Why

[TommiTN]

Someone started a thread asking why we like to crossdress, damned if I can find it now and my aoplogies to the original poster for not remembering her name. Anyway, I have been pondering that very thing for a good while (decades) and stumbled onto a blog written by a British CD who is struggling with the same imponderable, except she's maybe making some headway. I thought it insightful enough to recommend it. Take a look at http://ybatv.blogspot.com.

[Angie G]

I've always tended not to put a why to it and just enjoyed my dressing and don't care why. The only why I think about is why do people try to make thing so complex. Just do it and enjoy hun :hugs:
Angie

[Tina Dixon]

I gave up trying to figure why I dress, why do I ride Motorcycles? Why do I collect comics? Why do I keep my toe nail clipings? Oh crap now i'm outted:D

[connie johnson]

why can't it just be that we like the way the clothing feels and enjoy the colorful outfits. :).

[Raychel]

For almost 40 years I tried to figure out why, what the hell was wrong with me. Now that I am 50 years old, I finally figured it out.

The why is because I like the feeling of women's clothes. And that is all the reason that I need now. I like it and I do it. I am not hurting myself or anyone else. So that is that.

Now on to enjoy the restof my life, Sometimes in a dress. :thumbsup:

[TeriAnn]

why can't it just be that we like the way the clothing feels and enjoy the colorful outfits. :).

I agree with Connie the feeling of the clothes and the colorful outfits and the sexy high heels that GG's wear. :2c:

[christid66]

Tommi,
I'm British but it wasn't me :)

I have no idea why. I just know that I need to whenever I have the opportunity, and when I can't I miss it & look forward to when I can. I feel completely relaxed & a different person when dressed....unless I can't get my make-up right or ladder a new pair of stockings :doh:

[Patty]

I've always tended not to put a why to it and just enjoyed my dressing and don't care why. The only why I think about is why do people try to make thing so complex. Just do it and enjoy hun :hugs:
Angie

My feelings :2c:

[Nadia-Maria]

Anyway, I have been pondering that very thing for a good while (decades) and stumbled onto a blog written by a British CD who is struggling with the same imponderable, except she's maybe making some headway. I thought it insightful enough to recommend it. Take a look at http://ybatv.blogspot.com.

Many, great many thanks, Tommi, for sharing this link !!
At first glance it appears as something extremely insightful and interesting.

I am absolutely delighted to read and ponder this stuff in detail.

Congratulations for discovering this info and sharing with us.

Love

Nadia

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Girls,
This is the Fifty million dollar question isn't it. When my partner told me he wanted to Cross Dress I was totally ignorant and decided to go on a quest to find out more about it. I researched the internet, bought books and magazines and to be honest found that CDs are just as individual as any one else and there reasons for doing it just as varied My conclusion was that like the rest of society they cannot be put into a nice tidy box with a label on it. I also concluded that no one really knows the reason that they do it. Even if you were to say it was sexual, or because they wanted to be a woman and feel trapped in the wrong body, there still beggers the question why. Are they wired up wrongly, or judging by the amount of guys who do it, are they wired up correctly. Who is to say that CDing is not the norm for some of the male population.

There are those who cross dress for erotic reasons and those who dress as an expression of gender identity, and the underlying motive to CD can of course change over a period of time. Indeed I have heard some of you say that the sexual thrill diminished over a period of time, only to be replaced by a sense of well being and peace.

The article that you pointed us to Tommi was very interesting. I have studied similar theories around Childcare and how children can be affected through experiences as far back as in thier mothers womb. The Brain is fascinating. I expect nearly all CDs have a story to tell of an influential person or an experience that they had during Childhood, ( A defining moment) which made them realise they were different.

Some of the information that I found when I went on my search said that Transvistism was a Fetish, others said that it was a mental disorder, others referred to CDs as patients which indicated to me at any rate that CDing was an illness.
There was a definite emphasis put on the CD dressing for erotic arousal when dressed in female clothing, but there is plenty of evidence now a days to suggest that Cross Dressing actually has a calming effect on the individual and becomes an antidote for anxiety or depression. Men are under such a lot of pressure now adays to be in work, provide for families, buy nice houses and reliable cars , go on a family holiday etc etc, that without a Hobby to provide escapism, they would crack under the pressures of every day life. I dont wish to downgrade CDing to a Hobby because I know for most it is a way of life, but regular guys mostly indulge in some kind of interest be it football, golf, darts etc, and in my partners case its CDing.

I would imagine that the reason some doctors and psychologists think that CDing is a mental disorder is the depression that can sometimes accompany it. When you consider societies attitude toward it there is no wonder that some CDs are prone to depression. Quite often their job or their marriage could be in jeopardy if they are discovered and many find the inability to find an accepting partner very distressing and unbearably lonely. We all need love and acceptance for who we are and not for who society feels we should be.

The one thing that I really struggled with myself was the fact that as a culture we have a very narrow definition of masculinity. OK you all want to be as feminine as you possibly can be and theres no problem with that, however, this does not make you any less a man. Infact my own view of Cding is that any guy who can donn a dress and high heals has got far more balls than any regular guy has and is certainly a brave individual for challenging the status quo.

I love my partner to death and to be honest wouldn't have him any other way. Cding, although at times very demanding, and frustratingly infuriating, has given us something quite unique and special which we can both share together. Believe me after being married to a self obsessed Golfer for 16 years I consider a CD to be easy peazy lemon squeezy. Give me dresses, makeup and wigs over a set of Golf Tees any day of the week.

I do think though that before society begins to accept CDing the very people who indulge in it need to accept themselves. You are not social misfits, there is nothing wrong with you. I believe that the vast majority of men who wear womens clothes are creative, curious, experimental individuals who are full of character and the sooner they realise that the sooner the rest of the world will do. However, to balance that up, they can also be very self obsessed and ruddy annoying at times but then who can't be.

