My wife

[Lauren1973]

Well last night I told my wife of the feeling I have for CDing. She was ok with it a long time ago before we had kids.Well life got really busy and Lauren was put to the side for the most part(never gave up the under dressing).My wife probally knew in the back of her mind but business as usual.Well Lauren has been knocking at the door for a while and here she is.Well i felt like I had to tell my wife what was happening.So last night after a good night out with friends and a couple of wine coolers.....I told her. She had this really crazy look on her face but she stayed calm. Well today after discussing it with my mother and my sister, she thinks we can got to the doctor and fix it. We shall see how this is going to go.The up side is she has told me no worries just don"t tell the kids. Any thoughts on this so far?
Thanks,
Lauren

[kaitlyna]

Well last night I told my wife of the feeling I have for CDing. She was ok with it a long time ago before we had kids.Well life got really busy and Lauren was put to the side for the most part(never gave up the under dressing).My wife probally knew in the back of her mind but business as usual.Well Lauren has been knocking at the door for a while and here she is.Well i felt like I had to tell my wife what was happening.So last night after a good night out with friends and a couple of wine coolers.....I told her. She had this really crazy look on her face but she stayed calm. Well today after discussing it with my mother and my sister, she thinks we can got to the doctor and fix it. We shall see how this is going to go.The up side is she has told me no worries just don"t tell the kids. Any thoughts on this so far?
Thanks,
Lauren

Well, I guess it could have went a LOT worse. So, was it she who discussed things with your mother and sister or the two of you? I can't say that going to a therapist and talking about things is a bad thing, however I think you'll find an extremely low percentage of people that have been "fixed".

[Holly]

...she thinks we can got to the doctor and fix it...Lauren, seeking outside help can often be beneficial. However, both parties must have an open mind and no pre-conceived notions of what the outcome is going to be. As long as your wife is open to the possibility of her being the one "fixed" then fine. I hope it goes well and that she will put more stock in what you say and less in what your mom and sister think. Best wishes.

[Lauren1973]

It was my wife, sister, and mom.I was at my house cooking. I know there is no fix for it...I just wonder how she will react when she finds out.

[Jonianne]

I agree with Holly. I hope your wife joins you in the counseling and is open minded. At least you don't have to worry about being outed to your mom and sister now. Lets hope for the best.

[JenniferR771]

Take care if talking to a "therapist"; some are not qualified to discuss transgender issues. I remember I had to loan some books to my counselor. Do not accept a therapist unless he or she has a least a few books on transgender issues on his shelf. The counselor my wife found, had a habit of quoting the bible, "The wages of sin is death!" I cannot cite the chapter and verse. A few years later he was arrested for something to do with unwanted sexual advances and harrassment to a female patient of his.

[Shelly67]

Do you ...or indeed any of us need fixing ?
I think you may need to talk some more sugar .
As for you wife discussing something so private with family members, well , its up to her but dont you think it would be better keeping it between you both in the privacey of youre own relationship ?
If it were me , in youre position I,d ask my wife for a little more sensativity.
And as involving a doctor ....surely this isnt a medical issue here ?
Put the kettle on , sit down and sort any differences - together .

good luck x

[Mollyanne]

Do you ...or indeed any of us need fixing ?
I think you may need to talk some more sugar .
As for you wife discussing something so private with family members, well , its up to her but dont you think it would be better keeping it between you both in the privacey of youre own relationship ?
If it were me , in youre position I,d ask my wife for a little more sensativity.
And as involving a doctor ....surely this isnt a medical issue here ?
Put the kettle on , sit down and sort any differences - together .

good luck x

Hi M M, Right On sister, RIGHT ON!!!!!!!

:love: Mollyanne

[Angie G]

Are you broken i doubt you can be fixed hun. Lets hope she can take the news it can't be fixed. :hugs:
Angie

[deja true]

Indeed! There's nothing broken that needs to be fixed! At least not as far as your CDing goes as long as your not using it to hurt her or anyone else. But there may be other issues on your part or on hers that do need a little fixing.

Couples counseling actually sounds like a good idea, especially since the idea came from her. If you've got a knowledgeable therapist, she may actually come to see that you're not broken. You're actually "new and improved"!

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Laura. AW don't tell the kids, they know all ready. I will bet you a dollar to donuts. The problem you have now is letting everyone know you are not broke. If you get to the point were its a divorce or else then the s t will hit the fan. How old are the kids you will have to take into account. You will never stop ask all of us we have been there. I hope she will see that you are not broke,a marrage is thuf to let go. I was married 30 yrs and I will tell you it was hard. Life will go on an I am with a very wonder full women now who loves me in all my modes. Josephine

[Michelle Charles]

I agree with Holly on this one as my wife and I went through this. I do think it important to find a therapist with some experience in gender issues. We had a Christian counselor who was quite good and helped alot, we were able to each compromise and find an area of agreement we both could happily live within.
Michelle

[AnnMorgan]

What my SO doesn't understand(nor shall we talk about it any more)is how where I am right now is completing the circle. I feel that before when I didn't know why I felt so empty inside, so unfulfilled, I very well might have benefited from a little one on one.

Now? It's like reading the last few pages of Vol 1 in a trilogy, at least I know who the characters are and there's more to come. "Fix" indeed!

[kaitlyna]

It was my wife, sister, and mom.I was at my house cooking. I know there is no fix for it...I just wonder how she will react when she finds out.


I do hope you'll keep us up to date on how things are progressing. BTW, who gets to contact the therapist? I would suggest, maybe, that if you do to ask ahead and try to find one that's knowledgable about dressing or any trans issues.

[Amy Hepker]

Oh Man you mean you are Broken!!!!

This is how most GGs feel, they think they can take us somewhere and have us fixed in no time and we will be all Male for them again.

