To Tell or Not To Tell

[Sissy_in_pink]

I have read a lot in this forum that we as CDs should be upfront with our SO right from the start. That is before we commit to any sort of relationship. One problem with this is that most of us are in the closet, so if we tell up front and they don't like it, then there is a good chance that they will tell everyone that they know and if they happen to be a friend of your friends or relatives then your goose is cooked.:2c:
Has anyone had this problem and how did you handle it?

[Sedona]

I know that a lot of girls here say to tell "right from the start," but I don't agree with this advice. CDing is very personal, and I think that taking time to see whether there's enough potential there, is the right approach. With most potential SOs, sharing info like this is just too heavy for a first, or second, or third date, IMO.

Last thing you want is an SO who has little emotional involvement in you blabbing to all her/his friends.

Hard to say when is the best time, as it varies. A month, maybe six months? Much longer, and it gets trickier to explain why you waited so long.

[Tina Dixon]

When my wife found out I told not to tell any one and she hasn't.

[Wendy me]

more people know abought me than i ever thought i could be comfy with including my wife who knew for like ever and almost freaked when i can out and said out loud what we both knew she knew.........as far as telling any one she said she would not ....i trust her ... but if she ever spills it .... it is what it is and there would be no way of undoing it so i would just let things go were they needed to go........

[Laura_Stephens]

I wish I could share some good advice with you, but I'm afraid that I can't. I told my wife far too late in out marriage -- after 20 years -- and she does not trust anything I say anymore.

[TGMarla]

It's the classic double-edged sword. I did not tell my wife, or anyone I've ever been involved with for that matter, when I went into the relationship. The reason is simple: I was afraid she'd run, and I'd lose her. The trouble with that reasoning is that when a woman finds that a secret has been held from her, her reasoning follows a predictable path:

1. You lied to me.
2. What else have you not told me?
3. I can't trust you anymore at all.
4. You're probably gay, or bi, or running around on me.

It's only a lie of omission, though. It's not a bold-faced outright lie. And it doesn't mean that one engages in a pattern of lying to her. It shouldn't cost one's entire trust, and it doesn't mean that one is gay, bi, or running around on one's wife. It only means that fear of losing her kept one from telling her about something that she likely would not like one bit.

You see, the GGs on this forum are not a good cross-section of all GGs, in that the GGs on this forum are almost all, if not all, okay with crossdressing. Most women aren't, I suspect, and this keeps crossdressers from telling them about their "dirty little secret". We love, and fall in love, like anyone else. But we have this burden that we carry with us that society dictates is better kept a secret. So we don't often tell.

It's a tough decision. Very tough.

[Jonianne]

"Last thing you want is an SO who has little emotional involvement in you blabbing to all her/his friends."

I think Sedona is right about this. Each situation is different for each of us. You probly don't want to tell right off the bat, but when the "emotional involvement" is in play, then the SO needs to be able to have a choice. I gave my wife the "there is something you need to know about me" speech as soon as she said she was interested in having a serious relationship with me. We had spent much time together so we got to know each others heart quite well. I never even considered she would tell anyone, but what I was afraid of, was losing her friendship. One of the most important parts of our relationship was honesty with each other and the CD was way too big an issue to hide from my best friend and future wife at the time.

By the way, after she asked me the 2 typical questions and spent a day thinking about it, she called me and told me she didn't care what cloths I wore. We talked a lot about the CD and boundries she would be comfortable with and now we have spent 9 wonderful (and sometimes bumpy) years together. My avatar is the first picture she took of me after I told her.

[pinkeverything]

My SO tells everybody everything. Sure it bothers me, but I have no choice but to accept it, or I will suffer. She has her friends and I have no contact with them, mostly because she has worked herself into a corner with them.

On the other hand, she is fairly open minded and seems to accept CD'ing to an extent. Matter of fact, when she comes back from work, we are picking out a wig together. She gives me lots of her panties and she buys them for me too.

I'm pretty excited about CD'ing with her, but I know that everyone will know soon enough. That part I'm not too excited about, but my mental health takes priority and CD'ing feels good, so that's healthy.

[Sally24]

I think that at least near engagement time or marraige (if you're in a "traditional" relationship) is the bare minimum. I told my wife to be shortly after we had moved in together, but about 4 months before we became engaged. It's worked well for me for 30 years!