The next time someone asks you why do you do it. Ask them why not and see what answer they come up with. I doubt any of them could give you a concrete argument against it.
Bev

[susan2010]

Bev:
Wow: great comments. Thanks for your insight.
Susan1974

[Brina Halloween]

Bev, that was one well written piece.

Personally, I suspect for me it is a way to change my reality. I tend to think more of it when I am less happy. Especially when the job gets to me. Multi-tasking can suck but, I do it all the time. After going to dances around Halloween though, the hundreds of compliments from the ladies is a BIG bonus. For not trying to pass at the dances, I still got asked twice by guys that didn't realize at first. :D

Furthermore, I have always enjoyed watching people, now I have a new perspective that I am finding that I really enjoy doing.

Brina

[JennyS.]

I gave up trying to figure why I dress, why do I ride Motorcycles? Why do I collect comics? Why do I keep my toe nail clipings? Oh crap now i'm outted:D

Toe nail clippings?!?!? Ha!!! That's hilarious!!! I actually laughed out loud... I bet the neighbor heard me!

[leslie ann]

very well said bev i wish all women were as smart as you :)

[Pink Person]

I don't consider atypical behavior to be wrong or caused by glitches. I don't consider myself to be a CD or a female. In my opinion, saying that we are CDs trivializes our behavior. However, I accept the common usage of the term to describe us because other people who are like me don't object to it, and it is important to me to acknowledge our similarities. I consider myself to be a normal member of a social minority, feminine people. I am more feminine than the average male and less feminine than the average female. Since gender is a functional characteristic that is descriptive, prescriptive, and subscriptive, our gender behavior will always transcend our formal characteristics or biological sex. All gender behavior is nonmoral and not the product of having the right kind of brain. It's not right and it's not wrong and there's nothing wrong with our brains. People in social majorities who want to sanctify everything they do and want everyone to believe they are perfect in every way need to get over themselves. That kind of behavior is stupid and abusive. Someone should tag their brains and behavior as defective and corrupt.

[christid66]

Bev,
That's one well written piece that says it better than I ever could.

When I started, it was for 'personal gratification' but now, it allows me the chance to escape from my reality & to be someone I'm not without the pressures that the male me has. As a result, I'm content to just dress & have no desire to 'do anything further' ;)

I've also changed jobs over the past year and my new job is a lot more stressful. I've also noticed that my drive and desire to 'dress' has increased......Coincidence? :thinking:

Thanks again Bev :yrtw:

And Tina....Toe nail clippings ?? :lol:

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Great Response Bev06....my hat is off to you....

Steph

[TommiTN]

Bev, that was beautifully summed up! I assume from your moniker that you are a Genetic Girl. You wouldn't happen to be John's SO from the ybatv blog, would you? From your writing it sounds as if you know John very well. If you are, please pass along my thanks to John for his insightful writing and to please keep it up.

[Bev06 GG]

Bev, that was beautifully summed up! I assume from your moniker that you are a Genetic Girl. You wouldn't happen to be John's SO from the ybatv blog, would you? From your writing it sounds as if you know John very well. If you are, please pass along my thanks to John for his insightful writing and to please keep it up.

Hi Tommi,
No I dont know John. My partner is called Jay and she doesn't ever come on here, mores the pity because she has some very good views on CDing.
Thanks girls though for all your kind comments. I know I do go on abit.
Take care
Bev

[KatrinaAshley]

I've asked myself that too. Why am I spending this money? Why do I go through the extra effort needed to dress nicely? I'm still unsure. I like being someone else for a while, that's the best answer I can come up with. The peculiar part is neither side has much to do with the other unlike those who feel unified now.

[TommiTN]

Bev,

More's the pity indeed. I'm sure Jay would be welcome here and that we would all enjoy her thoughts. This is far and away the best CD forum. The level of intelligence and sensitivity here is just amazing.

[Holly]

Bev, you are one remarkable woman! I'm nominating your post in this thread for, "Post of the Month!" :hugs:

[TommiTN]

I'll second the motion!

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I sent an e-mail to Bev about her post and said it was one of the best responses I've read anywhere in quite awile....on any subject...very well aticulated, thought out and nailed the topic in my humble opinion.

[serinalynn]

I cant say why I crossdress. I must have been the feel I got the very first time at age 11 that I tried on my mothers nylon panty for the first time. WOW what a feeling. It just maade me want to do it as often as I could. After the first time I was hooked! The more I had that panty on just drove me to slips, a bra, a garter belt ( Mom had some very stylish late 40's and early 50's lingerie in her drawers), stockings shoes and a dress. I was all dressed up one night when I was 15, when they cam home early, OOOHH NO! I made a mad dash for my bed room still fully dressed, threw back the covers on my bed and got in. I pretended to be asleep when they walked in. What a rush! laying there in bed in her nylon lingerie and in her dress. BY the way mom and dad didn't say a word, perhaps they had no Idea I was dressed in moms clothes.

Maybe my rememberances of how wonderful it felt as a 15YO boy, to be all dressed as a girl still keeps me crossdressing to this day. I often times wanted to know what it felt like to be a girl growing up in the mid 1960's wearing all those short dresses they had back then. I often times I day dreamed about what it would feel like to be a girl walking the hallways of our school and just doing girly things.

Why you ask? I can't explain it. I don't know why. THere is no simple answer.
My wife begrudgingly acceepts my need to wear womens clothes with limitation. Wife doesn't allow me to wear skirts or dresses at home or in public and no makeup either but is open to most every thing else.

[Suzie S.]

Bev, you are one remarkable woman! I'm nominating your post in this thread for, "Post of the Month!" :hugs:

I'll third that motion for Bev! A very wonderful post indeed. The forum should consider making it a sticky so it's easily accessable for all to read!

Tommi, that is truly one of those 'meaning of life' questions. But I guess, accepting that I'm a cd, is probably more important than knowing why.

[connie johnson]

Bev

that is an excellent response. you are a very knowledgable woman. Your SO is very lucky to be with you.

