't forget all those beers that led to me hassling her humourously about it either.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I'll be the horse's patootie here...why do you need to chat further? She knows, she doesn't want to know more it seems, and she doesn't have a lawyer that you have mentioned. You have been honest and she is trying to remain in her fantasy comfort zone.

I'd do exactly what others have done before you....exercise extreme discretion, dress when there is no chance of discovery, keep everything well hidden,...........and love her with all your might when she is around!


Emily Ann

[charlie]

Emily has nailed it solidly. Your wife knows how you feel and what you do and the fact that you need to CD. She still is with you and is making believe that you are the same guy she married "in her head". You are still her strong man and Prince Charming. She did not believe she was marrying a Princess. She is still with you and handling your CD as best she can. Let it go. She isn't going to adjust and be supportive all of a sudden. If she changes her mind she will let you know when. Back to the closet with you just to save your marriage! If she finds your panties now it isn't like you did not tell her though.

[Donna Michelle]

I wore a bra and panties under my male clothes. My wife knew but no one else did. Then I wore other things at home. My wife knew what I wore under my bathrobe, but no one else did. I would go to bed first and my wife didn't have to see my sexy nighties. It was a gradual transition in front of her.

My wife used to giggle, laugh or roll her eyes. She saw me fully dressed for Halloween each year. Then I told her I wanted to be fully dressed more often and in public. She talked to her CD friends to hear their side and tell her side. She was ready but our family wasn't. She shops with me and dresses me AND my new CD friends. Well, not physically. She is NOT into that at all. She treats us like sisters and girl friends while we are dressed. And I don't get any sex while dressed as a woman. Donna is her big sister and NOT the man she married.

She thinks you should make some rules which may change, but simply avoiding without talking could mean she is hiding her feelings or living in her own fantasy. She should embrace your other self and have a new friend. If she truly cannot tolerate or accept your girl self, she doesn't love you completely. Things will only get worse. Especially since you can't give up crossdressing. I should know. I thought I could quit when I met her.

The one thing my wife said when I told her I crossdressed is that she was not surprised. She was disappointed that I kept secrets from her. (This was not the only secret I kept from her, but I never cheated on her.) She values honesty and openness in a relationship. She doesn't care about how I look on the outside, just who I am inside. I know that is true, because I don't look that great as a man or a woman!

Whatever you do, take small steps and don't overwhelm her. But don't avoid the issue, either.

[Ruth]

You have had advice both ways here and I hesitate to add my vote one way or the other because I don't know you and I don't know your wife.
In theory you should communicate as much as possible and try to achieve mutual understanding of the other's feelings. But the possibility exists that your wife just can't handle this information.
Maybe counselling would be a way forward. Finding the right counsellor is not easy though. Sorry I don't have any definite answers.