TGMarla
07-02-2008, 07:55 AM
Well, my little DressFest is over. I picked my wife up at the airport last night. There were some lovely flowers and a few anniversary gifts awaiting her when we got home. It's nice to have her back, but now all my girly things are put away.
My lovely dresses are all packed away, as is my makeup, and all my shoes and accessories. I thinned out my wardrobe and took a few items that never quite fit right to the Goodwill depot. I did so en femme, which felt nice. One last little drive across town while all dressed up.
I learned a few things about myself that I'll share here. As some of you may know, I was under the weather for much of the week while she was gone. At it's worst, I did not feel at all like dressing. In fact, I didn't feel inclined to be feminine at all while I felt that way. This surprised me a little, because normally, I need very little urging to bring out the girly stuff. My conclusion here is that it's one thing to say that one wants to go 24/7; it's another to actually do it. Girls don't stop being girls just because they're sick. I do. So I'm definitely not transexual. I just have a few transexual traits about me. But that road will never be my road. I just happen to gaze down it every now and then.
Another thing I learned was to avoid my fear when wanting to go out. I'm not sure how to describe this, but I really had very little anxiety when I went out last Friday. It actually felt pretty normal. Perhaps I spend so much time as Marla, it really is part of my norm. When I was sitting in the resaurant in front of the world, I still didn't feel out of place, conspicuous, or nervous. I felt like I was supposed to be there, really. I also don't know when I'll go out again, or if I'll be nervous about it, but this was a big step for me, and I think I passed the test with an A. I'll try to remember that the next time I venture forth. But it really wasn't as big a deal as I anticipated. And I'm still just glowing from the experience.
I also learned that if left to my own devices, I tend to crossdress rather than get things done that need doing. It's a good thing I have my wife around, because that makes me get things done, I guess. It was way fun having all that freedom to dress all I wanted to, but it throws the balance off, and I need to keep that balance. So now it's back to the old routine, but with new experiences to enhace it. I'll never be the old shut-in ever again, no matter how seldom I go out and about. I'm a different me now, and I like it!
My lovely dresses are all packed away, as is my makeup, and all my shoes and accessories. I thinned out my wardrobe and took a few items that never quite fit right to the Goodwill depot. I did so en femme, which felt nice. One last little drive across town while all dressed up.
I learned a few things about myself that I'll share here. As some of you may know, I was under the weather for much of the week while she was gone. At it's worst, I did not feel at all like dressing. In fact, I didn't feel inclined to be feminine at all while I felt that way. This surprised me a little, because normally, I need very little urging to bring out the girly stuff. My conclusion here is that it's one thing to say that one wants to go 24/7; it's another to actually do it. Girls don't stop being girls just because they're sick. I do. So I'm definitely not transexual. I just have a few transexual traits about me. But that road will never be my road. I just happen to gaze down it every now and then.
Another thing I learned was to avoid my fear when wanting to go out. I'm not sure how to describe this, but I really had very little anxiety when I went out last Friday. It actually felt pretty normal. Perhaps I spend so much time as Marla, it really is part of my norm. When I was sitting in the resaurant in front of the world, I still didn't feel out of place, conspicuous, or nervous. I felt like I was supposed to be there, really. I also don't know when I'll go out again, or if I'll be nervous about it, but this was a big step for me, and I think I passed the test with an A. I'll try to remember that the next time I venture forth. But it really wasn't as big a deal as I anticipated. And I'm still just glowing from the experience.
I also learned that if left to my own devices, I tend to crossdress rather than get things done that need doing. It's a good thing I have my wife around, because that makes me get things done, I guess. It was way fun having all that freedom to dress all I wanted to, but it throws the balance off, and I need to keep that balance. So now it's back to the old routine, but with new experiences to enhace it. I'll never be the old shut-in ever again, no matter how seldom I go out and about. I'm a different me now, and I like it!