[Bev06 GG]

For your kind comments. However, I feel duty bound to tell you that my walk with my fella and his CDing hasn't always been a straight forward one. We too have had our ups and downs and I have seen lots of changes in attitude and understanding from both of us. I see any relationship very much as a journey on which you discover new things about one another and face the challenges together. Sorry if that sounds a tad corny but I really dont know how else to explain it.

Although I have never had a problem with Jay's dressing, like any partnership getting to know one another can and has thrown up some challenges and a few surprises along the way. Great fun though and to be honest having a CD as a partner certainly makes for a very colourful existence if nothing else and there is certainly no chance of boredom setting in.

I think the lucky to have me bit is definitely a two way thing. I have learnt more about minority groups and their struggles with acceptance since knowing Jay than I ever have done in my career. Actually being a part of one is very different to fighting the cause of one.

The one thing I will say though being a part of this community gives you a real sense of belonging because by enlarge we stick together and encourage one another. We have to because no one else will do. The support that we all receive off this forum is priceless both from the CDs and the GGs and by sharing our ups and downs warts and all we grow ever more closer as a community. Long may it last.
Bev

[Katheryn]

Tommi,
I'm British but it wasn't me :)


ROFL..... good one!



I feel completely relaxed & a different person when dressed.

I am told by friends who have met my girl self that when I am totally en femme my whole demeanor changes, like it was a different person. I told them it was, it was Kate they were with at that time, and she's different from the boy. They said that it kinda creeped them out at first, but after awhile they got comfortable with her and simply dealt with her as a new person they had just met.



unless I can't get my make-up right or ladder a new pair of stockings :doh:

Oh, gee, do I know that feeling, first time Kate went out with her sister and wife to a mainstream restaurant in an attempt to have a girls night out, she was soooooo nervous about getting her makeup right and to just look like another woman in the crowd, not to overdo anything, it wasn't a club we were going to, where things are more tolerated.

K

[Katheryn]

There are those who cross dress for erotic reasons and those who dress as an expression of gender identity, and the underlying motive to CD can of course change over a period of time. Indeed I have heard some of you say that the sexual thrill diminished over a period of time, only to be replaced by a sense of well being and peace.


Bev, I expect there are as many reasons to dress as their are people who do it. Bottom line is, to me, it doesn't matter. I tried to understand it, and for a couple of years I had a job where I spent a lot of time alone as a security person and I had nothing to do but think. I went round and round til I realized that most of it was trying to decide which came first, the chicken or the egg. Doesn't make any real difference, truly.

I was lucky to have lots of help when coming to terms with being a CD the second time. The first time was decades ago with a shrink at a period in societal time when anything gay or trans was a mental disorder to the psych profession. I was slapped with the diagnosis of being a TS and put on that road. Took me a long time to realize I was on the wrong hiway. Stopped listening to the shrink and just sort of dealt with it as there was no internet and the only written material I could find on it was in trashy magazines that wasn't actual information at all. I just knew I liked wearing the clothes. (Hey, I was in my teens and not anywhere as worldly as teens are today)

Anyway, going in the army and watching two guys get a blanket party thrown in their honor for being stupid enough getting caught in the shower being friendly sort of scared me "straight" for awhile.

Decades later when Kate was making a lot of noise pounding on her cell's walls and door enough to make the boy miserable, I was lucky enough to have a few friends in the scene who helped me understand things better.

I have now arrived where I am, and there's no destination sign, so I can't really say where that is, but I am much happier.

Thanks for listening.

K

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Katheryn
I know I am being everso Green here but what the heck is a blanket party.
Bev

[Katheryn]

Hi Katheryn
I know I am being everso Green here but what the heck is a blanket party.
Bev

The guest or guests of honor have a blanket tossed over them and the others use them for a pinata.... That's the gentlest way I can put it.


K

[Karen C]

Very well said Bev and I like to say . as long as it doesn't hurt any one whats the problem . when I was in school I didnt drink or do drugs and it made me feel good . so I still do it .:2c: but now I like to do it some times with a glass of wine preferbaly merlow .

ps fish eye merlow is verry nice. :drink:

[pinkeverything]

Good morning girls,

I am quite fascinated with the wealth of brain power on this forum. This thread in particular has brought a sense of calmness that I hadn't anticipated. I am a noob here and signed up recently because my SO and I are in the discovery stages of CD'ing. I have been CD'ing, albiet limited, for a few years now, but always alone in the privacy of my own home.

I appreciated reading your post Bev. During the darkest moments of my life when I have 1000 thoughts racing through my head at such a velocity that hitting the brakes would have put a torque spin on my neck with such great force that I may not have survived, I play guitar. Playing guitar is the only outlet I have that when I am completely submerged, the rest of the world disappears. During those dark times though, being calm enough to grab a guitar and sit down is difficult. Being calm enough to stay sitting is a different animal alltogether.

Lately, I have been CD'ing in the evening and playing guitar. And I mean really playing guitar.....for hours. It is the most relaxed I've felt in years. It translates though my fingers in ways that I hadn't imagined. My fingering in more fluid. My touch is much softer and more articulate. Melodies are resolved easier. Having the patience to learn a complicated piece of music comes easily when I'm CD'ed.

If only I had the courage to play live crossdressed. I feel just plain ol' drop dead sexy all CD'ed with a guitar plugged in. I get to dig real deep with little effort and pull out the best part of me with music and when I'm crossdressed, I feel that my skill set is much different than when I am not.

[pinkeverything]

In case any of you were wondering, I do have a beautiful pink guitar..........and a few other beauties that are not.:D

[bimini1]

How many of us can relate to this part of the blog?

http://ybatv.blogspot.com/2007/01/cross-dressed-but-male.html

[SarahLynn]

Hi Katheryn
I know I am being everso Green here but what the heck is a blanket party.
Bev

Bev i am a retired military warrant officer and to put it simply, the offending party (person) has a blanket thrown over them then the others in the squad, platoon, company, having put a bar of soap in a sock start beating them.