We are not fixable, we are who we are and they have to accept us as we have to accept ourselves.

It is a GG misconception that we are BROKEN and can be FIXED.

Be very careful and try to talk with her again. Make sure you tell her this is you and you will have to be you. I am not saying that the kids have to know, but that you will need the time to be your true self.

[SarahLynn]

Isn't getting FIXED what we do to dogs and cats when we take them to the doctor. Be very carefull here lady, you may come home more "broken" than you or your wife wanted when you entered the Dr's office.

Ahhh, but wait, maybe this is the kind of FIXED she means. That may not be such a bad idea. Hummm, we all need to think about this again.

Ohhh, okay, get me FIXED.:heehee::heehee:


Serious, you know there is no fixing this, just be sure she understands that she may be the one "fixed" by the Dr.. Surely she knows you have been underdressing all these years why does this come as such a surprise to her now? Better ask her that. And i think you should also ask her why she felt the need to bring up such a priviate matter with those for whom it is of no concern. I'd be jumping at her about that for a time now. Who knows what other priviate matters she has "shared" with your mother and sister. Do you?

SarahLynn

[TGMarla]

Look her straight in the eye, and tell her, "Honey, going to a doctor is not going to "fix" this."

In fact, nothing is going to "fix" this, other than will power to say "No" if that's what both of you want.

[serinalynn]

Well, you took the right step talking to your wife honestly and openly. She can be your best friend or your worst enemy. My wife and I have talked about my crossdressing many times over the years to the point where she knows that my dressing won't embarras her or us while out in public. Some women can be supportive of men who like to CD as long as its not their own husband. Still other women will be supportive either way. THe therapist isn't going to fix your needing to Crossdress. The therapist could make your feelings about CDing stronger, but will not make it go away. THe best thing I can say is to continue talking to your wife. Keep the communication lines open.

[Lauren1973]

Ok update.I am not going to tell her what I already know.That I can not be fixed.I do want to find a counsler who is educated and has some experince in this .I do want my wife to hear it from the professional. I believe it will be better if she hears it from a outside source.I am a bit interested in what she thinks of the real treatments (hormones) I imagine this is going to throw her for a loop also.
As far as my mother and sister go....I am fine with her talking to them after all my mother and sister knew long ago when i was a kid dressing.My mother is a nurse and my wife has alot of trust in her.Her comment was I know already and its alot more common than you think.(GJ! Mom) So now to find a theripest that is experenced in tg in Alabama. This should be interesting.
Ok I promise I am almost done. This morning she asked me if I had bought this pair of shoes I was eyeing the other day.I had told her about them (for her of course) She figured I probally wanted them and got them.(Idid). anyway I showed them to her and she said oh yeah I like those I have tried those on too.(nice!) Things are feeling a bit better.


Thank you all so much for your continuing support it REALLY help!,

Lauren

[kaitlyna]

Ok update.I am not going to tell her what I already know.That I can not be fixed.I do want to find a counsler who is educated and has some experince in this .I do want my wife to hear it from the professional. I believe it will be better if she hears it from a outside source.I am a bit interested in what she thinks of the real treatments (hormones) I imagine this is going to throw her for a loop also.
As far as my mother and sister go....I am fine with her talking to them after all my mother and sister knew long ago when i was a kid dressing.My mother is a nurse and my wife has alot of trust in her.Her comment was I know already and its alot more common than you think.(GJ! Mom) So now to find a theripest that is experenced in tg in Alabama. This should be interesting.
Ok I promise I am almost done. This morning she asked me if I had bought this pair of shoes I was eyeing the other day.I had told her about them (for her of course) She figured I probally wanted them and got them.(Idid). anyway I showed them to her and she said oh yeah I like those I have tried those on too.(nice!) Things are feeling a bit better.


Thank you all so much for your continuing support it REALLY help!,

Lauren

Sounds like you're taking some slow, but great steps forward. Best of luck to you both. Go get that book "My Husband Betty", I think you'll both get a LOT out of it. Oh and give your mom a hug from us all the next time you see her. BTW, since we're all invested now, what did your sister have to say?

[DanaR]

Take care if talking to a "therapist"; some are not qualified to discuss transgender issues.

I have a friend that mentioned once that the therapist she and her wife were going to, cost them a lot of money to educate.




Ok update.I am not going to tell her what I already know.That I can not be fixed.I do want to find a counsler who is educated and has some experince in this .I do want my wife to hear it from the professional. I believe it will be better if she hears it from a outside source.I am a bit interested in what she thinks of the real treatments (hormones) I imagine this is going to throw her for a loop also.

Lauren

One of the things that most of us that are into relationships, must ask ourselves; is what do we really want or where do we want to go with this?

I remember early on that my wife was really worried about where I was going with this. I let my hair grow out and then she wondered what was next. That was pretty much all I did, but inside she still worried. It has taken her a long time to fairly understand. As I thought about it more, I realized that she was fine with me being a part time girl; but if I were full time, it would be without her. I really didn't want to loose her and my family.

When you start talking about, "I am a bit interested in what she thinks of the real treatments (hormones) I imagine this is going to throw her for a loop also," it sounds like you are thinking more about transitioning. This is a little more than CD'ing. Most wives are not going to subscribe to this direction.

What has always bothered me is that people in relationships should work on their relationship, before doing any transitioning; don't run if you are the wrong road.

You are asking your wife for understanding, respect and compassion; she needs the same from you. Neither one of you can be selfish and want it only your way. In order for it to work, you'll have to reach some kind of agreeable compromise.

[vivianann]

What ever you do, do not push your wife too far with the cding, and hopefully things will work out for you and your wife concerning crossdressing. I know the desire to crossdress can be overpowering at times, I hope you can get through those times, and as you get older the more powerful the desire to cd will get..