Major Dilemma

[Jae]

Am I even odder than most CDers in that I just cannot face the thought of my darling (D) wife of 40 years seeing me in a dress, wig and makeup etc? I have only dressed the once at the Boudoir in London and now I even regret letting her see the photographs.

I made an appointment yesterday at a Dressing service nearer home for just the second time in my life to even put on a dress and although my D was initially upset, today she said she would accompany me to give me moral support.

How could I refuse her for being so sympathetic, yet I still could get over my not wanting her to see me dressed. The only solution I could think of was to cancel my visit, which I have just done.

All our married life we have tended to do things together and yet cross-dressing is something I just cannot bring myself to share with her. I feel it would be too upsetting. I have got to befair with my D, yet what I want to do is obviously going to upset her. Being in my mid 60s time is not on my side.

I think the only solution is to never crossdress, yet with the genie now out of the bottle, how do I cope.

Have any of you faced the same dilemma and if so did you ever solve it?

[Holly]

Jae, there is no Genie and no bottle... there's just you and your wife. And quite honestly, I don't think it is very unfair of you to be making decisions for her. She showed great character and courage in stating that she would accompany you to the dressing service... and then you go and cancel, depriving her of the chance to show her love and devotion to you in a special and meaningful way. Please don't be surprised if she declines to show such support in the future. At the very least, you owe her an explanation and an apology.

[Jae]

Dear Holly,

My wife and I discussed this at length together so there is nothing to aplogise about. You have missed the point I was trying to make in that I can not dress in front of her, yet previously we have always done things together.
Helpful advice would be appreciated!

[pinkeverything]

Hello,

I just solved this dilemma myself. It took much courage to accept her accepting. It has been a difficult situtation to say the least, but not more than 2 days ago, I accepted her offer of dressing me up after many moons of hinting and joking.

What a relief. What a relief. My cowardice was completely unnecessary.

She may love it if you make it fun and include a sense of humour about it. That's what happened here.

Keep in mind that it's only been 2 days for me, so I am pretty excited.

I'd re-schedule the appointment on an agreed date with your D.

p.e.:2c::drink:

[Tamara Croft]

You need to ask yourself why you can't share this with her.

Is it fear?
Is it because you've always done this alone?
Are you embarrased?
Do you fear her laughing at you?

Or is it something else? Are you going to make the appointment again and take your wife with you?

[Jae]

To Holly, please fogive my reply which was sent in haste.

To Pink, I am so glad for you and pray that your good fortune continues.

To Tamara, God, I wish I knew why I just cannot let my wife see me dressed as a woman. I was brought up at a time, both at home and at boarding school, to believe certain things which today seem outmoded. It is so so difficult to break the mould I have lived in for 64 years. I had never dressed as a woman, nor even owned a single item of femine atire, until I visited the Boudoir less than a month ago. To be even writing this would have been unthinkable before I discovered this forum and realised I was not so alone.
I regret that I still can not shake off the feeling of shame that I feel the way I do and for ever admitting to my wife that I have these feelings. How does one in just a few weeks change the feelings of a lifetime?

In an awfull nutshell I have too diametrically (Oh Hell, I wish I could spell.but i am blubbing too much too care) opposed feelings. The joy I felt being dressed at the Boudoir was so overwelming that the thought that I might never repeat it is too terrible to contemplate. Yet I love my wife so much and I know that I am hurting her whenever the thought of my dressingcomes up. I know she did volunteer but she is still hurting and it is all my fault.

As to will i ever get dressed aagain and will I let her ever see me i just do not know. This is is the question I pray I can answer before I die

[Holly]

To Holly, please fogive my reply which was sent in haste...Honey, no apology necessary. And if I sounded short, please forgive me. If you have had conversations with your wife, what is it that she has said that is making you believe that you are hurting her? You said that she was initially upset when you told her about the appointment at the dressing service... did you ask her why she was upset? You don't have to share that here if you don't want to... the point I'm trying to make is that talking to each other is critical, not just about cross dressing but in general for a healthy marriage.

You asked, "How does one in just a few weeks change the feelings of a lifetime?" The short answer is that one cannot. But now that you have decided that you want to confront these feelings that you have had for so long (and I know exactly what you mean), you are going to have to face them. I'm not going to kid you... it won't be easy. But I will tell you one thing, it will be so much easier with an ally at your side... someone you have confided in and trusted in for 40 years. You obviously have been doing something right! (My wife and I celebrate our 40th later this year). Does it make sense to to stop trusting and confiding in her now?

[Angie G]

Jae if you wife didn't want you to dress you would know it but it seems she can handle it And may even git into it with you. Do this or you may regret it later. if your not happy you could effect her. So I think you should get over it dress and share it with her. :hugs:
Angie