Often times there is no bar of soap and the person is beaten with hands, fists, or even kicked. It can and has led to deaths, serious injuries, pernament injuries, and ususlly a trip to the medical facility on base. A blanket is used after lights out, (barracks are not totally dark after lights out) so the offending person does not know his or her attacker.

Blanket parties are sometimes held to correct a persons inability to control themselves properly in a military situtation. Ie. someone who just can't seem to stay in step when marching. Or someone who can not or will not keep his or her rifle clean or equipment in proper order. They can be and often are, very effective in getting or keeping someone squared away.

SarahLynn

[Bev06 GG]

oh how barbaric, honestly men are sometimes just too much. And then people wonder why some of us prefer CDs.
Bev

[Nadia-Maria]

Here is my detailed answer to one of the essay "Watch that man" by John published at :
http://ybatv.blogspot.com/

Love

Nadia-Maria.
___________________________________________

John:
<< Watch That Man*!
Take a look at this man. He's in the grip of some kind of sexual episode. The arching of his back, the thrusting and grasping of his breasts and the half-lidded look of arousal on his face, all tell you he is experiencing intense sexual feelings. Most of the men reading this will have seen themselves in the same or a similar state of arousal, dressed in women's clothes, fondling their own body and enjoying the sight of their own sexual excitement. I'm no exception. I do it as much as the next man.>>

Nadia-Maria :
Me too.

Nevertheless it often happen I may be crossdressed for a couple of days without significantly seeking for whatever sexual excitement. I just feel good and happy being somewhat or fully crossdressed, not needing more, and doing the activities that I have to. As an example, at this very moment, while crossdressed as usual when I’m alone, I am studying and responding your stuff, just feeling femme especially whenever my attention escapes a little from the work in progress.

On the forums (and polls) you will easily find CDers that even deny to ever crossdress for sexual reasons. Moreover, I remember another CDer (bisexual and living as a Tgirl for a great part of her time) saying that – when crossdressed – she experiences sexual feelings at moments, yet not quite often, just in the way most genuine women must do.

<< It is one of the things I find very curious about being a heterosexual transvestite. While I (and, no doubt, millions like me) will ogle myself and fondle myself, aroused and excited by the sight and feel of my own body, it is something that I only do while cross-dressed. I don't find myself at all titillating in my normal clothes, or naked. Now, why is that? >>

Nadia :
My experience is somewhat different from yours on this very point. As a rule, to be easily turned on, titillating requires at the same time the fancy : (a) either being close to a desirable woman ; (b) or being myself this desirable woman.
I understand you describe for yourself only the (b).

<< The simplistic answer (which doesn't explain anything) is that the female clothes are "fetish objects". That is, it is the clothing causing the arousal and the clothing that we are responding to. >>


Nadia :
I initiated CDing, about 5-6 yrs old, when I dressed secretely in the pink dress of my older sister. I can’t think of this experience as being a sexual thing at all. I now believe I did it because I wanted very much to be a girl as my sister, and/or to experience how it felt to be a girl. The experience was a success since I did it again and again, with only a fading interest between age 8-12.
As an older teenager I was apparently sexually slightly aroused, however without a correct understanding of the thing. Note that, I fully understood the sexual act and discovered the orgasm as late as aged 22.


If dismissing my early experiences - my CDing as a young adult (in my 20s-30s) would have certainly favored the fetishist hypothesis, since I was instantaneously turned on by initiating any CDing session, and I had to come back to drab immediately after the orgasm.

So that I have believed for almost 2 decades I was a fetishist, and especially after having studied the DSM-IV of the mental diseases.

Now, it is clear for me that female clothes are not, and never have been, fetish objects for me. I obviously like the sighting and feeling of beautiful and sexy clothes, however the sexual key is my fancy. I have to live, or at least fancy, a situation involving a real woman. And clothes (such as pictures or videos as well) are merely facilitating all the fancy process.

Nevertheless the fact that fetishism is not the right hypothesis for your and mine CDism do not imply fetishism doesn’t exist at all.

I believe there must be different categories of CDers. Obviously, you and me fall in the same broad category, since I identify extremely well with what you describe, but there still exist other categories of CDers, say at least for instance*:

Fetishists*: you can find many of them on Flickr*; they seem to be essentially porno addicted people, and on their pictures they differ greatly from Emma’s green picture*: their pics are all about their penis in female undies.

Full time Tgirls*: they seem to act obsessionnally as women, quite a few even having to protect themselves koz they «*experience*» monthly «*règles*».
They show themselves everyday to others as women, possibly for seeking confirmation and convincing themselves they «*are*» women.

Gay drag queens whose main motivation is to attract men.

MTF Transsexuals.

Even in our broad category of CDers (mainly heterosexual CDers), I can see differences, and maybe it is a whole continuum in this category from the mildest form of CDism (as you wrote, about one SD below average) to the strongest form (about one SD above average). And there seem to be a general trend along the life to evolve more or less towards the top end of the continuum (maybe a one SD move)


<< But not only is the whole fetish explanation of transvestitism empty (it merely replaces one mystery with another), it is also clearly wrong. Take a look again at the photograph and think again about how you interact with feminine clothes. It is my contention that the man in the picture is not aroused by the clothing, he is not being turned on by a dress or a wig. He is aroused by the transformation of his appearance, for which the clothes are merely instrumental. What's more, he is not simply feeling hot because he looks like a woman, he is projecting his transformed sexual identity so as to enjoy the feeling of being sexually desirable as a woman. >>

Nadia:
I definately agree.
Your comments fit well the picture of Emma in green.
I identify well with this picture.
Yet this picture may not account for every CDer.

