Felix
07-05-2008, 02:13 PM
Right here I am Felix Trans Man yes thats right for anyone who wasn't sure!!! But I will expain a few things. Firstly I made a decision yesterday that was openin me up to people who I didn't want to just yet but I did cos I had made a conscious decision to come out and come clean to my boss so as to cover my back and her back. This has gone a long way to cement the relationship between her and me. There are so many things to consider when ya are in the type of job I'm in its not just about me its about the children and the parents and the staff. I stepped out yesterday and said yeah I'm a trans man. A F****** huge step for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok something else that has been on my Mind recently and its attached to my gender identity and also my sexuality. The fluid state of my sexuality for want of a better word. I have come to a lot of realisations over the last year without any counselling to date. This is not new cos I have always sorted my own head out. I've never relied on anyone else really cos it's my mind!!!! But I will be having counselling very soon cos I think it's imperative to my progression in coming to terms with myself. I am not nieve in these matters of emotion and psychology and I know when to ask for help. Ok getting back to the point sorry peeps! Last year I realized that my concept of gender and sexuality was changing and I'm sure I have made reference to this on either threads of mine or else on other peoples. I realized which quite freaked me out at the time that I was attracted to the male form. Not the genitailia but pecs and stuff. I was like well this don't make me any different to what I am all it means is I'm becoming more open and more fluid in things. Now no spanners in the works at this point so it didn't matter. Then I realized hold on a min I'm attracted to gay men and straight men but not in the same way as they would be like men to men. I like them more in an androgenous sense. That made me realize that actually I might like trans men but not in a gay way. I know this is very unusual but I can't help it its me. I'm not challengin any mans manhood here whether gay or straight, it's just what I prefer and I new then it was almost gonna be impossible to find anyone who would completely understand where was coming from and that left me feelin so tatally alone in my own head a very lonely place to be for someone like me.
Ok more clarification. So I thought more about my fluidity and what it meant. At that point it was all conjecture and what ifs. So here was one of my what if? What if I do meet someone and what if its a trans man who want the full works. Now for me that f***** with my head because of how i feel towards certain things but the reality is if I ever met anyone and loved them then I would have to become more fluid and transgress all my concepts of gender and sexuality. I think im doin that now and i hope i will be able to do it in the future. xx Felix :hugs:
Ok something else that has been on my Mind recently and its attached to my gender identity and also my sexuality. The fluid state of my sexuality for want of a better word. I have come to a lot of realisations over the last year without any counselling to date. This is not new cos I have always sorted my own head out. I've never relied on anyone else really cos it's my mind!!!! But I will be having counselling very soon cos I think it's imperative to my progression in coming to terms with myself. I am not nieve in these matters of emotion and psychology and I know when to ask for help. Ok getting back to the point sorry peeps! Last year I realized that my concept of gender and sexuality was changing and I'm sure I have made reference to this on either threads of mine or else on other peoples. I realized which quite freaked me out at the time that I was attracted to the male form. Not the genitailia but pecs and stuff. I was like well this don't make me any different to what I am all it means is I'm becoming more open and more fluid in things. Now no spanners in the works at this point so it didn't matter. Then I realized hold on a min I'm attracted to gay men and straight men but not in the same way as they would be like men to men. I like them more in an androgenous sense. That made me realize that actually I might like trans men but not in a gay way. I know this is very unusual but I can't help it its me. I'm not challengin any mans manhood here whether gay or straight, it's just what I prefer and I new then it was almost gonna be impossible to find anyone who would completely understand where was coming from and that left me feelin so tatally alone in my own head a very lonely place to be for someone like me.
Ok more clarification. So I thought more about my fluidity and what it meant. At that point it was all conjecture and what ifs. So here was one of my what if? What if I do meet someone and what if its a trans man who want the full works. Now for me that f***** with my head because of how i feel towards certain things but the reality is if I ever met anyone and loved them then I would have to become more fluid and transgress all my concepts of gender and sexuality. I think im doin that now and i hope i will be able to do it in the future. xx Felix :hugs: