Reason for doing it

[Kate Simmons]

As many here know, I have balanced and integrated my feelings and am okay being both male and female. I don't really need to dress up to express myself. Yet, I am still perplexed by my seeming "need" to be Arianna sometimes. Mostly I do it when I associate with my friends, go clubbing or whatever and always have a good time and feel good about myself. The rest of the time, I'm fine being Richard as I am in touch with all of my feelings and have no problem expressing them in either mode.

I do feel, however, that the "need" is really something I have convinced myself is necessary when really it may not be. I like it when I look pretty, go dancing and people are watching. Sometimes I get "hit on", sometimes not. It is a definate thrill when you feel others consider you good looking enough to do that but it can also be an annoyance at times as I don't give my feelings to just anyone, espcially when it's in the heat of the moment as I really know how transitory passionate feelings can be.

All of this boggles me somewhat and I'm questioning whether I really feel the need to dress to be appreciated, especially in a physical sense. I do not have all of the answers which is why I'm asking. I'm hoping to get some honest feedback from some FAB members as well and their observations on how their SO's react and so forth when they get gussied up. I think a lot of it may be a lack of confidence in myself as Rich even though I seem to be well adjusted with that. It may also be possibly that since I was ostrasized by my family for CDing, I feel some need to be Arianna so I can feel appreciated and liked. I'm wondering if this may be one of the driving forces for why many of us do this. All comments welcome.

[Sarah...]

Oh crumbs! What a big question! I suspect you'll get a different answer for everyone on this forum. I understand the idea of the "need" but for me it's different - I need to get closer to the person I am and the outer coverings definitely are part of that process. How can I be me in mans' clothes? I have a clear view of who I am and my "male personality" is in the minority. So because of my personal situation my drive to be Sarah, or me really, is directly related to the opportunities I have to be me completely and directly related to my history as a CD/TG type person. The more I can dress as I want the less driven I am but, and here's the rub, even though I might be less driven to dress as I want when I do it often enough I'm also less driven to go back to my man clothes. It becomes a happy normality!

Does that help or even make any sense?

Sarah...

[Holly]

...I like it when I look pretty, go dancing and people are watching...This kind of jumpped off the screen at me when I read it, Arianna. I mean really, does the reason have to be any more than this? For me, I don't squirm uncomfortably wearing jeans and a work shirt, but given the choice, I know I would choose a skirt, heels, and a cute top anyday... just makes me feel better, too :battingeyelashes:.

[Emily Anderson]

For me, the attraction of crossdressing has always been about expressing myself in the way I feel best.

At an early age (4), I wanted to wear girls clothing, because I found it prettier than what was available for me as a boy. By about the age of 8 or 9, I wished (and often dreamt) I was a girl because that would allow me to dress as a girl. I had little notion of sexuality at that age, so it was purely a dream to be able to express my inner feelings outwardly, although part of my dreams was the absence of a penis.

In puberty, and having learnt a bit about sex and sexuality, I realised that I was attracted to girls, and the crosdressing became sexual. During those years and into my late thirties, I associated females and their beauty to sexual attractivess. The crossdressing was more latent, and mostly used for its "entertainment" value, with the help of lingerie.

Around the age of forty, I progressed and started to re-live those childhood days, when crossdressing was about the want (rather than the need) to express my female side in a more innocent form. That is, crossdressing and appearing more feminine (with help of make-up, breast forms etc.)

I'm in my forties, and have realized both my masculine and feminine side (not without pain, as many others). But, I have understood that CD'ing is a part of me, and a part that I want to enjoy. Because it's me!

I could of course put all these feelings aside, but why would I? I don't consider them as a "need", any more than I consider enjoying any other activity as a need. I just don't believe in denying myself something that is dear to me.

I'm not sure if I've really explained things well enough to capture the picture, but I hope it helps...

[tricia_uktv]

Interesting post Arianna. I am finding that the more I get into this the more my male and femail sides are merging. But their characters were so different to start off with. I am also aware that Tricia lives in a society with no rules wheras Iain's society is totally driven by rules (maybe that makes things different). What I do know is that, having finally accepted who I am, I am happier than I've ever been in my life. Very tricky one this, but fun. hugs

[Aurora27]

It is a definate thrill when you feel others consider you good looking enough to do that

Hmm...Need.
In my (perhaps limited) experience what we do is an addiction. The first few times we do it there is a huge rush, everyone talks about it. Basically we spend our entire lives trying to replicate that rush, because it feels good, and of course if you just repeat the same thing over and over the thrill of it fades, so we are constantly buying new clothes and trying new looks to keep the thrill fresh. I think we 'need' our female personas much like a smoker 'needs' a cigarette. So no matter how balanced we become, our mind still clings to those good feelings and associates those with crossdressing. In fact, I reckon the more ok we become with crossdressing, the more this 'need' will surface as there are no emotions/thoughts (shame/guilt/fear) holding it back.

[Joanne f]

Arianna, i understand the question but i am not to sure if i can give a straight forward answer as my feelings/desires seam to change in a cycle.
I cannot really say that i take much notice or even think about my male side and that has become more apparent as i am typing this out because i have just realised that i dont think of things like buying male cloths, i simply avoid the male section of stores not even thinking about going to them, but whether i do this because i know that i can or weather is some subconscious thing going on i do not know after all i have lived as a male for a long time so i would not say that i am comfortable or uncomfortable with my male side as i just do not think about it.
Now the female side, that seams to be more dominant as i think about that all the time but in different degrees depending where i am on my cycle, but again weather that is because i am male so therefore i will notice the female trying to come out i do not know.
But like you i do not find it necessary to dress as joanne to feel like joanne as to be honest i consider my self to be joanne all the time and find it odd when asked what my Male name is and then i have to think a bit just to remember it ,but where i differ to you is that you have an outlet for your emotions when you are Arianna as in going out with your friends, i do not have that so my desire/need to dress when it comes is my only external out let of showing what i am on the inside so maybe i try to use it more as a release to get out my fem side in a short time so the clothes are going to feel that much more important at that time and it has become so natural for me to buy female clothes that i dont even think about it any more when buying them .
So i hope that you can make some sort of scene from that , as i cant and i wrote it :doh:


joanne

[ReineD]

I do feel, however, that the "need" is really something I have convinced myself is necessary when really it may not be. I like it when I look pretty, go dancing and people are watching. Sometimes I get "hit on", sometimes not. It is a definate thrill when you feel others consider you good looking enough to do that ...

How do you feel when you go dancing as Richard and GGs look at you appreciatively? Do you get the same thrill? If you don't, then it might be an indication that you simply might just need to be Arianna?
:hugs:

[LilSissyStevie]

Don't fight it, just go with the flow.

As for why? The devil makes me do it.:devil: That's my story and I'm sticking to it -- Occam's razor and all that!. :heehee:

[melissacd]

For me this feels like I have finally arrived. I am finally able to feel comfortable in my own skin. Throughout my life I have always felt out of sync with who I really was and it was not until now that I started to feel, wow this is me, this is who I really am. The challenge of course is that we have built lives around our male selves that are not congruent with this new life that we want to live and that is what we need to sort out. So there is no why for me, I accept that this is who I am. It is more about how, how can I be in a way that makes me feel like I am being true to myself.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I was thinking the same thing earlier today...I've only been doing the CDing fr about three months now and I've discovered a wide variety of feelings and emotions associated with being female....

I can answer my questions of why??? am I doing this and why do I enjoy it??? It's almost like an adicition getting femmed up....but it's not sexual..at least for me...it's like I'm a different person and yes I am when I dress...I look different I act I am different...so I say "Why"?..don't know...have my ideas...I'm letting out the female that lies within me...and I'm fine with that...

but there's something else going on within me...I believe and this may be weird to some of you but I'm letting my female spirit/soul/psyche out into the real world and by doing this I am acknowledging her, accepting her and validating and this is giving a tremendous feeling of completness as a total person...and I've never reach this level of enlightenment and completeness of self...most of you will probably read this and say she's lsot it all now...but I truly feel that there is an inner spirit that is within me that is aglow with such a radiant sense of self and pleasure that it's really impossible to describe...

We all go through this journey called life to explore and find self and when one does one goes into his/her heart of hearts and then they find the peacve of the inner soul that holds the "Spirit of all spirits"...

That's what I've come to believe...

[Kate Simmons]

How do you feel when you go dancing as Richard and GGs look at you appreciatively? Do you get the same thrill? If you don't, then it might be an indication that you simply might just need to be Arianna?
:hugs:Actually I feel pretty good Reine. I've been complimented on my dancing and looks by GG's. I find it a bit hard to wrap my head around that though. All my life I didn't think I had it "in me" to make it as Rich. Now it's coming around but maybe I just need more time to accept that. I never had a problem being my femme self, only my male self. Maybe just something I have to work out I guess.:)

[Nicole1]

Oh crumbs! What a big question! I suspect you'll get a different answer for everyone on this forum. I understand the idea of the "need" but for me it's different - I need to get closer to the person I am and the outer coverings definitely are part of that process. How can I be me in mans' clothes? I have a clear view of who I am and my "male personality" is in the minority. So because of my personal situation my drive to be Sarah, or me really, is directly related to the opportunities I have to be me completely and directly related to my history as a CD/TG type person. The more I can dress as I want the less driven I am but, and here's the rub, even though I might be less driven to dress as I want when I do it often enough I'm also less driven to go back to my man clothes. It becomes a happy normality!

Does that help or even make any sense?

Sarah...
Now your talking! lol. I must agree. The more I dress, the more I want to. I don't have to; but I want to. I prefer dressing like a woman to dressing like a man all the time. I prefer to wear only women's clothing (even in drab, using male appearing clothing from the women's dept) all the time. I don't mind being a male for my wife and forgoing the wig, make up, etc. but I am more comfortable in female clothes. It is a preference and what makes me feel the best.

[Angie G]

I really don't know why I started dressing but from the time it started it just felt right so I've never looked for answers sato why Ifeel I don't need to know. It's here I like it and so I go with it.:hugs:
Angie

[TommiTN]

Arianna, like you and I'm sure many others, I seek answers as to why we have the urge to emulate the feminine. Not because I want to find a way to stop, but because I want to understand myself. I recently found a blog by a British CD, probably a psychologist, she doesn't say for sure, who is examining her own needs through a series of essays. They are insightful and very well written. May I suggest you and anyone else who is interested read her essays? She hasn't come to a definite conclusion yet and, by her own admission, might never. But the journey is as much fun as the destination. The web address is: http://ybatv.blogspot.com. Enjoy!