<< To see this more clearly, look at the picture again. This time imagine it is a real woman. (I deliberately chose a man with a slim and feminine body shape to make this easier.) If this was a real woman, what does it look like she's doing? I'd say she was posing provocatively in order to attract men to her. She looks as if she's feeling aroused and she'd like someone to have sex with her. The arching of her back and the presentation of her breasts would be a clear sign to an ethologist or zoologist that she is ready to be mated. In fact, the scientific term for such behaviour in other species than ours is "presenting". >>

Nadia:
Well found, I mean.
I have taken suggestive videos where I’m doing exactly that myself.


<< So, going back to the picture, here we have what looks very much like a woman who is apparently aroused and signalling to us that she'd like sex. Now we need to ask ourselves; why is a man doing this? Indeed, why do we all--most of us heterosexuals--do this? Why are we acting as if we're trying to tempt a man to come and mate with us? And don't kid yourself that the attraction we try to generate is aimed at anything but men. Setting aside your awareness that this picture is of a man for the moment and being brutally honest with yourself, you have to admit that, on some level, this picture arouses sexual feelings in you. It's a normal masculine response to the purely visual illusion of an aroused and sexually receptive female. You also have to admit that this appearance and pose is likely to do nothing for a heterosexual woman.>>

Nadia:
Much agreed. I share your reasoning.


<< So why do we do this? I think the possibilities are these:
1. We do really want a man to have sex with us. Although we don't know it or admit it, we are all closet homosexuals or, perhaps more accurately, closet transsexuals.
2. We are doing it as part of some kind of fantasy play-acting. We pose for ourselves the way we would like a woman to pose for us and imagine our mirror image or self-image to be a genuine woman.
3. We feel a wholly auto-erotic desire to have sex only with our transformed selves.
4. We feel an 'abstract' sense of wanting to appear feminine and desirable which is not directed at any external person or group but which is complete in itself.
5. We do it purely to imitate women we have seen, to add to the illusion of being female, and not for any reason to do with sex.
I think it is quite probable that, for different individuals among us, any one of these motives might be the main one. I also think that most of us will have more than one of these motives working at the same time. However, I am not looking at individuals here. I want to understand what motivates the great majority of us. So, if you happen not to fit the answers I come up with, that's fine, as long as you are special. If you are not special, and you still don't fit, then let me know because it means I got it wrong somewhere. >>

Nadia:
About Agreed.
I would modify your point 5, by removing the inadequate words «*and not for any reason to do with sex*». Point 5 would then become*:

"We do it purely to imitate women female sex symbols, porno stars or prostitutes we have seen, to add to the illusion of being the most strikingly female, a desirable woman in the most female expression of feminity, that is in the sex act."

My own conviction is*: clothes may discriminate rather convincingly women from men, but they are just clothes. Only the sexual act is what can ultimately discriminate women from men*!

Then, to reach CDing’s aim, the ultimate crossdressing move is play-acting a sexual act where the CDer is the female partner.
CDism has to do, I guess, with even ultimately trying to experience a female orgasm, to really happen to know what it is to be a woman.


I ‘m living my crossdressing as sort of an artistic expression. Like others are painters or play the piano, I express artistic tendancies by crossdressing. I interpret the role of a desirable woman in my theater. I know that I’m only a mere interpret, but at times I try to be the best possible actress. The play may last for several hours to several days. It involves mainly clothing and the play is mainly not sexual.
Usually the non-sexual play may please me enough so that I happen to end the play and come back willingly to my drab persona.

But, at times, I strive for being a better actress, still more convincing. Ultimately I will try to believe for a moment I will be a real woman. I will play-acting a sexual act where I’m the female partner. The male partner will be a virtual one*: he has no importance at all. At the beginning of the play-acting, I will fancy to play both roles, the female partner and the male one too. In the play I can play successively the female role and the male role, as in a one (wo)man show.

I always keep knowing it is a fancy, maybe except for the very few moments before the orgasm. Otherwise I will not have the orgasm. Maybe for the very few last seconds, the virtual male partner ceases to be myself to become whatever man as I mentally shift to the feelings of my female self concentrating in experiencing a female orgasm.


<< Going through the possibilities above,
(...)

But to the woman, all she feels is an urge to dress up because it makes her feel good. Attracting mates is just a side effect that Nature finds useful. For some reason, perhaps to do with a quirk of our early development, transvestite males have also developed this brain function. For us, it has no benefit whatsoever but has the side effect of making men, including ourselves, find us sexually arousing. >>

Nadia:
I find much insight in this conclusion.

Yet it doesn’t explain why I want to be all like a woman, and then experience a female orgasm, as the ultimate feminine characteristic.*

[darla_g]

I really liked reading Bev's sentiments in this thread. At the risk of not just being a "me-too" I would say she has hit the mark as far as I am concerned. I think the next trick is conveying that idea to a SO who may not quite get it. There's always hope.

[TommiTN]

Nadia,

You have just validated a thought I have had for some years regarding crossdressing and crossdressers. That is that we are way above average when it comes to imaginative ability, and thus, intelligence.

I believe you are also correct in your statement that in the end (no pun intended) a large proportion of us are seeking what we perceive to be the penultimate experience of femininity, the female climax (actually the penultimate would be pregnancy and childbirth, but that truly is impossible except in the tabloid press). Few may admit this to themselves, and many of those who do may never pursue it, possibly out of fear that they may find out more than they wanted to know about themselves.

Great post!

[Rachaelb64]

Bev that was a very insightful post.

But I like being a social misfit, I've never really done well running with the pack, always on the outside, cus its more fun.

And I finally accepted myself, its been a long hard slog but I'm here :)

Just one thing, there is a theory that not all twin embryos develop, one at some stage one absorbs the other, some dont fully absorb, hence conjoined twins.

Theory goes (if I remmeber rightly) one twin (male) absorbs the second twin (female) or vice a versa. Thus the male (or female) develops with a letent gender, female (male), within their gentic make-up. Thus the male/female grows up with conflicting gentic desires, which are either expressed or surpressed.

Therefore the male dressing up in female clothes is expressing the 'inner' female (or vice a versa) because of a absorbed female (male) gentic code.

Sorry its sounds a bit vague but I can't remember it fully or exactly were I read it.

Another theory is that there is not enough male (or too much for FtM) hormone produce by the mother in the womb at a certin time.

I've always preferred the twin one myself as I've always that I should have been one of two

:)

[Bev06 GG]

Well Rachael,
I had to read that a few times before I got it. Interesting theory.
Bev

[Rachaelb64]

Well Rachael,
I had to read that a few times before I got it. Interesting theory.
Bev


My brain hurt just trying to remember it :) I just wish I could remember were I had read in the 1st place! All I can remember its was a side article, in a science/health mag in an article about twins

:)

[Ruth]

The ybatv blog makes very interesting reading, and the writer has obviously thought long and hard about CDing. However, I disagree with it in so many ways I don't know where to start. Maybe when I have more time I'll write up some comments for her.

[Emily Anderson]

While there is certainly some truth to wrong wiring, I think this really only applies to TS's... Who basically know from early on that they were born into the wrong body.

For CD's, I think it's more a question of desire to express oneself as one feels.

There is probably a gray area in between...

[Pamela Julie]

I don't feel like I am crossdressing when I am wearing femme clothing; I feel like I am dressing my gender. I feel strange wearing male clothes although born physically a male and have been dressing in male clothes all my life.

Pamela:)

[Nicole Erin]

I cannot put my finger on what caused me to want to dress but I can say why - I like to present pretty. Not that I am some super model or anything, but I like to show off my legs in hose, my pretty watch, and just look more on the femme side. I want to be pretty. I don't know what caused it.



why do I ride Motorcycles?
Why do I collect comics?
Why do I keep my toe nail clipings?

Motorcycle riding - We all have a masculine hobby, a REAL masculine one, and that is just yours. I like to work on cars.

Comics? Well, we all have some kind of thing we do to hang on to a piece of our childhood. I like to play video games and I still like to take walks to many of the places I played when I was a kid.

Toenail clippings - Well, ummmm, Jeffery Dahmer used to collect body parts. His fridge actually sold on ebay - seating for 6 and plenty of headroom.

Maybe post your clippings on ebay or craigslist?

[TommiTN]

There was a report that when he invited his mother to his apartment to have dinner she complained about the neighbors. His reply was "Well, just eat the vegetables, then". (rim shot) Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all week. Tell your friends.

[daviolin]

I've been doing it all my life and It used to bother me. But now I realize It's just a way of life for us guy's. And I don't care what anybody say's (except my wife) I hope to tell her soon. And after that what the hell. I'll wear anything I want in public.:daydreaming:Daviolin

[Nadia-Maria]

Nadia,

You have just validated a thought I have had for some years regarding crossdressing and crossdressers. That is that we are way above average when it comes to imaginative ability, and thus, intelligence.

I believe you are also correct in your statement that in the end (no pun intended) a large proportion of us are seeking what we perceive to be the penultimate experience of femininity, the female climax (actually the penultimate would be pregnancy and childbirth, but that truly is impossible except in the tabloid press). Few may admit this to themselves, and many of those who do may never pursue it, possibly out of fear that they may find out more than they wanted to know about themselves.

Great post!


Many thanks TommiTN for your feedback. I would want more people relate exactly to the essays of the John's blog, instead of just chatting about.



How many of us can relate to this part of the blog?

http://ybatv.blogspot.com/2007/01/cross-dressed-but-male.html


Here is my detailed answer to the very interesting part of the blog "Cross-Dressed but Male".

Love

Nadia-Maria

______________________________________________

1. Varying "quality" level of CDing
--------------------------------

The CDing level required by the CDer - from just wearing undies or a pantyhose under male clothes, to full dressing femme including voice transforming - varies greatly among CDers, as well as during the life of every CDer.

Moreover, it can vary on a day to day basis.

As an example, everyday my need for CDing can be different. It is much like the weather forecast ; at times my crossdressing is very calm and a bit dull, so that bra, skirt and top will do it. At other times, my crossdressing is more bright and sunny and I need to be fully dressed up to feel really good. It may become even stormy and it will happen that I need to try compulsively my whole wardrobe and accessories, and constantly admiring myself in the mirror wearing different outfits, just like a real GG. At other times, I need to discover something new, for instance I will shave for first time a new part of my body.

In any case there are whole CDing sessions when I behave just as your classic "male in a skirt" : I can spent a whole day doing my standard male activities looking merely semifemme. There are others where I feel much more girlie with that overwhelming need to look as the sexiest possible woman so that I can’t do for hours almost anything productive but crossdressing and feeling femme.


2. CDer presenting herself as a man in a skirt
--------------------------------------------

I received the confidences of a fellow CDer, of a very masculine appearence, who used to present herself typically as "a man in a skirt", with no need to look really female. He ended by recognizing that - quite rarely - he needed to wear makeup and a wig. I observed it had been rather difficult for himself to acknolewdge her feminine behaviour ....

Obviously I won't generalize from just one case. However this example fits perfectly my own experience. I didn't pay much attention at my external female appearence for most of my life, since I was in the closet with no feedback from anybody.
Then, the most important was what happened within myself, whatever my very external appearence.

Early 2007, surfing on the net, I discovered the whole world of CDing and TGirls and had been challenged by the gorgeous pictures en femme showing the high quality level of transformation that most CDers are able to reach.
I rated my own level as near the bottom-end so that I tried harder ever since. My new aim was to reach a much better level of transformation enfemme, and to be able to go sometimes outside enfemme. The frequency of my CDing increased a lot, so that I had to come out to my SO, what I did in 2007 and I began going outside enfemme a few months later, early 2008.

That means I have been a man in a skirt for most of my life.
Note that I finally began wearing makeup and shaving parts of body as late as after 5 decades of closet CDing !
In my case, external feedback from the environment may have been decisive for own CDing.


3. A male fashion of pretty clothes
---------------------------------

When I came out to my SO, she suggested to buy me a scottish kilt.
But, for me, wearing a kilt has virtually no interest at all.
I need a skirt for girl-only, not a skirt specifically designed for men like a kilt.
A nice scottish skirt has a great deal of appeal to me.
Neither does a kilt with the same pattern of colors.

What is important for me is wearing *women* clothes. Hence, whatever the cloth's look or material, that means I want primarily to appear like a woman.
I often observe that other transvestites will claim otherwise. Many of them will tell you they favor the woman clothes uniquely because they are prettier and more comfortable and agreeable to wear, not because they are just woman clothes. They are sincere but I doubt they are always right, especially concerning undies. My SO bought me expensive male undies that are really wonderful to wear, and of a much higher quality than most woman undies I own,
Of course I prefer wearing these man undies, because they are more comfortable and so well adapted to my morphology ... and since - being not conspicuous - they don't alter at all my woman appearence.



4. Cross-dressed but Male, or "bright with cloudy intervals"
----------------------------------------------------------

Feeling like a woman is the summum pleasure for me.
Nevertheless, even with the prettiest woman look, I know I remain a male.

I am a male with female intervals. ("cloudy with bright intervals")
As many CDers will say, I am "a part-time woman". So that I am "Nadia sometimes".

I don't deny my male nature, so that I have no drive to be a full time woman, no drive to appear constantly to others as a woman.

This questioning is crucial for understanding crossdressing and assessing the differing varieties of crossdressers.

- Do you deny your male nature, or are you globally accepting its ?

The full time TGirl may deny on a large extent she is male, and will apply the ostrich politics to convince herself she can be - or at least as a first step - live constantly as a woman.

The TS denies she is male at all.
There seems to be a continuum from the large time TGirl to the TS.
You know well the saying : "What is the difference between a CD and a TS ? Answer : 2 years".
In fact it doesn't apply to the standard CDer. It may apply to the full time (or quasi full time) TGirl.
I believe it applies to whoever denies being a male.
Wanting to be LIKE a woman is different from wanting to be a woman.

Once, as a teenager, I wanted to be a girl.
Rather early , I decided I wanted it no more.
I now understand I decided at that moment I only wanted to be LIKE a woman.



Nadia-Maria

[Nadia-Maria]

While there is certainly some truth to wrong wiring, I think this really only applies to TS's... Who basically know from early on that they were born into the wrong body.

For CD's, I think it's more a question of desire to express oneself as one feels.

There is probably a gray area in between...

Hi Emily,

Of course, wrong wiring is only a hypothesis, but the near future may bring light about it, due to the quick progresses in brain studies and experiments.
We are to be waiting on new developments of brain science.

In between, you will find hereafter observing stuff unveiled about myself in the following answer to the outstanding essay of John's blog :


"Coping with Transvestism"
_________________________


Dear John,

Your outstanding essay makes much sense, and I have not much to say about, apart it is very well-done and that I share approximately your way of thinking. I especially share the exhaustive list of your beliefs about why to be a transvestite mean.

As for << the transvestites [who] affirm the positive and glamorous aspects of being transgendered >>, I believe they don’t represent exactly the same variety of CDers as both of you, and I would think they are better known as (quasi)full-timeTG or even TS. They are denying (more or less) their male nature, whereas both of us clearly refuse to go that far, I mean, as both of us prefer to accept the observation facts, the scientific reality and are mainly seeking for the truth, instead of believing in what we would wish the reality were.

Even if those hereafter are not representative of the deepest matter of your essay, I selected a few excerpts among all them I found very well thought and written.

<< If I am right about the causes of transvestitism, then normal people are programmed to dislike transvestites as much as we are programmed to be transvestites. >>

<< While being a transvestite has its difficulties and drawbacks, it is probably only as rare as being extremely tall or short and is probably easier to live with. >>

<< For example, if I believed that transvestitism was caused by men getting in touch with their 'feminine side', I might wrongly conclude that any man could be educated into appreciating cross-dressing. This could lead me to evangelise the practice to my friends and family. >>


And finally I chose to react at this specific sentence of yours, in order to give you new stuff of observation for refining your thinking.

<< It isn't hard to pretend to be normal because, in every other way, the transvestite is normal. >>

You can say I’m normal in every way but my CDing. I do feel normal and I have lived up to now a normal living, and in many ways pretty brighter than average. I’m your typical Introvert although very passionnate, curious, with many interests in life, having already met most of my objectives and certainly without any depressive tendancies.

I have had lifelong however the elusive feeling to be a somewhat special individual, not well understood by others, sometimes even marginal. I have also done considerable questioning about me and my linking to others and have been studying for decades much practical psychology.

I am convinced to have underestimated for most of my life, the meaning and importance of my CDing, only wanting to see in it a mere innocent fantasy not deserving to be shared with anybody. Now, I realise it must have been a much more decisive characteristic of my life.

The most intriguing weakness in my life has ever been my relation to women.
Although masculine and athletic, a born competitor, a successful student, and a good-looking boy as well, I was very shy with girls and was not able, as a teenager or young adult, even to date them. I was much (intellectually) attracted to them but reluctant to turn into reality what I could imagine in my mind. I have done for years (mostly aged 15-35) much (and secret) writing for the sake of praising my platonic loved ones, as a pure drive to the elusive superlady.

Although I probably have a few brain peculiarities (as for instance a milder form of something like the Asperger Syndrome or so) what might also explain my tendancy to present as a girl , I’m convinced that my CDing developped mainly under strong environmental influences. My mother wanted a girl, dressed me when a baby as a girl, and contributed to transmit to me as a child a very bad image of any man dating a woman. So that I grew older wanting to be different from the standard man and not behaving such as a dirty one dating a woman. I was waiting on the lady who would love me uniquely for my purity and absence of (dirty) seductive behaviour. Maybe I wanted and needed to be myself this lady instead...

Of course that lady never came to me, or if she ever did it, I have not been able to respond adequately to her so that I left her go away.

In the ignorance of what meant a healthy relation between a man and a woman, I finally married in my 40’s a bad and wrong chosen woman, the unhappy marriage ending in the distress of a child and a conflicting divorce after more than a decade of hell.
Whatever was the past, it is the past, and that bad experience helped me to grow a lot, so that I was later able to have a better look at the women and at my CDing. Since that era, I believe to have been able to choose the right and loving SO, I have come out to her, gone outside of the closet and come somewhat to a deeper understanding of life and human relations, even if much progress is still to be done.

In any case, I would not vote for having been myself the perfect instance of your essentially &#171; normal &#187; guy, normal apart of dressing sometimes in women clothes...

Love

Nadia-Maria

[TommiTN]

Nadia,

You and I have much in common regarding crossdressing and our reasons for participating in it. There are some differences, however.

"Varying Quality Level of CDing:", I usually dress completely en femme when I dress. I'm pretty much an "all or nothing" crossdresser. Also, I usually don't do male activities when dressed. It just seems inappropriate to me to dress as a woman then work on my car, do heavy yard work or other such traditionally male activities.

"CDer Presenting Herself as a Man in a Skirt": I also was influenced by the many photos of really beautiful "faux women" to be seen on the web, and realized that I am a mere dilettante. This fact is driving me to want to improve how I present, even if only to myself. I now wear makeup, something I rarely did in the past. I want to eventually be able to pass in public, even if only from a distance.

"A Male Fashion of Pretty Clothes": I am of the same opinion. A kilt is a male article of clothing and a rather poor substitute for a skirt because of that fact. For me, the point of CDing is to be able to wear clothes designed to fit a woman, not something that may appear fem, but is actually for men. And they must fit me exactly the way they would fit a woman of like proportions with little or no alteration.

"Do You Deny Your Male Nature, or are You Globally Accepting It?": Being a realist, I don't deny my maleness, but I do find my fem side to be much stronger than I ever realized. She has really begun to come forward since I joined this forum.

"Coping with Transvestism": All men possess some feminine traits because both sexes share the same hormones. The difference lies in the hormonal proportions between the sexes and between individuals. I believe these proportions can be affected to some degree by the mind. For example, as I have resumed CDing after a long hiatus I find I'm becoming more passive about life, a definite feminine trait.

I also was, and remain to this day, shy and unsure around women when there is a possibility of romantic interest. The women I date need to give me a very strong signal of interest before I'll commit to asking them out.

There were similar environmental influences to yours on me when I was forming who I am. My mother dressed me as a girl several times and later admitted to me that she was amused and somewhat gratified when strangers commented that I was "such a cute little girl". I don't recall these incidents, but they may have had some influence. My mother harbored a lot of anger toward men in general due to her family background and because my father was selfish, unsupportive and mostly absentee. He was not the family type. She was of the opinion that men just want one thing from a girl. Later she wanted me to date, but admonished me to be the "perfect gentleman". I later found that most women don't want a perfect gentlemen. I missed many opportunities because of this. I, too, was waiting on the special lady who would love me for my purity and complete gentlemanliness.

My conclusion is that one reason I CD is because I love women so much I want to imitate them to the best of my ability. There may be other reasons, but this is the main one.

Take care,

Tommi

[TommiTN]

I think my statement about my father was a bit off the mark. He wasn't so much selfish and unsupportive. He was just totally inept as a father and husband. I felt I should clarify this in fairness to him. He's no longer around to defend himself.

[Coquette]

I still don't really know precisely why I love to cross dress but I stopped caring about why some time ago. Now, I just enjoy myself and don't get too hung up about why. My outlook is to just have fun with it, enjoy being totally feminine occasionally, and to live a small part of my time pretending to be girl.

[Nadia-Maria]

I also was, and remain to this day, shy and unsure around women when there is a possibility of romantic interest. The women I date need to give me a very strong signal of interest before I'll commit to asking them out.


It's most striking that I have behaved for my life exactly as you did.



There were similar environmental influences to yours on me when I was forming who I am. My mother dressed me as a girl several times and later admitted to me that she was amused and somewhat gratified when strangers commented that I was "such a cute little girl". I don't recall these incidents, but they may have had some influence.


Your experience is then exactly the same as mine.
Like in your case, I don't recall that time as a baby, however I do have still pictures of me as a baby girl. As a child I have constantly been recalled of these incidents by neighbours and shopkeepers and have been very ashamed for years due to all that. That's why I have been very deep in the closet lifelong, to avoid being ashamed again by others.

My mother used to tell me, she did not cut my hair as a baby "because I was soooooo pretty with my blond long gorgeous hair !".



She was of the opinion that men just want one thing from a girl.
(...)
I missed many opportunities because of this.


Same , Me too.


My father was an excellent man. He had many striking qualities, but was also very macho (in the 40's - 50's it was the rule for men), with a very violent temper, so that I felt him abusive towards me. I feared him very much as a child. This must have reinforced my natural shyness, as well as the special link to my mother, who shared many temperamental traits with me. I preferred identify to my mother than to my father.



My conclusion is that one reason I CD is because I love women so much I want to imitate them to the best of my ability. There may be other reasons, but this is the main one.


Me too, my crossdressing is sort of praising women and wanting to be like them.




Also, I usually don't do male activities when dressed. It just seems inappropriate to me to dress as a woman then work on my car, do heavy yard work or other such traditionally male activities.


I wrongly used the word "male activities". My main activities are as a rule as much male as female activities. As you do, whenever I have to do really-male activities, I must obviously remove my beautiful female clothes and heels....:battingeyelashes:




The difference lies in the hormonal proportions between the sexes and between individuals. I believe these proportions can be affected to some degree by the mind. For example, as I have resumed CDing after a long hiatus I find I'm becoming more passive about life, a definite feminine trait.


I didn't notice anything similar for me.

Love

Nadia